Seeking Advise Re Baby's Separation Anxiety

Its hard to really know what is going on with the Nanny... except that she and you say that your daughter needs a lot of attention and cries a lot.

A baby, to me, can't be "spoiled" at this young an age... but they certainly know patterns to activities and responses. So, this may be what your daughter is "reacting" to. Babies "react." They don't premeditate actions 12 steps ahead of time or try to manipulate.

Okay. So that is what babies do- they cry. Babies get "separation anxiety" at this age. Its normal. Perhaps your baby does not even like the Nanny- thus she cries. (my daughter, from a very young age of a baby....simply did NOT like certain people or the vibe they gave off, some babies/children can tell who is 'nice' or 'not nice.' )

There are lots of "perhaps" and "maybe" this or that.
BUT, the bottom line is... a child needs comfort, they go through developmental changes (ie: separation anxiety), and beyond that they do learn from us and get either anxiety or not.

My daughter as a baby, was very sensory sensitive and very "needy." She ALWAYS had to have someone WITH her and NEXT to her while doing anything. But, she was not a "crier." She communicated it in other ways. But, her "separation" anxiety, was not a big deal for her and she had good "adaption" ability and transition ability. BUT she would cry hard if anyone or anything scared her, even though I was right there. I "knew" that about her.

My son, is tons more easy going. But he will cry if he wants attention or for any reason, as most toddlers can do.

For me, all I know is, a baby/child will get "used to" whatever is the routine/habits in a home or with their Parent. If they feel comfortable and secure... they adjust to changes and transitions better. Then, it may also be partly personality... of the baby/child.

Okay but the thing is: at this young of an age... a baby cries for any reason. They can't "talk" after all... and how else are they going to communicate? And instead of thinking that your daughter is attention-getting... maybe she is just bright and social? Thus, it just SEEMS like she always needs attention. MOST all babies LOVE attention.
MOST babies also love physical interaction... after all THAT is how babies "learn."

AND, a baby at this age is NOT good with "strangers." THIS IS NORMAL DEVELOPMENTAL issues. BOTH my kids were like that too, and I was glad... because fearing strangers is also a survival-ability in a baby... so that they ONLY know "Mommy" and don't just go to others who may harm them. Its an instinct. This is called "Stranger Anxiety" and is a NORMAL developmental phase.
There are and will be MANY developmental phases, coming up.

I would recommend the book "What To Expect The First Year" which is a major good book for any first time parent. You can find it at any bookstore or even on www.amazon.com

All the things you describe.... seem like NORMAL baby stuff to me.
AND, I think, that possibly, your baby just did not "like" the Nanny. I would find one that is more appropriate and nurturing and who KNOWS about child development.
Both my kids, as babies and now, will simply NOT go to anyone.... regardless of who they are... if they have a bad vibe about them. I am proud of that "ability" in my kids. I do not see it as a "negative" trait.

All the best,
Susan

Hi. I really wouldn't want a nanny that tells me not to pick up my kid. In my opinion there is no such thing as spoiling a baby. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. My 4 year old went through a phase of seperation anxiety but it got better around a year old. My 2 year old, is STILL having seperation anxiety. we can not leave him with a friend to babysit for a date or drop him off in the Sunday school class at church. He has been this way since he was 2 months old. He will scream his head off and the people there can not handle it. Most people are telling me to enjoy it now because when he is a teenager he will rather be with his friends than mommy. I've been told that he just needs me now, and it's ok. I stay at home with them and I've been starting to just be ok with his attatchment to me. He needs me and I should be there for him. So, try not to stress. It's most likely just a phase, but if you have to work try to find someone who is more patient than the last one.

C.,
Good thing your nanny quit, because she has done a disservice to you and your daughter by telling you that you have been holding your daughter too much. Frankly, I'm quite flabbergasted that someone would give you that advice in this day and age, and I'm guessing that she's much, much older than you based on her assessment.

Because what is now known is that you absolutely cannot "spoil" a child at that young age by attending to their attachment needs. Slings, backpacks, etc. have all come along because we now know that babies enjoy and NEED physical bonding for their emotional well-being. Perhaps if your nanny had held and comforted your daughter MORE, your baby wouldn't have cried so much. I hate to be blunt, but that's what you call a lazy nanny!

I'm not going to presume to know your financial situation, but I will tell you that you will never regret spending more time with your daughter.

Good luck to you; your nanny quitting is a blessing in disguise :)

It sounds like your baby is just going through some separation anxiety and you are doing what feels right to help her. At 7 months, I don't think you can "spoil" her by carrying around and responding to her emotional needs right away. I also carried my children when they were in their "clingy" stages and gave them a lot of physical interaction as babies. The whole idea of this kind of attachment parenting is that responding to your baby's needs with a lot of attention and closeness now will pay-off later in the well-adjusted, independent and un-clingy child, which both my children have become. In the midst of it though I had doubts, but in the end, do what your gut tells you while your daughter is a baby. After she's two and understands things verbally, and you can help her with these social situations more effectively if she needs it.

With regards to strangers, both my kids went through the same thing--not wanting to be held by strangers and acting timid around them. I think this is normal as they are learning how to discern how they are separate and different from you and the world outside them. If you are calm and can be confident with your baby's normal behavior, this will help her not to feel any additional stress. You can ease into new relationships by not putting any pressure on her to interact with people until she is ready to. It could take many visits with a new nanny with you present though, until she is ready to "let-go" a bit. Good luck, and as with most bumps in the road with kids, "this too shall pass!"

nanny is there to take your place while you are at work. not to give parenting advice. by taking your place i mean to do what you would do if you were to stay with the baby. hence the nanny payment - to do what she is told, not what she thinks she should be doing. if baby likes to sit on her lap all day long, so be it. that is why she is getting paid. if it is one of the relatives who is watching a child and is not paid, it is still not the reason to tell the mother when the baby has to be picked up. baby grows up happy and healthy by having the needs met, not by laziness drapped in the discipline garb. if you also want her to cook and clean, that is a different issue, but even that can be done while baby is asleep. again - it's a job you are offering them, you are the boss, the rules are yours. if it is not a job but a relatives "help" then you are offering them the trust of by leaving your baby with that relative. either way, it is an honor and a priviledge, not the reason to pick on you.
Good luck with finding the best solution for your wonderful baby!
V.

strap baby on your back and get rid of the nanny! You want a secure child- hold the baby NOW and give attention now, later it has self esteem to be independent- NOW is when hugging is happening for the benefit of all-

Hi C.,

I am a mother of 5 and grandmother of 4 so I've been around a few babies in my life. Seven months old is a very NORMAL time for babies to not want to go to strangers. This is so normal! They have strong attachments and they should---YOU should be the one that they love and want at this age. Think long and hard about who you want your baby to bond with---is there any way you could be the primary care-giver, and not have to worry about getting another nanny at this time? I also do not believe that you are spoiling her to pick her up a lot. Just do it, she needs you and you need to be there for her. It does not spoil babies to attend to their needs--they just learn that the world is a wonderful place if someone is responsive to them. When babies feel secure in their feelings and not worried about being abandoned, they settle down and will slowly take to strangers as they feel comfortable with them. I had one clingy baby who became very outgoing and gregarious as a child, but I let her go at her own pace, didn't force her to go to anyone that she wasn't comfortable with, and she learned to trust others over time. LISTEN to your baby and your heart--they usually let you know loudly and clearly what they/you need. This is a most important relationship that will last a lifetime! God bless!

I can't believe she calls herself a nanny. Without repeating everything that's already been said...your daughter is acting totally normal for her age! It's a rough patch for the parents, but a necessary one. While you don't have to cater to her every wimper, do keep this advice from the great Dr. Brazelton in mind..."Babies learn independence from having their dependency needs met." When she figures out that when she needs you you're always there, then she will be confident enough to be without you. She'll go through something similar around 2, venturing out but frequently wanting to make sure you're still there. It's normal and healthy, let her know you're there for her.

ALSO, don't know where you're located exactly, but my mother-in-law is a nanny, has been one for years, and is excellent with babies. She has glowing references! When the children move on to school, that's when she's ready for a new family, and that's where she's at right now. Email me if you would like her contact information.

Hi C.,

Please keep in mind that you can't spoil a newborn - even at 7 months. What babies need more than ever is love and a sense of security. If you must work, then try to get a mommy replacement that is best suited for your family. Perhaps sitting down with your husband and developing a tight budget would help you decide to quit your job and be home for your baby. After all, being a mommy is a job that reaps more benefits than any other type of employment can offer. Good luck!

There's no such thing as spoiling a baby by picking her up. In fact, the first year of life is about the baby feeling safe in this new world, and letting the baby know that her needs are met, thus she is safe. This is very important to their psycho social development.
Do not fight your instinct to pick up your child. If you ever question what you should do, err on the side of making the choice that feels most loving to you.
I would say to count your blessings that this nanny is leaving. Anyone who suggests not picking up your baby, or complains about a baby crying, should not be a nanny.
Please seek out a replacement who is loving, respectful, attentive, and nurturing to your daughter, as she deserves to be treated.
As for strangers - of course she's not comfortable with them. Babies cling to their mamas for a while yet.
You spoke of wanting to give your baby the best. Well, you can. Give her all the love you can. Hold her, pick her up, give her your loving attention, and love her up one side and down the other. That's the absolute best that you can give her!
I'm so glad that you asked for support.
Blessings,
M.

I am SO glad you are getting a replacement. Find someone who knows that a baby NEEDS to be held and that some children are particularly more sensitive and soothed by touch. She's been in the womb longer that outside it. Of course she wants to be center of attention. She's a baby! I'm hoping you can find someone who understands that it takes TIME to bond with the baby and has the patience and maturity necessary to care for a seven month old. It sounds as if your baby is wise enough to know that this nanny does not know what she needs. You will find someone she will adapt to and she will know that she can get her needs met.

In the mean time, your baby (again, wise) may be playing off of your anxiety. I know my little one does, always has, and it is important for me to de-stress, focus and be present when I am with her.

Hoping the best for you and your little one!

Jen

C.,
I don't want to presume to know what you can and can't do financially, but you will never regret staying home with your baby. I would encourage you to take that direction. I just don't think its natural to leave our infants in the care of others. We are the mom's. Your baby needs you.

I've often been told by others that I'm "spoiling" my children for carrying them when they want to be held. I've heard this all 3 of my kids when they were infants and I don't see how an infant can manipulate anyone at that age into spoiling them - I think it's human nature (as with most mammals)
Good luck finding a new nanny, hope it works out for the best. In the meantime, please try reading:
The five Love Languages of Children written by Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell, MD
It explains that every child has a different need of being loved (physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service) - this can also be used for adult relationships...etc

Your baby is NOT spoiled. She's acting her age. At that age, I picked up my baby when she wanted to be picked up. I hold her for as long as she needed to be held. I NEVER allow my baby to cry. I have a nanny that holds my baby even more than me. There are days when the baby is sick and she would be constantly in somebody's lap/arms the entire day. And now that she is almost three years old, she is the most independent and calm and sweet tempered child you can possibly have. You can't spoil a child by holding her when she needs it, even past one year old! Your old nanny was not cut out for the job of child care. It's just as well she quitted. Your daughter has NO issues, she is simply acting her age. Do try to meet her emotional needs as much as you can. And don't quit your job unless you WANT to care for your daughter 24/7. You can find another nanny. Take your baby to the park or the library's story time programs to help with her socialization skills and ease stranger anxiety. My nanny does this all the time.

Remember one thing... You can not spoil a baby by picking her up too much! The more you love them the more secure they will become about this world. I think at this age sep anx is normal. If it cont past 18 months, then I would consider sending her to a daycare where she can interact with other kids her age. One more thing, does she sleep with you at night? That could also be part of the problem. Good luck.

I know I'm just saying what everyone else has said but one more opinion to bolster the vote! yes, pick her up and love her whenever. my daughter is 19 months now and we basically just tuned into her needs as an infant and responded based on what she was doing and putting out there; not some schedule or plan that we wanted her to fit into. She is wary of strangers now but not scared to death, she can be left with others whom she knows and doesn't cling and cry for me, she can play by herself quite happily and although she only has about 5-10 words right now, we are working on saying please. At this age and probably for the past few months, if she's fussy and crying and whining to be picked up, I asked her calmly if she wants me to pick her up, she stops and says "yeah" and then I pick her up and tell her she doesn't have to whine, etc. I really believe you can't spoil a baby and as the child gets older and developmentally can understand and handle more, then you alter what/how you do.
everyone is so right, this nanny leaving is a blessing in disguise and you can find someone better. we found a great nanny whose parenting style fits in with ours and does a great job with our daughter.

I was told by a CHOC nurse that you can't spoil a baby. Your baby needs you and she is crying because she wants something or just needs love from you. Like SH said maybe she did not like the nanny. Please meet her needs. The more you meet her needs now the more secure she will be later. She needs you and others to be there for her.
SR

Personally I think the old nanny leaving you is a blessing in disguise. Your daughter is not to young to be spoiled and holding and loving on them is our job. My daughter, now 8, was a held baby, I mean, I just couldn't and didn't want to put her down.
Glad you have already found other arrangements. Good luck!

Hello, First of all, congratulations on having a perfectly normal baby. It is normal for her to want to be held. It sounds like the "nanny" wanted to earn a paycheck without actually doing her job. Yes, it would be great to see our babies playing and being more independent. However, they are babies and need to be entertained. I co-babysit my grandaughter with another daughter (we alternate days). I know that the days I have her, she is my priority. She likes to be held and entertained most of the time. She will also lay in her pack and play for a while and in her swing or saucer. Babies use their crying to communicate and are asking for us to respond. Our daughter and grandaughter had to move in with my husband and I recently. When she is here our grandaughter wants her mother and I am glad that she is so attached. She also likes to be with the rest of us, but Mommy is Mommy. As your baby gets older she will need less of this and become more independent. Find a "nanny" who is willing to be one and understands a baby/child's needs.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.

Hi C.,
I worked in infant care for a few years and the separation anxiety you describing is typical for your child's age. Also, A child at 7 months that likes to be picked up is not unusual and does not mean she is spoiled. It means that she has learned to play with adults, especially if she is an only child. Also, her fear of strangers is a GOOD thing! This is a natural measure of protection from kidnappers. I am sure if your daughter is around someone more than a few times, and learns to recognize them that the fear disappears.
As for helping her cope with your absence, she may cry for a while when you leave her. You need to reassure your daughter that you will return later in the day. And when you do return, reminder her that you came back and that you'll always come back. If she keeps hearing this message, she will eventually understand.

Hi C.. I just wanted to say that in my opinion, a baby that age can't get enough hugs and attention. She's 7 months old. I don't think she's spoiled, but she just loves to be loved. She'll probably grow out of it. The not so good with strangers thing isn't anything to worry over either. My now 11 yr old loved and went to everybody and anybody. My now 5 yo didn't go to anybody but me or daddy. Not even close family members. There all different and that's just her personality. I'm sure she cries alot, that's what some babies do. There's a nanny out there, I'm sure, That will be able to handle it. Your a great mom, don't worry about what the nanny or anyone else says. You love your baby and you know what good for her. None of us are perfect parents. We all are going to make mistakes. But I think as long as we love our children with all our hearts and try to do what's best, they will turn out okay. Good luck to you!!

My daughter is also seven months old. I totally feel your pain! Here is the thing... You can't spoil an infant. Studies now show that children who are given a lot of love and attention as infants (like you naturally want to give her) grow up to be self-secure, confident, and more productive as adults. It is exactly the opposite of what they used to say. If you show your baby that you will be there for her, she will grow to be more comfortable being independent, in her own time. You are doing the right thing just by being aware that you need to help her become more independent. Like you said you try to give her time where you aren't holding her. You should be proud of yourself, you are doing an awesome job! And about the Nanny- I think that you need to find someone who is more like you to care for her. Maybe someone who doesn't still think that it is 1950. I just think that this other person was following ideas that we know aren't relevant anymore. To tell you the truth, and I don't know how possible it is for you, but it would be awesome for her for you to be home. Just try to remember that you are doing great and you know what is best in your heart! What ever you decide, I hope that you both have a wonderful life! :)

Separation Anxiety at 7 months is normal. You are lucky you got rid of the nanny. This is the age when babies start to understand who is mommie and daddy. The next nanny should know more about child development. Quit your job only because you want to take care of your own child and give up on working for your own fun. I have heard that children that are never left with baby sitters are the ones that have trouble going to preschool and school.
Good luck and don't be so hard on yourself or your little one.
B. v. O.

Hi C., No mom likes to hear her baby cry, but sometimes it is necessary. Sorry to hear you are loosing your nanny, but this can be a positive thing, you may want to think about putting your daughter in a daycare instead of usuing a nanny. as a young mom (when i was) I didn't believe in daycares, I always believed that having a baby and having someone else raise then was counter productive to becoming a parent. My kids are grown now, and I have been a Daycare Provider for 12 years, baby's thrive here, they get a chance to play with other babys/kids, theres so much going on around them the need to always be held or picked up isn't usually there, they want to be down where the action is. I had a 7 month old that was already pulling herself up on things abd standing, walking around furniture
took herself off the bottle at 9 months, my daughter always called her an over acheiver, but I believe it was from being with other kids on a daily basis, she was holding her bottle and rolling a 3 months. C. bennifits in using a nanny, staying at home with your child, and usuing a good daycare. At 7 monts old your nanny could have trained your daughter to not cry so much. Anyway thats my advice, hope it elped in some small way. J. L.

It does not get any easier! At least for me. If I could quit my job I would in a heart beat. I cry after leaving my little boy almost every morning. He so hates me leaving. Around 8:00 every morning he sticks to me like glue because he knows I am leaving and gives me this pouty face and crys like he is hurt. He has done this ever since he was 6 months old. He also cries for me thruout the day and around 5:00 he starts crying until I show up to pick him up. I hope it gets better. People keep telling me it will! Just know you are not alone!

ok, glad the nanny went bye bye!! She did you a favor! The nanies/sitters are the mommy when we can't be there, so if she can't live up to it, be glad she is gone!

Glad to hear you found another! It is so hard to find the right one but your baby will let you know when its the right one!

MY little bubble gum finally found her nanny ;)

Hi, I'm no expert on any of this by no means, but may I start off by saying, what's up w/ that nanny? Sounds like she has low tolerance. Probably for the best she stepped out. Maybe your daughter didn't like her anyway.
My 12m daughter has had anxiety separation and stranger anxiety since she was 5 months ( you should see the Santa and Ester bunny photos!) Comes and goes day to day, moment to moment. And she has one of those really fierce cries, so people are often taken aback by it. But what can I do? I know that means she needs comfort, so I pick her up, or more often these days, I get on the floor with her and lean over to hug and kiss her until she calms. Sometimes it takes quite a while. So for your daughter I don't think it's unreasonable that she cries at this age. I don't think picking up at this age is spoiling her at all. On the contrary, you are showing her caring, love, empathy, compassion, and most importantly, trust. Things she desperately needs right now to be a good person in this world later on. I think your nanny was just impatient and maybe not perfectly cut out for his type of work. Good luck to her trying to find a mute baby. It's totally psychologically appropriate for your daughter to cry like this. Plus since you work full time, she probably doesn't get her fill of you as it is. If I have to be away a lot on a particular day, I will make up for it by laying in bed w/ my daughter all she wants the next day, or as soon as possible. I dedicate the whole day to whatever she wants to do. She's so young that I think she need it and it's worth it. I also realize that the years pass quickly, and in no time she won't even want me to touch her, so I try to soak it up now. I hope that's a comfort to you.

C.,

At 7 months, your daughter's separation anxiety is perfectly NORMAL. My son went through that and is STILL going through it and he's now 13 months old. He does not like being handled by strangers,either, and used to be so bad about this that if an adult who was not his mother or father so much as looked at him and said a word to him, he would instantly start crying his eyes out. We quickly solved that problem by socializing him in a baby-friendly environment (Gymboree class where he is with other babies his age as well as with their parents, all in a play group capacity). Just go online to find a local Gymboree near you and see how that works out. Our son is no longer hysterical over non-parental adults talking to him. He improved immediately in that regard.
Separation anxiety is still a big issue, however, and will probably continue for your daughter for several months. I can't comment on daycare or nannies since our son has never had a stranger watch him a day in his life (his father and myself juggle our schedules and do it all ourselves, until I became a SAHM due to job loss 8 months ago, so I pretty much do all of the babycare.).
Good luck.

Hi C.,

Just to add to everyone else's opinion. Your baby is totally normal. My daughter went through this at a year old and my son still gets upset when I leave him and he is two years old. The good news is, if you are leaving them in the right hands that person will eventually divert their attention and the baby will stop crying. Unlike us mother's, your nanny's ONLY job is to take care of that child. If it means holding her longer at times then so be it. She doesn't have all the responsibilities that a SAHM has...cleaning, cooking, paying bills, playing with the baby...I think it's ridiculous that she expected a 7 month old just to sit and play all day. Thank goodness she's gone...she was no help to you or your baby. Please look into finding another that will answer your baby's needs. You had mentioned perhaps staying home. This is a very difficult decision, especially in this economy, I went part-time when my daughter was born 5 years ago. It has been a struggle financially but yes I have been rewarded in so many other ways. It's a personal decision and only you can make it. I am lucky in that when I am working my husband is home with my children or my mother-in-law, who just loves to play with them the whole time.

Keep doing what you are doing. As your baby gets older she will become more independent...enjoy every moment of this now because it goes too fast.

Good luck.

K.

Seriously? is it bad to hold a baby too much? I knew my 3rd was my last, and I held her as much as possible. Of course she was the one that didn't want to be held all the time. If you only have 1 child, there is nothing else you need to get done that can't wait until nap time, I say try a nanny that wants to hold a baby (which, by the way, I think is the very best thing in the world)

Be very careful about not answering your babies cries at this young age. She cries because she has a need and by ignoring that need, she will begin to lose the trust that she has with you. If she seems to not be crying as much it may be because she figures you won't help her now--so why bother. I am totally not trying to come down on you or judge you--just share what I have learned through my years of parenting--so far. 1st time parenting is tough and nerve-wracking and there will always be somethings you wish you had done differntly (goodness knows my list is loooong)--but your main job, before your child can communicate with you verbally, is to answer her needs in anyway you can--to strenghten your bond and the trust that you have with her. You are her safety net, her protector---and sorry to disagree with the nanny, but 7 month old babies cannot be spoiled by too much attention and being held too much. That is totally ridiculous--most can't even crawl around to get where they want--so what choice do they have but to cry for everything they need or want. Either this nanny has no kids, or is on the older side of the spectrum, but I am glad to hear that you are looking into other options. Stranger anxiety at this age is totally normal, and I think even more so because you work full-time. If your daughter's time with you is limited, it makes sense that the time she is with you, she wants to hang onto as long as possible--so when you hand her off, she knows that you are leaving--when you are that little and your mommy is your whole life--having her go away can be very stressful--esp. since she has no concept of time and no idea if and when you are coming back. Sometimes it helps to look at it from a 7 month old perspective (not easy I know)--there is a great book called "The Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg--and she has lots of great information about stuff like this. Last thing--if it works out that you have to quit working--it may not be such a bad thing--tight financially , obviously--maybe a change in lifestyle--but this time goes soooo fast and having this time to just be with your baby is something that you will never regret-it really can change your life. Good luck--and have fun--you only get one go round with your little ones--so make the best of it for all of you!!!

Hi! I encourage you to quit your job and take care of your baby. It was the hardest, but BEST decision I ever made. Money can never make up for the time you loose with your children, especialy as little ones. It just isn't worth it. Trust God to make up the difference.

Hi C.,
I am a foster mom of 23 years... I have had all kinds of babies, mainly the ones that no one will take, because of their constant crying... One thing I have learned is not to pick them up until I calm them down... This was always a problem for me, because some of these babies have been neglected.. What I have learned to do is go to the crib and stay by the side, talk and play with them until they stop crying, then pick them up.. I sit on the floor next to the crib and fold laundry. while talking to them and making them laugh.. Then I tell them I will be right back and I make sure I do...Then I pick them up again.. After a while they know I will come to them when they cry but not always pick them up right away..When you have more than one baby at a time, you have to find a way to meet all their needs and teaching them to wait is the only way. I hope this helps you but remember it takes time for her to adjust to something new... Always be consistant

and never ignor her cries
never ignor her cries and I promise it will work.
N.

First of all, you cannot spoil a 7 months old child. Picking up a small baby when they cry reassures the baby that you will come. Baby's get separation anxiety if you go back to work AFTER about six months or so. If you go back to work earlier, they usually do not have the same reaction. Your nanny does not understand babies and a change is definitely in order here. I think you might want to look for inhome licenced daycare that is licensed for six with recommendations from satisfied customers. Also watch how the caregiver responds to the children. A good caregiver will be organized, have a childproofed house, feeding program, play areas, a regular schedule, and will allow you to drop in anytime. As to the baby's separation anxiety, first of all, it will get better. Do not extend your farewells. Give the baby a hug and kiss, handover the baby, and out the door. My daughter would cry as long as she could see me after a couple of weeks and as soon as I was out of sight, she stopped (she was nine months old). After a couple of months, she just went to her favorite toys and waved. My son went into daycare at eight weeks and never had separation anxiety. I stayed home with number three and I was in a baby sitting co-op and he never had any anxiety under he started preschool and 33 months. After a month he preschool he would just wave and go play with his friends. It takes time form children to become confident away from their parents. Good daycare is the key. By the way, if you get another nanny or are still using the same one, get a nanny cam and see what is really going on.

Its normal. If your family has the means, Id say you be your childs nanny. Your the best thing for her!

C.,
#1 the nanny is not the mom or dad and you have every right to enjoy your baby as you see fit. She is a paid employee and does not have the right to tell you what you are doing wrong. She just didn't seem patient enough. That's her problem not yours. Babies, especially first borns, love interaction because you are part of their world. She is a young baby too, so she needs the attention that she should have. If she was older and there were other children that would be something different. Don't let the experience with this particular nanny change how you interact with your child. You are the child's parent and your daughter is very young. She should not be expected to entertain herself. That is one selfish nanny. Okay, sorry for the rant!

Your daughter will have times when she wants your attention and times when she will entertain herself. This is every child. This is normal. If she is demanding all the time, then you will also have to make the choice to let her cry it out sometimes too. These are decisions you make when you are in the moment. I hope this helps. Love your daughter, hold her, hug her, the time goes by really, really fast. My daughter is 15 and it was just like yesterday that she was 7 months old.

Your nanny did you a favor by quitting. It is not possible to spoil a newborn - year old. They have no impulse control and the caretakers job is to meet the babies needs and reassure them that all is well - that they are loved and cared for.

Stranger anxiety is typical. Please get yourself some books on child development - it'll make the process much more understandable. Try www.enannysource.com They're great.

C.,
Sorry to hear about your nanny. My son has trouble with strangers, which I am personally thankful for because it will be hard to snatch him from me. When it comes to family and friends I ask them to play with us and he eventually warms up. I only do this with close friends and family that I trust. When it comes to everyone else, I sincerely do not push it. As a teacher I am telling you is safer. I have had parents who decline field trips for their students because they easily talk to strangers.
Good luck,
ceci

I've gotta say...good riddance on the nanny. She's ridiculous for saying that you pick her up too much.

My second son is nine months now and last month was horrible for us with him crying everytime I put him down. At times, he just had to endure...it's not safe to cook dinner and hold him at all times, you know? Once he started crawling though, he's been MUCH happier and the crying has really backed off.

Stick in there...she'll get through it and you'll find someone much better suited for your child. That nanny wasn't it!

By the way, I don't know where you're located, but my kids have all been at Montessori on the Lake in Lake Forest for day care and pre-school now for my oldest. The baby room there is fantastic! There is one spot open in that group right now if you need care for your little one. They are very loving, give the babies lots of attention, sing them songs, play with them...I have no complaints!

-M

My goodness C.! It sounds to me like this nanny was just not the right fit for you. I would cry if a nanny told me not to pick up my child. They don't understand why you aren't picking them up and probably just think they did something wrong. I think you should pick her up when she wants to be picked up, but encourage her to play by herself as well. She probably was not attached to the new nanny or upset that you left (if it's a new thing for you to be at work full-time). She just needs a proper attachment to whomever is caring for her the majority of the time.

This is part of the age - they have separation anxiety until the age of 2. It peaks around 1 and then flares up sometimes until 2. Just love that baby as much as you can - I know how fast they grow up (my little guy is 14 months already!).

My best advice is to be patient and to find a nanny who is more patient and more experienced. :-)