Should She Go to Kindergarten?

Hi H.,

I researched this quite a bit because my daughter has an August birthday. What I discovered was that studies show that even very, very bright younger kids don't do as well in school as older average kids. In other words, younger kids have to work much harder to do the same stuff as older kids.

I think that if she is struggling now to do what others in her class are doing, it will only get harder as she gets older.

Plus, you get to keep her home with you an extra year because she will graduate high school later. Hopefully she will have a bit better judgement about how to live life on her own when she does leave home because she will be a year older.

Who knew parents would have to decide so many important things, eh?

Best of all to you!

L. C.

I'm not personally involved so I don't know anything else but what you have told us, but coming from a teachers point of view..when we had parent teacher conferences, the only time we could suggest holding the child back was the end of the year conference. That is because halfway through the year, a lot of the children that were kind of struggling dramatically matured and "got it". Maybe she was hoping your daughter would be one of those. There's absolutely nothing wrong with holding her back, it's actually better to do it when she's younger than having her be embarrassed that she's not at the same level with the other children and being frustrated.
The teacher should have been communicating with you however during the year with her progress..or lack of progress. Maybe it's just a slight issue and not a huge issue and some more work at home with her and over the summer will help...
Please keep in mind I'm not trying to take the teachers side. And ultimately it is the parents choice..not the teachers, she can only give you her opinion and it's up to you if you agree or not.

My son has a summer birthday and we did wait the extra year and I have never once regretted it!! It is much easier being the oldest in the class and the one who understands everything than the child who is struggling all the way through High School. I have met many moms that wish they would have waited that extra year with their summer born kids!!

I'm a firm beliver that children deal with these types of settings / environments when they are older. What would it hurt if she does kindergarten over again? If she's not ready, she's not ready. IT would probably be easier for her if she is held back now rather than later.

I had a summer baby and held him back from the beginning since I had the wonderful advice from my mother (a kindergarten teacher). I would suggest holding her back or supplementing her education with a summer school such as a learning center to catch her up with other children. You certainly don't want her to struggle her entire school career.

Talk to your daughter, she is old enough to communicate and she can tell you how she will feel repeating Kindergaten. If it is something she really does not want to do then explain that you and her will have to do some extra work to catch her up and make sure she is ready for first grade. This stuff about being a summer baby is relatively new. Originally it was explained that because they were younger than their peers they were not ready emotionally, but that does not seem to be the case from your post. As so many other mothers have said, it is a very personal decision on whether to hold off or not, and nobody knows your child better than you. Some kids struggle, and as another poster wrote, see how the remainder of the year goes, she might all of a sudden just "get it". Check out www.enchantedlearning.com, there are loads of fun activities that will encourage learning. Also, at Barnes and Nobels there is a learn to read series called animal antics, loads of fun! There is a lot you can still do to help and really I feel the teacher should be focusing on that, not looking for a way out!
Good luck and don't give up!!

H.,

I beleive every child is different, some kids take longer to get things done than others. I also have two girls who are now 11 & 12 and they are completly different the youngest started kin. 2 weeks after turning 5 and she did great, shes kind of an over acheiver and the youngest when I took her for a kin. evaluation they told me she wasnt ready, she takes her time in everything she does! She still has a problem keeping up with her work sometimes, I didnt even start her in kin. until she was 6 so, even as hurtful as it is, because I think you were neglected when not told of this situation sooner from the teacher, she may need another year at this level, do you feel like the things the teacher told you are a problem you could have helped her with at home to keep her up to the level with the other kids, you should have been told about the situation! My youngest needs LOTS of encouragement! Good Luck, evven though this seems major this is only minor in the great world of parenting! It sounds like you are a great parent who would be willing to help your child in area that she needs help in!

H., it is bascially up to you to allow your child to go on at this time. Went through some of this with a couple of our gr kids. My daughter in law and son decided to let them go to next grade and worked very diligently through the summer months, with flash cards, reading to Austin, having him read to them before bedtime, writing practice etc. There are even some game type things you can find at Toys R us to make it really fun to learn.

Don't get frustrated some kids take a little longer then others to catch on as to what is expected of them.
Best of luck to you and your little doll.

I also have summer babies, my oldest has a birthday that is just past the cut off and my youngest (who will go to Kindergarten this fall) is just before the cut off - like less than a week. My oldest is finishing Kindergarten this year and has done beautifully - of course she is almost a year older than all the kids and a head taller. I am also worried about my younger daughter, she has gone to pre-school and her pre-school teacher thinks that she will do fine. If your child is struggling you may want to consider holding her back or maybe summer school to help her along. My younger sister is also a summer baby and had issues like your daughter, she struggled with school and in the 3rd grade was held back. This was a decision made by my parents. My mother was moving during the summer and the counsler, teacher and principle suggested that she be held back then sinse she'd be in a new school district and none of the ther kids would know. It made all the difference in the world. She exceled in school after that. It is a hard call to make - I've seen it work both way, for my sister it was great. But my older daughter who had to wait another year and has done very well has complained about being the tallest in her class and about being board in class. Her teacher is always having to find her something to do to keep her busy because she gets done with work before everyone else in the class.

I would suggest talking to a school counsler and see what they think and to see if summer school would help her to catch up with the other kids. Good Luck!!

S. (mom of Audrey (6) and Natalee (4)

I've had two children who where summer babies. We've sent one early to kindergarten and the other we waited. I believe it's always better to wait. The one who was a boy we sent early only to struggle and we had resent him to kindergarten hoping that would give him time to mature. My daughter who we sent later did fine. Everyone is different when it comes to learning things, we all walk, talk at different times in our lives. See if there is program over summer to help her along should you decide to send her on. Every child is different and you know your child the best. Unfortunately teachers are human and sometimes it is hard to make such a call. Who knows maybe over summer she really will blossom. Best Wishes.

I am a special education teacher. From the teacher stand point she is telling you that she is lacking in the areas of reading and writing. Did she tell you what she is excelling in???? Are the areas that she is struggling in can she get summer school help or qualify for extended school year. Is it something that you need to be concerned that she needs to be tested??? Ask these questions. Ultimately it is your decision as the parent to make the final decision if you want her to go to first grade or not. My opinion is if you are going to retain the only grade that I would ever retain at would be Kindergarten. I hope this helps and if you need more help with testing questions or a point in the right dirrections post a note.

D.

My kids are older now, in 6th, 7th and 10th grades. It is always a tough trying to decide what is best for your children.

The teacher is right, the decision is yours. You know your daughter the best of anyone. If you think she is bored, then most likely she is. You need to talk with teachers, the principal, other parents you respect who may have experience with the school and the teachers.

As you do this, here are a couple of more things to think about.

Kids, like adults, will work and bond better for some teachers better then others. Often times the kids sense how the teachers feel about them but they can't verbalize it like we do. So I would suggest that you "interview" the first grade teachers. Have them spend a little time with your daughter. See which one she "clicks" with best. It is amazing how much they can improve when they are working with someone they like!!. You may find that with the right teacher next year she will make more progress than the other kids.
Also remember that mental growth is like physical growth - it comes in spirts and they come at different times for all kids. As long as your child is progressing and you are monitoring her progress, she will catch up or you will get her the help she needs as you move along.
Before you hold a child back think about the implications. For example: Will she want to play softball later which is solely based on age? If so she would be playing with girls a grade ahead and girls can be the worst socially and may create more problems. How would your daughter react?
Remember that you know your daughter better than anyone else. At one point I was told one of my daughter was behind in reading in 1st or 2nd grade. I was very surprise at this so I asked them to explain how they were determining this. They told me she would skip words and do some other things that were in 'their' definition of what she needed to do. They said they would not move her to the next reading level until she met their requirements. Once they said that I knew what the problem was. I had seen her read well beyond a yound child. I knew then that she was bored and was skipping words because she had read them in her mind and wanted to more quickly through the story - she is the active one of my kids too. But they said they would not move her to the next level until she met the requirements. I finally convinced them to try her at the next 4-5 levels just to see what she would do. What they found was when she got to a level that she had to work at, she slowed down and read all the words. In just a few weeks she went from being behind to reading 2 grade levels above her grade. If I did not know my daughter and had not intervened, they she would have been labeled as slow when actually she was just bored.
This was the same daughter that her 3rd grade teacher insisted was ADD. Then I requested a 4th grade teacher who I knew and respected. She carefully evaluated her and her actions and said she was not ADD but was actually just very high energy, the outging bubbly fun kind and very bright and very,very sensitive socially! So to keep her challenged has been a challenge for all of us. She learns best when moving.
One of the best things you can do is some research on how people learn and find which one best matches your daughter.
I tell my kids all the time that there are kids who are smarter than you and many who are not. But life is about what we do with what we have - are you doing your best? how are you treating those less gifted than you?

I had to do this since the standards I set for each child are different. I have 2 that are gifted and one with learning disabilities also very bright but struggles with the work. He works twice as hard to get good grades but has developed strategies to get him where he needs to be. The two who are gifted seem to fly right through the school work so we struggle to find ways to get them challenged. Even then the challenges for these 2 are different.
Remember this is only kindergarden - this gives you time to grow and learn all this "stuff" with your child. They won't be scarred if they struggled in kindergarden. But it does give you a way to bond with your child together.

First I want to say as a parent, this decision is yours. That is your freedom and right as a parent, to make these types of decisions for your children. A teacher can give you wise council as a professional, however we as parents need to quit putting our parental decisions on the teachers. As a reference point for you, a teacher friend of mine who has a girl with a summer birthday is waiting to send her to Kindergarten until she turns 6. I have boys and they didn't start school until they were 6 either, but I wanted to put a reference in with girls as they develop a little differently. If it were me I think it would be easier to hold her back now than have to do it later. Do some things with her through the summer at home. Reading to them is the best thing for developing their own reading skills! I would encourage you to research the ages that children typically develop writing skills, learning to read, etc. I think you will be surprised that its typically later than you may realize. And yes, you can talk to her and ask her questions, but she isn't old enough to make this decision herself. You are the parent and this doesn't have to be something negative to her. Don't act all disappointed or present this to her in a negative light. If that is how you look at it she will too. Give her the positive perspective so she can be excited about what she is learning.

I have been in your shoes 3 times! The first two I sent on to the first grade. I have had nothing but trouble trying to get my kids to learn. We have done 4 years of summer school. We are on an IEP.( a special progam for kids that are haveing trouble reading, writing, math, etc.) If I had to do it all over again. I would of waited!!!!. 1 of my sons ended up repeating a grade anyway. Now that my youngest is going to be five in sept. we are waiting tell next year to start him. Good Luck! If anyone ever ask me about kids and when to start. If they have a late B-day. I always say wait. BUT as the parent you only know where your child is at. If the teacher didn't think your child might struggle then she wouldn't bring it to your attention.

I would say, as a teacher and mother myself, if you trust your child's teacher then go with what she says. Especially if she's a veteran teacher. I'm not knocking first year(s) teachers (we were all there at one time!), but the veteran teachers, assuming they've taught the same grade for quite a few years, know EXACTLY where a child should be. They're leaving the decision up to you because some parents get extremely upset if a teacher says that their child needs to be held back (I assume this would be the reason anyway!). If you're willing to work HARD over the summer, then you can send her on and see how next year goes. If it doesn't work, send her to 1st grade again. Otherwise, wait a year. I would rather my child be ahead of the game rather than struggling to keep up:) But I don't know....maybe I'm just blowing smoke here....:)

I would suggest summer school or a summer program of some kind. I do agree the teacher should have talked to you earlier in the year. I am sure you will make the best choice for her. Trust yourself no one knows your daughters ability better than you do.

a lot of parents would be angry at that, i used to be a teacher and you have no idea when you make suggestions the parents are angry and go anywhere from the principal to the admin building to complain. with making the suggestion i think she is telling you that is what you should do but if you disagree it is ultimately your decision

Hi H.,

My 7 yr old was the same way in Kindergarten last year. At the begining of the school year he was behind on his reading and hand writing, but now as we do spelling words every night and he writes them out his grammer has gotten much better over the course of the year. Everynight he is going in his room a half hour befor bedtime and reading a book by himself, something he couldn't do at the start of the school year. Now our only problem is getting him to stay focused on his school work, and addition and subtraction (he gets confused with the + and - signs and which one go for each. But over the course of the summer and him going to summer school we are going to try to work on these things.
When my son finished Kindergarten he didn't know all of the letters and all of the sounds, it has just taken him a little longer, but all kids learn things in different ways. In my opinion I think you should let her go on to the 1st grade, with a little extra help at home I think she will be right where she needs to be.
Hope this helps, W.

Send her on to first grade.HOld her back she will get bored,in to trouble and behind her own age she may be bored now.
Yours sounds like ours and it was a MisTake! to hold him back.
L.

H.,
I would find out what she means by "lacking". Can she not read or write on the level she is supposed to? If she is not acedemically raedy for first grade, I would hold her back. It is better to hold her back in kindergarten than to send her on and them have to hold her back when she is older. BTW, I don't agree with the whole "summer Baby" reasonning. I have 2 summer babies who excel at school and are the youngest ones in class. On the flip side I have a non-summer baby who was held back in kindergarten because he wasn't ready to go to first grade. He did wonderfully in school after that.

Sounds like the teacher didn't feel like taking any of the responsabilty at all for your daughters lack of grasping the material. If it is up to you please send her to first grade and don't hold her back. My brother got held back for 3rd grade because he was "slow" in math and it only hurt his self esteem for a large chunk of his life. My mom sent him to a Sylvan tutor during the summer months and he caught up with the other kids... but it was too late the decision had already been made for him to hold him back a grade. Now he owns his own business and is very successful at it... but my parents both regret allowing him to be held back... it only made him feel as though he was stupid... and he was not! In fact his tutor told my parents that the reason he was so "slow" in math was because he would be too precise ... double checking his work... having the right answers... but not finishing the tests in time. Please check out a tutoring option, have them evaluate her and get a second opinion first before doing anything like holding her back.

Ok have you had time to cool down?

It is your deceision on weather or not you want her to go forward and not the school because you are her parent and need to think about her and not the teacher. Some teachers~NOT ALL but Some :) may be qualified for teaching but not suitable for teaching. So you have to evaluate what the teacher is telling you. Is she being objective or unreasonable?

Suggestions on reaching the decsion first hand would be to go to the classroom and see what the teacher expects and how all of the children are reacting paying special attention to your daughter. It may be that you go and find a different kid than what your used to which would be an indicator to you that your child is feeling unsure or uncomfortable at school. Then you can talk to her and pinpoint problems.

You would rather them be held back in younger years than struggle through school and be unhappy or become miserable because the feel "stupid" or "not as smart" as other kids.

Enough of my rambles
Hope Ive helped
M.

I don't have an experience to share, b/c my oldest will be starting K in the fall, but I do have opinion. If she is going to be held back, I think now is the time to do it as opposed to in 1st, 2nd or 3rd grades. It would seem to me that it would be less emotional and stressfull for her at this age and that the other kids wouldn't be as aware of what had happened then in older grades.

I agree with Wendy and many others. I have taught for the last 10 years and I will be the first to say, the teacher should have mentioned it a bit sooner. My sister went through this with my niece's teacher last year and I was angry as an aunt and as a teacher! But my sister did not hold her back. She was finally tested and does have some learning issues but she is getting help for those at school, this year and is in 1st grade and is making leaps and bounds!! She is a very bright child and is pretty mature for her age so this was a good decision. And yes, the reason the teacher tells you it is "your decision" is exactly why - again, she is YOUR child and you do know what is best in the long run!
Hope all of this is a little helpful...

My daughter is now 22. I wish I would have held her back a year; she was physically taller, but developmentally lagging behind. It would have taken a lot of stress off of her in school.

I've heard from many friends with your same dilemma. Those that chose to repeat the grade never regetted it.

Your daughter's teacher probably can't make the final decision on holding her back a year. I'm sure it's a liability issue. And she most likely was waiting to see if she showed improvement throughout the year before coming to this conclusion. It may be easier for her to repeat K in the long run.

I think most everyone here has given you great advice. The only other thing I would like to mention is in response to your question of why she would wait until the end of the year. As a Kindergarten teacher we must also keep in mind how much your child has gained. I would ask the teacher to see examples of work and assessments from the beginning of the year to compare the progress she has made. It is possible that she has made tremendous growth from her starting point. Not only do we all learn and mature at different levels every Kindergartener comes to school w/ a different skill set and prior knowledge. I would also ask where she is compared to what she needs to "master" Kindergarten. NOT where she is compared to her peers.......just a couple thoughts I also want to add that the decision is yours. The kindergarten teacher may feel like your child needs to repeat but the law is that Kindergarten isn't even manditory. You don't ever have to go to kindergarten. So if you object to the teachers suggestion it sounds like she knows the law and knows it is ultimately your decision. She has also waited until the end of the year because 3rd quarter is when retention decisions are made. If she came to you 1/2 way through the year wouldn't you be wondering why she's already thinking retention when the year is only 1/2 over?

If you hold her back, and a 2nd year of kindergarten should have no stigma for her, you need to figure out if she may have a learning difference (disability). It can be difficult to tell at such an early age, though. I am trained in Alphabetic Phonics: A curriculum that teaches dyslexic children how to read. The average age for diagnosis of dyslexia is 9. But if you wait that long to intervene, a child has had to fail, and you don't want that for your daughter. There is a curriculum called Reading Readiness that any parent can take to teach to their child, if it's available in their area, that is a pre-cursor to AP. It's for younger kids and teaches sounds in a way that younger children can grasp (very hands-on). If you were in Wichita, KS, I would offer to do some testing on her for free to help you understand what you need to do for her. If you want more info on this, just email me back.

H. V,
The teacher probably didn't tell you anything about it yet because she was probably trying to fix the problem. Sometimes things take a while to 'click' in Kindergarten. I think holding her back would be the right thing to do. Better now than later.

H.,
I am so sorry that this is the first time your daughter's teacher has brought this up to you. I am a middle school teacher and a mom of three. The decision is yours because she is your daughter and you know her best. If she is struggling academically and is behind her peers in the skills necessary to succeed in first grade, then hold her back. If she is behind now and you do not hold her back, chances are she will always be behind. I have seen this when kids get into middle school and were not held back at a younger age because their parents thought it would hurt their self image. Her academic growth is too important. Being the older child in her class can bring other benefits down the road as well. For example, when she goes to college, she will be more mature and ready to face adult decisions. All of these thing should considered in your decision.

My daughter went to full day Kindergarten when it wasn't full day because they thought she needed it. I was not impressed by the end of the year. They didn't tell me much throughout the year and I didn't feel like she benefited from it. I would personally have her continue onto the first grade because most if not all of my daughters learning difficulties were because they didnt connect well with a teacher, mostly due to boredom.

H., I totally understand your frustration I do not know why the Schools wait until the last quarter to tell you your child is not doing what is expected. When my son was in kindergarten his teacher told us at the last quarter that she didn't think that he should go to 1st. I was so upset. I ask if we could work with him over the summer and maybe test him to see if he could progress. His teacher agreed and gave me some papers to use and I hired a tutor for the summer. However, he was still not where he was to be when school started and he did repeat kindergarten. Then during the last quarter of his second year of Kindergarten they told me that they want to test him for learning problems. They did and found that he does have problems (Duh). Any way he is now 14 and in the 7th grade. Our school did not tell us at that time when he repeated Kindergarten that when he becomes 15 he is the High Schools responsibility and because the high school is a different district they would like to combine his 7th and 8th grade years (this is because he gets special services ie. Special Ed)(Why did we hold him back?).I did tell them no and he will continue the school years as planned with a full year of 7th and a full year of 8th. And the schools will have to make the appropriate arrangements for him to do so. I don't have any advice on what to do just some warnings that what ever your decision make sure that you have all the information. Ask around the school and other parents. The school makes it sound like it is not a big deal and most of them will say "I would do it for my son/daughter so they could mature" But I just don't know. I struggle daily with some of the decisions that we have made for our son. Just remember that you are your daughters advocate.

You've hit a hot button with me. My daughter was born in November, our state's cut off date to start kindergarten was 5 years old by September 1st, now it's 5 by the start of school. We found a private school, she went there for preK, skipped to 1st grade and we never looked back. Every once in awhile we talk about it and she can't imagine being "back" a year.

I read all the articles about whether your child is ready for kindergarten. There was always a tone about them that kids shouldn't be rushed, hold them back. Then I read one that at the very end of a 4 page article said that by 3 grade, most of the age difference issues even out. Bingo - the more I read about that, the more confirmation I got. The kids who seem out ahead of everything SOMETIMES stay there and the kids who struggle SOMETIMES stay there, but most reach a middle ground. (You find that in sports, their abilities as 5,6,7 year olds DO NOT predict their abiilities and skills at 12, 13, 14)

The expectation of what kids in kindergarten and 1st grade, and maybe very grade is getting higher and higher. When I was in kindergarten (50 years ago) we learned our colors in kindergarten, not reading.

You are lucky that the teacher says it's your call. No one knows your daughter better than you. First grade isn't for another 6 months. That's a long time when you're only 5.5 y/o.
I would ask your daughter's teacher the following:

What EXACTLY should your daughter be able to do by first grade? Alphabet, short words, completing a work sheet? EXACTLY.

Then ask what you and the teacher could do together from now until the end of the school year to help your daughter achieve those skills.

Then ask what you can do over the summer to help her reach those goals.

MY OPINION is that if your daughter is just "on the fence" I'd send her to 1st grade.

Teachers can only give a recomendation to you. The final decision is yours as a parent. If your school district has a summer school program take advantage of it as you have heard from so many other moms. If you think that your daughter should go on, send her. She may have to be held back in later grade which could be harder on her then if she repeated kindergarten. Maturaty is a major factor in the performance of a child in school. Has she been evaluated for any learning disabilaties? If she has one, the earlier she gets help the better.