Stop Breastfeeding

Whatever you decide you won't be a bad mother, but just keep in mind that formula takes a bit of preparation to make and you may be wasting time you could be sleeping in preparing/storing formula and washing bottles.

I remember breaking down and crying, from lack of sleep/ feelings of inadaquacy/ breast pain, everything! The one thing I can promise you is that it DOES get better. By around month two breast feeding became one of the things I most looked forward to. It was pleasant-feeling, and it was a great excuse to slip away and bond, peacefully with my daughter. I learned to feed her while laying down, and it even became a chance to get a light nap, or at least rest my body. I remember thinking "this is the BEST feeling." I had forgotten all about the difficulties in getting started. No matter what you chose, you are NOT a terrible mother. You're probably just tired like all of us. :)

I'm having a hard time with this question because I'm very supportive of breastfeeding and several of the things you mentioned are really temporary like being uncomfortable and having it hurt. I don't want to tell someone who is DONE with breastfeeding and just wants someone to tell them it's ok to stop, to keep going and have them hating it and feeling resentful about it. I would just assure you that you aren't a terrible mother for stopping and formula is not the end of the world. You know this. You already have a "wonderful little boy" who was formula fed.

Really, you're not a terrible mom. There are many more important factors that go into being a good parent than breastfeeding, like loving your child unconditionally and always being there for them. Those are things you will do for your entire life. Breastfeeding is a great start to a baby's life, but that's what it is- a start.

If you are looking for someone to give you hope and tell you that it gets better, that I can definitely do. Having a good milk supply is two-thirds of the battle. You still have a lot of hormones coursing through your body and they would still be there even if you weren't breastfeeding. People who don't breastfeed can have PPD as well. I'll assume your newborn is normal and "sleeping like a baby" which means not much at night! That's not just because you're breastfeeding, but I bet the sleep deprivation is making you miserable too. I always feel for moms who write posts like these during times of growth spurts which 5-6 weeks sure is because it can make nursing feel like a challenge. Add an older child in there who has to adapt to a new sibling and not having all mom and dad's attention and no wonder you're irritable and overwhelmed! It does get easier. I promise. By 3 months your milk supply is established and stabilized and usually engorgement isn't too much of an issue unless you go a long time between nursing. The leaking boobs tend to get better. Baby's mouth is bigger and latching doesn't hurt. Your hormones are more level too. What can you do in the meantime?

Are you getting enough sleep? Can someone watch the baby so you can nap? Can you nap WITH the baby while you nurse?

Do you get any time to yourself? Can someone watch the baby while you go for a walk or walk around Target or peruse a bookstore with a coffee for half an hour?

I don't know what kind of pain you're having. Is your uterus still contracting when you nurse (which feels worse with subsequent kids) which is very normal? Is is pain with latching which means you can work on your latch? General sore nipple pain? You can use equal parts lotrimin cream, neosporin, and hydrocortisone cream after nursing sessions. Can you contact the lactation consultant at the hospital you gave birth at or maybe someone from La Leche League (they're free) to help you troubleshoot?

Could you have post partum depression and need to speak to your doctor?

Are you eating well and getting enough to drink?

Breastfeeding does get easier and I don't think you will regret doing it no matter how long you do it for. At the same time, you have to pick the best option for your family and be at peace with it. What a bunch of strangers think about you stopping or continuing breastfeeding truly doesn't matter as long as YOU are content with your decision.

I had a lot of trouble nursing both of my boys, too, and I had to give it up a lot sooner than what I wanted. But formula feeding has worked out to be the best option for me. I did feel badly, too, but I try to focus on the bright side: I am thankful that there are so many good formula options and bottles and I'm not in pain and upset/frstrated by the constant struggle that nursing was. It has also been helpful that my husband, who is a physician, was supportive when I told him the reasons I needed to stop nursing. My advice is to do what works for you. Best wishes.

Hi E.,

At 5 weeks, you are still going to be exhausted from giving birth and lack of sleep. Don't be so hard on yourself. When you are that sleep deprived and tired, you're going to be irritable. Give yourself some more time to recover, and, importantly, get your husband or other family members/friends to help you more. I had very difficult labor and recover (I had 3rd degree internal and external tearing) and it was 4 months before I wasn't in pain anymore. If you are finding breastfeeding itself painful, you should go see a good lactation consultant to help you figure out why you are still in pain and how to fix that. You'll be amazed at how much that can help.

It's also really important to keep in mind that breastfeeding itself will not make you feel mentally unstable. It's hormonal changes after giving birth that does that (in addition to the exhaustion and sleep deprivation). If you've been experiencing mental instability or depression continuously for more than 2 weeks in a row, it is likely that you have postpartum depression. This can be very serious, and if that is the case, you need to see your OB-Gyn ASAP. Depending on the severity, you may also need to see a Psychiatrist who specializes in this (talk to your OB about it--postpartum depression is absolutely treatable, but it won't go away by itself).

If you do have postpartum depression, do NOT just stop breastfeeding. That will cause your hormone levels to change very rapidly and will likely make the postpartum depression significantly worse (you really, really don't want that). When you do decide to stop, you'll want to have a slower transition so your body is able to adjust easier to the hormonal changes, and you'll also want to be monitored more closely by your doctor if you do have postpartum depression.

So, in sum:
1. Don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself more time to recover and get your husband and others to help you more.

2. If breastfeeding is painful, go see a good lactation consultant to resolve this.

3. Breastfeeding does not cause mental instability, hormone changes do. Suddenly stopping breastfeeding may make it worse due to the rapid hormone changes involved.

4. If your mental instability has lasted more than 2 weeks, get checked out for postpartum depression. If you have postpartum depression, get treated.

Lastly, remember that in the big scheme of things, the difficulty you are having now is just temporary. Things will get better.

Take care of yourself, and feel free to contact me if you want to talk about this more.

Debra :)

Your baby needs a happy, mentally healthy momma A LOT more than she needs breast milk. Breast milk is great, absolutely, but anyone has to admit that you can raise a happy, healthy baby on formula and love but you can't raise a baby on breast milk and nothing. Do what you have to do and move on, breastfeeding is only one VERY small part of being a mom.

You really sound sad about your situation. I'm not sure what you mean by mentally unstable, but as long as you feel everyone is safe, get in touch with La Leche League. They will help you, or lead you to help, and maybe you can find the cause for your situation. It sounds like a post partum depression issue. If you need a number look in the phone book or call the local health department. Don't give up! You and your baby will benefit from this wonderful organization.

Breastfeeding is not what makes you a good mother! Don't beat yourself up over having a legitimate reason to stop. Our society makes us feel like if we don't breastfeeding our babies we are horrible mothers and must not love our children, which is clearly not the case! It doesn't work for w
everyone, for many reasons. I say focus on being a healthy, happy Mom and that is a bigger gift to your whole family.
Good luck, I hope you feel better soon, hang in there... It's all worth it!

Sweetie, your daughter will survive and it does not make you a bad mother. Give her a bottle, coo as you would to a breast feeding baby, make lots of eye contact and snuggle close and the bond will be the same. Dont let the guilt get you. If its stressing you out that much, let it go. You have way more things to get your attention fixed on with a new baby and a 3 yo around.

Dear E.,

Society is so harsh on mothers who don't breastfeed I feel for you. I had four children and none of them were breastfed for my own personal reasons. I remember the guilt even doctors try to heap on you. Your child will grow to be happy, healthy, well adjusted and no different from any child raised with love.

My children did not wind up any less healthy, less socially adapted, less intelligent, etc... because they were bottle fed. I know in my heart they had better nutrition from the bottle, and they also had bonding time with daddy because of the bottle. I gave them nine months of my body, and a lifetime of love.

Take care of yourself, mental and physical, and your family will not only be fine, they will be happy.

Hi E.,
What you are going through sounds very familiar. I also had a hard time emotionally when I breast fed my first son. It effected my body in all kinds of ways I never expected. I made it to 8 months breast feeding but I feel like had I stopped sooner, maybe it wouldn't have put such a strain on my relationship with my husband. We worked through it but man was is rocky there for a bit. Any breast milk you can give your baby is good and you're doing the best you can. So 5 wks or 1 yr, you do what you can. Don't feel bad if you need to stop. You're thinking of your family first! I would suggest talking to your ob gyn too. There may be some other options for you to help you emotionally while breast feeding. For me they suggested estrogen pills. I didn't like the idea of that coming through my breast milk to my son, plus it would have taken 8 wks to work. So my other option was to stop breast feeding, which also took about 8 wks to get back to normal. So thats what I chose. You do what's best for you and your family. Good luck and best wishes to you.

Ride it out. It gets way better. I nursed each of my kids for 2 1/2 yrs. Was painful and irritating each time I started, but got great and was well worth it. Get yourself a balancing massage (call me!! ###-###-#### ask for S.) Get yourself some healing teas and essential oils like lavendar. Breathe, focus on healing and balance. It is worth it.
Good luck.
Oh, and if you choose not to, don't beat yourself up! Make a decision and stick with it.

DON'T FEEL GUILTY!!! I breastfed my daughter until 8 months and my son never took. They have both been just as healthy, my son actually healthier. They have both been just as attached to me and they are both very stable and happy babies! Breastfeeding is wonderful, but only if you enjoy the experience! Your baby will be a much happier baby if you are comfortable during feeding times. PLUS you will have the additional help of others during feeding time. You need to do what feels best for you. A happy mom makes a happy home! Don't let others put guilt on you! =)

Hi E.,
B/F is a monumental task and it is completely normal to feel overwhelmed. First of all, I want to say good job on making it this far! :) Now, secondly, please remember that breastfeeding does NOT have to be all or nothing. Some breast milk is better than none. So, if you must, you can always look into either pumping to store a bottle of breastmilk so daddy can feed the baby in the evening or he could use a bottle of formula. This lets daddy have some bonding time and while this happens, you can spend time with your other child or catch a well-needed and well-deserved nap.

The other thing is you may want to have your thyroid levels checked. Normally if that drops, your milk supply will, but anyway, being hypothyroid can bring on a sort of depression.

Good luck and try to remember "this too shall pass."

I breastfed by daughter and did not have the experience that you are having. I went into breastfeeding thinking that I would do it for as long as I could and as long as it was good for my family. It obviously isn't working for you and you should feel proud that you are aware of this and ready to make a difficult decision to do what is right for your family. I know it's easy for me to say, but DON'T feel guilty! Babies who aren't breastfed grow up just as attached and healthy as those who are. Do what's right for you! Good luck!

Whatever you decide is the right thing to do. You have given your child the gift of breastfeeding for 5 weeks, which is more than some people are able. Make sure you talk with your doctor about post-partum depression though. Breastfeeding actually has good benefits for you - so your feelings may not stop if you stop. So many moms feel the same way you do for the first few months, we just aren't with other mom's who have recently given birth so we aren't talking about it. I remember feeling the emotional stuff much more with my second child, perhaps because on top of all the sleep depreviation and adjustment that comes with a new baby I didn't think about the extra responsibilities I already had with my first child and how those weighed on me. You are not alone in how you feel. Just don't forget to take care of yourself and get help from your OBGYN if needed.

E.,

It sounds like to me you may have a form of post-partum depression. I recommend speaking with your Dr.- you may not needs meds, but she may have some suggestions for you.

If you have good milk supply have you thought about just pumping & giving the baby breast milk with the bottle?

I know several moms who have done that for various reasons.

The thing about breastfeeding is it has to be good for the mother and child. If one of you is not enjoying it, then it is time to stop.

It does take loads of energy, I remember they tell you to eat more calories and a lot of iron and protein when you are nursing.

HI E.,

I remember being overwhelmed just like you. And the ladies are right that stress will tear down the nutrition in your milk. BUT...before you stop, look into other issues. Postpartum depression is not just a given. It can be exacerbated by lack of nutrition. Are you still taking your prenatal vitamin? If you're not, get back on them. If you are, then you are probably taking one that your body is not absorbing. This is VERY common. Doctors don't generally prescribe the best on the market. They usually prescribe the most available. I can recommend one if you like.

Right now, the baby and you are priority. Your husband should understand that. He PROBABLY DOES but when you're stressed you don't always recognize the support you are getting. Take things one day at a time and remember that each day is new. You said you enjoy experiencing new adventures with you little ones...View this as an adventure. The ladies are right. It doesn't make you a bad mom if you stop but you can give your little one so much if you don't.

God bless and CONGRATULATIONS on your little girl!

M.
www.squidoo.com/ifyourbabycouldtalk

I haven't read all the responses all the way through so don't know if anyone has suggested this or not... but what about feeding him mainly formula but supplementing with as much breast milk as you can pump without draining yourself? Like maybe pump once or twice a day and store the milk to feed from a bottle and the rest of the time use formula.

When my daughter was born, I returned to a high-pressure job pretty much right away. I tried pumping/breastfeeding but ended up feeling half-dead energy wise. It was a tough decision to switch to formula, but I just couldn't keep going and my supply was always barely enough. I switched to formula, but used pump milk for 1 or 2 feedings a day for a long time. That gave me my energy back & gave her some benefits of breastmilk. SOME is better than none!

Whatever you do is the right thing. There is no perfect answer, just the answer that works best for your family. Good luck.

There are many circumstances that can affect breasfeeding. It is what is best for children, but sometimes life interferes and needs to be taken into consideration. I had to stop with my oldest at 4 months because of surgery. I stopped at 6 months with my second son because he was biting me. My daughter breastfed without a hitch until I was just tired of doing it at 10 months. With my last son, I was under a great deal of stress. My husband was deployed and I was always stressed out. I started adding bottles at 2 months and by 4 months had quit breastfeeding altogether. I wanted to breastfeed, but I was so stressed that it was taking a toll. I needed to do what was best all around. That said, if you are having emotional problems, it's probably postpartum stuff and not directly related to breastfeeding. Breastfeeding doesn't release anything that should make you feel like that. You should give it a little longer. If you are really uncomfortable, then try pumping. I pumped off and on with all of them, especially once I started the switch to bottles. But if you do decide to quit altogether, don't let anyone make you feel guilty. You can't be a good mom if you are miserable. So you have to take YOU into consideration, not just him.

Hi E.,

Besides what other Moms say remember this: "A happy Mom... Is a Happy Child" ....And a happy husband, and happy siblings too....
You tried it already and as much as you (and others) would like you to continue doing it, you are not enjoying it. Remember it's you the one doing it and regardless what people say you have to feel it's the right choice for your own sake and for the baby.
There's not reason to martyrized yourself. (As I call this "Marianism..." The macho/feminism... our need to be good mom, good wife, good daughter, good worker, good friend, good.......) Breast milk is the best for your baby....? It is, but it also has to be good for you too.
I have two daughters and I breast fed them feeling unhappy and pressured to do it and judged when I wanted to stop. Like one honest friend put it once: Breast milk is like eating at home. Formula is like going out to eat.... Who doesn't do only one or do both?
If you decide to continue, I advise you to find help to deal with these feelings. You don't want to feel resented for what you want or don't want. Good luck!
If you decided to stop, start pumping and give your baby the breast milk. Little by little add bottles of formula until you have no more milk. Like that your breast will have the chance to adjust and won't be uncomfortable to you.

Cheers,
J.

If the baby is only 5 weeks old, I can understand how you feel...I felt the same way, but never assumed it was from breastfeeding. Your problem doesn't sound like it is from breastfeeding either! I would beg you to at least pump milk for your baby until you feel mentally stable, I got better after a few months, but hopefully it won't take that long for you. I can assure you that quitting nursing your baby isn't going to help anything, unless it IS a medical condition. I am so glad I didn't stop breastfeeding because I am skinnier now from doing it and feel so much better than I ever did.

God intended for women to breast feed their babies and that is why he made breasts and caused them to fill with milk. Sometimes, one cannot do this, for one reason or another. I had 5 babies of my own and was never able to breastfeed. That's ok though because bottles do the same thing. Mainly, I think you should hold your baby while it is feeding and give it love. When you are in pain or uncomfortable, neither you nor your baby is getting the good you should be out of it. So, go ahead and switch to bottles. They work fine. Good luck. J.

It is normal to be a bit "unstable" right now. At 5 weeks, your body is still healing from the birth process, and you'll be experiencing postpartum moodiness regardless of whether you're breastfeeding or not.

Your body was designed to breastfeed after pregnancy. Try to consider breastfeeding for at least the minimum recommended by doctors: 6 months. And also, breast-feeding releases "feel-good" hormones in the mothers body.

Your mental instability is likely being caused by 1) hormone adjustment - normal post-partum, 2) lack of sleep, and possibly 3) nutritional deficiencies, among any number of factors. Talk to your doctor about your moodiness, pain, don't give up!

I fel the same way when I breastfed my daughter who is now 17 months old. I am now breastfeeding my 7 week old and its better this time around but I do have moments of feeling like I'm gonna loose it but I feel so guilty I keep going but maybe you can pump every 4 hours and that would ease things a bit if you still want your baby to get your milk of what I had done with my daugher was give her a bottle at night and in the morning and one at night and the rest of the day I would breastfeed

E., i cant say i have been in your shoes, but maybe you could try a pump, and give your baby the breast milk in a bottle! i had to go that route with my son, (whom is now a happy healthy three year old.) (T. mom of one son.) i can definately say, that to continue to give your baby the breast milk, some way, is the best way to go/best for you baby. i can also say, i personally didnt care for breast feading myself, and that in itself is alot of work,but we all have to make alot of sacrifices for our children.

Dear E.-
You just had a baby- babies take all the nutrients- you need to handle your nutrition& and you will be fine.
Let's see- go to the health food stroe and get eggs- good eggs- and fix how ever you like, if you don't like then hard boil them and eat- nature's most complete food( which has gotten a terrible and untrue rap),
then raw stuff- like salad stuff, and fruit and lots of water- whatever you weigh in lbs, divide this in 1/2 and make that ozs- that is daily-
really you are just VERY low in what your body needs- this is JUST a sign that you need the proper food- check out WestonPrice.com.
It will get better- and you are wonderful to care, and you can make it.
And a complete b vit will help- very quickly, too.
best, k

Please try to continue breastfeeeding! I do not think that is what's causing your problems. Maybe you're just stressed because you have a new baby in the house and are lacking sleep, etc! If you think about all of the wonderful benefits breast milk gives your baby then maybe it will help you to continue. Make sure that when you nurse, you are comfortable and well hydrated. Just relax and take a few deep breaths - it would be such a complete shame for all of your milk to go to waste. What about pumping? If you really can't nurse then at least pump your milk so your baby can benefit from it! Good luck!

Hey dear, the hormonal rollercoaster gets us every time. It hurts to breast-feed; but it gets better with time. If you have a good supply, then pump, so your baby still gets your milk and you can be relieved of that "exploding" feeling. Again, ask your doc about having hormone levels checked. It makes us sad, makes us cry, makes us mad at life. Sucks. If anything, go to the health food store and speack with someone who has "been there, done that" so you can get supplements to increase your immune system.
And take pictures of your beautiful children. You will enjoy them once you get your feet back on the ground.
Many blessings, S.

Oh E., I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. I read many of the other responses and I must say, the emotional roller coaster thing IS from just having your baby. I LOVED nursing but the first few months did hurt quite often. It was strange to get used to. Strange to get used to a baby around, husband and every other thing life throws at you at the same time, in addition to a house of pets-3 cats and 2 big dogs.
We got through it, it all worked out and nursing became a wonderful, pleasant and enjoyable experience for my daughter and myself. We are very close, she is very healthy and all worked out well. I ended up nursing her for 4 years!!!
I'm not saying you can't have a close relationship with your child if you don't nurse BUT it's such a shame to give up that chance in life. It's really the BEST thing you can do for your child in so many ways.
I'd say give yourself a time frame. If you don't feel better in 2 more months then go for the artificial stuff. I would also recommend finding a La Leche group in your area for support and live feedback. JMHO
Peace!

Dear E.,
Whatever you decide is best for you is good enough. You are a loving, caring and devoted mother, and that is what is important.

To add an additional perspective to your dilemma, although I found bfeeding challenging at first, I found that with time it actually served to calm me. It also made me stop sit and relax while my LO was eating. i was able to think, read, watch TV during that time. You can also read to your other little one or have her sit with you and watch TV while you Bfeed.

again, whatever you decide is good enough. Good Luck.

If you're feeling this way and you know it's because of breastfeeding, don't let anyone talk you out of quitting. You need your sanity for your whole famly...you included!! Take care of you and don't worry what others say!

It's only been 5 weeks. You are going to feel a little unstable while your hormones are readjusting to the changes you have been through. I know it's painful at first too, but give it a few more weeks. It will get better. I am currently breastfeeding my third child, and I have gone through this with each one of them. For the first two months when they nurse I would just sit there and cry because my nipples hurt so bad. But they eventually toughened up and I wouldn't trade that time nursing my babies for anything.

You do whatever YOU need to make yourself feel ok - you can't take care of your family if YOU are not feeling well. I had a child, and I did breastfeed, but I would never say that in itself makes you a great mom! There are plenty of formulas out there now that will give the baby what it needs to stay healthy. You do whatever it takes to take care of yourself! You are important too!

Hi E.,

Congratulations!
When i read your concern I could see myself 3 months ago. My baby is already 4 months now and I thought breastfeeding was going to drive me nuts. I am so glad I endured the first nipple aches and feeding frustration, because now my favorite moment is breastfeeding. I love it and thanks to writing to Mamasource, I had all the women encouraging me not to stop. I thank everyone who wrote to me, because if I would have stopped then I would have lost or missed the opportunity of enjoying this magical feeling of breastfeeding.
I remember when I would cry not knowing if my baby is having enough, of not knowing when to stop or how often to feed her. Even worse my baby used to fall asleep during feeds so I felt like I was feeding all day while the world was just passing me by. My nipples were so soar I was in constant pain. It has all changed now. My baby feeds in 10 minutes (it took a while but we got there), she feeds every hour and I love falling asleep with her as we feed lying down.
So please hang in there and I promise you it eventually pays off. If bottle feeding is your option or choice, then be proud of it too. That will never make you a bad mother.
I wish you all the best and enjoy your time with your little princess.

I would look more into Post partum depression rather then breastfeeding for your issues.

If you are stressed and overwhelmed, those stress hormones will be produced innyour milk which is not good for baby. The antibodies needed are passed through within the first 2 weeks so you may be better off switching. The worst part of stopping is just the cost of formula in my opinion. I wanted to breast feed badly, but after 5 weeks my milk went away and my daughters led assured me since she had 2 weeks she would be fine and she is. She is healthy and happy and smart and beautiful and honestly, I think the DNA a d added iron in formula plus getting her body used to cow milk protiens was best because tons o foods are made with cows milk.
Don't stress about it, don't feel bad either. Do what your heart feels is best.

Honestly don't feel bad. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your kids. Your son has already reaped many benifits from the breast milk he has already recived. There is no shame in stoping early if you have to, breast feeding just dosn't always work out for everyone. goood luck!

Hi E.,

Before my son was born, my friend told me something that I'm going to share with you: whether you breast feed for one day or one year, the fact that you've tried is what's most important and don't let anyone make you feel bad if you, for whatever reason, need to stop.

I had to stop at 10 months due to diminished milk supply. I was on Reglan to try to increase it, but that left me feeling very tired and unable to properly care for my son, so I had to stop...even with the knowledge that it likely meant the end of bfeeding. What it came down to was this: do I want to be a good mother, active in caring for my son or do I want to be too exhausted to care for him while providing him with nutrition that could be supplimented by formula? I understand my son was much older, but the dilemma was the same. I highly advocate bfeeding, but you also have to look at the big picture. Yes, mothers milk is best, but many-myself included-were solely formula fed and grew up to be healthy adults. I'd encourage you to look at everything and speak with your doctor AND a lactation consultant. (Keep in mind that some LCs are militant about bf and you stand to get your feelings hurt...this happened to me while I was actively bf with no intention of stopping.) No matter what decision you come to, it is the right one for you, so give no apologies. God Bless.