Seeking Advice on Husbands Job, and Arguement

If he's not much of a talker, you feel this is a pivotal point in your life (if not relationship), and there are some trust issues at hand here, I strongly recommend a few sessions in counseling with a therapist or pastor to help you communicate better and resolve the situation. It would probably only take a few visits, since it is a short term problem. And having a third party arbitrate a difference can not only expedite things, but make them much less turbulent for all parties involved. It seems the smarted, less painful approach to a solution.

Good Luck.

Marital stuff is really hard to advise on based on a few words on the screen, but here's my .02, for what it's worth. Men can seem irrational when it comes to job-related things. They really have it ground into them from an early age that they are supposed to support their loved ones. Doing anything that might threaten that is scary to them in a way that it's hard for us to understand. And I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be supporting a whole family with no one else earning any money - can you imagine the stress if that was all on your shoulders all alone, and one wrong step in an economy rocketing into recession could mean disaster? Maybe thinking of in that extreme sort of way a little bit would help you when you talk to him, if that's the mindset he's coming from (of course I don't know if it is, but that's the kind of thoughts that keeps my husband awake at night - and I work! But he takes it all more to heart. It's not just money, it's manhood, you know?)

Personally, given the uncertain state of the economy, if he works in any industry that might be seeing recessionary times (banking, real estate, construction, manufacturing) I think he might have a point - I think you should start your own job hunt as soon as possible. That would show that you are also taking the change of job seriously (since you said that his change would require you to work too). Of course if you do that, it becomes non-negotiable - he will have to make the change, because a family with 2.5 jobs would be an unhappy family! Good luck. I think the first step when a marriage has these stumbling blocks is to really try to talk honestly with each other - but it can be so hard.

It's a scary thing to change jobs let alone in this economy. Maybe he is afraid of failing or losing his job. Men really just want to provide for their families and make them happy. Let him know you are there for him and that you are a team and you will get through this together. The more pressure you put on him the more he will pull away. Is not getting this new job a dealbreaker for you ? Imagine your life without him. Are you better off? Probably not. Try to find out what he really wants to do career wise . Hang in there , your family is worth it. Good luck !

His fear is holding him back & men find it difficult to talk about their feelings/fears because they have been taught not to-sign of weakness. Instead of arguing which creates more stress for both of you see if you can find ways to be supportive. For example how might you help your son in a similar situation that brings up fear of change like when he started school. If you can get to a place of compassion for you husband it will change the energy in a positive way. It will also help you feel less resentful if you take time to focus on all his traits you can feel grateful for. You could even make a list so you can see why you fell in love with him. You call him your best friend so love him. Its what you really want to do. This is just getting in the way right now.

my husband was at a job where they didn't appreciate him and he was being overworked. i wanted him to either go to school or get another job where he would be much happier and less stressed. he was for it in words, but when it came down to it he always backed out at the last minute. we argued about it at first, but then i realized how scared i was when i first started another new job and the expectations that i thought i would have to fulfill for them. i let him go at his own pace and decided to stop pointing the finger at him and just to let him make his decision on his own. ie......your are worth so much more than your current company is paying you......you deserve a few words of encouragement from your company......you have worked so hard to get to this position, they should appreciate you more.....but it's your decision and i just want you to be happy with what you do, whatever that is. well he finally took the plunge and has a much better job and is so much happier and less stressed. good luck