Son Academically Strong, but School Says Gift of Time, Hold Back in K

YOu know what this annoys me - there are so many people that hold their children back to give them an "edge". I think the cut off dates are their for a reason. Send him on to first grade. they can work on him with his writing plus you can practice with him in the summer. Also my daughters kindergarten teacher told me that everyone is at different levels in kindergarten and then they level off by the 3rd grade. Just my two cents

Jenn Smith
http://jennsmith.stayinhomeandlovinit.com
http://www.cbc.ca/MRL/clips/rm-lo/mesley_cleaner030311.rm

B.,

My recommendation is to send him to first grade. I have been a school psychologist for 8 years now and our school team has only recommended retention 3 times while I have been there. If your son knows his letters and sounds and he is able to write his letters then he needs to be promoted. Think of how bored he would be in a second year of kindergarten...then they would see true behavior problems. A full day first grade program is much more appropriate for a six year old than a sencond year of 1/2 day kindergarten.

My recommendation is to involve him in a structured activity every day at the same time over the summer. Make it only about 20 minutes, but in that time, practice letter writing, have him make the letters out of clay or play-do, read together, what ever activity you feel is appropriate. The point is to keep him focused and attentive for the duration of the activity. He will begin to predict the routine and look forward to the time with you, you may even see the length of time increase from 20 to 30 to 40 minutes because of his increased enjoyment and attention...this will prepare him for first grade.

Good luck!!!

H.

During the summer make time every day for a school situation. Its better if you do it the same time every day even if you study different things. You'll be able to study and modify his behavior and he'll learn one on one more of what's expected of him in class. Also - if you take the time to get a good idea of what he'll be learning next term (I actually contacted the teachers and got the books) he'll be more reveiwing the material - so new challenges wont be so new and he'll be more prepared to handle them.

Dear B.,
You have chosen to live in an area where the parents are competitive and want a lot for their children. Bucking the trend will only hurt your son. I have taught Kindergarten in a similar community and now teach in the middle school. The kids who are older have an advantage in EVERY area not just academics. You need to think beyond the moment. Driving? Will he be the last one with his license and forced to ride in cars with kids you don't trust? Will he we be the shortest boy when others start dating. What is your hurry? I am sure that working full time makes the decision a practical one as well, but an extra year of play dough has never hurt anyone that I have heard of.

Hi B.,

I'm the mom of two girls .. 16 and 12.

My 12 y/o started Kindergarten at the age of 4, just at the cut-off date, because she was very bright and bored in pre-K She has always done amazingly well academically, and is frequently bored with grade-level work, She gets enrichment work and is enrolled in the gifted program. If we could afford it, she'd be going to private school.

However, she has no friends. She is socially immature, not only because she is somewhat younger that the other kids in her class, but also because it seems that while she has over-developed academically it has somehow sapped her social skills. They have not kept up with her age. She gets along with adults and HS aged girls and she has a great rapport with kids 1-2 years younger than herself. But with her peers she is just a "brain with feet" It hurts her terribly. She is stuck in a no-mans' land. Smarter and yet more immature than the kids around her. Finishing up 7th grade isn't easy for any girl, and is miserable for her.

In short, it's not necessarily a bad thing to consider holding him back. It could increase his chances of being at the top of his class all through school, and that's quite important when looking toward college. And you might give him time to catch up socially with other kids, which would be a gift you can't imagine at this point.

I have the same problem with my step son. He is scoring in the top of his class but is extremely bored in school. Because of that he is "acting up" in class. I would like to see him bumped up to another grade but the school doesn't see it that way, and I feel that he is losing the desire to be there at all. I think you should do what you feel is right for your son because you know him better then any teacher.

Don't get hung up on having put your child to school "on time." this is about what's right for your kid, not the so-called norm. Some of a kid's success in school is relative and if your child is the youngest he will be at a disadvantage. I have two August children. One is fine. The other is very immature physically and socially. I wish we had her repeat the 4s or kindergarten, but in our district it would be a huge fight. They don't retain easily.

I see you wrote that it is being suggested to hold him back so he can learn to sit still. This really upsets me because he is a boy- I don't believe the school systems are designed for boys. Boys are naturally more active with shorter attention spans. If this is the only reason they think he should be held back, don't do it. You know your child better than anyone and if you feel he is ready to move on- go for it. As other people have said, if he is held back, and gets bored, it will only make him act out more. It sounds like he needs to move ahead and be challenged, just be sure to give him lots of encouragement.

Don't let them hold him back.

He needs a a more involved educational environment. It may help to look around to other types of schools, like private schools that are based on tailoring curriculums to really cool kids like yours.

He's so bored he's just trying to entertain himself and the teachers he has are lazy. He needs a real challenge.

You're very lucky!

Holy Moly! Sounds like my situation- although it hasn't yet been officially suggested to me the teacher actually threatened me with it a few months ago. We are in this fantastic school with my children but as time has gone on, I am less and less appreciative of the manner in which my son is treated by his K teacher. She seems to expect my kindergartener who is just turning 6 this week, to act like a 3rd or 4th grader.

My husband says- if she tries to keep him back, that's it, he'll homeschool! Unless a child is very "young" I feel that K is not the place to hold them back. First grade? Perhaps but Kindergarten, no. How much more can they grow by repeating that?!

My son is also an August baby and is less mature than his classmates, but he is so smart that he'd be bored if left back. The first half of every school year we've had an adjustment period...the time it takes him to settle in is greater than that of his classmates which really highlights his immaturity.

When he went from K to 1st grade we struggled with the option of giving him an extra year (boys benefit from being bigger, faster, and stronger in high school), but his principal wouldn't hear of it. He knew the work, he could do the work, he'd be bored.

You might want to consider checking the parochial schools in your area for a full-day kindergarten program. More structure, more discipline may be all that's needed. It sounds like another year of 1/2 days would not serve his needs.

Does your school system offer anything like a transitional 1st grade program? It is not kindergarten, it's full day, and the class size is generally smaller than a regular 1st grade. It's geared toward children that might not be able to handle a regular sized first grade class, but doesn't make them repeat a 1/2 day kindergarten program. The work load is a cross between kindergarten and first grade. The school system we used to be in had this program and I personally knew several children that were part of this class. They did a fantastic job and the other children did not treat them any differently. This is not a "special ed" classroom, but one to make the transition to 1st grade more successful for the child. I would check with the school board and see if this kind of program is available. I don't think sending him back to kindergarten is really going to help him.

Where do you live? The reason I ask is because here in NYC the children are placed in grades based on age. If you think he can handle the work and will work with him...then let him move on. If you are looking for activities/games that will help improve his handwriting and alphabet I can recommend some...email me ____@____.com

There is a lot of writing in First grade. But it seems to me that he would be bored and NOT benefit from another year in Kindergarten. PLUS...he would have other children as models of behavior to follow. He would be challenged by the longer day full of activies. If he is just having some difficulty sitting and with fine motor skills THOSE are NOT a reason to retain him. I say you fight and have your child move on to 1st.