I have a 19 month old daughter who is usually a sweatheart. She is definately coming into her own and when she is frusterated or cannot get what she wants, she hits, pulls her hair, pulls her clothes, hits her self and often will hit her brother or us. We tell her "no" sternly and she pulls he hair harder. She actually pulls out hair. We can see the look and know when she will do it so we have resorted to holding her arms down until she calms down. Time outs are this age aren't really effectve. We have tried divertion but that is a hit and miss. My son did not go through this stage at all. I am kinda at a loss. Any advise as to how to curb this or when it will end?
Sorry for the mistake but my son will be 5 in August and his friend is turning 4 in two weeks. I guess that is only a year really. And also to clarify I didn't watch her throwing sand at my son for 10minutes...I would never allow that of course...she was throwing sand randomly and when my son came up to her she stopped, filled her shovel and threw it in his face. He was playing away from her at the time.
I guess I am a bit angry but it's because I thought that the mother was my friend and really now I see that she just used me for her benefit and now is excluding me as if she doesn't need me and it kinda hurts.
You are all right and I thank you for your advice. My son really likes this girl as a friend and I was unsure as how to break the ties so that he wouldn't be do upset but keeping him in this situation is toxic and he does have other really good friends his age so I am confident he will be fine.
Thanks ladies. This forum is a great help.
Thanks ladies. I will try all of it. Except the hair cutting thing. Her hair is already short and I will not buzz cut her. Let's hope this phase passes fast.
she doesn't understand why you are telling her "no" so she is frustrated..by that age i had started "hugging it out" i never held my son down or any of that..what you do is you say "hug it out" and you hug her and hold her..and treat her kindly..then you try to explain the best way you can why she can't hit or why she can't eat candy.. or whatever it is....i still to this day tell my son.."i tell you no b/c eating candy isn't good for you..if it was good for you don't you think i would let you eat it all the time? but it isn't and if i let you eat candy all the time then i'm not doing my job and not being a good mommy" ...my son is now 6 years old..his teacher tells me he's so well behaved in school that he uses him as an example ..
was he always well behaved..NO!!! he was a WILD man..people felt sorry for me when they'd see me having to chase him everywhere..he was running by 10 months..and was always super active and head strong..
one day i was upset with him and slapped his hand..and i hated the way that felt..and i decided that route wasn't for me..and i read about "hugging it out" and i decided to go that route..now my friends call me the Child Whisperer" b/c i have fixed my boyfriend's 7 year old..by also disciplining with kindness and love..not yelling or timing out ..i actually am using reverse psychology..and babying him...he won't listen so instead of getting mad..which i want to do b/c its so irritating..i just say his name and then i add "honey or sweetie" to it and he totally responds..
my son also has asked me when he's seen me mad or upset.."mom do you need a hug?" "lets hug it out mom" I can't tell you what a sweet child i have raised..and i'm always getting compliments from moms that do volunteer work at school..sure he is a little rascal at home still at times but he is a doll to other kids and well mannered at school..
when you hug it out..you get them to focus..then you explain in a civilized manner to them..no yelling..and you don't have to baby talk them..you explain the best way you can to make them understand "why"
i had a friend whose daughter would sit and scream..she would go head to head with her daughter..slapping hand fight..b/c her daughter would slap back..b/c she was being taught this..and i taught her to do the hug it out thing..
and her daughter quit screaming..
i have another friend who doesn't want to hear about the hug it out stuff..and you know what? her son is in trouble EVERY day at his school..and when she gets mad..she slaps his hands..and he slaps her right back..then she times him out..and yells..he's actually very afraid of her..AND..when children are more afraid of their parents then their school teachers..guess where they act up the most....at school..and then you have to go to school and have meetings all the time with the teachers..like my boyfriend's son..my boyfriend was always ragging on his son and yelling..same with his mom and grandparents..so he was acting out in school and got kicked out.
now he's at my son's school and his mom and grandparents are so shocked that he is behaving so well..i do the hug it out with him..got him on a routine...and schedule..and i explain things to him and give him attention..
try it out for a few months..watch the magic unfold..
good luck
xo
D.
My DD does this sometimes too (she is 19 mos old too), but whenever she did this, it was an indication that she was feeling tired and needed to be put to sleep.
She usually did this on days when her usual schedule got a little mixed up - like we were travelling, or we had guests and she ended up missing sleep times, etc.
Try taking her to her room, sing or read to her, rock her gently and calm her down, while holding her hands gently so that she doesn't hit herself. If she falls asleep, let her take a small nap! This is what worked for us! :)
Sounds like this is how she tantrums. Our DS throws himself on the floor and kicks and screams. We make sure he is safe, do the Dr. Sears "toddlerese", and then ignore him. Easier for us to do though as his tantrums are less self destructive than your daughter's.
Maybe you can ignore the behavior too, and if she doesn't have an audience she'll curb the behavior. The fact that she pulls harder when you tell her "no," suggests that she enjoys getting a rise out of you.
good luck to you and yours,
F. B.
Great first question! Welcome to MP!
Added: Just want to point out that I didn't say buzz-cut. I've never heard of a girl getting a buzz-cut. She's pretty adept with her fingers if she can pull already short cut hair out - whew.
Oh, and E., it would be better to put your SWH of the OTHER thread where the other thread is. Not all the ladies have read your other thread. It's very confusing...
Original:
Time to cut her hair short so that she can't get ahold of it. By the time it grows out, she will have forgotten that she did it before.
Start trying to get her to talk to you. Say "Use your words" and tell her what she is feeling "I know you are mad because it's time for clean-up", that kind of thing. Take her hands in yours and hold them firmly so that she will stop hitting herself. Change the subject and talk about what is next.
Working with her on her language skills will help mitigate this. But you must cut her hair so that she can't do this right now.
Dawn
What I would do is put her in a room with just one person and lay her down, make sure you have her arms and (yes this will sound weired) sing her, her favourite song. This will hopefully calm her down. If she gets older and is still doing it get her to sing with you!
Reference:
Samething happened to me.
I would remove her from the situation when she does it. I would not give her the opportunity to do it again. Tell her "we don't hurt our family and friends, so now you are going to sit in your (insert containment device here - crib, play pen, etc.) for a time out. She is working you to see how far she can get, as evidenced by pulling the hair harder when told "no".
You are setting the foundation for her future behavior. She is old enough to start learning right from wrong & consequences. She may not understand them right now, but she will start to put 2 and 2 together & will understand at a young age that she needs to follow the rules.
If you plan on socializing her anytime soon, that is yet another reason to lay down your expectations & consequences, because she can't be doing that to other kids.
