Preteen Hates Everyone

If he's going to a counselor already, then they need to be addressing this with the counselor. It sounds like he's just really angry with everyone and the world in general, and I don't doubt some of it is from the divorce, and some is his age, but if you say he's never respected authority, then it probably is more. Maybe he needs a new or different counselor, but it also sounds like he's needed help for a long time. Professional therapy can't take the place of effective parenting - they need to be working together.

Well then I think... he should get another Counselor or Therapist.
Because obviously, the current 'counselor' is not helping.
And, what kind of Counselor is this? A Pastor, a lay person, a practitioner, a social worker, a trained Psychologist or Psychiatrist? What kind of 'counselor' is this? They are NOT... all the same.

With all that is going on in his life, and the age he is at, he needs help.
And the whole family, needs it.
And maybe the parents, both of them, even need parenting classes.

They need to be in therapy "together", not just the son going alone. It's obviously not working. And yes, I think there is a bigger issue, it's not normal for an 11 yr old to be so pissed off at the world already. Divorce can have huge impacts on kids, they all react differently to it.

Does the whole family (mom and dad) also go to counseling? Sounds like if he is going, but the family isn't getting coached in how to support him it could be a disconnect and not reinforcing the messages and influence he gets once a week or once a month (whenever) in counseling.
It also sends a message to the child that they are the "problem" the situation isn't shared.
IF they all go to family counseling and individual and haven't addressed, could be something bigger going on here;(

Sounds like he needs more help than this counseling is providing. He may not be actually participating in his counseling experience other than being physically there. His parents are going to need to step up and get some professional help for their parenting skills. He has to be motivated to do better not just for the world around him but for his own self improvement.

Sounds to me like his issues are greater than the dissentigration of a marriage.

When my parents divorced i was 13 i went to counselling. Which seemed to help from what i remember. However my sister and brother were a lot different. An answer to your question you really need a great counselor and starting a schedule not to mention a little decipline. Children learn from others maybe see if he is learning it from school.
Many blessings!

He is still angry. Hands down.

That stuff, on a kid ,who is just hitting that awkward stage in life...can ruin them.

My husband had his mom walk out on him at 10. Had it been any later in life he would have not been the same person. He I think just missed that.

He says he hates them...Because they split up. No kid wants their parents to live two totally different lives. No kid wants to have to go from house to house to see his family...Never to feel the family.

Honestly(and this is strictly opinion here because my parents are still together)I think the Parents owe him an apology. They need to validate those feeling he is having. they need to talk with him about it. The reason I think youth get angry and in that I hate everyone stage is because they are scared and lonely. They feel the world does not understand who they are trying to become. They feel they have to fight Authority. Because no one gives them a chance to try and fail for themselves. They are not given trust. Or listened to when it is broken.

He is acting out the fact he feels scared. Lonely. And totally hung out to dry with the divorce.

He does not want to talk with a counselor. I guarantee he wants his mom. His dad. To feel that the split was not his fault. He wants to feel that security.

He has probably also been a handful because he has been in a home where things lead to divorce. So with that as the final outcome it is safe to say things have not been great at home for awhile.

As a family you guys need to come to him on his terms, but dont give up trying to reach him....The effort maybe all that matters when he finally does come around.

Dont put him in the rebel light...Because he may not really deserve to be there.

You did not say how old exactly the Preteen is....But think back to the days when you were there...Even with a stable family unit to anyone looking fromt eh outside in has its real issues.

My family has worked through those issues together.

If he never had a strong family unit. And now things have totally fallen apart, you would probably be VERY angry and act out how he has too.

Figure out how he wants to communicate. Sometimes it does not even have to involve using words. Maybe he needs to bang on some drums. Or draw. Plant a garden...Or writing.

Counseling does not work for everyone in the traditional sense. So maybe it is time to ask him how he would like to learn to cope and move through these feelings....Because he CAN stay Angry forever. But he Should not have too....He needs to see this.

Speaking from my own experience as a preteen, I would take a close look at who he is hanging out with. The girls I was hanging around were rough and I began to act like them. They were hateful to everyone, sneaking out at night, smoking, etc. We were in 7th and 8th grade!
What straightened me out was going to church and finding a good youth group/youth pastor to lead me away from the road I was going down.

He is only 11! That is sad that he is so angry at such a young age! I agree that the entire family should be in counseling together if they aren't already.

Counseling helps...when you have the right one. At 11, he's already been taught that it's ok to have no respect for authority so it's going to take a while to undo the damage of not teaching consequences.

PreTeens in general will always push the envelope as far as boundaries go. The parents and adults in his life, their job is to hold fast and true while he pushes.

I would also suggest counseling for the parents too in handling this aggression. Coddling him won't help him. It'll only make it worse.

Sending good thoughts your way.

Sounds like they need to find a different councilor. Does not sound like the one he is going to is helping at all and if that one is not enough.

I'll go out on a limb and suggest a new counselor for your nephew. I would also suggest that your sister and her ex-husband attend counseling with him and that they also attend parenting classes. Even though they're divorced, they're still a family and there are issues that they have to work out in family therapy. And since they're having problems parenting him as a team, they need parenting classes so that they're on the same team/page as to how best to parent him.

I've heard with counseling that things will get worse before they get better because issues are being brought up and worked on. So, maybe he and his counselor are working on some serious issues. I would talk to the counselor and if he/she didn't offer a decent explanation as to why things are getting worse rather than better, I would consider a new counselor.

It's good he's in counseling.
But another counselor might be a good idea if the current one is not making any progress.
Has anyone evaluated him for depression?
He might need some medical help to get his serotonin levels balanced.