Stood up for My Friend Publicly and She Was Not Innocent.

I think an apology would be big of you. You were acting in the service of a friend and then were misled. Its really that simple.

I agree with Denise B.
Apologize and admit, you were mistaken,. After hearing the entire story, you realized, you did not have the entire story.

We all make mistakes, you truly thought you knew what was going on.

It takes a strong person to admit they were wrong. It will help take the guilt away to admit this.

Apologies are rarely unnecessary. If ever I'm in doubt, I err on the side of apologizing. Nobody's perfect, and we've all been fooled at some point. You've learned your lesson - there's always two sides to a story. Maybe what you said was all true, but how was it said? Was it attacking?

However, I don't think you should be so hard on yourself for being trusting, loyal, and seeing the positive in your friend. Those are good qualities! So, apologize if you think it will help you move past this. There's no need for shame though.

Our Pastor just spoke about this in Church today. He said as Christians we need to say we are sorry and admit when we are wrong, I think that would be the right thing to do.

M.:

This is a sad situation.

I don't feel you did anything wrong. You believed your friend and it's appearing that she was wrong and lied (?). It is SHE who owes an apology.

If you feel that you said something wrong or hurtful to other people, then by all means - apologize. No one is perfect. If you care about what these people think of you - then apologize - admit you were mislead and did not have the all the facts presented to you.

It's a lesson learned, right? Next time - find out all the facts.

Good luck and God bless!

It's a very rare instance when a sincere apology can do harm.

Rational people change their viewpoints to accept new information. You received new information, and changed your opinion.

No need to apologize for once holding a different opinion - it was simply based on the information you had available at the time.

Chalk it up to a lesson learned. NEVER get involved in another adults employment issues. Grown-ups have to fight their own battles. As the saying goes, there are three sides to every story; yours, mine, and the truth.

At the end of the day I have to live with myself....my behavior, the outcome and the example I set for my daughter. I obviously don't know the details of your situation but you feel like you attacked someone after learning more information, some action may be in order. That icky feeling we get is for a reason. Good luck, you sound like a very loyal and kind person.

if you feel that other people think you attacked them, an apology could go a long way toward smoothing ruffled feathers. you're not a fool, you're a strong and passionate friend. no need to feel ashamed of that.
your apology doesn't have to be some huge convoluted agonized mea culpa. i'll bet a very simple, general 'i wasn't apprised of all the facts and misspoke. i apologize' will make you feel much better.
khairete
S.

First of all, do not feel guilty. You acted based on what you believed was true. Your intent was to do good. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, and we can all be deceived. I think first and foremost, you need to forgive yourself so that you can have peace and eventually move on.

Next, apologizing to those you have wronged is always good for your soul and conscience and will help you with self-forgiveness, regardless if those you apologize to accept it or not. Most people respond well to apologies and it can bring healing and often resolve conflicts. Even serious and seemingly irrepairable conflict.

But depending on the seriousness of this situation, it also may be very important and necessary to do if your actions or testamony has somehow seriously impacted those you spoke out against. For instance, did your testmony cause certain people to lose their livelihood and ability to financially care for their family, did your words harm their reptutation beyond repair in the community, or cause them undue emotional pain by making them the center of gossip or give people just cause to mistreat them or isolate them in some way from the church community?

Only you know the gravity and full details of your situation. If defending your friend now found guilty means someone is unnecessarily paying or paid for her crimes, because you gave her lies credence, you probably need to take personal responsibility to rectify the situation, if it's in your power to do so. So, if fixing the damage means personally apologizing, do so. And if necessary you may have to do it publicly to restore their good name(s).

Before doing anything at all, I say pray and meditate on this carefully, then talk to a trusted minister or someone who is neutral of the situation who can give you good spiritual and legal guidance if employment law is an issue, on how to procede. They may suggest otherwise after hearing the full story and have a better suggestion.

GL

I would let it go but if you don't you don't need to apologize because you didn't do anything wrong. You just believed your friend, she is the one who should be apologizing, to you and everyone drawn in.

For a minute, set aside whether or not you were factually correct. It sounds like a number of people went over the top. Was your behavior sometihng you feel bad about? Did you say things in a way that was wrong, rude, inappropriate of something like that? If yes, the by all means apologize and do it soon and with great sincerity.

Now, taking your new information in mind, if this is something you think others would have expected you to see and you didn't, then you should apologize. If it's something you couldn't have known, then I don't see your error or need to apologize.

BTW -- good for you for being willing to stand up and admit your error.

I have done what you did and lived to regret and LEARN by it.. I learned that there are many sides to a story and ALL sides are true depending upon a person's perspective. That said, you could pull your boss aside and let he/she that you learned a valuable lesson and although you felt you needed to protect your friend, let your boss know that you learned it's important to have all the facts and not jump to conclusions. The fact that you learned a lesson here may show your boss you are flexible in terms of changing and can learn from experience. This needn't be a damaging situation for you, in fact , you can turn it around and gain some power from the lessons you have learned..

Exactly what Denise B said!!!

I think it depends on what this is all about. If she was fired from her job and she did all this it seem she is quite irrational.

I would call the party involved and apologize if you know "for sure" she was in the wrong. If it ever comes out she was correct and you have called and apoligized you would have hurt her terribly. I think having some time to sit with her and listening again to her side might make some sense out of it for you.

I know after being told the other side I might want to hear her response. Sometimes when we are falsely accused we get so stressed out we become irrational and it makes us look even worse.

So that's why I say give her a chance to respond.

At least you see your worng. Why do adults join a bandwagon without proof?!?!?!?

I say let it go and move on. Next time get more information before you proceed in this manner.

Like you said, you were mislead and misinformed about the true situation. Because you feel so bad about it I would offer up an apology. You won't be able to let it go and move on if you don't based on how you feel.

Yes I would apologize. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and people respect us more when we do. Make sure you have learned something from this too.

If everyone involved was wrong, then you shouldn't feel bad. Everyone's perception of "wronged" isn't necessarily the same. She was the one fired. You might not consider her to be innocent, but they have their jobs and she doesn't. Perhaps what you and the other people said to them is justified, since they didn't follow proper procedures.

Sometimes there is fallout when proper protocol isn't followed and someone loses a job. I would consider that before you apologize, since what you DON'T want them to do is think it's okay to do this again. As far as your friend is concerned, she is punished already by having lost her job.

Good luck,
Dawn

Yes. You'll feel better & it's just the right thing to do. Apologizing without any expectations from the others will give you closure to this event. Don't beat yourself up -- sounds like the lesson was learned! =)