Sibling Fighting

This summer I took some advice to send both boys to their rooms as soon as they started fighting, or if one tattled on the other. I don't ask who started it, or try to tell them a way to work it out - just off to their rooms. It didn't take very long for the fighting to drop wayyy down.

From experience, if you and your husband are not on the same page with the kids, discipline won't work, and they are going to act out a lot more. I found that when I was gone in the evenings the boys acted up more, too. I know you can't change that right now, and if you and your husband are working different shifts it's very hard to be a parenting team. But remember that you can be consistent during your time with the kids, even if he's not during his time. When he sees the kids responding to your requests more than his, hopefully he'll want to try it your way.

Hello! I really have no advice for you because I am faced with the same problem. I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I have 5 children, I'm a stay at home mom. My oldest is 16 almost 17(son) and my second oldest is 12 almost 13 (daughter) and they fight all the time. My 10 yr old(son) is now starting to fight with my 6 yr old(son), but my 4 yr old(son) gets along well with all of them for the time being...lol. I'm at my wits end with all the fighting they do. It absolutly drives me crazy and is really my only complaint about them. The only thing I can say is that they only do it at home, when we go out they are very well behaved.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation :( I know it's a really common one and something I've been doing research on as we're expecting our second child very soon. I have heard over and over the book, "Siblings Without Rivalry" by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish recommended. I just ordered it for a penny plus $3.99 S&H by searching for it through www.campusi.com ... You could also check it out at the library if you have one nearby.

oh its just something all us mothers go through.......siblings fight......they always have and they always will. no matter how much time you spend with them. its been like that forever. don't you worry though.......when they get about their teens they start to become close and one day you will realize that they are best friends and can't do anything without each other. right now......its a tough road......but, it will fade away. i usually make mine go to their rooms and listen to their radios to calm them down......and i have two girls age 7 and 6 and a boy age 4 who thinks he should be the oldest.........its a muddle through and grit your teeth kinda thing.......... no cure and nothing anyone can do to change it.

though if you only had one child and they were fighting with themselves........then i'd worry! lol

I agree with Susan M. Last summer I let my 5 year old daughter and 8 year old son that there were no warnings, no chance for explanations. As soon as the arguement would start I would quietly put them in their separate rooms, This was not 100% effective, but I did cut the arguements down quite a bit. Good Luck!!

I think sibling fights are just a fact of life, especially with same-sex siblings who are close in age, and a "bossy" older child. (That was my life story growing up...I was the bossy older sister!) I think the best thing you can do is not choose sides, other than to intervene if someone is going to actually get physically hurt. Don't listen to either side of the story, encourage the boys to work out the problem together. WIth my 6-yer-old son and 3-year-old daughter, my strategy when they get into it is that I ask them to stop yelling/fighting/grabbing the toy or whatever and tell them to either come up with a solution or stay away from each other until they can get along. Either way you win because they have to play peacefully or stay away from each other. And if you let them work it out together, you are helping them develop a skill that they will use with each other and everyone else for the rest of their lives.

Good luck!
N.

I have 4 daughters..10,8,6 and 17 months. My 8 and 6 yr old used to be the best of friends...inseperable. Then, it was like they made a pact one day and decided to hate each other. They can't be in the same room with each other for 5 minutes without fighting. It was so sad when it happened because they used to play so well together. All I can say is that all siblings fight. I know how frustrating and discouraging it is though. I'm still hoping mine go back to being friends. Right now they are just working on their own independence.

I had been going through the same thing with my 8 year old son and 9 year old daughter for a while now, and just stumbled across something that seems to be working. My husband bought Chiken Soup for the Pre Teen Soul, and reading it gave me the idea to start "polite lessons" with the kids. We act out something that happened that day between the two of them, or pick an example of a regular interaction, like fighting over a book or the bathroom, or something similar. We act out what happened, then I show each of them a way to handle things and speak to each other that would have been better. Knocking and asking nicely for the bathroom instead of yelling through the door, for example. They get a kick out of re-enacting their fight (I let them really go for it) and then I take each of their places and show them what they could have done different. They laugh their butts off at me playing them and, then they each take turns trying my method. And you know, it is sticking! They are being more polite to each other and also bringing it to my attention when they do so. It may not work for everyone, but it cant hurt to try. We spend about 15 minutes a night doing this, and so far so good. Good luck and I hope you find something to help.