Separated/divorce

Wow! This subject is right up my alley. I met my first husband at Rod Parsley’s church (knowing Paula White you are probably familiar with him as well) as he was attending Bible college and working on his ministers license. We used to go minister at nursing homes/girls homes together and do street witnessing . After we married he did a jeckle and hyde and went back to his former ways of drinking and drugs and other women. I was a lifetime church girl who was clueless on what was happening. Once married and moved out it was like a trumpet blew in my ear announcing welcome to the real world. Sheltered my whole life had never even been around anyone who had ever smoked let alone all the things my new husband was now doing. To make a long story short I the church girl who didn’t believe in divorce did so after being left at 6 mths. Of pregnancy. We was married a total of two years and he was never around in those years. But it took me a total of six years to get over the pain. It happened one day at a ladies meeting in a Church of God service when the Pastors wife stood up and said “You ladies who are going around bitter towards a man who hurt you, I have one thing to say to you, GET OVER IT, let it go, it is your choice. You don’t have to live in bitterness anymore, you have the choice to be happy.” She didn’t know she was speaking to me as I was already remarried to a wonderful man. But the pain of everything that had happened in my past marriage was still very real. I realized at that moment I don’t have to be bitter and God delivered me as I accepted his help that very moment.

The way I would look at your situation not really knowing the whole story is be glad your marriage didn’t destroy the whole church in the process of hurting your family. There are many good churches out there that will take you and your children in and help you get back on your feet. Look for one with a heart for children. I know Assemblies of God are always very family oriented. Get plugged in somewhere and allow God to heal you. I went through breast cancer a couple years back and God gave me several scriptures on protection I will share with you. And you know my first husband who put me through it? His liver failed him in his early 40’s and the Dr’s would not help him because so many other of his organs was going from his wild lifestyle. So don’t worry about revenge. God always has the final say. Not that God killed him, but what you sow is what you reap. I had no bad feelings for him when he was dying, me and my daughter was by his bedside with tears running down our cheeks as we was laying hands on him praying for Gods deliverence. My current husband was standing there beside us also crying.

Always remember God is limitless. So don’t limit him. And that this very thing you are going through is just for a season. I promise. If you want to talk further my e mail address is ____@____.com
Also, remember that in your weakness God is strong.

Scriptures: Proverbs 3:24-26, Isa. 43:2, Prov. 29:25, Isa. 59:19, Psalms 34:7, Joshua 1:9, Psalms 91

I have been through 3 marriages, 3 divorces, had 3 children been through 2 very abusive relationships (very physical and mental). At times I though I would just give up but I got a job believe it or not at McDonalds. It took every bit of strength I had but I went to work with the whole side of my face and head black and blue and my eye swelled completely shut and I faced those customers with my head held high and I had a living because I had to because I had three children who depended on me to get past my broken heart and my pain and feed and support them. I also went to Women's Commission Center in Charlotte and went to some domestic classes for support and to learn how to get out of the pain in my heart (love pain) and the physical pain. I learned and got strong for my children's sake. I had those children and I was going to fight for those miracles God gave me. So please let them be your strength also. Also God hears you from the privacy of your home and heart as well as he does in church. Hope I could help. It is a very hard road with a lot of bumps but put it in 4-wheel drive and ride on the strength of you children and your faith and you will get through it. Good Luck! And I to have Lupus!

There is no easy solution for you and your children. I would suggest(if possible) that you try to concentrate on getting your and I emphaize YOUR life together.
I went through the same thing as you did. I had a husband that beat me, was on drugs and booze and finally found out he was seeing men. My life was shattered and I almost shut down and go into a mental shut down. I also did what you have done by hiding away in my home, had trouble getting up in the morning and going to work, got sick and broke out in hives. He was my whole world. And you know no one person should have that kind of hold on you but there seems to be no way to change the way one feels about another. I loved him passionately.
No one can really help you but yourself. I found out after 30 plus years that I cannot give of myself to anyone. It is such a shame that I could not get it together emotionally and he could, as if I never existed in his life. Even the children are not as close to me as they should because I kept myself emotionally distant from them.
I can only tell you that you are the only one that can help you. But I do suggest that try to get yourself in a financial betterment, through social security supplement, if you can't work because of your illnesses, welfare, not your church but another church that will be more sensative to your spiritual needs and eventually, move to another area. Don't know if you have family that will help.
By the way, my ex died a year and a half ago of a very painful death. He had bone cancer, two heart attacks, a brain tumor and liver cancer.
I am 62 and have five children and 10 grandchildren. I raised them by myself with no child support and no help from the government. I am a high school graduate. We were poor and there were times that I couldn't feed the kids but God always came through for me. My whole strength is God and I do not go to church cause I have problems with religion and religious people. I have never remarried and I have been married twice also, but my first husband and I were divorced.
It is a shame you do not have at least one close friend you can lean on that lives close to you.
I know you will always love this man and nothing I can say or do can change that but if I could go back I would have concentrated more on staying connected to my children. Leaning on them and not looking for someone to take away the pain that my ex left within me.

HI,
I'm sorry to hear of your ordeal. I have been left with 3 small boys after 10 yrs. of marriage for another woman. I know the hurt and pain...But you have RIGHTS and you can get FREE legal aide through the courts. Don't lay down and give up...fight for you and your children and turn this hurt into something positive....you have rights! He HAS to pay child support and you CAN get alimony because of his affairs and you can file for many other things when a husband cheats! Look into what is out there for you! Get gov. asstistance for awhile if you need to...I did...we had to eat and live! You can tke him to the "cleaners" for what he has done to you and the kids! God is still there...He still cares and that cheating slim ball will be judged one day for lying in the pulpit and lying about his life! Take heart...God has a plan for you and your kids! Jer.29:11
Now break out a phone book and get busy...YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

Blessings,
M.

T.,

IT IS TIME TO TAKE LEGAL ACTION NOW.

Please, take a deep breath, gather yourself and separate the things you need to do to take care of yourself and, more importantly, your children, and your faith. I am going to address the secular side of this issue. You obviously need to seek counseling for the emotions you are so rightfully feeling right now. However, there are also urgent legal issues that you need to address and, once they are addressed, you will be able to get the financial assistance you need. That will be one less thing you will have to worry about. Have you even tried to contact any divorce attorneys? Many will conduct an initial consultation with your for free. If they feel that your husband's actions are as deplorable as you describe, they might take the case for no charge because they will be able to get the court to order your husband to pay all of your attorney's fees in the end. Also, I am not sure where you are located, but your local bar association should be able to assist you in obtaining a divorce attorney for no fee or a very low fee. If you are in Memphis, got to www.memphisbar.org. If you are not in Memphis, simply do a Google search for your city's bar association. I know you want to lay down and die but you cannot because you have children that you have to care for - and fight for. Please contact either an attorney or your local bar association. Trust me - you will be shocked at how much better you will feel after you are informed of all your legal rights.

Good luck.

Sounds like a life of hell but it's not all bad. I agree that church people cant see the wrong going on right under their church roof and would sooner believe a "righteous" person then a "right" person. BUT God did bless you with children so forget that idiot and do this. There are MANY government programs you can do. WIC is great until the kids turn 5, foodstamps (card) is great (I use both). You need to talk to a DSS (department of social services) person (it also shows a judge that you are trying to do your best) and tell them your situation. Just see what they can do to help. It wont hurt. I did it and because of them I still have enough money to buy gas which is a joke now-a-days. Don't give up on your kids because they need you and love you so much. It's time for you to become Super Mom, woman of success. Good luck in whatever happens. :)

I do not have advice for this cause I can not imagine what you are going though right now. I will pray for you cause who knows what he has said to his church to explain why he left. Look into a Legal aid attorney if your state has one. You might have to go through your local domestic violence agency for a referral that is what ours does. I work for a DV agency that is how I know that. They have law degrees just like the expensive ones!

I know that it sometimes is hard to hear words of encouragement when things in your life seemed to be at a downfall. I sympathize for you because of your pain and struggle but, i promise things will get better as time moves foward as long as you keep God first in life. Im a single mother also with a daughter and sometimes things get hard and difficult to deal with in life but she and God are what gives me strength to overcome and perservance challenges and obstacles that are thrust upon me. Please don't focus and dwell on what he and people have done to you but just focus and dwell on what God can do for you and he will see you through your hurt and pain. Ive also been broken-hearted and treated badly so i truly understand what your going through but my faith and belief of God help me to overcome all my problems and my struggle is over. You might not realize it yet but the struggle is over for you as well just look a things in a different aspect and your confidence will rebuild back up again. Continue to provide for your children because through them you will regain strength, perservance, and grace. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and i promise God will see you through the storm. God bless you and your children and wish you and your family a long and prosperous life. K.H.

My heart aches for you. Please find some local support right away. Ideas: Go to another church. Look up a local divorce group. I know that you feel all alone, but others have survived this. Find them, find comfort in them and learn from them.

This is an awful time but you will get through it. Know that life WILL get better. Take a deep breath. Take it one day at a time (there were times after my divorce that I was taking it one minute at a time).

Finally, know that divorce is a grieving process. You're in the middle of that process but you WILL come out the other side. Things WILL get better!

I wish you all of the best as you go through this difficult time. You did the right thing reaching out to this group. Please continue to reach out to others to get the support you need.

-K.

Hi T.,

As the days go by, it does get easier but you are doing one thing wrong and it is the most important thing of all. You need to be in church. Let Christ be the man in your life. He will never leave you or forsake you. You need to lean completely on Him. Not all Christians are mean but we aren't perfect either. We all have our bad days but we all still need Christ. I've been where you are and I stopped going to church too and that just made things worse. God allowed me to hit rock bottom so I would look up to Him and rely completely on Him. Sometimes He allows trials to come into our lives so we will turn to Him. That is all He really wants! Give your burdens to Him and find a God fearing, Bible preaching church and tithe. If you do these things He will take care of you and your children. He will deal with your husband in His own way, but you have to give it all to Him. You have to be strong for your children. Show them that God can see you through anything. Read the Psalms. David went through hard times when he was writing them. They have really helped me through some tough times as well. Fall on your face before Him and ask Him to take this burden from your shoulders and to help you be a strong mother and to help you find the right church for you and your children. He will open doors that you never thought possible. I will pray for you and your children. We have an Awesome God and all He wants is a relationship with His children.
Love in Christ
L. C

No, no, no, Tracy!! You can not let this beat you down girl. You HAVE to find a church home. Are you in Charlotte? I want to invite you to my church if you are, New Covenant AME Church. Yes 'religious' and 'church' people can be some of the meanest people around, but you've got to get back into God's house. If you need a prayer partner I'd love to pray with you sometime. Get your bible and read Psalm 139 but pay particular attention to verses 14-24. God loves you so much and He can and will bring you through this. If you want to, call me ###-###-####. Or you can email me at ____@____.com Know that people are praying for you Tracy okay? Keep your head up and keep on keeping on!

1. Document every time he looks at you cross-eyed and keep it in a safe place.
2. Apply for WIC. Ask them to help you find an attorney; you need one, sweetie!
3. Don't lose your faith. It will make all the difference over the coming years. Find a church where people admit they aren't perfect and care about others, like Full Life in Concord. You need friends right now.
4. You have had a lot of hurt and need to work through it with a Christian counselor. Avoid getting romantically involved with anyone (although that is the last thing on your mind right now) until you have resolved your past hurts.
5. Try to get some moderate exercise every day. It will help with the depression and other health concerns.

Now is the time when you really need family. If you don't have natural family members to help you, please go to church because they are your family too. Maybe you can't go to the church you've been going to, but don't let that stop you from finding a good Bible-based congregation that will put their arms around you. It is a trick of the enemy to use these difficult times to try to separate you from the love of God. I've had some pretty hard times myself so I can certainly feel for you. But this one thing I learn through all my trouble, God hears a mother's prayers. I am praying for you and your sitution.

First of all, quit crying and remembering for right now.. One day at a time, you will move on and you will only remember the good times with him. He can't take those kids from you unless you are unfit mother. Call his bluff because he has to prove it in court. You dont have a lawyer in your town that is free or you can pay on payments? Look! Don't let him know that you hide in the house or don't let him know that it bothers you because he will think that he has won. I know religious people can be mean because I use to be married to a preacher's kid myself. Listen! What comes around goes around and it will come around to him. Trust me! It might not see it today but it will happen. Just pray and ask for forgiviness even though you haven't done anything.Okay!

T.,
Where are you located? I can send you to some great counselors who don't charge. You only pay if you can afford to do it. They are Christian counselors. I think you will find them very different from what you seem to be used to...
They have counseled me and my husband, and it changed our marriage and each other. It was the best thing I have ever done. You need healing.
I know it seems that Christians should be on a higher realm. And, granted, we should. BUT, Christians don't always do what is right or walk the walk with God. Sometimes Christians go through a falling away period for one reason or another. There are many who love God and have the gift of love and mercy out there.
Let me know where you are. These folks are located in Fayetteville, NC. They are so wonderful that they have people from other states come in for their counseling.
Blessings,
S.

Well in my book he is NO preacher and he needs to be turned out of the church. Why does the church condole his actions? This is wrong, wrong, wrong! I don't understand why the church is still letting him preach. He will answer to God one of these days over this.

Dear T.,
You need a hug. ((((T.))))) Do you have family? Mother and Dad....sisters or brothers? You need some help and I really understand how much you are hurting. Your health condition doesn't help matters. Try to be strong and perhaps if you go to your doctor you can address the stress and depression you seem to be under right now. I do know that sometimes people that go to church can be the same people that hurt you. Kind of like, they talk the talk but don't walk the walk. By allowing your spouse to avoid paying support his children suffer. Sometimes an attorney will make arrangements for "him" to pay the legal bill after getting the support your children need so desparately. Don't give up, say your prayers, God hears those prayers wispered at home as loudly as the prayers in church. I was touched by your letter, and felt your desparation. You are not alone T., there are support groups in your area even for lupus and fibromyalgia. There has to be someone even in one of those groups to lend an ear or help you with some choices. Call your local hospital and ask about support groups. Good luck and God Bless you.

You cannot understand God's plan right now, all you can do is seek His plan, His comfort. He is what is carrying you through right now. Dont try to understand your ex. He is obviously following the devils lead, who is the author of confusion! I went through a divorce with a toddler and no money, nothing but bills. My dad made sure we had food because the system said I made too much for any help! When I decided to get back in church, my healing began on my broken heart. It took years and it is still hard being a single mom but You CAN do it,but not alone. Get back in church. If you dont have one, come to Bangham Heights or Stevens St. in Cookeville

All I can say is the women who responded to your request, seem to have great advice and trust in GOD. I cried for you reading this request, and you never know how "not bad" you have it until you see what other people are going through...it may be no consolation to you, but you helped someone today, just by posting your problems, God Bless and Godspeed.

First it is going to take time to get your life together. DO you have any kind of support network--family, friends? Second you can probably get a free lawyer at the court house. Also you should be able to qualify for some kind of government assistance. They may even have some kind of counseling or someone you can talk to. It will get better. You will get thru this.

T., I am not for sure what religion or type of church you were attending, but I don't believe I would continue to attend it either. You do need to give your life back to the Lord without him you will never make it through this. I was divorced once because my spouse cheated. It feels like a death just took place, I know, but God is your only source of strength. True christians are not mean. Do remember, not everyone who attends church or says they are a christian truely has Jesus living in their heart. God loves just like he says he does in his word. He is not a liar and he is not a part of sin. You must forgive the people that have hurt you, but remember God does not dwell with sin. So when your husband sinned in his marriage and when others condoned it God was not apart of it. He loves you, but everyone has free will. You are special to him! He is a healer, a comforter, prince of peace,a provider, and much more. Tracy, what your husband did to you is not biblical so please do not let that stand between you and God. God is my everything! When I wake I praise him, when I hurt I seek him, when I don't know what else to do he is all I have. Today, I am remarried to the same man that cheated on me, we have five beautiful girls and serve the Lord faithfully. I came from a really messed up background and so does my husband, but through the Lord we have went from hopeless to unbelieveable. I have an amazing testimony and so does my husband. The Lord has been so good. I met christians that were mean along the way, but when I grasped the truth that NOTHING IS BIGGER THAN MY GOD! ALL THINGS ARE IMPOSSIBLE WITH MEN, BUT NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD! I BELIEVED! NO ONE CAN TAKE THIS AWAY FROM YOU UNLESS YOU LET THEM AND REMEMBER THE ENEMY'S (SATAN) MISSION IS TO SEEK, KILL, AND DESTROY. He gets in anyway he can. Marriage and our children is his number one target. Why? Because God loves both! You have been placed on my heart and I WILL pray for you. God bless! Believe AND YOU WILL OVERCOME!!!!

Good Morning T. C.

Your situtation is somewhat simular to mine. I once had a relationship with a wonderful person who not only was my lover but my very best friend. I am not much of a social butterfly so making friends is really hard for me because I have alot of trust issues. My partner of 4 years who also was heavily involved in the church one day just woke up and decided they wanted to follow thier faith. Which I was okay with but when I found out that it involved them not having anything what so ever with me I was devistated. I have no family at all and thier family took me in like a part of the family. The most devistating part was not only the they end the relationship. They ended the friendship and so did the family like over night. I have asked and asked what happened and I get the same old answer. i don't know or it is what it is. This person is one of the reasons I gave my heart to the lord. Truly by example he lived an honest and simple life. Was happy for the simple things and showed me how to be happy with them and showed my son how to live as a true christian. This last year has been sooo hard because I have no friends and family so out of deperation for my son I have tried to make friends but I am obviously not thinking clearly... In this time of need I get from him and the family . You must go on and get other people in your life. The most hurtful words. Like because I am a new christian that it is beneth them to even help me grow. Which I believed was part of the job of being a christian. I have soon found out that he has been spending alot of time with the pastors daughter who is married. I see the trouble he is headed in but can't do anything about it. I think the only thing that has gotten me throught this last year is believing that god never gives us more than we can handle. That out of this you will be stronger. Sure you don't have alot of self esteem now but take it minute by minute. My verse that I say everyday is Psalm 27 1:14. Remember that no matter how you feel about yourself when this person addresses you that you are loved and that your husband doesn't deserve the right to make you feel any certain way. You may have married him and agreed to honor and obey but he "FIRED" you from that and now instead of feeling like you are rejected think of yourself as given the oppritunity of a life time to show how strong you can be as single woman and taking care of your family the best you can. . I found a new chruch which honestly I feel so much better in. Get involved in a daily routine with the kids of something they might like even if it is making dinner. Something you can do all together. Kids know when things aren't right. You being strong for them is what they need right now. You need a church. Don't sit around and allow that congregation to make you feel unworthy of support. If you look at it most likely they are worshiping him and we know what happens to people who worship false idols. T., Take this one day at a time... Today is a blessing no matter how much it has sucked today. God gave you breath today and those wonderful and beautiful children. If you need a true man in your life for now then god it is the most perfect of them all. He will be there to pick you up.

Call the places you have bills with , explain the situation and tell them that you can only afford to pay a certain amount. On the phone they most likely will tell you no that they wont take it because that person has a commission to make. You send in a check for 5 to 10 dollars if that is all you can afford and as soon as they cash it you have a paper trail showing where you are trying and that is all that is needed for the courts if they try to take you there.

T., yes religious people can be very very mean and judgemental. It isn't our responsibility to judge them all we can do is pray for them. When you give it up to god and pray for the ones who are against you and be happy with T. is when you will see a little light.

I will keep you in my prayers.

T. S.

I wish you well

I just wanted to plug a class we provide about this very subject with others who are suffering from the same grief and sorrow. It is at Northside in Madison. They are about 2 weeks into the class that meets on Wednesday night and there is things for the kids to do while in class. I know there are some Christians that can be cruel, but I have to say that our church is not like that as a whole. We would love for you to visit and encourage you to let us help you through this trying time. I know that sometimes it is hard to look at God and ask him why this has happened and be angry, but He is there and says that he doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. I know that I have had trying times and wanted to go away from God, but grasping to others and letting them help you seek God and get through it makes everyhting easier.
You are on my heart and I know God can get you through this time and help you to be a great mom in the process of healing.
If you are interested in the class or visiting us look me up.
I am A. Eaton and i am a member at Northside.
Our web site that will give you any info on the church is www.northsidenashville.com
May God give you strength.
P.S. I understand the person who is doing wrong and yet the church still acts that it is okay. I have dealt with this situation with my sister in law because my brother cheated on her and married the woman that he cheated with. He is a minister of music at a church and the congregation and staff acted as if it never took place and she was stuck with the house and the baby, who had multiple problems. I haven't personaly dealt with the grief that you feel, but i do understand the frustration with a chuch that is not meeting your needs and being hurtful. I encourage you to try coming for a visit. I won't be there Easter sunday but I will be there the following sunday and i sing in the praise team so come and find me, i would absolutely love to meet you and pray with you and introduce you to some great people.

T., Iv'e been in a very similiar situation. You are going to have to cry out to God for help, pray for your husband, and live for your children! God is the only one who can help all that you are facing. Time will eventually allow you to forgive...although you will never forget. In God there is always hope for the hopeless. He is the mender of broken hearts! You will always be disappointed when you look to man to do what God wants you to trust Him for! Ask God to bring the right people in your life to help you. I walked a mile in your shoes, and I am delivered today of all that hurt & pain! Pray! Really cry out to God & be encouraged! He will never leave you or forsake you. I will be praying for you.

Hi T., I to am going through the divorce process. It's very challenging especially when religion is involved. I will pray for you. I understand the constant change in emotion, see your physician she/he can most likely prescribe something to help stabilize your moods which will allow you to focus on the important things. Remember, your health and the children are what is most important at this point. Praise God that he is paying the mortgage. If you need to talk please email me, ____@____.com - I truly understand your pain during this time.

Oh my darling...you really need to find yourself. Life is what you make it. Hearts are made to be mended, and ONLY YOU can fix your broke heart. Stop looking at all the bad and concentrate on the good. You have to be a proud parent because who isn't right. Yes church people can be mean and hurt your heart..but...your relationship with God is yours not the people of the church. Being a single parent is a really tuff job, I know I do it myself. And there was a time when I thought the world was going to come crashing down around me, but I picked myself up and found myself again. I found things about me that were wrong, things that I blamed on others and fixed them. Heart break and pain can sometimes come from others but healing comes from within. The strenght is there you just have to look hard, dig deep to find it.

Wish you the best!!!!

Listen Tracy - Satan has penetratred your house. Jesus is hurting with you. Satan is out to destroy your family and many others too. That is what he does.Don't worry about the "church" he has them where he wants them,they obviously don't follow Jesus teachings and worship your husband instead of God. So here is what you do. 1st of all pray,yes you might be angry with God but don't leave him he wants to help you. You are going to grieve like someone has died(yourhusband) not you. You are still living and the kids need you now more than ever. Let them be a part of your comforting-you have got to let them comfort you and you them in this time of trouble--lean on Jesus he is taking you through this.He will! I promise.

I agree with Tamra. Please don't give up on God. Please find a good faith based bible church and a good prayer partner. I will pray for you and your children. Know that God and good will be on your side!
With much prayer and comeing your way.
Mandi

T. C, Oh Honey, I feel your HURT!!! I also have had devastation (like Job in the Bible) to slap me down. T. God is GOOD always GOOD;but T. sadly PEOPLE AREN'T always good. Honestly many times people are rotten to the core. I will not tell you my personal opinion of your ex or of the church that still supports him. That would be bashing and that is wrong. However I will PRAY for them and ask GOD to open their eyes and change their hearts...they are decieved or just not listening to GOD. Either way GOD is able and HE will change and re-arrange everything!!! I would love to talk further I have been through some JUNK myself! Feel free to mail me. ____@____.com
TRUST GOD T.!!!!He is the ONLY ONE who will never leave you nor forsake you!!!! I will pray for you...not a band-aide prayer either...a prayer that GOD Will change EVERYTHING, and Help you as you struggle with your anger and depression. Cast your burdens upon the LORD T....HE has Big Broad Shoulders. Let him carry you!!!! He is your husband now, count on HIM!!!
I have a friend that went through a devastating divorce..her children were older...one thing she would do that stayed on my mind...she sent her un-married daughter to the neighbors. Then she would begin to scream and yell and cry out with a LOUD voice to God. She would Yell "God this is (T.), Do You even remember that I'm alive?" then she would yell out her address, then she would proceed to remind the Lord she needed money..food...a roof over her head...the car won't start...a flat... EVERYTHING that was making her hurt! she even would yell about her ex.,about him not sending her alamony( that is available in the state of Tn.) My Point...CRY OUT to God and Be Honest and Real with HIM, He Loves You T.!!! If you are near Paris or Mckenzie...please come visit us at New Life Baptist in Henry..we aren't perfect... we are just people that Love the Lord and know that life can be easier with other Praying Friends to stand and walk beside us, on our journey. I am Praying, LaDonna/Henry,Tn

T.,
Please be sure to gather anything you need. What I mean is documentation, proof, numbers, etc. Keep a journal of his time spent with your child, when he makes comments about cheating or custody, anything like that (add date & time & place). If you have proof of his cheating, keep it. Put it in a safe place (safe deposit box, for example). Make sure you've got his SSN, and check all bank accounts that you can.

Check with a women's group in your town--like the women's shelter. They may have affordable resources.

Divorce sucks. It's time to be practical. If he ever tries to "make nice", do NOT get rid of any documentation. LOCK IT UP WHERE HE CANNOT GET TO IT.

There are some awful "religious" people. Just remember that there are many good people out there--some who believe in God, and some who don't. Find another church with a pastor you believe in, and a help group that you like.

Thinking of you...

Remember one thing you are a child of Almighty GOD, what your ex-husband has done, has no name, in the eyes of his followers may seem as if he has done no wrong, but remember dear; "GOD sits HIGH and looks LOW", all may seem that is in chaos in your life right now but certainly is a test of strength your job is to PRAY for your SELF, your precious children and forgiveness for your ex. GOD will give you the strenght, encouragement, and the joy that you may be lacking of right now, please do not dwell in the past, PRAY, have FAITH, Restore your FAITH, nurture your FAITH, exercise your FAITH and rest assure VICTORY is on the WAY!!! As far as your health is concerned if you allow the situation to continue this way your physical body well weaken...a weak mother trying to nurture her children is not positive.......if you are sad at all times your children will feed of the sadness as well..........
Pray, I will be praying for you..... Not all religious people are mean the genuine ones will be honest and take it from the word of GOD, they will cry with you share the joy of being a genuine Christian, yet we are all sinners and come short of GOD's infinite Mercy/Grace.I am sorry that this man hurt your feelings, I can only share what I have experienced.....

Dear T.:

I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time. Life has definitely not been kind to you. It will take time for the hurt to go away. I am not sure where you live, so services may be different. There may be a advocate located in the legal aide, court system, or at times in the law enforcement office. One of our local advocates is within the local sheriff office. They may be with a coalition or at the prosecutor's office. We advocate for women and children in assisting with shelter, legal assistance, clothing, and link with services. The first thing I would say is to remember that you don't deserve all the things that have happened nor did you cause them. Please see if there is an advocate somewhere locally. They should be able to assist you with free services. He is trying to isolate, frustrate, use fear and intimadation. It is all about power and control. You can break away and have a different life. Just remember this can be a critical time for you as far as safety. Remember you do have good judgement and can survive. You are a survivor already. It just takes a little help from other. If your church people don't help find a few good friends/supports that will help. There are people that want to help and can help. Our advocacy program can be reach at
###-###-#### at any time. Please call us no matter where you are. We will try to link you up with services. Remember God does love you. I have not been through what you are going through. I do want you to know that people will be praying for you and that we do care. God is still there and he care. I can say I have experience trauma at the hands of my ex-husband and it will get better. Use the intense initial anger to survive and heal and you will get past some of the worst. You need some anger to heal. Ask for as much help as you need. People will tend to belive him. That doesn't mean you don't have value. believe in your skills because you definitely have survival skills, talents and you have great value. Women are the survivors of our species. God loves you and so do I. Our prayers will be with you. B.

T. i feel for you but you have to remembe rwho you are...thats first. you have to go before the marriage to this man and before the loss of your first husband, that person who you are is still there and she needs to come out and help the woman you are today. i've been there, i know what it is to want to curl up into a ball and die. i know what it is when people say you have to do it for your kids..no you don't. you have to do it for yourself. i promise you once you get right, the kids will be ok and everything will fall into place. call the bill collectors and see if you can arrange payments, take his sorry behind to court and demand child support. religious people are the worst, they will be the first to throw a stone knowing full well they are the last people to even speak. go to legal aid to see if they are willing to help if not go to self service and file the documents yourself its about 80 dollars to do it. i did it. you have to pull yourself from deaths door and remember what you have to live for. this is rock bottom the good news is you can't fall any further, it can only go up from here. it may be slow but it does get better. this is the most personal i've ever been with someone on here but i see myself in reading your comment. screw him. he is a man, nothing more nothing less he is no god. life will get better without him. somehow you'll learn to do without and do for yourself. i tried talking to someone (shrink) it didn't work for me because at the end of an hour thats it, come back nect week. it may work for you see if they have a employee assistance program that will help you get with someone to talk to for free...if you need to talk i'm here, i'm no motivational speaker but i'm a survivor and you will be ____@____.com

Hi Tracy,

My heart aches for you. I was 44 when my husband of 25 + yrs decided he wanted a younger model. My heart was broken and my life was devastated. You will be ok. I promise. Find another church to go to. Get a social worker. Talk to friends and make every effort to keep yourself busy. Your little one needs you. Take care of yourself too. Try to get plenty of sleep and make yourself eat. Talk to your dr about antidepressants.

I am speaking from experience. If you need to talk to someone I would be happy to listen. I can't give legal advice or psychological advice but i would be happy to tell you what it took for me to learn to live on my own again.

Please feel free to email me anytime.

Hugs, F.

T. all religous people are not mean. You know as a christian there is always something there trying to tear us down, And that something is satan. he is something we have to battle everyday and nearly every second of our life. We are given choices through out life. God gave us that right and Christians might not always make that right choice. The best thing for you to do is get down on your knees and start praying. God is the best comfort we could have. Ask Him to take that pain away and to help you find GOOD christian friends to help you through this. Ask God to walk with you day to day , ask Him to help build your confindence and help you make it through the day. I don't know you,and you may think that I am crazy, but I love you and I am praying for you. God Bless You and may your life improve.

Wow! You have been through a lot! I have been through a divorce (though without kids) and it was hard enough. I can only imagine what you are going through. Do you have friends and famnily that can help give you support? Find another Church that suits YOU and YOUR beliefs. Many churches have support groups for divorced people to help them work through everything. Maybe the new church can help guide you to a good attorney who can help for free or little cost. I would even check with women's shelters to see if they have an attorney you could use. Do not give up. Focus on the kids. They need you more than ever! Good luck and God Bless!!

You must first realize that this man is not worthy of you... of your love and spirit.
2nd, Start to thank God, even though it does not seem like it now, but this could really be a blessing. Sometime God removes things and people that we try so hard to hold on too. Start to pray and ask God for help and believe that he will see you though this hard time.
3rd-- HAVE A PARTY!!! to celebrate a new beginning, a new you. Look forward to what you have to gain and learn. Look forward to growing, loving, and learning with your children.
I know it is hard now but it will get better. I have never been married but I gave 4 years of my life to a man. When he left me I thought I was going to just die but I am still living... today ! Living for me and Loving God and ME!!!
Hope this helps

Dear broken hearted - I so wish that I had some practical advice for you, but I have none. The only thing I can say is please don't blame God for the sins of people who claim to represent Him. Your ex husband will pay the price for what he has done, but remember the Bible says "vegence is Mine, I will repay". God will take care of him - and I believe that He will take care of you and the children as well. I don't know where you are, what kind of community you live in - but I know that in my own community there are several churches and ministries that are willing and able to help people who are in situations like yours. Or you may even consider contacting the head office of your ex's demonination - if they don't know what's going on they should, and they may have resources to help you. Do you have any other family to support you? Parents, siblings? The only real advice I have is to cry out to God and trust in Him to bring you through this. Pray, pray, pray! May God bless and keep you.

Tracy,
First of all, if you do not have a job, get one. I know with health concerns it may be hard, but you need one. You need to be with people and not stuck in your house all day crying over someone, who does not deserve your tears. You need to take care of yourself, which will add to your self confidence. Enlist help from your family and reach out to anyone who will be there. Don't concentrate on complaining about the ex. that only makes things worse. Start with baby steps and remember time does heal. Another thing is, find another church, one that has a singles group would be a hugh plus. And if all else fails, you may need to talk to your Dr. who can prescribe you something to help you over this time. Good luck.

T.,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. First, you need to seek help from an attorney, or the courts, have you tried legal aid? You need to normalize your financial situation and a good chunk of it can come from this man. Also, you need to do things and go out, a new church? I am not religious, but I do believe that church works when you are. Ask friends, family for help and support. Line up activities that you can do with and without your children. do you have any friends and family? Its good to talk about it, but also, write your feelings. And then don't talk about it continously because at a certain point you need to get away from it and some people may tire from hearing the same thing. Don't be self deprechating. How about a bike ride with your kids? a walk in the park or your neighborhood, just to get out and organized activities I won't suggest any, because I don't know your interests. Look outside your very small universe. Please don't lock yourself in with your feelings, because your children will suffer as well, and will start enjoying more being with him instead of you. Stop thinking of this man as your salvation, he is gone you've mourned start moving on. Plan a life and a future without him. Have you considered going back to school, maybe? Look around and really look for options, you need to be strong and make this choices, and some day soon this pain will be just a bad memory. However, if you lock yourself in, you run the risk of holding on to this feeling for this man, and becoming bitter and disingaged with your family. Some of what I say comes from personal experience. Take care of your health, feel better so that you can look better.

Cheers,

L. c

.

I am achurch going person and evidently your husband doesn't abide by the vows he reads to other people.I know it going to hurt for a while,You will never forget how bad it hurts but it will ease up,just pray and I will pray for you.The bible tells us that theLord will put no more on us that what we can bear.Why is he not paying child support?I would go to my local welfare office get me a paralegal they will help you get child support free of charge.In the mean time don't keep yourself a hermit.I know your heart is broken and if theres no hope of fixing your marriage your too good for him anyway,because the if he cheats on you he will cheat on the next women he gets with and thats not good for anyone mentally or health wise.From what you say your health is not good anyway,and he is just adding to the burden.Hope everything goes well love and prayers,you can email me at anytime
____@____.com
anytime you want to talk,I am a christian person with compassion.Keep your head up and take it day by day.
This is not going to go away overnight .

I just want to reach out and hug you. Please find a support group, like a really good moms group. These obstacles in your life require a network of friends and family for support. Having a support group will guide you and offer you a shoulder to cry on. I am so sorry for these tests in your life, and while I don't have an instant cure for all the pain and suffering that you are experiencing, please know that God has a plan for you-and right now it may be difficult to see which plan that is. He will lead you if you let him, and don't lose faith.

hi i dont know how to tell u that u will stop remembering and cry because me and my ex hubby havent been married for almost 4 years now and it still hurts at times we talk now because we have a 3 year old lil girl and we he left i was pg with her and he cheated and i found out and i have fibro too and he couldnt undersstand why i hurt so bad and didnt feel good at times when we talk now he still doesnt understand but i cant forget what he done to me and i cant understand when because i really loved him and a part of me will always i hope i dont upstet u but u will feel better about this but i cant tell u how long it will take or how to make u feel better because i dont know it just takes time its like everyone bleams u for what happen and his the good guy i dont get that but thats how alot of ppl lookk at it and thats now always the case ihope this helps in some ways maybe we can chat someother time bye bye

Hello T.,
I can't imagine what you must be going through. I have two boys who keep me very busy. I was reading your email and just wanted to give you a quick positive note. Today I was reading a book that I am doing through a women's bible study titled LIES WOMEN BELIEVE AND THE TRUTH THAT SETS THEM FREE. I stumbled across something that I enjoyed and thought I would share it with you. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. For I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
I hope that you will not give up because He knows (Christ) what you are burdened with and as long as you lean on him and trust that he will help you through this you and your children will be just fine. I will continue to pray for you and your family. By the way my name is G..

Men and religious people can fell you...God never will. Find a church where people are "seeking 1st the kingdom of Heaven." If you get that right...you will have everything else you need. Totally normal to mourn the loss of your marriage...especially when it was done so cruelly. But time to see what plans God has for you

"For I know the plan I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hop." Jeremiah 29:11

One of my favorite verses :) You and your children can have a great future. I found the church that teaches me to "seek God 1st" ...here is the website if you are interested http://cornerstonenashville.org/templates/_cornerstone/de... I talk more in detail in the "local business reviews section." Only God can heal you inside and out. You need to find people that are seeking God too. Contact me if you want to know more about my church or anything. God Bless!

T. that is the biggest mistake that you have made "Do not attend church right now. Can't see why to go." The church should be your place of refuge. It seems that you need to change churches. Any church that worship him and see no wrong in an adulterous person is not a church that I would like to be apart of because God is not please with that type of behavior. This is the time that you need to get closer than close with GOD because HE is the only one that will get you through these trying times.

T., I am so sorry. You just have to take things one day at a time. You will go through many phases. Anger, resentment, hate, and then hurt over again. Just learn to lean to God and pray, because it does not matter what the church thinks about him God really knows. Just keep telling yourself that. Church memebers are members and human beings and they can sin, make mistakes, and fall short of God's perfection and he can see through every one for who they really are. He knows you need him and what your husband has done. He will take care of you and your children and chastize your husband too. He is our father and he does not spare the rod and spoil the child, he believes we should do what is right. I sort of went through a divorce kind of like your's.My X and I were Sunday school teachers, the church caught him committing adulturey against me with another Sunday School teacher in our church and he decided he did not want to be married anymore after I had 2 miscarrages and one child and after we went through 5 years of fertility thearpy to have the one child we were able to conceive. I do not have an answer. I have been divorced since my son was 8 months old and he just turned 12. I went throught the fear of not knowing who I was without my husband of 10 years, then the fight of him trying to take my son, then it all turned to extreme hate and bitterness. I am just now able to function in life without letting him irritate me with his childish behavior. Men are not fathers like we are mothers. Our children become our life when we have them. Men only gain a new responsibility and some men choose to except it and take care of their children and other's do not. My X never paid child support unless it was taken by the courts from his check before he received it and he would still quit jobs to hold off the check deductions for awhile until the courts could do all of the paper work to take it from his check again at his new employment. It is so hard, beleive me, me and my son struggle financially every day and his dad and step mother advise my son that he should never be told no when he wants me to buy him something because I get money from them every month.His father draws more on vision disability than I do all year plus he gets a social security check on his step son from his disability and his wife works making more than I do a year.I had to set my son down and show him the figures on paper from where we went to court. My son understood then and I told him I would do my best to provide all of his needs and as many of his wants and I could. On the upper side, his dad filed disability and I do have a steady small check each month now, but we still do not have enough to pay the bills in full each month and I may have to get a second job. Like your husband, mine had a big influence with the church we went to and at first they were angry with him but then they were fine with everything and I had to stop going there because I would get question ased to me such as " He didn'hit you did he, he was a good husband other than that one thing, you know going out on you?" I guess they wanted to make theirself feel better for making the choice of supporting his behavior. I felt like I had lost everything. It effected my life forever. I have never been and will never be the same person. I do not trust others and I guess I will always be bitter. I have been divorced almost 11 years and I have never been on a date since, spoke to any man even on the phone. I don't think I could ever trust anyone else,I have no disire to allow my self to become that in love with anyone again. The things he did and who he became was not the person I dated for 3 years before we married. The person he went out on me with was a fellow church memeber and was suppose to be a mutual friend. Some friend hey? Don't let him do that to you? My X's brother begged me not to allow my X to cause me to live alone without anyone, but I just can't move past it. If I can help, please email me at home as much as you would like. ____@____.com

Do not turn from the Lord. Man will always fail, so don't put any faith in him. Try a new church, call lawyers and see if you can find one that will take your case pro-bono (free), open your bible and read. Things aren't always for us to understand right now, but there will come a day. My heart goes out to you, T., and I will pray for you. I know you don't fell like it, but ask the Lord to help you stand back up, and fight for the justice you and your children deserve. Kris

First off, I understand your pain in a lot of ways. Second of all, there are places downtown that will take your case for Free and they are really good!!!!!! And they can help.
I can tell you that this will get better, you just have to keep looking at those babies everyday and realize that they are your life now, and that you have to be strong for them. I have been divorced for almost 3 years now, and it was almost the same kind of situation. I still don't go to church.

I think you have a great deal to overcome, just remember when you are down and don't feel like life means as much that you have 3 wonderful children counting on you and if those so called religious people are mean to you then they are not true christians! Pick your head up girl and surround yourself by those that love you, unconditionally.
Good Luck

T. C
So tragic about your situation and your health issues. I have a home based business and am an independent distributor for a functional health supplement. Our company, Xango, has reached a billion in sales in it's first 5 years and now we are pacing with Google and EBay. We are over 1 Million distributors strong and are in over 20 countries. Also, the website on the product has great testimonials on lupus and fibromialgea: www.insidemangosteen.com/judy0114. Wish the best for you!! J. H www.mymangosteen.com/judy0114

I read your blurb and my heart went out to you. While I am not married, I do have a 9 month old son and understand the trials of "doing it on your own" and having to pay the bills alone. I also understand the issue of your church. Unfortunatley people, even church going, can be cruel. But, God loves you and even though you don't feel it now, things will get better and he will help you and provide. I live pay check to paycheck and get no money support from my son's father either. I find that when things are realy low, I just look in my son's face and remember how innocent and precious he is. Children have a way of making life seem "worth it". I have no money to give you, but only advice and prayers. As for "forgetting", it doesn't happen, at least not over night. The only thing that happens is the pain slowly fades into a place where, when you think about it, it doesn't destroy you all over again. Remember, you're a great mom and wonderful woman. Say that to yourself every day. Your ex was a pig who was undeserving of you and your love and kindness. You WILL be happy again, it just takes time. And God sees what your ex has done and karma DOES come back to bite those who deserve it. trust me, I have seen it happen. Please be strong and, even though I don't know you, I'll think about you everyday and say a little prayer for you! Keep your head up!! There ARE people out there who love you and think you're wonderful!

S. C.

As soon as you can, go to www.divorcecare.org and you can find support and christian friends to help. DivorceCare is world wide. Go and 'Find a Group' by putting in your zipcode. None of this is right and it hurts. It happened to me twice. You may need to find another church congregation to go to where you can get the support you need. I'll pray for you.

You need to seek God. Have you stopped reading your Bible and seeking Him for your guidance? You have to find a way to pick your self up - find a church where there is true love for God/Jesus and for people - people who will support you and offer you spiritual uplifting and help to remind you that God is love. Remember that not all preachers are called of God. Pray, pray and pray and ask God for His guidance, support and trust Him to help you. You must work to restore your faith in Him and in who he is and the power of His Word.
If you are in Raleigh and would like to attend my church email me at ____@____.com.

It saddens me greatly to hear about your situation. When does it stop hurting??? I don't know. My grief went on until I was able to get over my anger with God who allowed this to happen. And I do say allowed and not "caused". I suffered from the overwhelming bills, depression and foul treatment you describe. It was not until a priest help me get back to the understanding that my life here on earth is to serve God. Anything He allows me to get into, He has a plan for me to get out of. That I'll never understand His ways because they are not like ours. The priest also help me get legal counsel, food and friends. By the way, I'm not Catholic. This was a place God led me to after my heart softened towards Him and I asked Him to show me what He was demonstrating through this situation and told God that I would lead my life the way He'd call me to. I was tired and desparate. Fifteen years later, I'm married to the most kind, loving, sensitive man I've ever met in my life. The years before, I committe myself to my children and to God. The blessing of this man's love is so powerful and so healing, I can honestly tell you...I would go through it all over again if I could end up with him. First I had to learn to love God again. Forgive myself...I felt like such a fool. Like many other women, I was just guilty of picking the wrong frog out of the pond. Now, I experience God's love through a man. I hope this helps. Just get on your knees and invite God back into your heart and you life. There is no hurt He can't heal. Ask Him to order you steps and send the people you need to help you. Don't look to those you know. Keep your eyes open for the angels He's launched from On High. Before you seek medication for a physician, you may want to check if you are anemic or have a B-Complex deficiency. Many, many studies have linked these to depression. When I was going through my circumstance, a friend gave me liquid iron from the health food store with vitamins in it (nonconstipating) and cod liver oil (brain food) for mental clarity. This was a neighbor that I'd never spoken to before. An angel. I believe she saved my life. Since then I've given it to other friends (lots of moms) who are exhausted and feeling depressed. Check with your doctor to make sure it's ok for you to try this. The body is designed to heal itself. Sometimes it just needs a little help. If this doesn't work, medication maybe the route. Get quiet. Pray. Be still and know that He is God.

Hi T.:
I have never responded to a question on this website, but I found myself brokenhearted with you. Let me begin by saying how sorry I am that you are having to face this alone. It sounds to me like your children are incredibly blessed to have you a mother who cares about them as much as you obviously do. To juggle three of them is a tremendous privilege and responsibility, so hang in there with that. I can also understand your apprehension about going to church, given your situation. Here is my question for you: has church ever been a source of joy for you? My thinking is that the biggest help to you might be to be able to find a church where people are real and authentic, and would be able to stand in the gap for you with support (and yes, even financial support) while you get back on your feet. I do agree with you that sometimes religious people can be mean. My hope for you is that people who have a relationship with God that shows in their character would come beside you. Here is another hint: the people that you see on TV are just like you and I; sometimes I think it is a shame that they don't show that part of themselves, might help folks watching to realize that none of us have it all together. If you would like to talk again, my email is ____@____.com I won't profess to have a ton of wisdom or all of the answers for you, but I can be a safe place for you to fall if you need. Here is a little about me: I have been married for 13 years and have three children. Have struggled through tremendous adversity throughout my life. I am just an ordinary girl with an extaordinary God. Hope to talk with you again; I will be praying for your strength and endurance. Also for some money to appear for you. K. k

Dear T.,

I haven't read the other responses, and I don't think there's any useful advice that I can give you so I will leave it to those more knowledgeable than I.

I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and keeping you and your children in my prayers. My parents were divorced when I was very young and I well remember the hardships my mother went through to keep us clothed and fed.

With Love,
Jess

hi , my name is B. and wanted to say i understand what your going thought expct he wasnt a preacher and he was very abuseive to me and the kids and it breacks my heart to hear my kids say why doasent daddy call or have to put up with my sons anger hes so mad at his dad im seprated from their dad and doing all i can he even told us he was moving in with his mom when we lost the place we had and i said what about the kids and me he said you and the kids can go live on the streets for all i care and he wouldnt let me work i mean the bills were getting paid but he quit because he couldnt buy games if you want to talk more just e-mail me at ____@____.com god bless B. from gastonia

I have never been where you are but I want to encourage you to keep praying and not give up on God. I promise He will bring you out. I know right now it seems like everything is against you and truthfully no matter what any body says they can't take away the pain that you are going to have to go through. Remember this vengance is mine saith the Lord. He may seem like he is on top right now but when God finish bringing what he did to the light trust me he will have to pay the price. Many have and he is no exception. Keep praying even when you don't feel like it. Surround yourself only with positive people. Not people who say girl if I was you. Because they are not you. Play music that lifts you up even if you don't want to hear it. You need to stay as close to God right now as you can get and I promise you He will bring you out. I hope this helps.

There is a HUGE difference between "religious" people and true lovers of Christ. True lovers of Christ love others and help. As long as you blame yourself and continue to grieve, you are doing exactly what satan wants. We have to stay strong no matter what comes our way. You are so lucky that that "snake in the grass" left. He will be dealt with someday. Your diseases are ones that will make you depressed. If you could manage to pray and read your Bible it would help. Sing songs of worship, even the simple ones like "Jesus loves me." Get out and walk - this pumps up the endorphens. Praise God for what you have and "keep on truckin.' God will see you through. What anyone else believes is not important - only God. Read Psalms 31. God won't leave you alone. You are in my prayers today. I believe you have to order evilness out of your house in the name of Jesus. Pray to God silently - satan can't hear. Stay stong in Christ. Love to you and your family.

I hate to be so blunt,but Baby you have got to learn to suck it up.You do not want to lose what little bit you have left.God does loveyou and he wants to guide you.Just ask him. The religous people that are mean to you must have a wire crossed in their faith.Just be as nice as you can be, and forget how terrible they are to you.You are going to have to show your children how strong you can be. I will pray for you.

After my husband left it was as if he had died. The only difference was he was very much alive, I saw him him everyday and he married her. As hard as it sounds you HAVE TO GO ON! You need the Lord in your life!! Do not let anyone or anything stand in the way of your relationship with GOD! He saw me through after a failed 22 year marriage. Believe me when I say, "HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH!" It is almost you need to go into a church with blinders on. You are so right, Christians can be unawaringly harsh. They don't seem to know just how fragile the situation is or seem to care. Just keep moving forward and remember you are not going to church to please people you are there for GOD! Good Luck to you.