Separation Anxiety - Keller,TX

My daughter did some very similar things at that age. You may be dealing with more general anxiety instead of just separation anxiety.

When my daughter was 5, she did a series of biofeedback to help with the anxiety...with great success. The therapist explained it to me as if her adrenaline pump got stuck turned on. The automatic shut-off was broken, so she had to learn breathing and muscle relaxation techniques to use as a manual shut-off. The signs he said to watch for were excessive over-reactions to things. If your body is already flooded with adrenaline, you are primed to flee or fight, so you react much more intensely than someone whose body was in a relaxed state would. This might be more appropriate if she's still struggling a year or two from now. I think Rusty (the therapist we used) starts kids about 4 1/2 or 5 years old. www.onlinebiofeedback.com

I'd also suggest a chiropractor take a look to see if he/she could help at all. We use Melissa Shelton (www.drmelissashelton.com) at Preston and Hedgecoxe. She is extremely gentle. I started taking my youngest when he was 18 months, and would have taken him sooner if I had known about what chiropractors can do.

Cranio-Sacral massage therapy is another thing to look into for calming an anxious child (or adult for that matter). We use www.kenpiercy.com My daughter got great benefit from this therapy which I discovered when she was 5. I took my youngest when he was just a week old...just in case! The beauty of this one is that you'll know after the first massage if it's going to make a big difference or not.

My daughter wouldn't let Daddy do things for her or be around him much unless she were rested, fed and happy until she was about 6. He is the energizer bunny, always loves to play wild with the kids, has a loud voice and very intense emotions. My daughter also has very intense emotions, and I think she was afraid that he was too volatile emotionally to help her if she felt overwhelmed by her own intense emotions. It was almost like her emotions were too big for her little body. I'm very calm and was her emotional anchor for about 4 years. She warmed up to Daddy faster when she was young if he could remember to keep his voice really soft, move slowly and let her come to him instead of grabbing her or interrupting her play. They always did better together outside, so I tried to facilitate opportunities for them to play outside together.

Hang in there. You're doing a great job. Taking this seriously now, and looking for some supportive therapies makes sense. A small course correction at age 3 can put her in a very different place by age 6 or 10. The sooner you get the anxiety under control, the less it dominates your life and the less likely it is to be an obstacle for her.

S.
SAHM of 3

You know, it kind of sounds to me like your daughter may be having nightmares or night terrors that you may not be aware of. Some of the things you mentioned sound like signs of that. You might consider reading about nightmares and night terrors. I don't know if you can hear your daughter at night. As old as she is, you may have ditched the baby monitor long ago, but I would suggest getting it back out if you have it still or borrowing one from someone/buying one and turn it on so that you can hear her sleeping at night for a couple of weeks. It may not be regular separation anxiety if she is afraid of her father sometimes too. I don't want it to sound like he has done something to cause her to be afraid, I am sure that is not the case. But I wonder if maybe hse is having dreams about something happening to her or dreams that you go away and never come back. Maybe she dreams that something happens to her if you are gone. It just sounds a little fishier than separation anxiety. I think that she is perfectly fine, but that she may just be having dreams or something similar. I think that I would try to find a child psychologist that could do a few sessions of play therapy with her to see if they can draw anything out of her about any dreams that she may be having or maybe some TV show, movie thing, story she heard that is making her so afraid of everyone but you. You will not be able to just ask her and get it out of her yourself at her young age. But, I child psycholigist may be able to play it out of her. They may be able to get something from her that would explain it. I am not saying she has a problem and needs therapy. She is probably perfect, but I think it would help to try to identify the cause and then you can probably handle it on your own at home once you know what is causing her irrational fear. I think that I would scrape up the money somehow to take her to do that. It would probably only take a few sessions for them to tell you what they think. If it is separation anxiety or if something has sparked these fears in her. Just think about it. One thing that may make you feel better about it is that she wants YOU! So, obviously you are a great mom and she thinks the world of you! So, when you are stressed out about her being so afraid to be without you, just remind yourself that it is the best compliment that you will ever recieve that your daughter thinks so highly of you that you are the only one she wants!

My oldest daughter is now 11 and she was exactly the same. Very attached to mommy and she too cycled through phases of clinginess, even in situations such as preschool that she had previously been fine with. I used to think it was something I did, but I now have two more children, neither of which are that way, so I really think it is a temperament thing. I agree with the previous post that sometimes children with this temperament get scared about specific things. My daughter worried about storms and drainage holes. Once we helped her with those fears she got better. That said, she has always been very attached to me, and did not even like to sleep over at friends' houses until she was about 9 or 10. And kindergarten was horrible; she cried every morning for two months! As she has gotten older though, she has grown out of it and is just like any other kid now. She just had to do it at her own pace. So...don't worry! Just be there for your daughter, still expose her to situations (you can't never leave her but you can reassure her that you'll be back, etc.) I know most of the time my daughter did this, she would be fine within 30 minutes of me leaving. It was the act of separating itself that was so hard for her. And encourage your husband to keep trying. My daughter would never let me husband do stuff but he kept trying and they are very close now. Good luck!

Hi
I have a son now 5.5 who is temperamentally very similar. He was extremely attached to me and to a somewhat lesser degree to my husband. He cycled through periods of intense separation and fears of all kinds of things to being better to going back down to crying and not wanting to seperate at soccer etc. I was stressed and at times it has been really tough to deal with him in public BUT as he got older and hit 5 and we kept working with him he has definitely become happier and more confident and changed for the better. So yes at 3 I think its a phase combined with temperament. He has had a great year in K and goes to playdates with other families and rides in other peoples cars with no fuss. He is even asking for sleepovers. I almost keeled over that one! The thing is that your daughter is probably having some anxieties that are very real to her and it would help if you can figure out what those are. When my son is going through a rough time for a week we will allow him to "camp out" in our room on a saturday night. We make it like a big camping expedition game and he knows it only for that one night not the entire week. He has fun, feels physically close to us at night for that one night and it calms him down and we see a lot of issues disappear. He has also played with a play therapist for a few sessions (4) to help him over his fear of heights, large holes in the ground (go figure but this was a horrible fear for him) and stairs with holes in them! As ridiculous as these sound...these were very real to him at 4 and when we addressed them they decreased and he became a much happier easier to seperate child. Just some thoughts...hang in there. It does get better and easier as they get older! Good luck!

I have a soon to be 8 year old son and a soon to be 3 year old daughter. My son went through the same thing that you describe and my daughter does as well. It would come and go in phases with my son, but the teahers would have to peel him off of me when I dropped him off at daycare some days. Then other days, he didn't mind my leaving. When he was 4 and played soccer, he wouldn't play if I was there. He would want to sit in the stands with me. If I didn't go, he was fine. He didn't really want my husband to do things for him either. All of that wore off when he was about 4.5 - 5. He was great after that. He spends the night with friends and is very independent and secure. My daughter doesn't like me to leave her now, but she does better than my son did. When we are at home, she wants to be with me constantly. I am trying to be patient because this too shall pass. It seems that this is a normal part of development. I don't know that it would necessarily have anything to do with night terrors as mentioned by a previous post. If you are like me, you do more for your kids and spend more time with your kids than your husband. I think that plays a part in it too. My kids love my husband, but we just have different relationships with the kids. I think this attachment isn't necessarily a bad thing and might actually help the kids grow up to be secure, confident children. Hang in there, Mom!