Hello mamas...I have an 11 month old little girl. Last Saturday night, she fell asleep as usual after her bottle but woke up at 11 p.m. (we usually put her to bed between 8-8:30.) I picked her up and rocked her back to sleep. As soon as I placed her in her crib, her eyes popped open and she began to cry. So I picked her back up and rocked her back to sleep. Then again as soon as I placed her in her crib, she opened her eyes. We continued this until 2 a.m. I was so tired, I decided to sleep with her on the floor mats in her room. Please note that I co-slept with my daughter the first two months of her life but at two months, she started to sleep in her own crib, and then started sleeping through the night at 5 months. On Sunday and Monday night, my husband gave her the bottle and she had no problems falling asleep and staying asleep until the next morning. Last night I gave her the bottle and she did the same thing: opened her eyes as soon as I placed her in her crib. We did this several times until I asked my husband to put her down. He was able to put her down within 15 minutes and she stayed asleep until this morning. My husband called me earlier today and said that she didn't want grandma but wanted him instead. My in-laws come over to our place once a week to help take care of her while my husband works (he works out of our home.) He said that she was bawling and reaching out for him. So he took her from grandma and was able to get her down for her nap. Has anyone experienced anything like this or similar to this? Is it separation anxiety? Any advice on what to do? I know that separation anxiety is part of her development. But is there anything we can do to help her or make this development easier on everyone? Thanks so much...
Thanks mamas for your responses. Turns out my little girl had a cold. So she was clingy because she wasn't feeling well. She is getting better now. Thanks again!
Hi C.,
In addition to everything you've gotten below, all three of my kids went through a separation anxiety phase (and all were pretty typical to what you wrote)somewhere between 9-13 months. It only lasted a month or two for each of them.
Smiles!
Having done the same thing with my daughter, I can tell you why it's happening - it works on you! Dad is able to get her down with no problem, but not you. Unless you want to continue doing this for the next 9 years, you need to bite the bullet and put her down the way Dad does - my guess is that he doesn't rock her to sleep. I know that rocking her to sleep feels like a warm, cozy thing, but you are not allowing her to learn how to settle down to sleep on her own. (In the early years, I would rock her to sleep for 1 - 1 1/2 hours in a quiet dark room, but if I got up too early to put her in bed, she'd wake up and it started all over again. I was soooo frustrated and tired. We progressed to me rubbing her back to put her to sleep - I rubbed my daughter's back until she was 9!!!) It will be very hard at first, and she will be MAD...but take a tip from the Supernannies on how to do it -
http://www.supernanny.com/Advice/-/Your-baby/-/Baby-care/...
Good luck!
Definitely put her down BEFORE she's asleep (or at least work toward that goal.) I did that with my two, and never had much of a problem with testing. It really does not sound like separation anxiety, but it is possible. Be sure that you spend some good snuggle time with her before bed too.
One thing more...is she teething? Check to make sure her gums aren't swolen.
Good Luck,
K.
You may try wrapping her in a little receiving blanket or something that you can put down at the same time. Ideally, of course, you should be putting her down before she falls asleep so that it isn't a big shock to her when you can no longer rock her and lie her down (those crib rails get awfully short for dangling arms and legs!). My kids were both the same way. I don't have a single "trick" that worked, but as I decreased the rocking time to just the drowsy stage, my son always wanted me to hold his hand, and my daughter lay her cheek on my hand until they were asleep (which only took 5-10 minutes), which I didn't mind doing. Good luck with your problem. :) Enjoy your daughter!
Hi C.-
I think your daughter is very normal. It is normal for kids to get attached to a parent and be devastated without them near. However, sometimes they also need to just cry for a little bit, which is heartbreaking. THe next time your husband has his parents watch her during work, let him leave. The grandparents and he will tell her that he IS coming back and help her look forward to it. Until then, keep her busy with games and toys and books. At nap time, get one of your husbands shirts that smells like him and let her sleep with it. It will be a kind of security blanket for her- it smells like daddy, feels like daddy, and soothes her, reminding her daddy is coming home. At night, try the shirt thing, too. If she wakes up, try patting her back instead of picking her up. Do you have one of those homemedic sound machines? Those help a little, too. I know that sometimes a child can only be consoled by one parent, but part of their growing is learning that both are equally loving and both are there to calm her. If you can stand it, let her cry for a little bit and see if she goes back to sleep. Try a pacifier and the shirt thing. I hope it works and you get some sleep.
Good luck.
-E.
It may be separation anxiety, but I would rule out a physical cause first. My kids would behave this same way when they were in pain sometimes from either an ear infection or teething. I would try giving her some tylenol and seeing if that makes a difference. Daytime would be too exciting for them to complain about low level pain, but sleep is harder. Sometimes their ears hurt without any other symptoms , and being put down flat makes the pain worse -being held helps. Have doctor check. My eldest used to have trouble with gas pains sometimes, too. He would wake crying, calm down when I rocked him with a warm heating pad, then cry again. I finally gave him the gas drops and that cured that. IF you end up ruling out anything physical, you could try introducing a new soft doll or animal for her to snuggle at night and tell her that the toy will help her sleep. This is a good age for kids to get attached to sleeping at night with something to offer them comfort when they are missing mom. She will get through it!
My daughter has done the same thing - several times. I really think she is testing me, to see what I will do. Picking her up again just encourages her to do it more. The last time this happened. I got my husband to put her down three nights in a row and on the fourth night she went down for me again just fine. But that was only about a month ago (she's 18 months old).
My best advice is to be consistent with what you're doing, without creating new habits you don't want, and reassure her you are there for her. She will pick up on your confidence or on your anxiety and mirror that - both are learned, so model what you want her to do.
Also consider transitioning to putting her down before she's asleep. I did that by progressively putting my daughter down when her eyes closed but would open as soon as I moved; then as her eyes got heavy, before they closed completely and now I hold her until she calms down and is relaxed. (I do wrap her in a blanket to stop her from reaching for things – and now she expects to be “tucked in” when I put her down.) She doesn't always go right to sleep but she plays quietly and happily in her crib after I leave and falls asleep on her own. I also talk to her quietly and tell her what I'm doing. Every night I tell her "I'm going to put you in your bed now, I want you to go to sleep; sleep all night long; have only good dreams; and get lots of rest. And when you wake up in the morning happy, I'll be here and we will have another good day together." I say it all very hushed and then when I go to move her, she isn't surprised by what I'm doing. It has actually made a huge difference in how she goes down; to sleep on her own; sleeps through the night and more often than not, she does wake up happy.
Best wishes.
Sounds like you have a little girl who loves her Mama. She is staying awake to spend time with you.
If your husband is willing, have him put her down for a while. Or you can try putting her down and walking out of the room and then sending Daddy in to comfort her. She will get the message that it is sleep time not Mommy time.
C.,
The more you try to soothe her, the worse it will get. I did a test one time, my daughter would cry when I would leave her, and I thought she cried for a long time. I stood outside the door in the hall way listening, and she stopped around twenty seconds. Out of sight, out of mind I guess.
WendiM
By eleven months, babies have gotten used to certain routines and caregivers. They are also more aware of their surroundings and preferences. Since your husband works at home and I guess that you work outside the home, it makes sense that your daughter is very attached to him as the primary and constant caregiver. I guessing that she prefers him to grandma since she is used to dad's method and handling and that gives her more comfort and security. As to her waking up with you, try holding her longer to make sure she is sleeping deeply before putting her down. Are you using the same method of putting her down as your husband uses? Consistency is helpful. Perhaps she is checking to see if you are still there or wants to spend more time with you. Hope this helps.
L
