Separation Anxiety in 6 Year Old Son

Hi, Tammi:

Why is so son sleeping in your bed?

Have you sat down and talked with your son about his anxiety?

You and your husband sit down with him and ask him these questions:
1. What do you think will happen when your Daddy leaves you?
2. What does (his answer to question 1) have on you and others, (Daddy, Mommy, and friends names)?
3. What has been the hardest thing for you?
4. What do you think needs to happen to make things better for you?
See if these questions help answer your concerns. Good luck. D.

ASK you son what's bothering him. He's old enough to understand "We've noticed that you seem to be uncomfortable when Daddy leaves. Have you had a bad dream about something? What do you think is making you feel this way?"

Is your husband spending enough time with your son? May be he needs a little extra attention from Daddy. My son gets like that when he misses me. May be he could take him with him when he goes to the store or may be they could go and do something together like a movie. I am sure this is stressful and does not help if you want to be intimate with the husband. Let him know the bed is for mommy and daddy and that he needs to sleep in his big boy bed. May be he needs a night light. I know sometimes it is hard when they goes through these phases. Good luck.

The first thing I would do would be ask him about it. What does he say when you ask why he finds it so hard to see his father go? Was it a bad dream? Or was there a business trip in which he felt like he wouldn't return? Or does he simply feel he isn't getting enough attention from him? Has he had some problem in school/activities where he feels he father would protect him? Does he feel he is getting farther away from him as he grows up? He could also not know why he is reacting so strongly, but he should be able to tell you what he is afraid of.
I have a 6 year old daughter who has invented "bars" (like computer games have) to explain her needs. She has a "food bar" that empties when she gets hungry, and a "daddy attention bar" as well as a regular "attention bar". She expresses her social needs this way, as well as her emotional and mental needs. This may not work for your son, but work together to invent a way for him to communicate what he thinks he needs, and it will help you understand him!

Does he get enough time with his Daddy? Make sure he's getting an appropriate amount of attention from his daddy. Also, make sure that you and Dad both reassure him that you love him and can't wait to see him again after school. Then make it a habit to give him a BIG hug and say, "I missed you!" after he gets home. He needs reassurance and he needs a good steady pattern to his day. Just like with a small baby, if they know what to expect and have a good schedule, then they are more relaxed and comfortable when separated from you.