Pushy "Mother-in-law"

my mother in law is the same way, you need to put forth a stronger foot, either she can only be around when your BF is there to witness this or she doesn't come at all...this way he see's first hand what it is like to deal with it, heck before I married my childrens father, I wouldn't let him leave me in a room alone with her because of how she'd act towards me the minute he'd walk out...I cut out overnights at grandmas house a long long time ago...she won't have them anymore...babysitting really happens very rarely...

the kind of help she is giving isn't help at all...a grandmother cannot simply love the kids by giving them whatever they want...love isn't like that...

I would slim down her visits...she is getting away with it, that is why she is doing it, but underminding your parenting, let her know exactly why too, but have your BF tell her, it won't mean anything coming from you...she is already doing a good job showing you who has the upper hand when she is around. it is up to you to stop it now and parents your children, parenting doesn't stop because grandma is around, parenting gets harder with this kind of grandma around.......

A., I feel your pain. I went through a lot of issues with my MIL for the first few years of our relationship. She would make comments about how she would have done this or that different. My than BF would help her out by telling me that, "that's not the way my mom does it". I could go on and on about the disrespectful way she would treat me but it's been 15 years now and I think we have worked through most of it. I tried for a long time to explain to my BF how this made me feel and I think after she embarrased both of us at a family function he finally got it. He had a long talk with her and after me refusing to talk with her for about a month (our wedding about 2 months out and I didn't want her to come) we had a pretty big blow out and talked it through. We've been married now for 10 years and two children and things are much better. My husband no longer compares what I do to her and I have learned how to take what she says with the "grain of salt". I try to blow off as much as I can and today we have a very good relationship. I think me finally standing up to her and letting her know that she was hurting me by the things she said and did really helped. My kids truly love their grandma (back in the day - I swore she would never see any children we had) and I do to. We are much closer than I ever thought possible. Try to talk with your BF and explain how much this hurts you then I would have a real heart to heart with his mother. Good luck!!

Hi A.
You really need to have a talk with her. you will probably need to find someone else to take the girls and use that as your starting point and then you need to tell her exactly how you feel. me and my sister in law (who is just like a mother in law. his mother passed away when he was in high school and she took over the mother role) had the same kind of issues and I could not take it anymore so we had a long talk and there was a lot that both of ushad done to the other with out realizing it. we are really good friends now. Even if you have talk and things don't change maybe you will understand some of things she does. Good Luck it is not an easy place to be.

I would have a good heart to heart/ blow out with her. Let her know that its just not that you don't want to let the kids have things, its against your relgion and explain why. Maybe she just doesn't completely understand it. I wouldn't leave it up to your BF. Alot of times guys don't like standing up thier mom's. Nothing is going to change if you don't stand your ground and express your feelings.

With my now ex husband's dad he would cut me down so bad! My ex was horrible with money so we decieded to have me run the check book. His dad would say what was right for "his" grandkids and didn't care what we did with my oldest. He would cut me down so much and tell me I was going to hell because I had my oldest when I was 18 and out of wed lock .. even though my ex adopted him.

It was not my place to have a say so in anything, run the money.. even know how much money we had at any given time. To put it simple my only jobs were to raise the children, cook the meals, clean the house and get a certian amount of money each week to go get groceries. Other than that it wasn't my place. He would treat my oldest horrible in front of him, say he wasn't part of "his" family. Would bring gifts for the other two boys, ask if he could take the other two boys etc.

After many times of talking to my husband about it I finally had enough when he was talking to us about something and I put in my oppinion about it and he told me to shut up I am a female and he will not listen to anything a woman says because I have no right to speak to any man directly. I looked at my husband and asked if he was going say anything or do I need to do it? He told me to let it go... well I didn't and there was a huge blow up.

A couple of months went by and after that he came by again and we actually have a good relationship now. Now that we are divorced and he is remarried his new wife wont let his father even around if she is there. His father and I have a friendship and he comes here to see the kids and will even bring things for my two littles with my husband now. He will take my oldest fishing just the two of them and do things special for him because he is older and able to do more things (even though he was doing the stuff at the age of the other two... its just his excuse to spend the one on one time with him).

I honestly believe that if I wouldn't have spoke up and put my foot down and showen him I hold atleast some of the power over the kids and his visiting and when I took them away he woke up. So sometime good things do come out of blow ups. Good luck and stay strong!!

A.,

Your boyfriend isn't in your shoes and this is his mother. Even if he saw your point of view (and he seems oblivious to it), he's not going to be willing to speak up against his mother.
You have sacrificed enough.
I think you should make a list of things you need to discuss. If she blows up, then so be it.
Don't let the girls be with her. They know by now all the things she will let them do and it's not healthy for your relationship with your girls to be playing this game.
Stay strong.