Should I Talk with the Teacher About This (Preschool)

I am assuming it will be over in a week or so. I probably would not bother doing anything. Next year new friends.whether it be preschool or Kindergarten.

I would talk to the teacher and let her know what going on!...My son went through this when he was younger..now 12 and he still has a hard time in the friend dept.....it is hard and I get upset knowing he feels left out sometimes

Nope. Tell your son that he will make new friends and to avoid the kids who are mean.

Ask him who he thinks is the nicest kid in class....and encourage him to play with that kid.

You don't need to step in here. Teach him to be resilient and to engage with other children.

I don't think it would hurt to tell the teacher how your son is feeling. And John needs a consequence for hitting someone with a shovel.

I don't think at 4, their social circles are set, so tell your son to play with someone else, and remind him that in kindergarten, he will find new friends.

For sure talk to the teacher, that's what they're there for!
I spoke to my kids' preschool teachers almost every day, they always let me know how the day went and if there were any concerns/issues I needed to be aware of.
Just let her know what your son said and she can help him navigate the situation. This is what preschool is all about.

I would talk to the teacher, but not about the John/Mike dynamic specifically. I would just let her know that your son is having a hard time adjusting to the move of his best friend, and can she make a little extra effort to help him integrate into a new group?

In my son's preschool, they break up into groups quite often for activities, and she may be able to set up the groups so that she puts him with others were she thinks there is a good personality fit. That will give him the opportunity to make new friends.

At this age it is common to feel like one has no friends. It's a passing feeling and one that can happen often as children learn how to socialize. As Suz T. said its most helpful to listen, be empathic without taking on his pain, and teach him how to be a friend and get started playing with different kids.

It's always a good idea to talk with the teacher when you have concerns. She's with the kids all day and can add insight. She can tell you what is happening from her observation. She may tell you that your son plays with other kids and this feeling of having no friends is temporary or she may tell you that she is encouraging him in ways to make new friends.

I would want to know what happened with the shovel incident. Does she know about it? If so, what consequences did the other boy have? Was your son also having difficulty getting along? If so, how did/does she handle this and how can you help?

School is nearly out for the summer. I wouldn't worry too much about the next 2-3 weeks. I would arrange ways/times in which your son has opportunities to play with other kids over the summer. Be active in helping him and them learn getting along skills. Observe and make suggestions to the kids while they are playing if their play becomes contentious. Mirror back feelings and help them move on to another way of playing.

Realize that your son and the other children are likely feeling some anxiety over the end of school. Your son saying he doesn't like school is not just about this situation with losing his best friend but also about the transition to summer.

I would talk to her about the shovel instance. John should not be using force to dictate who can play with whom. But you cannot force the other kids to play with your son, it will backfire and make the kids resentful. You can talk with your son about ways to make new friends.

I agree with others saying that these little conflicts are normal and the kids themselves will figure this out--and forget much of it, too. However, do talk to the teacher about John's whacking your son with the shovel. And I'd keep an eye on the fact your son said he had a stomachache while discussing this -- that could be a sign that John or another kid is consistently being mean to him and this is more than an "I won't play with you" situation. No other signs yet so don't overthink it or overtalk it with him, but keep tabs on it and let the teacher know John behaved inappropriately. Do not, however, expect her to give John a consequence now, so long after the fact -- that will not be effective for teaching John anything because with kids this age, the consequence must come immediately. She might appreciate knowing, though, that the whack was enough to cause your son to bleed -- I would have told her the very next day, because making another kid bleed is pretty serious--she may want to know now, anyway, because it adds to her knowledge of John, and she may know (while you don't) that he has tendencies to do this to other kids besides your son.

And importantly--unless your son is in preschool all through the summer months, isn't he going to be done with this preschool "year" very, very soon? Summer tends to be a terrific way to quell fears, break cycles and break up cliques, calm kids down about school conflicts, etc. Get him a lot of play dates over the summer with friends who DO play nicely with him.

when my daughter was in prek (last year) her teachers relayed to them that they are all friends in class. they referred to all kids by name and my friend. it really helped all the kids play together.

if you feel like its impacting your son so bad then talk to his teachers. it wont hurt. also talk to your son and tell him everyone is friends in class. encourage him to play with other kids outside of mike. im sure he will find a spot to be.

At 4, I wouldn't intervene. Their social circles change so much at this age, it will probably be totally different next week. Isn't it the end of the school year anyway? Or do ya'll have that year-round school?

Definitely talk to the teacher. It isn't uncommon for kids to have trouble negotiating social situations at that age, so teachers are very used to helping out. The teacher might not be aware that he is having as much difficulty as he is, so she might not be making the extra effort to get him involved. My little one (also in pre-k) came home crying a few days after school b/c of friend drama. Since she is very quiet and tends to keep her feelings to herself, the teacher didn't even know. It was very helpful for the teacher to be aware so she could remind the whole class to include everyone and make an effort to switch groups up sometimes.

I would... I would also hope the teacher is already aware. If not, I'd question the sensitivity and engagement of the teacher and/or staff. When I do recess duty at school (elementary) I'm always very aware of any child who seems to be playing alone. I'm not sure how big this school is but the teachers should know your son lost his BFF and have been making sure he adjusted. He's only 4!! Of course teachers can't make anyone be friends but they can facilitate group play and all. They could point out to another nice boy that your son is playing alone, maybe invite him to play. I did this at recess once for a 2nd grader. She was a bit new apparently and all alone and looked so sweet. I mentioned it to a teacher who recruited a really sweet girl too go include her. Next thing you know, this girl has all sorts of friends. Again, he's only 4. He and the other kids may need some help with this transition. Also, I would try some playdates. Find out who is a good candidate to become a friend and try to facilitate it a bit. My youngest really needs 1:1 time away from a group to get comfortable with someone new. I"m not overly intrusive but I'm aware and I think nudging along new friendships via some playdates at home has helped her a lot.

I would definitely speak with the teacher. This is what preschool is all about- learning how to function in a social group. This is a great opportunity for the class to do a few lessons on friendship and "how to" be friends!

well, if you want to ask her to help your son make his way into a new group, that's not so bad. it's hard for ANYONE when their friends go away and we're stuck trying to make new connections.
the thing is, kids can do figure this out organically. it's so hard on us that we try to fix it for them, but it's such an essential survive-childhood skill that we're much better off if we 'help' by talking and listening to our kids, and trying to help them develop the tools themselves.
'go make new friends' is the crux of it, but too vague to be of much help to a struggling little fellow. most of the time just plopping down and joining in will work, after the usual initial fur bristling and hackles raising. having some taught ice-breakers can be helpful, though. 'that looks like fun. can i play too?' 'i have a truck like that at home. it makes great dirt mountains.' it's ALWAYS hard (no matter what age) to be the 3rd in twosome. but i hope john got some sort of reprimand for hurting your son.
just remember, the teacher can't make kids be your son's friends. there's often a week or two of sadness and displacement when a best friend moves away, but almost all the time a kid (at least one without social disorder challenges) will carve a new niche and go on as if nothing ever happened.
don't over-think or over-manage this.
khairete
S.

Yes, the teacher needs to start enforcing the "no excluding" rule now while the kids are in preschool. I'd let her know so she can keep an eye on it.

Talk to the teacher, she can help him navagate the situation.

I'm glad you talked to the teacher. Of course, you should ALWAYS talk to the teacher. You have MANY years ahead of you, and many teachers. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and if you don't advocate for your son, he will have no one in his corner when he is having trouble.

I am not all that happy with what your teacher said to you, quite frankly. Unless you didn't tell her what you told us, she didn't take the bloody, puffy fingers seriously. Instead, her whole demeanor seemed to pass this off as if what he feels isn't important. Yes, he might be a good socializer, but the other boys are being mean to him. And that is not HIS fault. If she doesn't take this seriously, the boys will continue to marginalize him.

I hope you keep close tabs on this and don't allow her to be an ineffective teacher for him.