Stop the nagging.....my Dear 7 Year Old

My almost 6 yr old is the same. Just mean what you say, empty threats like grounding or removal of tv etc. you must do it! I used to threated and then not follow through and they pick up on it. My daughter is so good at school and does the steps, hand up coat, put folder in box etc. Then at home throws it all on the floor and you have to keep repeating. AAHH!! It drives you crazy, my 3 yr old comes down stairs dressed but my almost 6 yr old you have to ask 5 times.

M. - SAHM and WAHM and love it!
http://www.WorkingGreenMoms.com

I liked what Bonnie C. had to say...

Personally, our son is 13 and sometimes he's great at helping and sometimes he could be better. At 7, I realized that sometimes he truly did not hear me. He would be absorbed and my voice was not registering when he was immersed in something. When I would ask him to do something, I would ask him to repeat back to me what I had said. If he got that part right, he was more apt to do it. Then I knew his brain was truly engaged.

Another thing we do is to say it verbally first, then write a list of tasks to help remind him. That way, the onus is on him to complete the task. I still feel like a nag sometimes, but the more I compliment him on the work he has done, the better he is at getting various tasks done.

One challenge for us is that our son tends toward ADHD, the inattentive type. It's not enough to be medicated or anything like that, but just enough to be frustrating for him or for us at times. At first I thought he was just lazy and couldn't stick to things. Now, I realize he just operates a little differently.

Our son is now blossoming into a more responsible kid. It's great to see, but it's taken a long time to cultivate. Repetition is actually needed with him. It helps keep him on track. To help him "own" his responsibilities more, we started writing lists for him. It gave him a sense of accomplishment to be able to check off various things, and it took me out of the nag loop (at least a little).

The other trick is to be attentive to how I attend to tasks. Sometimes I'm a great example for getting things done and sometimes I'm not. So, I guess some of this he comes by honestly.

Respect is a challenge we all struggle with. My challenge is to respect his learning process enough to allow him to try it himself and to let him fail. (But I want him to do it right the first time...if he'd just listen to me! : ) I know it's hard, but sometimes I have to sit on my hands or figuratively cover my mouth to let him take the initiative. But, slowly, he's beginning to get it.

Lastly, try not to extrapolate into the future too much. I'm notorious for doing that. As long as you attend to things at the specific age you're at, you will likely do just fine when the later years come along.

I can't stand the response parents often give of "because I'm the mom" when kids ask why they have to do something. But I have used this alternative argument many times--"it's my job to teach you...". It pisses him off when I ask him to do some things, but he also knows I'm asking them out of love to teach him habits that will serve him well in life.

Good luck!

P.S. Charts never worked for us. They work well for some families, but our son would lose interest in them quickly.

T.-
My 11 year old is just like your 7 year old. I think it's just easier to listen than to have to actually do the work and, what the heck, mom is just going to do it anyway. I remind my son of the lovely privilages that he will lose if he can't take time to take care of the business.
Good Luck!
S.

I also had this problem with my two kids, ages 6 and 9. What worked for us was whenever I needed to ask for something twice I would take 5 minutes off of their bedtime, if the offense was more severe, like bad mouth talk or being physical with the other child I would take 15 minutes off of bedtime, the parent needs to keep track of the time for the day and then absolutely stick to putting the child in bed at that time, Once we had to put my 9 year old to bed at 7:30 but he got the hint that his behaivor was NOT acceptable and his attitude changed very quickly. Good luck

7 yrs old, most likely in 2nd grade, and you want him to act more like a grown up? He's going to have to grow a bit more before that happens. My son is 11 yrs now and has a lot of these things under his belt now. He takes out the trash and puts away the clean dishes from the dishwasher most the time without being asked. He always helps bring in groceries and helps put them away. If he thinks I'm nagging excessively, I ask him how many jobs he holds down, how many collage degrees he has, how many mortgages he's paid off, how many whiny kids he's raising and until he's on his own, he can expect to show his parents some respect, and we're fairly easy parents to get along with. He's a good boy, but reminding him he needs a bit of gratitude in his attitude usually sets him back on track. Once or twice I've had to tell him he is a few years away from being a teenager and I'm not putting up with any of it any sooner than I have to. Rewards for good behavior are nice, but review some of his usual perks (TV watching, video games, etc) and see if these are more privileges that need to be earned rather than taken for granted for free. Find his currency. Tell him it's very hard to say no to a good boy. If toys don't get put away - put them away yourself in a closet for a few weeks where he can't get them. He'll learn to put them away himself eventually especially when he runs out of toys to play with.

T.,

Wow ....he sounds just like my husband!! They always need reminding whether they are little boys or men. LOL

D.

It may be difficult, but just leave the mess. Next time he sits down to eat something at his place it will still be filled with his old sticky mess. Our rule at home is that they have to eat and drink at a table (no walking around)and they have to put plates in the sink and juice boxes/scraps in the trash when done. You almost have to let them fail for them to get the point - like miss the buss and forget lunch in the backpack and then maybe it will stick. However, he is only 7 so give him some more guidance (my 12 year old is on her own although I do still tell her she has xx minutes left when she lags in the bathroom in the AM). My girls are 9 and 12 are now doing things on their own but it took many many repeated requests to get to this point. They help set the table and need to help clear off (ketchup in the fridge, salt in the cabinet, etc.) Watch for training him the wrong way: if you always ask 3 times he will actually learn to not respond until the 3rd time! Not an easy task and I certainly lost my cool and raised my voice many times. Good luck.

I have the same problem as well...moslty my 7 year old boy will look at me and pretend he did nothear what I said and want me to repeat it...but he did hear..some kind of stall tactic I think. he heards me ask him to pick up a toy or whatever he just says "what?" out of habit or something. Latley I have him sit in time out until he "remembers" what I asked him to do...it is usually something obvious like part of his morning routine so it does not take him too long to figure it out. but sitting in time out limits his distractions to the point where he is sitting there and trying to remember what he needs to do so he can elave time out...

I like the Idea about the bed time going earlier...We have tried a checklist for morning and after school... that worked awhile.

Hi T.,
Boy, can I relate! First of all, I noticed with my children that this behavior is normal (the distraction, not hearing, forgetting along the way, etc.). However, nagging definitely doesn't work. I just read a great book that would be perfect. It's called "Have a New Kid by Friday," by Kevin Leman. He also has a similar one out called, "Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours." The premise of both is that you must CONSISTENTLY use what he calls "reality discipline." It's basically the idea that if your son doesn't do a job he was supposed to do, don't nag him; just wait until he needs/wants something, and then refuse gently, explaining that you can't do that because you didn't do x, y, or z when I asked you. This can be really hard, especially when it means they miss the bus, or don't get to go somewhere special, but it really works. Even better if the consequence follows naturally from the action (or lack of action), like when he misses the bus because he didn't get dressed when you told him to. I did find it helpful to have a list of daily expected things for the kids to do, because they had a really hard time with more than one step at a time, especially my boys. We had lists by their doors in their rooms of each thing they had to do in the morning (ie. make bed, get dressed, put PJs away, brush teeth, etc.) We didn't do rewards charts, though - I found it too hard to be consistent with them. I would highly recommend getting one of those books, b/c he gives lots of great examples and you can keep referring back to it. Good luck.

I always had lists of things I wanted done from each child posted in the livingroom. There were different tasks for different times of the day. Not too many, mind you. But they were expected to finish the tasks before they could do anything else.

If you do come up with something that works. I would love to hear about it. My 14 year old is the same way!!
Good luck!