S., sending cyber hugs! Hey, 50 is beautiful, isn't it?!
Having just survived (& I mean survived barely) 3 teens, I'll console you with "It's a TOUGH time!" Teens are trying to "find themselves" and figure out what they want to do in life. The stress, mostly unspoken, of being cast out once they become an adult (they think 18) makes them nervous. It's kind of like having a 2 year old again BUT with less control as a parent to correct situations. YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH - just persevere!
Some kids just do not respond to taking things away. Instead, those kids need reassurance. I would hold out on the car though... if they are acting irresponsibly they sure don't need to get behind a 2 ton vehicle to act like that : 0
If his girls hate you, it might just be that your daughter is feeling like she needs to take your side by hating your new husband. BUT, if it is a sudden thing for her not to talk to your husband, and her grades are falling after having good grades, I would certainly investigate. Our Crime Watch officer in town once told me that "everything in your house is open for a concerned parent to look at." Read her journal if you can, check out her myspace or facebook for clues of what she is thinking. You will have insight into her thoughts by reading what she is expressing. If she has had to change schools she may be struggling to fit in, she may feel that no one understands, she may be in those teen years that nothing makes sense... so many things can make kids act out.
SOON... Try to take her on a retreat... just the two of you. Get away for a night or two and spend total time giggling and sharing. You can take along an old photo album if you think she might be missing things from the past - and that will help her realize that although things have changed in your lives the past will always be there to remember if you need to. Be honest with her and let her know you are concerned and that you LOVE HER! [If you pray... now is a good time so that you can do the next step with your whole heart.] Then LISTEN! Don't judge or correct at this point... just listen. THAT IS SO HARD but it works.
Your husband might want to do the same kind of thing with his daughters and "hear them out". Kids want to have a VOICE in matters, even though they know it might not change anything.
It sounds like you love your daughter very much and want whats best for her. I hope you can communicate that to her.
Much of my advice has probably been mentioned here but I hope that something I have said can help. If nothing else, here's another cyber hug from one who has been there.
Blessings,
K. Hall
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