Questions to Consider for Whether We Should Have Baby #2 - Albany,CA

Just so you know, I'm 44 and if I could have a 4th, I would in a heartbeat!

Sadly, got my tubes tied at 30 after the 3rd.

:(

But that's just me.

Sounds like you have all the important questions out of they way...Do you want another one? Yes Do you have the funds to provide for another one? Yes. Are you healthly? Yes.

I think it's more about thinking about taking care of two younger kids at an older age (my mom had my daughter when she was close to 41) and says all the time how it was so different because she was so much more tired as an older mom (had her first child at 21). But she also said that if she could have done it over again, she would have had a 2nd child so my younger sister would have someone else to play with!

It is a very personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer. I had our daughter 16 yrs ago, felt complete from day one and never looked back. No regrets at all.

We are very happy, stable and secure with our family just like it is.. It is what's right for us.

We are about to go, do, provide and care for our daughter the way we want to and can financially as well as what we feel are parental obligations to her.

An only child is only as spoiled and bratty as the parents make them. A well adjusted, strong only child is well parented as well. You see many brats and princesses with siblings.

Remember that not all siblings get along either. Also, we are set up financially so we will not be a burden to daughter, she is fully finded with college and stable. We did not have her with the purpose in mind of caring for us when we are older and her being our "retirement plan".

Good luck!

I haven't read all of your responses, but wanted to put in my 2 cents :)

Yes, your odds of having a child with Down Syndrome go up with age, but it's still FAR more likely to NOT happen. Both my mother and my grandmother had perfectly normal babies at 45/46. My grandmother had no pre-natal care, no pre-natal vitamins and had her 15th baby. My brother is 23 years younger than I am (and he's the smartest one of the 3 of us sibs- he's taking all AP classes in 11th grade, and will even have earned college credits before graduating from HS)

Also, I don't believe people should have to base their decision about whether to have another baby on how many people there already are on the planet. I think the good Lord made this planet big enough for all of us...and then some. All babies are a blessing, not a burden to the earth.

I think if you want a baby, you should go ahead. Seeing as you can afford it, and both want another, I don't see any other considerations.

Blessings...

Give yourself a year for baby to get a bit older... you are not THAT old LOL. Also during the time waiting, why not go thru your house, de-clutter, organize and work on becoming healthier (eating right, weight loss if needed, exercise, etc).

You need to consider, how long it may take you to get pregnant.
Thus, if you want another baby, you need to start, sooner.
As well as considering your age.

Mind you, I had both my kids, after the age of 38.
Got pregnant naturally.
Got pregnant within 6 months of trying.
I actually had a 3rd pregnancy, but miscarried.

My Doc says, IF after trying for 6 months and conception does not occur, then you need to let him know, so that fertility issues can be addressed.

Do you want your child to have a sibling as an adult? Think about when you and your husband are elderly, need assistance, or are having health problems down the road. For me one big reason for having siblings is it is so incredibly wonderful (to me) to have someone who understands our parents and their ways to talk to when they are being difficult or going through a hard time. I will have someone to help with major decisions and someone to bounce ideas with when things get difficult. There is someone who truly understands that I can talk to. I am so grateful to not have this burden all on my own now as an adult. Also, I am so thankful that my children have cousins and aunts and uncles. This really enriches their lives.

It was never a question for my hubby and I. We always wanted 2 kids. We never wanted an only child. I say if you are happy/healthy/able then by all means get to it. :) My kids are 2 y 4m apart (if you got pregnant now yours would be the same) and its the best, in my experience. I love the age difference and couldn't imagine life any other way.

I'm 44 and personally would not choose to have another child (I currently have 4-mostly grown) at this time in my life but I have personal reasons for that thought. My dad was 38 when I was born. He died when I was 11 due to illness. My mom died when I was 23. My sisters all took care of me(mom was mentally ill) -they were teenagers when I was born- after daddy died and I'm pretty thankful for that.
A person can ask all kinds of questions about should I or shouldn't I but ultimately it's a decision that only the person asking the questions can make. It really doesn't matter what anybody on this forum thinks or says. If you want a second child then have a second child. Just keep in mind that you will need to maintain a higher energy level until much later in your life, that a lot of people might think you are a grandparent rather than the parent as you get older (it really doesn't matter but it is out there), and it is IMPERATIVE that if you haven't done it already, that you have a plan (in writing) in place for who will take care of your children if something should happen to you and your husband before they come of age and how will they be provided for.
My dad had wanted me to live with a family friend that was more financially stable than my oldest sister and her husband but he never put it in writing. So just make sure you have all that sort of stuff settled. Then have that second baby if it will make YOU happy...not just because you think your #1 child needs a sibling. And someone said in an earlier post that maybe you could consider adopting or maybe even fostering a child. There are so many "lost" children in this world that need somebody to love them.

I guess the first question I'd say to ask yourself is why you would want a second child and how much change to your lives are you willing to be okay with? I have two boys under 5 and am 40. I love them both dearly. But having one and having two is a HUGE difference on our lives and how exhausted we are. We're pretty much never not tired. One child allows you to have much more freedom overall. Two means that naps/bedtimes/illnesses/schools/everything can be at different times and need different things. Beyond your second child potentially having health issues, they also may not be "easy" as your first one was (although mine were the exact opposite). If you both work, really consider how you'd get everything done and still be the parents you both want to be.
Beyond that, good luck with your decision. :)

What adding another baby will do to your marriage.

How it will affect your current relationship with your 18 month old.

How it prolongs your retirement and other things you look forward to as you age.

College funds for both.

Child Care for both

Was your first pregnancy an easy one

The fact that this window of opportunity is not here for long, and you must grab it now.

I am unfamiliar with your and hubby's age range and what risks are involved, if any. Talk to your doc.

Will you regret not having another one? maybe. Will you regret having another one? never.

I am a bad one to ask this question - I will almost always say go for it in situations like yours! You have answered some big questions in the affirmative already.

I wish you all the best!

Is adoption and option? I have two adopted siblings and it's been a wonderful experience for me growing up. I understand you are healthy but there are things worth considering:

1: The risk of having a baby with Down Syndrome increases immensly after 35.

2: They have now reported findings that woman who are over 35 and men who are over 40 have an increase chance of having a child with Autism.

I'm not saying you'll have a special needs child but your chances are heightened and if you did have a child with special needs could you cope with that? I ask because I am a mom of a special needs child and it can be one of the loneliest experiences along with the most amazing experiences but it's much more tough than what you'd think it would be like.

I'm not trying to talk you out of a beautiful decision of creating a life, but you did want to hear of other considerations.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

You should definitely consider the added costs... Diapers and formula while you still are buying diapers for your first can be a drain on your household income. Two kids in daycare (FT) could cost you $20,000 a year. Can your car accommodate 2 car seats, plus a stroller and groceries?--because you might need to consider buying a different vehicle for a bigger family.

Good luck! Having our second (at age 39) was a great decision for us.

I think it is wonderful for your child to have a sibling. I would hate for you to regret not having another child. Do what your heart tells you. I have a 4 year old and a 16 month old. Both are boys and are buddies. I always wanted 2 children, so it was not a question for me. I say go for it!

Hope this helps!
-S.

As a woman on the far side of 60, I see many adults my age and older who are still energetic and vigorous. An even larger number of us, however, have already experienced major health ordeals or just an irreversible slide into 'seniority,' with less physical strength, less energy, and pain issues piling on. (This is my situation, in spite of great attention to diet and exercise.) Many of us have lost spouses.

I had an only daughter. She grew up happy, independent and largely content, was far from spoiled, had terrific manners and always impressed adults with her ability to participate in big-people conversations. She did have a couple of years of longing for a little sister after I left her abusive father. That was cured by taking in a foster daughter about her age for almost a year. But overall, she was happy enough with her single experience that she's now raising a single son.

Her son informs us, at age 5, that he knows he's happier as a singleton than if he had to share his room, his opportunities, and his parents with another sibling, although he adores babies and loves helping out with them at daycare. He has many opportunities to play with kids his age, and he also has great fun with parents and grandparents.

One final concern, for me, is that the human birthrate is stunning, and has been climbing more steeply over the past 50 years. People are swarming over farmable land and forests, crowding out other species, consuming irreplaceable natural resources, and polluting the air and water we all need – all at unsustainable speed. We are changing the climate, with still unpredictable results. This is one of the reasons I stopped with one, and also my daughter. It's real, it's serious, and it's going to affect the next several generations in ways that are likely to cause tremendous human suffering.

Incidentally, having multiple kids to help you in old age is a very iffy situation. I'm the oldest of 4 girls, and the only one who has so far been available to help my mom with much of anything, even though she's becoming infirm and needs assistance several times a week. I know other aging adults whose children will have nothing at all to do with them.

Do you have room for another in your current home?
If you do not will it be difficult to make that adjustment before baby comes?
Do you have an "extra" 30,000/yr laying about for baby expenses?
Do you have a steady home, support system, and someone to help with both babies should something happen?
Is another college fund do able?
Can you affoard the costs for both to be in child care if you both work? Or can you continue to be a SAHM?
Hope this adds to your list of things to think about.