Should I Be Feeling Differently? How Did You Feel?

Since my then fiance and I had lived together... I didn't feel excited until like 3 days before the wedding. Other than freely spending his money now - I don't feel like things have changed much - if any.

The WEDDING is not the important thing - the MARRIAGE is what's important. Too many people spend too much time, effort, money & hurt on a period of 5-8 hours on one day - and neglect to really consider the life afterwards.

How do you feel about your husband-to-be and your life together? THAT's what's important.

Well, I guess a wedding is like a train in motion! By now it's all basically "done" except for the event, right?

When my fiance & I went away for our wedding, I really didn't feel "Nervous? Elated? Scared? Anxious?" until I was ready to go down the aisle! Then I felt all of the above. LOL

You're busy, you're taking care of kids, him, a house, etc.....it's not like you're living with your parents and getting "that much" of a change, so I think it's understandable that it's "life as usual" right now.

You'll be fine. As long as you know in your heart that this is what you want, you won't feel too anxious so relax and enjoy your big day. YOU get to be the star! LOL

Breathe and smile.....

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I wasn't the least bit nervous until the doors opened for me to walk down the aisle.

I don't know that there really are any "shoulds" here. Everyone has their own unique set of circumstances, and background, that shapes the way they feel when they are soon to be married.

It might be a blessing that you're so busy- you don't have time to be nervous :)
Best wishes, R. !!! =o)

My husband and I had been together for 5 years and had a 2 year old when we got married. It felt like work. I LOVED my wedding, but leading up to it...it was another giant "to-do". I was a little anxious that last week - pulling all the pieces together - I remember freaking on my mom the weekend beforehand, b/c she took my nephew to the beach for the weekend and didn't bother to see if I needed help or if babysitting my kid would be helpful! haha... We had a farm for a long weekend, so once I was away from home and people came together to start with the decorating and prep - I suddenly felt like it was much more "real" - Then my stress showed. I was excited my wedding morning and felt like a bride, but I was stressed about orchestrating it all and honestly, couldn't relax until dinner was done and all that was left was partying. It took me the week after that to relax. It's sort of sad when you can't enjoy your moment, b/c your stressed and busy. It probably took another month for it to all really sink in. I did feel closer to my husband. I did feel more bonded to him. It did become special - just not on my wedding day.
I will urge you to try to take deep breaths every day through out the day and think about nothing, but growing old with your partner. Take time to hug each other and hold each other and get connected. If nothing else, force a walk in for yourself every day and just smile. Find some peace, b/c you will love your wedding day and stress doesn't deserve any part of it. Congratulations :)

Just think - so many brides are so crazed by the moment and their high expectations that they miss out on the fun and don't really enjoy themselves.

So on your big day, take a deep breath and soak it in and have fun.

Have a great day. I wish it was my wedding day all over again.

I would say that Any and or all of those emotions will probably pass through you, at some point before the "I do's"... some may be quite fleeting. For me (and we did not have any kids, had been a "couple" for just under 2 years and were "shacked up" for about 5 months before the marriage decision was reached) none of those emotions/feelings ever came over me for more than a few seconds. I was too stressed with the actual planning and dealing with family, etc. I was totally RELIEVED as we drove away from the wedding. Glad it was all over. Probably the most nervous I was was getting my hair done that morning, b/c I wasn't sure I had allowed myself enough time... and I basically skipped lunch. :( (We got married at 2 pm).

I wouldn't worry about not feeling worried! LOL
Even without the "goings on" of having kids and all that goes with that, not every bride becomes an emotional wreck nor turns into Bridezilla! Count yourself amongst those who are pretty confident in themselves and their relationship!

My husband and I were together 6 years, lived together for 2 before we got married. I honestly didnt feel any anxiety about the wedding until the wedding day, when it was pouring on my beach wedding. I cried most of the day. The only regret I have is that I stressed too much. I wish I would have just relaxed and enjoyed one of the best days of my life. So, my advice, dont waste your time being stressed. Your marrying the love of your life. Try to enjoy this time as much as you can. And its ok to be busy and not completely wrapped up in the upcoming wedding. It will be a great day!

Honestly? I went to a meeting at my office the day before my wedding and my boss looked at me like I was nuts! The planning was done, everything was finished and at that point my attitude was "if it's not done by now, it's not going to get done".

My parents and husband were at our house setting up the rehearsal dinner and I went home at 10:30 to go with my bridal party and our mothers for brunch at my neighbor's house (she owns a nail salon and had her basement all set up for a mani/pedi cockatil brunch).

Lots of little things went wrong... my dad ended up wearing tails... the limo went to the wrong house... the pastor thought that 10 minutes before walking down the aisle was a great time to ask my husband (an engineer) if he could come by the next week and look at the electrical plans for the new church hall... the flowers were wrong at the reception... my dad's family showed up at the reception early and started a "tab" at the bar, which my dad paid at the end of the night ON TOP of the reception's open bar...

Nervous? A little, but mostly excited to have everyone that I love in one room! That pretty much only happens twice in your life... so enjoy it!

R. - every W. reacts to changes differently....you have had a TON on your plate over the last few weeks...what with parents acting like 3 year olds and everything else????

You've been living with Rob for a few years...you have a child together....so really - for you - this is all just making it legal...while it's a special day - your mind might be thinking - it's just another day to help you stay focused and not let you freak out!!!

Deep breath. REALLY deep - let it out slowly....good. now again.....good...when you feel anxious - deep breath!!

When I got married to Ian - right before I walked down the isle - I stopped and looked at my parents and said "this is wrong...I can't do this." My parents told me to take a deep breath....we walked....7 years later we were divorced...when I married Bob - oh my - we had lived together for almost 2 years before we married - I was just excited to make it legal and have a party!! :) 14 years later? Still want to party with him!!

:) It's funny to me that I can comment on this now. LOL

I think what you feel is completely normal for your circumstance. Every situation is different, so the feelings may be different in each situation.

With having lived together as a family for 4 years, I can definitely see how the wedding may seem like an event your planning (and being annoyed by), rather than a 'life changing event' as it might be for someone who does not already have children, doesn't already live together, etc. Much more changes for some people than it will for you.

But like I told you, I was actually shocked at how different I *feel* after having been married. Like you, I already have a son, and we lived together for over a year before getting married. So I, too, thought nothing was going to change. And for all intents and purposes, not much does change. But I FEEL different. There IS a different, greater sense of security, belonging, committedness that I feel that I didn't even realize was possible. I was the FIRST person to say that NOTHING was going to change after the wedding. But if I'm honest, I have to say that I was wrong. I do feel different. But not until the wedding was over. It was the MARRIAGE that made me feel differently about things.

So yeah, the wedding will happen, you'll become a raving lunatic in the *11* days up to the big event, but I think you'll find that it's after the festivities are over, that the FEELINGS actually start to settle in. Right now, you're simply in overdrive, getting everything taken care of, so there's really no time for acknowledgement of feelings. But when the dust settles a little, I think that's when you'll FEEL the difference.

Yeah!!!!! *11* DAYS!!!!

Get through the wedding...and get excited about a honeymoon with just the two of you????? :)

Hi R. D.
First of all...Mazal Tov as we say in the Jewish Faith. That is wonderful news. As to your feelings, it sounds like you are a normal bride. Everyone experiences a bit of what you are experiencing and more ....

Some thoughts:
1. Can someone help you out with some of the errands, or accompany you to help decrease stress?

2. Do you have pampering scheduled in: massage, pedicure etc....

3. Please be easy on yourself these next days. I remember also being stressed with all I had to do and I regret not enjoying the process a bit more. Try to enjoy the moments....and don't sweat the small stuff.

4. Do you have a small party with girlfriends planned for before? This was really comforting for me....

5. we also got married after living together for 4 years.... but the ceremony was very special. It elevated our relationship.

Hope this helps.
Jilly

I think that's normal. I didn't' have kids to distract me, but it makes sense that if you have children, they would add another level of distraction. I'm not sure I'm the best person to comment because my wedding happened to coincide with my period (I got married and the next morning Aunt Flo had arrived),and so the week before was my PMS week...hehe! Figures! So, I was excited, but I was also pretty grumpy... I have no idea what it would have been like otherwise, but it seems like the stress of it all would make for some stress reactions even without dealing with PMS. As long as you know inside that it's the right thing, you're fine. If you feel like you're making a mistake, then be sure to pay attention to that. For me, I knew it was right and couldn't wait. But I was also a bit moody. Good luck!

It's hard to believe-but I was actully happy-that's been a while.

we lived together and his son lived with us before the wedding so I too didn't have all of the pre-wedding emotions - I was too darn busy! it hit me the day before when we had to pack everything up and get to the place where the ceremony was going to be and I was super anxious during the rehearsal!