Rude or Normal for 6 Year Old?

it's rude AND normal.
he's only 6. he hasn't learned sufficient etiquette yet, and he has challenges on top of being a very, very small boy.
khairete
S.

It's both, kids are amazing at speaking their minds. They aren't exactly known for their filters lol

I'd let it slide.

It is both normal and rude. Six year olds are still learning what is and isn't acceptable, and if he hasn't yet learned that what he did is rude then it is normal.

Both rude AND normal. And if he has emotional issues, he may have a harder time learning social "rules" about things like not complaining about gifts. If he is Autistic (like my son), then he is - in his mind - simply stating a fact and not complaining, or being mean. It takes a LOT of practice to get kids on the spectrum to understand social behavior.

At this age, kids might actually say this kind of stuff when they're away from adults, but since we're not around, I can't confirm.

Don't worry about it. Just let your son know proper etiquitte. Mamazita has a nice answer :)

As the mom of a six year old boy, I'd advise you not to think any more on this.

Rude or not, kids these age are sometimes wishful thinkers with no filter. Is it poor manners to make such a statement? Sure. But I also see plenty of kids of this age sometimes correcting adults, completely sure their six year old knowledge is far superior to ours. (I volunteered at my son's school last year.)

In short, yep, they are rude, but often it's not malicious, it's just that they are figuring out the world. Even pretty great, neat and fun kids do this. It's great when their parents have already reminded them of how to be gracious about gifts they may not be so excited about (we did that for our son's birthday, reminding him that you always say thanks, even if you don't care for the gift or already had one). So, yeah, pretty normal behavior from little kids with no 'edit' button on their mouth.

If your son comes to you with the boy's complaint again, just remind your son that "we gave him what we thought was a good gift, and that's good enough. If he has the bad manners to ask that we get him something else, isn't that just too bad for him?" Encourage your son not to take it personally or try to fix it. "He's just being rude, and it's okay for you to ignore that sort of talk." When things like this happen to my son, we talk about how that person who is being insulting is responsible for their own attitude, no one else is. Just because you get a gift and don't care for it doesn't mean that you get to be rude about it.

ETA: Just saw your SWH; sounds like you were smart enough to offer the receipt (that's what we do, too) and handled it just fine with your boy.

6 year olds tend to tell the truth about how they feel, to include ungrateful comments. Perhaps a quick message to his mom, "Hi! DS said that Birthday Boy told him he didn't care for his gift. Please feel free to exchange it. We purchased it at _______."

That opens the conversation between mom and son and puts the onus on them to take care of the issue.

So his filter is a little off - he's only 6. But I can see how you'd want him to like the gift his mom suggested you buy.

The best thing here is to make this an example of how NOT to behave for your son.

He's 6. He said what he felt to another child. Your son evidently doesn't do that. Be glad of it. Should this kid get what he wants? No.

As your son gets older and you are around other kids more, you'll hear unbelievable things come out of their mouths, even kids without any emotional issues. If your son never says something you are shocked at, you will be one lucky mom indeed.

"Normal?" I take issue with that word. You said he has emotional issues. I would imagine at the very least it is "normal" for a child with emotional issues. But I also think even a child without "emotional issues" that has been brought up well and how to be polite could falter and say the wrong thing. I am all grown up and I certainly have.

Its both. But I'd let it go.

I think it is somewhat normal for a 6 year old. Theydont understand all the rules of social interaction. and if the boy has emotional issues.. he may be 6 on the calendar but he may be 4 emontionally.

Does he have emotional issues or social issues? That is normal for my son with AS but not normal otherwise. To Andy he would say that if say he wanted this bigger set and I said no. He would say it because logically if I said no another gift giver would say yes. He wouldn't understand all the boundaries he just violated.

Thing is though, if it was my son I would want to know about it and I would thank the person bringing it to my attention. Even though Andy cannot intuitively understand social boundaries he can be taught where they are. The only way I can teach him that is to know where he is violating them.

IMO, this isn't a kid issue, it's a parenting issue. If his parents have never taught him manner, then yes, I can see a kid saying this.

Before every party, I have a practice session with my kids: What do you say if you get something you already have? What do you say if you get something you don't like? What do you say if you get something you really love?
(the 'correct' answer is the same for all these questions)

But if his parents have never done that, then yes, he might say something like this.

It's normal in the sense that it happens at this age, but still rude, and should be addressed by this mother. Kids must be taught to be polite and tactful.

BB:

Yes, it was rude. Kids are learning tact and decorum....at this age - they are still speaking their minds - exactly what they say and feel at the time. They haven't learned how to say something so as not to hurt another's feelings.

if he has emotional issues? Just let it go. If the boy addresses this issue with your son again today? You will need to let the mom know what is being said. Otherwise? Just tell your son to tell him he bought for him what he thought he would like. He's sorry he doesn't like it. Maybe he and his mom can take it back to the store and exchange it?

Remind your son that he did the right thing in telling you. And let him know that some people don't always say what they mean - they get angry about something and take it out on those they really like.

Good luck!

I thinks its pretty typical 5-6 year old behavior. At that age, the world revolves around them, and each new situation requires training and teaching on proper etiquette. I'm guessing he just hadn't encountered this situation so he said what he felt, not realizing how it would make his friend feel.
Some kids pick up on these social cues faster than others.

Updated

I thinks its pretty typical 5-6 year old behavior. At that age, the world revolves around them, and each new situation requires training and teaching on proper etiquette. I'm guessing he just hadn't encountered this situation so he said what he felt, not realizing how it would make his friend feel.

He doesn't realize what he is saying and does not mean to be hurtful-if you explain this to your son, he will understand. A similar thing happened many years ago to one of my children. All my daughter wanted were these little "quints" that were tiny baby dolls, all joined together, A child at her party not only leveled our house, she broke the heads off all five dolls-yes-very disturbed. I replaced the toy, but it was not quite the same. I said nothing to the mother of the little girl, because it was abundantly clear that she knew that her daughter was not all there and she and her husband were doing everything possible for her, except removing her from situations where she would have an opportunity to cause harm.

I agree with the others who said it is normal, but rude.

My GD told a host one time that she didn't like the gift she was given. I was mortified! I couldn't get her to the car fast enough! She got quite the lecture on the way home - it was a long drive much to her dismay. She hasn't done anything even remotely similar since.

It's rude AND he's 6.
Nobody has taught him how to be polite when accepting a gift you may
not want.
The mom can return it if she wants.
I wouldn't say anything and just let it go.
I like that you already told your son that his mom can exchange it AND
that your son is to always be greatful for whatever he receives as a gift
wether he likes it or not. Great parenting mom!

You should definitely call the boy's mom. Main reason - she's the one who told you to buy "Legos, any kind".

Keep in mind that your son may be feeling bad for having given a gift to his friend that his friend didn't like. (Might want to tell your son that the boy's mom said "Legos, any kind" too....to assuage any bad feelings that your son may have.)

(As a receiver, it's nice to be "grateful for any gift", but as a giver - it's best to know that your gift is genuinely appreciated!)

Of course it's rude, but the mom "has bigger issues with the boy and finds disciplining him difficult."

Kids learn social skills all through their life. I'd call the mom and ask her if he liked the gift and when she said yes I'd tell her what he said.

Kids can't be taught if there isn't any issue the parents know they need to teach.

I think it falls under the "Normal, but not acceptable" umbrella. Kids say stuff that is impolite. They don't always "get it" yet. But he should be taught that it is impolite.

It is both - it's rude and it's normal! It is rude because it made you and your son feel bad. A child should be taught to always be grateful for a gift and to be gracious to the gift giver. However, 6 year old boys don't really know better, even when they're taught. They say what's on their mind.

Nope not normal for that age. I have a dd who just turned 7 and one turning 6 next month. Boy would I flip if one of them did that! They would never. Maybe this is related to the boys emotional issues...

Who knows if it is normal or not.
I think not.
My son is 6 now, he never says anything like that.
When my daughter was 6, she never said anything like that.
They just knew and know, it is "wrong" and impolite.

Anyway, yes, that Mom seems to have a lot on her plate. With that son.

But yes, continue to teach your son, what is right/wrong and rude or not etc.

It's rude, ungrateful and not gracious.
I don't care what his emotional issues are.
If he doesn't want it, he's free to exchange it or give it away but he's not entitled to pick something else and have you shop around for it.
His Mom should know - not telling her is a cop out.
If she has trouble disciplining him, she needs help in finding ways to accomplish it - although it's her choice whether she wants to give up or not.
Next birthday party, give him a gift card for Toys R Us.

Yes it's rude but I also think it's normal. Young kids feel entitled to gifts and my not quite understand the manners involved, even though their parents may tell them that they shouldn't say they don't like the gift or shouldn't ask for specific things, or that other people aren't mind readers and aren't required to get him the gift of his dreams. Sure it's rude and I'd have been embarrassed when my kids were little if they said that, but it's the kind of thing that kids do. He said it to your son. He may have been a kid being mean. He may know it's rude and wouldn't have said it to you or in front of his mom. If he has "issues" he may enjoy bullying other kids or making them feel bad.

It's normal but should still be addressed by his mother.

If normal equals: "how kids act without proper guidance" then yes. Normal.