In short, my SIL drives me nuts! My older brother and I always had a great relationship until he began dating and later married my SIL 10 yrs ago. I was always friendly and wanting a good relationship with her but she's never been very kind to me. It hurts me so much, and I just begin to get over it and then, bam...it's the holidays and time for a family get together where I have to see her. I never said much of anything and thought maybe it was in my head until years ago, when my brother and her had a falling out, he apologized to me for not being kind to me and told me that his wife "hated me". He said she "hated me" because she was jealous of everything I have in my life (which I've worked my butt off for!) He threatened to leave her and she then called me up apologizing for being so rotten to me...I forgave her and told her I wanted a better relationship BUT it's slowly all gone back to the way it was. They've worked it out. She's so passive aggressive, there are 3 aunts (me, her and my other SIL) and she always makes comments about how my other SIL is her daughter's FAVORITE aunt in front of me. She excessively pretends to be all "buddy buddy" with my other brother's wife when in front of me, whispering things to her and ignoring me when I'm in her presence. I get along absolutely fine with my other SIL! When I sit alone in a room with her and try having a conversation, she keeps texting on her iphone, which I think is so rude. This woman is 39 and I feel like it's middle school every time I'm around her. She's overly friendly with my aunt and first cousin and I honestly feel like she wants to turn all the women in the family against me. I've never been rude or said anything unkind to her, I leave every holiday scratching my head about her behavior. My husband can't stand her or my brother because of how they treat me. If we mention something that our kids have done well, like learning a new skill, they take it like we're bragging even though we listen to story after story of what their kids do. I'm tired of being the bigger person and feel like I waste so much time being upset after family get togethers. I always feel so bad about myself when the day is over after being around her. My parents see what she's like, but just want us to be "one big happy family" and would never say anything. I keep thinking that next time will be better but it never is. They've invited us to come visit them, but lately I've turned them down. I want the cousins to know each other growing up but am not sure it's worth it. We live 2.5 hours apart. Is it worth it or should I just tell my brother and his wife what I really think of them, which will most likely end the relationship (which is what I think she secretly wants.) She does not have a good relationship with her own family. Sorry for the long post, but I needed to vent. Need some good advice.
Some people just get stuck at 15, it seems.
Don't be tired of being the bigger person.
Most likely she's not fooling anyone with her little games.
Being on the "high road" is never a bad place to be, is it?
She's jealous...plain and simple. And it shows.
Is a moment of feeling better worth hurting your brother? Probably not, right? I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of sinking to her level.
If you decide to cut her off, know you will get flack. People will try to make you reconcile. People will tell you how shitty you are, how UnChristian, how unforgiving, etc... To me, it was worth it to rid myself of most toxic people.
We do family holidays at our house or at my parents-in-law on seperate days. The MIL was the most hurt by our refusing to be around abusers(including a known child molester). She still occasionally tries to have us together as one big happy family. "It is my dying wish..." But she isn't dying. LOL
Whatever you decide, be united with your spouse and stick to it.
I would let my actions speak louder than my words. Be busy whenever she invites you somewhere. Don't let her have the satisfaction of making it look like you are the one that can't get along with her, instead of vice versa. If your parents want one big happy family then they need to nip her hateful actions in the bud. Trust me, anyone seeing how they act, her actions make her look like the person she is and that is not too attractive. Avoid being around her plain and simple. Do not stoop to her level.
Only needed to read a bit of it-tell sissy that you wouldn't dream of being responsible over breaking up her marriage to your brother-and you hope in the future you can try to have a relationship with her that includes trust, respect, dignity and ...dare I say it? Fun!
No one wants to be in the middle- she's really hurting and insecure-
Mom,
don't do a thing.
you'll see in the long run,
peace,
M.
