Stranger Complimenting on Behavior

I have been complimented on my daughters' behavior, and it always makes my day when that happens! We work so hard on having nice manners, and it really brings home to both girls that people DO notice.

Likewise, when I see other people's kids doing something nice or particularly well-mannered, I do make a comment to the parent and/or the child. We all tend to complain about the really awful behaviors we see, but so often we see nice behavior and let it slip by unnoticed. I find it makes *my* day to remark on someone else's good deeds!

My two year old was sitting in a booster seat at McDonalds. He started playing with his food and wiggling around. I told him to stop or he woudl need to go in the high chair. He didnt stop, so I plopped him in the highchair. He cried and wailed and screamed.

A woman came over and complimented me on my parenting. I was so happy!

And then we left, because he was still screaming... :)

I compliment a lot of the time when I see kids behaving well. I know how much it means to them to hear some stranger tell them how nice they are acting. The look of pride on their face is sooo worth saying some little thing. They wil be even better the next time out too.

I compliment others on a semi-regular basis, this is something I learned as a teacher: especially with a challenging kid, make the first contact with the parents a positive one, this does so much good for the relationship between all three (mom, teacher, and kid). I just carried it over to strangers and made sure that they hear about when their kid is being good because so many others are so quick to tell when a kid is being bad.

I also compliment moms when I hear THEM being kind to their children. I can't tell you how it grates on my nerves to hear moms yelling at or belittling their kids, either directly or to other people. I just want to say to them, "You know, he can clearly hear you telling your friend that he is a horrid brat, and the only reason he acts that way is because you let him." I don't say that, but when I hear a mom having a nice conversation with their kid or see kind interactions I say "It's so nice to see someone who appreciates their child for who they are and shows them kindness and love. That seems awfully rare these days."

I love my children (and kids in general) so much, that I just can't imagine doing or saying the things I hear mothers say sometimes! It makes my blood boil!

I have had my 2 year old complimented a few times for being polite and well behaved, usually in restaurants, but also in stores and in the grocery store! People are usually most impressed that she says please and thank you, and will (sometimes) introduce her self. every time we leave a store (whether we bought something or not) we say thank you, and it seems to really surprise people when my daughter does it!

But, the best compliment I have received was one day when she was having a tantrum (yeah, it happens occasionally) and I took her out of the store (I was really flustered and about 8.5 months pregnant too) and a woman stopped by my car and said "you know, your doing a great job, I wish most moms would discipline so well!"

Of course the last thing you expect during a tantrum is a compliment, but it really touched me.

I think that is so great that you got a compliment on your 10 year old, I hope he heard it too! Good job mama!

-M.

One time an elderly couple came to compliment my kids in a restaurant and the gentleman gave the kids each a dollar to buy dessert with. I was a really nice gesture and it showed the kids that good manners actually pays off! We usually get compliments on our kids but I have also been the mom walking out the door with the tantruming kid in my arms too.

Congratulations and I hope you and your son had a wonderful evening.

We have gotten complemented on DS's behavior in restaurants since he was an infant. We never ate in 'family friendly' restaurants before having kids and have not changed. He has gone to 'fancy' restaurants his entire life. We dress him (and us) appropriately and he has behaved appropriately (partly because we never expected otherwise, partly because we are lucky). He is 5-1/2 now and knows exactly how to act when out. We have yet to order off a kid's menu.

We have also been complimented on his behavior pretty much every time we have flown with him (probably 3-4 times a year since he was 5 months). I suspect it is that people have really low expectations of what kids are like - probably from seeing a few parents who let their kids run around restaurants like lunatics.

yes my daughter as a baby has been complimented after a 7 hour plane ride. the lady sitting in the same row across the plane said she didnt even hear her at all. yes she even cried. she said that she was very well behaved for such a young child on a plane. it felt very nice after such a stressful flight. we have also gotten compliments from people in restraunts too.

All the time... I love it. And the kids sure beam when they hear someone compliment them as well.

I just wish more people used thier manners with the kids. My daughter loves to hold the doors open at gas stations, restaurants, etc for other people. Far too many adults do not say thank you to her. This just urks me so much. She did something nice for them...so when she said "Mom, those ladies didn't even say thank you to me!"...and they heard her and gave me dirty looks I turned around and said as loud as I could without yelling "that people are not always polite like we are and that is relfection on their behavior and thank you for holding the door open for rude people, it's still the right thing to do"...

Yes last summer my mom took me my boyfriend and our two yr old out to lunch with my grandma (my mom and grandma come to visit for the day) and on the way out an older women (probably 50-70) said that my 1.5 yr old was So well behaved. She didnt throw food or scream or anything sat in her seat and played and colored and ate. I was so happy

I get complimented on my 2 1/2 year old's behavior at church pretty often. I know my mom always got complimented on my brothers' and my behavior when we were little, too. (Also at church.)

We were in San Antonio for vacation and were sitting at a restaurant when a man came up to me and said, "You have the most well-behaved children I have ever seen". I was floored! Yes, they are good kids with occassional moments, but, to hear something like that from a complete stranger was absolutely awesome. I think the best compliment I can and have ever received! I was so proud.

Yes, we do get compliments on both our girls manners and really always have. They have been going out to dinner and other adult places all their lives. We just expected excellent behavior and almost always got it. Of course you can't always anticipate the mood of a toddler but in the rare case of a meltdown, out the door they went, usually with my husband so I could have a moment of peace. We both thought, the more they are in environments where it's important to have a little self control the earlier they'll learn that behavior and it seemed to be true for our family. We also eat together at home with the expectation of good manners which I think really helps kids to "practice" their social skills.
Ironically my husband and I are pretty laid back parents. I just think not only should kids be respectful and polite but having those social skills will benefit them so much in life.
I too try to tell people both friends and strangers when their children are acting exceptional, it takes a village right?
Sounds like you'e doing a great job, keep up the good work raising a polite and thoughtful little man.

We constantly get compliments on how well-behaved our son is in a restaurant, how good his manners are, etc. (he is now 5), and honestly, have been getting them for years. If my hubby and I are out to dinner alone and see a well-behaved child, I have gone up and said something to the parents. Isn't it wonderful to feel assured that you are doing something right as a parent?!?!

Yes I did - many years ago! The gentleman and his date were seated and the hostess seated me and my two kids at the very next table. Should've seen the look on the guy's face! LOL! It was a family type restaurant, but they were on their best behaviour. The couple got up to go pay and leave and the guy got about half-way across the floor before coming back and paying the compliment! Made my day and we high-fived after he left!

Now am working on that w/dgd - let her go a bit longer than should, but gotta get her on track as it looks like I'm in this for the long haul!

Oh... I am privy to the world around me and I do compliment children that I don't know. Maybe it's the "teacher" in me or maybe it's just who I am. I also thank cashiers and other workers for their kindness, friendliness, professionlism, helpfulness, etc... who display these traits more than what is typical.

If we want the next generation to turn out to be caring, considerate, etc... I think we should as adults should recognize children who display good character with a compliment here and there.

I do make it a point to compliment children for good manners. I usually address the remark to the child and then recognize the adult they are with. Thank you very much for holding the door. What great manners! I appreciate it. My son and daughter have also been complimented by others and it does make your heart smile as a parent. Sometimes they show more courtesy to strangers than they do to family members.

I got lots of compliments about my children's manners and behavior when they were growing up. It always made my day!

Now, whenever I see well mannered, well behaved children, I ALWAYS compliment the parents. Some of them look at me like I have three heads, others are genuinely grateful.

Yes, my son is only 3 and has SPD maybe some autism and we get complemented on how well he does at restaurants, so imagine how happy that makes me! Despite his issues he can still hold it together at a restaurant and get complements!

I used to be complimented regularly on my two after church. My husband used to work on Sundays, so it was just me and the two kiddos. At the time, my son was 6 1/2 and my daughter was 3 1/2. We attend a very conservative (theologically) liturgical church. My kids were taught to be well behaved in church, and for the most part, they were. Even without Dad there.

That didn't talk. They didn't make noise with toys or paper or kicking things. They didn't crawl around in the floor. They kept their clothes on (including shoes). They bowed their heads for prayer. They stood and sat as was appropriate. They followed along in the hymnal (my youngest was already learning to read). When my youngest was 4 1/2, she was reading and would sing the hymns out of the hymn book along with everyone else. But she didn't have a lot of volume control... lol. EVERYONE complimented her on her singing. :) Actually, even the Pastor complimented her on that... he loves hearing the little ones belt it out with no embarrassment--and she had the words down.

It always made me feel like maybe we were doing something right. And it was great encouragement for my kids to keep it up. Ye olde "positive reinforcement"... :))

Yeah I have, it is bittersweet because I think it makes me a little uncomfortable. I mean I am glad for the compliment but it also puts extra pressure on me to get my kids, 3,6,and 9 to behave until we leave, lol. My 3 and 6 year old started arguing with each other not even a full minute once after this compliment was paid, IDK, I felt like then extra attention was drawn to it. Maybe I am just weird :)

It does feel good, doesn't it! I have had that happen with both of my kids and try to point out great behavior when I see it in other kids. So often these days you just don't see it, so when I do, I really want to compliment!
Good job mama and great job birthday boy!

My kids have never been complimented for good behavior...whoops...

But, on the rare ocassions that my parents took us (all 5 of us kids) out when we were little, we ALWAYS received compliments on our behavior.

Yes, we get and give compliments freely. It's good to help reinforce good behavior, and build confidence---in the parents and the children!
I'm glad you and your son got such a nice compliment. Sounds like y'all are doing something right. :)

Yes I have been complimented often on my girls' behavior (they're 4 and 5). Believe me, they have their moments when they are NOT getting complimented too! But often they're very good. And I have also complimented other's children when I see someone really great. My kids went to 2 days of a daycamp at my in-laws lakehouse this summer, and there was a 7 year old girl there who took them under her wing and was super sweet and nice, my girls just loved her and it completely made their time the best.I complimented her and told her mother what a wonderful daughter she had and what a great job she was doing. (She is a single mom to boot so kudos to her!) Yay for you and your son!!!

Yes I do, and it does make you feel good :) If only my little monkeys acted as good at home as they do elsewhere! I figure home is there testing ground ;) Good job mama :D

I've complimented parents many times when I've seen children displaying good/outstanding behavior. It reinforces that behavior to let that child know he/she is noticed---and by the same token sends a message that people ARE watching in case they are tempted to misbehave. We were in St. Louis over the 4th, in a huge crowd of people. A 11 or 12 yr old boy gave up his seat for our 9-yr old granddaughter!! Our son-in-law later saw the boy with his parents and told them what an outstanding young man they were rearing. It thrilled them!

It's great, isn't it? We have a 4 year old and I consider it the highest compliment that our non-parent friends enjoy spending time with ALL of us. We've gone to adult restaurants with our son and them, and visited their homes. Of course, he's a kid and has his moments, but apparently they've had some awful experiences with other people's children, or our guy is just really doing great, but we often get positive comments on how well behaved he is.

we have received a lot of compliments on my daughters behavior, she is 7 & honestly people act almost surprised by how well behaved she is! which is shocking to me because thats what we expect lol but I guess there are a lot of kids who are very misbehaved even in public so it is shocking to some. I am always extremely proud of her especially when we hear these compliments, not just from teachers but especially from other parents we know or strangers in public, it is so nice to know your kids know how to behave!

now we have a 2yr old & I must say she is more challenging than our 7 yr old! lol I hope that she will be able to learn & control herself as well as her sister, but she is still young lol

good job momma!!

We have gotten several compliments over the years, on our two daughter's behavior on overseas flights! I arrive with my arsenal of art supplies, books, Mad Libs, and snacks and that seems to do the trick every time! They have always been as good as gold...It makes us feel so proud, as parents to be singled out for GOOD behavior for a change. More parents should give out compliments like this when they are deserved! The world would be a happier place, wouldn't it? Congrats to you on raising such a sweet, well-behaved boy!

I love this too. I go out with multiple children all the time and people come from all over the stores and restaurants to tell me how good my kids are. You are right. It's a great feeling.

Wasn't that nice of her? It makes you feel so proud, and I'm sure your son liked hearing it, too!

As for my own two, I can't say how often I am complimented on their behavior because it would only sound like bragging. ; )

But it never gets old! I enjoyed hearing today as much as I did 11 years ago!

Keep up the good work!

Yes, we always get compliments on how well behaved and polite DS is. At least we are doing something right when we go out, cause he's definitely not all those things when we are at home! LOL

Hi R.!

I might add a funny twist to this, but here is my answer...

I do appreciate when my daughter is helpful and well-behaved in public (in private too of course) because I want her to be a blessing to the people around her.

BUT...I cringe whenever someone says to her "you are such a good little girl" or "you have such nice manners."

The reason I cringe is because of the things I want to teach her and how I want her shaped. I want the outward things she does to be an expression of her heart and not simply someone who has learned to manipulate through good behavior (and whose heart is still self-serving). I am thinking of the verse in the gospels which most people have probably heard at least paraphrased "You clean the outside of your cup but the inside is filthy."

All that to say, I 100% believe in complimenting my child AND anyone else's child when they do something that blesses others. The way I try to compliment is focused on a character quality rather than external behavior, so I will say something like "Thank you for acting so kindly," "You showed so much patience just then," or "When you did (blank) that was a loving thing for you to do for someone else. Thank you for showing love to them!"

That might sound quirky, but it is SUPER important to me to go beyond addressing external behavior and to address the heart.

So glad you got such a wonderful compliment regarding your son on his birthday! That IS deeply encouraging for any mommy to hear!

God's Grace to you,

Lisa :)

Congratulations to your family! Now that he is 10 yrs old, these lessons on good behavior are part of his life and you deserve to be proud. I do receive compliments on my kids, now 16 and 12. There will come a day in your near future that your son will be out without you, I tell my girls that they better behave when I'm not around because in this small town...word will get back to me if they are being rude or disrespectful. Congratulations again and keep up the good work!

I regularly comment to other parents that I think their kids are great and well behaved etc. As for compliments, yes---we get them almost daily about how cute and well-behaved my kids are. Its very touching and nice to hear from strangers---My kids are extremely empathetic and they wear their hearts on their sleeves--so what you see is what you get with them. I REALLY love that about my boys!!

I get compliments on how polite my four year old is. He's ALL about holding doors open but sometimes forgets to eventually let GO of the door when everybody has walked thru. He's so funny.

Yes! We often get compliments on my son's behavior. (26 months.) It has little to do with us, as he's just that way. However, as a mom...it's wonderful to hear!! So much of this stage in unsure for me, and I often wonder if I am doing all the right things. It makes me happy and gives me a little burst of confidence. I try to give the same compliments when out, since I know how great it can feel.

We frequently get comments/compliments on our 4 years old's behavior. She is a nice child; she looks and acts like a sweetheart most of the time. The baby gets compliments for being cute and joyful. I get compliments on my glasses and green eyes from strangers about once or twice a month. Collectively we get told that we must be doing something right since we have happy, well behaved children. I don't compliment strangers very often because I am introverted. I just am not the type of person to go up and strike up a conversation with a stranger. When strangers compliment us I am sure I come across as awkward since I am usually taken by surprise but it does give me a warm, fuzzy feeling to be recognized for doing something well or correctly when it comes to my children. As to the compliments on my glasses and green eyes, I always say thank you but it makes me feel awkward. I'm not good with compliments, I guess.

My 6 year old girl held my 4 year old boy's hand while we walked through the grocery store's parking lot. I was juggling purse, keys, list and coupons and she held his hand until we made it to the store. Neither child is a runner, so this was fine for me. Later, on the way out, a kind old lady complimented my daughter on keeping her brother safe. What a good girl I have!

So funny you say this. I saw an incredibly polite girl out walking her dog last week and told my friends about it. I said that I wished she'd been with her mom so I could say what a good, well-mannered girl she was!

I haven't had total strangers compliment me on my son, but I have had friends say stuff once in awhile (of course, they have all seen his bad side too).