Sleeping Issues - Brewster, NY

Hi. We have a almost 6 yr old and a 2 yr old. WE had a similar problem when the youngest was a baby. The doctor said the older one would manage. Didn't really believe. Had to try it because my husband traveled and I wanted to try and have some routine. My oldest did go to sleep despite the noise from his brother. M.

hi J.,
is your 2 yr old still taking a nap? i've had this issue with my 3 yr old, but now that she doesn't nap, she's sleeping through the night. sometimes it is hard to keep her awake during what used to be naptime, and if she falls asleep i'll wake her up and get her a snack to get her moving. also, we tried moving her bedtime, just a little later, maybe half and hour. i hope this helps! hang in there!

You are right. you need to let him scream if that is what he is going to do. if he wakes up in the night put him back down, going in every 5 minutes to let him know it is bedtime, slowly increasing the time by 1 minute until he goes to sleep and you don't reenter the room after the 4th time. It is a phase they go through. As long as he is in the crib with nothing to hurt himself with, let him scream:) You need to ask yourself is he afraid of the dark? Does some calming music help? I was a single parent when my son would be screaming at night and I was tired of waking up, but you and your husband can take turns. I also put a tape player in his room that played both sides caling him down helping him to sleep. There are many cd's, tapes out there for a restful sleep, guided imagry is the best and music without word. It works! Good Luck.

Hello!

I have a 2 1/2 year old that has gone through the screaming in the night thing too. We get up to check her and if she is ok we let her scream. She'll scream for about 20-30 min. But we got in the habbit of bringing her to bed so we didn't have to hear it. But then it was EVERY night we would be bringing her in. And then I would get NO sleep since she likes to roll around and kick me.

At one point, her doctor said it's just a phase. Just like we go through phases of not sleeping well. It's not fun, but you really just need to break the habbit.

Our daughter is now in a big girl, twin, bed. She cries for a couple seconds when we leave her at night. But then she'll sit there and sing/talk for 15 - 45 min before going to bed.

Good luck!!!

Hi J.-
I don't know if I have advice as we are going through the same thing with our 18 month old boy. How is he going to sleep? Do you just put him in the crib at a certain time awake? We actually have our son fall asleep with us which is brutal because it is such a battle. He was getting up all night long, screaming, throwing his pacifer and Dad or I would go in. We realized it had to stop and have let him cry it out. THAT IS SO PAINFUL FOR ME, but in the long run I know this is the best thing. We've had some good nights, but now with the cold weather and sicknesses going around, he is up a bit more with a cough. Obviously if he is in duress we pick him up and reassure him. People talk about the "Ferber" method. I guess that is the letting them cry it out.
L.

HI

I would let him scream...it probably won't wake your other child up (no promises though!) If your other child does wake up, you all will survive a few bumpy nights, but it is very important that your little one learns to sleep through the night. You need your rest, and so does he, and if they do not learn it early, it does not get easier when they get older. Tell your child at bedtime that you will not be in during the night. Pick the binky up once, and tell them firmly, that is it, you will not pick it up again. Give them a kiss, then NIGHT NIGHT!

Good luck.

Let him cry. Even if he wakes up the older child, it won't last long. Babies form habits so easily. It's worth a few days of distress.

buy the book - How to Solve your Child's Sleep Problems - by Richard Ferber - it is on Amazon.com and it helped me with my 4 year old and 19 month old. It's a great book and I recommend it all the time on mamasource. Good Luck

Hi J.,

I know this is a very frustrating time, I also live in a very small house, actually my two year old daughter and 4 year old son share a room right now. (we are looking to move soon), however, he is playing a power struggle with you now, because he knows that he is getting his way. Did you ever watch the Super Nanny, She is fantastic, she has alot of helpful tips, watch the show and get her book. She suggests and I Know it works to just put him to sleep as usual, and when he does scream go back in and explain to him that he needs to go to sleep, put him back in his bed, every time he does this, just keep going back in and putting him back after the first time going back in do not say anything to him and just keep doing eventually he will get the hang of it. It will be very frustrating and hard on you and your husband it may take and hour to two to get him back to sleep, but after a few days he'll get the hint that he is not going to win this battle. He needs to learn this you may have a rough couple of nights, but it does work. If your 4 year old gets up my suggestion is to just reassure him everything is fine and try to get him back to sleep. I hope this helps. Also, do not yell, speak very calmly to him, if you knows he's getting the best of you, he'll keep it up even longer, because he knows he's going to get his way. Good luck.

Hi J..
Just a note on waking up the 4 year old. I know everyone is different, but when my oldest was just about 4 and my little guy was going through weaning night time feedings we all slept IN THE SAME ROOM. I was SHOCKED that my 4 year old did not wake up at all, even though there was a couple of nights in the beginning where the little guy cried for like 40 minutes. I was going out of my mind, but no one else woke up.
just to encourage you...I agree with a few of your responses saying you need to take care of this now. My son got through it and he is the best little sleeper now and I am so thankful that I persevered during that rough time. You really do need to put your foot down. It's important for your son to sleep and for you.

Good luck.

Hi J.,

I can totally sympathize with your concern. My two children were not the greatest sleepers, and any milestone that effected sleep hit us doubly hard. It sounds to me like your son is going through a typical milestone. At around 2 most kids go through a separation anxiety phase (it also can happen around 5. I think your suggestion is a great one, and you would be surprised what you older child can sleep through. Also, I would HIGHLY recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. I give this book to every person who has a child as it is that good. It gives tips on sleep related issues from birth through adolescence, and has not steered me wrong yet. It was a god send through my daughter's colic and later when she hit 5 and went mental when it came to going to bed at night. Alot harder to keep them in bed when they are out of a crib!

Good luck! I feel for you. Here's wishing you a quick transition through this phase, and quiet nights. I can tell you it does get better!

This is a manipulative move on your child's part and will continue until you prove you are in control and will not allow this behavior. First, you and your husband must be together and give a united front. Secondly, if you must go comfort your 4 year old or stay until the 2 year old goes to sleep, explaining that your brother/sister isn't hurt just wants his own way and mommy and daddy have to let him/her cry until she goes to sleep. This should take a day or 2 of crying and then behavior will stop. If it takes longer, it only shows how strong-willed this child is and you better deal with it now while still young. Don't give up until you the one in control, not your 2 y.o.

Whatever you decide to do BE CONSISTENT! It is sooo important at this age. My dd is 2 1/2 and didn't sleep through the night until we had her go to sleep on her own...but does wonderfully now! Every now and then she'll wake up, and I think she maybe had a nite mare or something.

My suggestion is when you put ds to bed, tell him something like "if you throw your paci or sippy cup down, daddy or I will NOT give it back to you... so do not throw it down. It is time for sleeping NOT playing." I'm sure he'll throw a royal fit for a few nites.. a week even... but if you are consistent... go in and comfort him, but say "paci/sippy cup all done" or something like that... he should realize what the new rules are and stop throwing them out. (maybe put a sound machine in your older child's room in the mean-time?)

Is your son still in a crib (i'm asking since he's calling for you to get paci/sippy cup?). Maybe if you moved him to a toddler bed it wouldn't be such an issue b/c he could just get it himself. (of course that brings up a whole 'nother can of worms!)

Hi J.,

You should speak with him about going to bed without screaming during the day when it is light outside. Before he goes to bed remind him about how he is expected to go to sleep. Go up once and tell him it is bed time. You can give him a little flash light so that he has control over the darkness. There is a great resource: Be The Boss Of Your Sleep, www.freespirit.com

It teaches relaxation techniques and ways to fall asleep. 2 1/2 year olds often are about to have a growth spirt and it will cause them to have a shake up in their sleep routine.

Good luck,
E.
www.parentinginaction.com