So My Husband Wants to Have Sex While the Kids Are Up. What Do You Think?

compromise and agree to some "bathroom breaks" occasionally, IF at night he'll have indoor dat nights with you and do something you like, watch tv together, talk, play a board game, eat a candlelit dinner, dressup and and dance to music? Maybe at night spice it up and suprise him while he's on the computer walking in the room, in an outfit of some sorts?? Maybe play some "fun games" at night.

i'd tuck the kids in bed, have nookie, then let him play his game AFTER he spends time with you. you still get the emotional time, the sex, and he still gets his game. WOW is such a life drainer in my opinion. I'm glad my man isn't into it.

Im all for quickies and fun and stuff, but Im a little confused about leaving a 21m & 3yr old unattended, even for the quick amount of time it might take. Maybe thats just me. My boys could tear a room apart in under 5 mins, so its hard for me to imagine. Maybe Im boring. I could see stealing some time while they nap, but while they are awake? Im not sure the set up of your house either, so maybe that makes a difference. My kids climb everything and seem to find trouble/danger (even with outlet covers my youngest still has to touch them). So for me, I just couldnt relax enough with them up. And I need the intamacy too! Once in awhile is ok for "just him", but not all the time! And definetly not because he wants to play a video game! :)

LOL!! This made me laugh. I didnt read your responses, but I would stop having sex with him, and buy a vibrator. :)
Im sorry, you should be able to enjoy sex too. I completely agree with you about the kids being up. My 3 year old follows me around like a puppy dog, I cant even pee without him. I have tried locking my bedroom door just to get dressed and when he comes to the door and trys to get in and cant he will cry. Could you imagine trying to have sex like that? NO THANKS!! And plus, what if they heard you??? Creepy!

He needs to put the games down and satisfy his wife!!

I don't really like doing things when the kids are up... and I have 7, 6, 4 & 15 mo at home, a 17 yr old that visits (she lives elsewhere) and one due next month. But I have to keep hubby happy. Now don't get me wrong - I think he would do it anywhere & anytime I asked his drive is a bit higher then mine. Honestly, even if he got the quicky, he would still be willing to "tuck me in" at night. Which he stays up later then I do - usually playing WoW because I get up earlier then he does... but he is always willing to "help me" get to sleep and then gets back up to go play after I fall asleep. Which doesn't bother me... he is still meeting my needs and getting to have his fun in more then one way.

Your hubby should be willing to "help you out" a bit too. It does go both ways... in a relationship we both need statisfied and I don't just mean sexually. I also need my cuddle time or I get really moody, which hubby can tell when he hasn't been giving me enough & usually steps up without being asked... guess after 17 yrs he is learning :) Plus, I don't think he likes me much when I'm too moody - lol.

I hope you and your hubby can find a happy medium that will make both of you happy.

My hubby's a wow player as well, and I told him I needed 2 nights a week of us time. Just tell him that for the health of your relationship you need some no-kid time to just be with him and he can play his heart out the other 5 evenings. That way, no pressure for "scheduled" sex, and you can use the time however you like. Intimacy doesn't have to be sex, but it may go that way anyway ;)

Guys seem to have a thing about "scheduled" sex, but they don't understand how our brains run around in circles and that we have to wind down to enjoy fully.

EDIT: I do prefer afternoon sex on the weekends to evening, because I'm usually too tired to enjoy myself - not always, but usually. We do naptime/quiet time "us time". If you can get the kiddos down for a nap, that's the best time. We can usually get an hour out of my son, and we'll "get the party started" before he actually falls asleep, so it can be anywhere from 1-2 hours depending.

Sounds like he's only thinking about himself and not even considering the responsibilty part of raising a kid. Where does he suppose the kids will be playing quitely for what... a 1/2 hour without any needs from either of one of you? I think it's very selfish and he's trying to test you to see if you pick him over the kids.

Stick to your grounds... he must not be to tired if he plays WOW. I feel it's more that he's testing the waters.

He should feel happy that you still give it to him at night when the kids are sleeping. I know many married men who seldom get it even when the kids are sleeping.

I think you both have to be flexible and meet eachother's needs. Quickies are fine but you also need to be fulfilled as well. Um where are the kids when he wants to partake in these festivities? No they can't be left unsupervised. Sounds like he is being a bit selfish. If he can't forgo the games at night he might have an issue and he needs to address this. Another alternative..is to have intimacy early in the morning before the kids get up...Make sure to lock the door ;)

Although I think there is nothing wrong with grabbing a bit while the kids are up every now and then there is something to be said for intimacy.

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask him to forgo the games one night to satisfy your needs. In the end you need to communicate your needs, needs that at least to me seem reasonable. :)

We did that a couple times when the older two were really young, but I think we both knew it was kind of dangerous so we stopped. On weekends we sometimes will wake up before the kids and cuddle, which turns into sex, which is a great way to start the day. It sounds like your hubs is being a little selfish. It can't last long, doing it during the day. I mean the older kid is getting older will soon come looking for you!

By the way you describe it, it sounds to me that it's exactly what you said... he wants to get his, with little regard for what you are getting out of the deal. And that doesn't cut into his game time. I'd be pi$$ed.

Obviously, you can't take much time to do the deed with a toddler and a preschooler running around, unsupervised, not to mention that you greatly increase the risk of them interrupting you when they're up, and you've gone missing...

I'd at least try to work with him on a compromise... yes, it may seem more 'scheduled' but so what if that's what it has to be for you to get your intimate time, and some time to "get your rocks off" too, which you absolutely should! I'd continue to appease him on the daytime quickies, since that's really all they can be with 2 awake little ones, but I'd ask him to compromise on the night time intimacy too. Maybe talk to him about how you need more time with him, that you want to be close to him for more than a wham, bam, thank you mam... and hopefully he'll oblige you, as well... I guess I'm saying it doesn't have to be all or nothing either way... a compromise somewhere in the middle should keep everyone relatively happy, no?

We generally have sex during the day while the kids are up or first thing in the morning (mostly on weekends), but my kids are older than yours (10 & 12 years old). When they were really small we only did it at night for the most part. Here's an idea: does your oldest still take a nap or at the very least have a scheduled quiet time while the baby is asleep during the day? If so, that's the time I would use. If not, then the "bathroom breaks" need to alternate between who's giving & who's receiving. ;)

I'm kind of on your husband's side... If we wait until the kids go to bed (which we usually do), I'm 1/2 asleep (my husband doesn't mind, LOL!!)... we're still trying to figure out stealthy ways to get OUR time in, so we BOTH enjoy it!

I am like you, I don't like having sex when my daughter is up. One she can't keep herself entertained for that long and two I am afraid she will discover us, so I can't really relax for it. Fortunately for me, my husband feels the same way. How about this? Can you set the alarm a little early and have sex in the morning? Maybe do it (no pun intended) without him knowing and that will be spontaneous for him? That way you both of you can "get your rocks off". LOL I would be hones with him, while the occasional bathroom break does it for him, it doesn't for you. If he is a good husband he won't want to leave you hanging. :)

Your husband wants to have sex with you during the day! Go for it!!

While they are young - it's GREAT that your husband is attracted to you and wants that spontaneity. I was married for 25 years....that wasn't happening in my marriage...we were too busy working and the weekends were filled with baseball games.

I'd rather have sex during the day when I'm awake and can enjoy it instead of in bed when I'm tired and want to sleep!

It sounds a lot like jealousy to me. He wants your attention when the kids also want/need it. When the kids don't need you, he doesn't need your attention.

I don't have any advice, that's just what jumped out to me in your SWH. Won't compromise at all on his game when the kids are sleeping, but only wants sex when the kids are up and need supervision...

I think our husbands are related somehow :) isn't it irritating!! Our 4 year old still sleeps with us and if she didn't it would be on every night! Our 15 yr old will go outside to play basketball and the baby will go with him and he thinks that's go time. Im sorry but I just can't relax and enjoy myself like that and if he's getting his rocks, best believe I am too! Nope I wont do it. When everyone is asleep or not at all! Put your foot down! Computer or sex, I know my husband wouldn't even have to think about it!

Can you stand yet another reply? My guess is that your husband may be turned-on by the secrecy of this time with you while the kids are awake. For him and many men, it's all physical and he's not even aware of all the ways you feel about this. Perhaps a private conversation with him is in order. Explain that you, and most women too, want the emotional connection that comes with unhurried intimacy, which means when the kids are asleep and you feel more free to enjoy this very important part of your relationship with one another. Tell him that it's a bit hard for you to disassociate your role as mommy or mama, with that of wife and lover. Then ask for his thoughts on how the two of you can keep this going in the right direction. Sure, he will always enjoy the quickies, but your relationship shouldn't leave you with these uncommunicated feelings. He really doesn't understand, so maybe you'll want to forgive a few slip-ups now and then, and gently remind him that you have "discussed this" with him already. Gaming can be addicting, but also may be his way of de-stressing or chilling-out, and he should try to see that you both chill-out in different ways. It may be that these differences can ignite something new in him. I hope this helps.

My friend is going through this with her husband. It all came out in counseling that her husband is jealous of ANY time spent with the kids so he tries to pull her away for sex when she is tending to them, and then, same scenario as you describe, he plays video games as soon as the kids get into bed. She would walk in front of him, completely naked and he would scream at her to get out of the way.

You are right, this isn't just about him getting sex. He needs to be filling your love tank too and that's darn near impossible when he spends more time playing WoW instead of with you. Don't just bow to his wants, he needs to be considering you as well and he WON'T unless you tell him that things need to change.

Good luck!

Edit* I am not against quickies during the day, we do them often but the kids are always otherwise occupied and mine are old enough to be safe on their own for a few minutes. BUT...... my husband doesn't act like your does. I would be so sad if my husband acted like yours. I hope he gets a clue soon!

I'd tell your husband he needs to grow up and make better choices. Ask him point blank how can playing a game while children are awake is worse than playing when they are sleeping? He probably ignores them regardless of what time he plays - so he can easily and logically play when they are awake and give you the time you need to feel respected and wanted by having sex when the very young children are asleep. Also remind him the marriage isn't about getting his rocks off every time and whenever he feels the urge. Sex takes TWO people and both should leave the sexual interlude happy.

how about you going upstairs and get yourself "ready" on your own and then he meets you up there for a quickie and you both get there. i know it's not the same as a 2-hour love making session but that can definitely meet the needs to get you both off. and i agree, it's important for both to get your rocks off at least once in a while.

sounds like your hubby wants everything- to play his game and get laid when he wants.

we've put on shows for our little one and had fun in the bedroom. it's a lot of fun during the day. =)

There comes a point in the couple/parenting process where it IS scheduled. It has to be. You can't let little kids run amuck. It may not be super romantic, but it is often necessary and if you want to have sex with our partner it's better to plan it so that your bases are covered.

I look at that time after they are in bed a different way. I look at is as the time we get to be a couple and not just a family. It is the special time my husband and I have (or eventually will have) that we don't have to share. We aren't having to take it from anyone else and there isn't a 5 minute time limit before something breaks or someone cries.

I would start to get a little offended if I felt like I was competing with a video game for my husband's time and attention and that he wanted to "bang one out" really quick so that he didn't have to take time away from his pretend life on WOW. He could just "take matters into his own hands" for all that the time was worth to me, and I wouldn't end up with the mess at the end.

This is something worth fighting for. Not lots of things are, but this one is. I would work at negotiation. Not for sex time perse, as quality time. Make the time enjoyable and romantic for both of you and make sure, if you do have sex, that it's a lot better for him than the bathroom breaks.

It sounds to me that hes just the "adventurous" type....like he would totally go for it in a public place. I can understand why he feels like its scheduled if you guys only do it at night, so just catch him off guard every once in a while....give him a nice HJ or BJ when you guys are in the car alone together, surprise him in the morning or the middle of the night, etc.......he'll stop complaining about how it's always so "scheduled".

I don't agree with the "I don't need to get my rocks off every time" comment though.....you need yours too! Make sure you remind him that you have to give to receive!!