Sleep, Sleep, Sleep

Here's what I did with my son...I never used his crib, just a co-sleeper and sidecar.

Bedtime routine. (Bottle, clean teeth and read a book)
Cuddle time with soft music playing
Talk to her in soft voice...time to go to bed, Mommy will rock you until you fall asleep, then once asleep put him down. (He slept in my bed, but friends have used this for cribs and beds)
Repeat same thing if she wakes, and be consistent. Be patient and loving and know that this will not change over night.

Once he was older and growing out of the rocking, I'd lay him down and snuggle with him until alseep. And, over time I would rub his back and sit next to him so now if he needs me I stay close and if not, I go about my business.

Change breeds uncertainty in babies/toddlers and they don't like it. She's expressing that and really its not being stubborn, just concern and fear. Don't worry about crying it out, as I couldn't stomach it and after one try I decided it was not for us.

Do what feels right and be there for her when she needs you to comfort her.

I feel your pain! My dd is 19 months old and we recently started having this problem. I just stay with her and sing until she is asleep. It is a pain, but the CIO does not work for me. It breaks my heart and I get angry and lash out at hubby. It sucks! I tried it one night and after 45 minutes I gave up. She was so distraught I just did not feel that was a healthy way to go to sleep. I strongly believe CIO can change their little personalities in a negative way. I have a super happy baby who never cries and I know alot of people who use CIO and their babies cry all the time. They are insecure in my opinion. I am not saying all babies are this way, but they ALL have been in my circle of people so that I what I base it on. I probably am not the best person to listen to because it is hard on me! LOL I would just prefer it to be hard on me than on her. I will say that now that I started singing to her usually after a few songs she is asleep. I am just hoping it gets shorter over time. If you can't stick with the CIO method and have it not bother you then I would not even try it. Only you know yourself. Good luck and I hope you work it out. : )

Hi,

I am not a mom yet but an auntie of a few and have been around to witness the many approaches to these things. I agree with A M and was going to tell you the same thing. My sis-in-law tried this approach and it worked beautifully. Look it up online or at the book store, there is a doctor and a book who will give the whole background and perfect way to approach it. Basically, in the beginning you go in every few minutes to reassure your little one (maybe 3 minutes). Then your time gap grows a bit (5 min, 7 min, ...). My niece adapted to this very well and sleeps great. We are not really CIO people either. It's a great way to teach your child how to fall asleep on her own while also feeling safe and confident. Hope this helps. Good luck!

We were in the same situation around that age so used The Sleep Lady's Good Night Sleep Tight book that is very similar to what S. described. I will add that going to your daughter after she cries (30 min, whatever time) and picking her up reinforces her behavior. I know it's hard, it made me feel like a cold-hearted mom and also drove me batty to have to listen to it, but if you decide to let her cry it out it does only work if you are consistent. Perhaps instead of picking her up, the technique S. and the Sleep Lady book both recommend of going in and checking on her and telling her you love her, etc. will work better.

Good luck!

10 minutes with your first two children is impressive. 30 minutes is not long- it will still work in a few days or so. I have had kids cry as long as 2 hours. You are correct in knowing that she needs to learn how to soothe herself to sleep. I know it is hard to hear but think that she is complaining about the change by crying. It is just going to get harder as she gets older!! I would just do it and stick it out. So far she has only learned that you will come and get her after 30 minutes. She needs to learn to soothe herself to sleep.

C., mother of 3, sleep consultant, sleep blog writer

Hi Shelly, the children that get rocked to sleep at home, sleep at nap time for me with no problem. I rocked all 3 of my babys to sleep at night from newborn to a little over one year, those memories of my babys falling asleep feeling safe and secure are some of my most sacred memories of my babys. Crying yourself to sleep is not a very happy or secure way to fall asleep, I can honestly say we never had any sleep issues with our babys/toddlers but once we rocked them to sleep layed them in their crib, had they started waking up crying we would ave not of went in there, they start depending on that, and use the crying to manipulate, cause they know if they cry long enough they will get what they want, you are being controlled at night by your toddlers crying. you have to break that cycle. In my daycare when the newborns get between 8 1/2 to 9 months old i start traing them to go down at nap time with the older kids, I have done this for 12 years with great sucess. Your daycarer provider needs to train your child to nap when the other kids without being in her arms, I rock my newborns to sleep here in my daycare care, I find they sleep more peacefully and longer. J. L.

S.,
I so feel for you. My daughter was the same. Finally at 17 months of not sleeping and my family falling apart I did the Ferber method. It took a FULL 7 days and nights. But it worked and she has slept though naps and the night every since. Skyler was my 1st baby and it broke my heart to have her cry and be in distress.. We tried the Ferber method 2 times before but my heart was not into it. Finally, when I became resolved, it worked. Just to let you know I even went to a sleep doctor in Long beach when she was 1 year old and they do the Ferber too! Again, it only worked when I WAS READY!!!!! Since your daughter in in daycare I would begin on a Friday night. Skyler got a littler better each day. Doing this was the hardest thing ever for me. I cried and cried when she was crying and my husband had to hold me back to prevent me from going to her. But in the end I had wished I had done it sooner. She is much better since she gets great naps and full nights sleep. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi there S.,

I have a son who is almost one and can completely relate. I went through what was quite a soul destroying situation like this with him a while back. He would cry and cry, and wake up in the night and cry for so long.

I'm not sure if this is standard practise in usa at it is here in uk, but health visitors here (baby doctor) have a policy called ''controlled crying'' I heard about it, never thought it would work for me and didnt think I had the strength. They told me that everyone who tries it has perfect sleepers within the month. (which I didn't believe but worked for me so I can't dispute!)

Basically, you have a strict bedtime routine eg. bath 7.30pm, teeth brushed 7.40pm, pj's, bottle and story til 8pm and then you put them into their bed and make a point of saying ''mummy loves you, goodnight'' and leave. You go back after 5 minutes, say ''I love you, mummy is here'' then leave. Do the same after 10 minutes, then again after 15. After that continue every 15 minutes until baby is sleeping. It just reassures them that you are always coming back and they can settle knowing you are around. If you cannot leave you can sit on a chair near the bed and move it away a few inches every couple of minutes until you are gone (never tried this)

I tried it for one night then gave up, however as his routine slipped back I picked it up again. In order for it to work the 2nd time I just had to resign myself to ignoring it and keeping busy. It was horrible but it definitely worked for us. What I did find after a while is that when he was calming down then I was going in it was triggering him into a crying fit again, and so we just started to leave him but listwn out. Now he will lie and talk contentedely if he isn't sleeping but is very happy to be in his bed and enjoy his own company.

Maybe if not just wait until she is almost asleep on you then put her down so she is more inclined to start falling asleep alone.

Thats my only words of wisdom lol, I feel your pain though so hope you get something soon :) Good luck.

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Be well.

N.

Hi S.~

It was recommended that I get this book (see below) and read it so I would understand how to handle any type of sleep issue with my girls. It has helped me so much to be able to understand and gave me the tools and how to use them. Please check it out. You can buy it used at Amazon and I think you may find it useful. Good Luck

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
by Marc Weissbluth