Stranger Danger Situation

You are completely overreacting. Nothing happened! Your son did the right thing and ignored him. The camp told him to leave. Obviously the guy thought your son was someone else if he gave a different last name.

Sorry but what this sounds like is an ex trying to stir up trouble for their ex. Perhaps this is not the case but as an outside observer that is exactly what it sounds like.

Ten year old boys look a lot alike. They look like small children, only older. My 13 makes fun of me all the time because I say, hey is that Alex? Jeez mom, he doesn't look anything like Alex. This is a kid that comes over to our house all the time but driving down the street you don't get a good look.

So unless you want to sound like that trouble making ex, let this go. Your son did exactly what he should do as did the camp. You can't call the police because someone thought your kid was someone else. If that becomes a crime I am screwed!

The first question I would ask is why the camp/camp counselor(s) failed to report a child luring incident to the police.

Does your son have a common name? I suspect hte stranger was just calling out a name and hoping a child would turn around and engage in conversation with him. Unfortunately it was your son's name. The other option could be that your son was on his kid's little league team or sunday school class - and since it was out of context your son didn't recognise him. There are tons of kids my kids have played ball with or I've had in sunday school or youth group who I recognize and I'm sure the kids don't recongnize me. Especially around age 10. And I'm never sure it that kid is Matthew R or Matthew E....

In our community a few years ago there was a report of a child luring, and calls were put out to all the parents of school age childredn, etc. Meanwhile, the man who stopped the car came forward the following day when he realized the stir was about him. He was an adult who lived around the corner from the 10 year old and was asking him if he had seen soemthing that had been stolen from his yard (I don't remember what it was, a bicycle or minibike or something like that.) He suspected it was a kid who stole the thing so he was asking the nieghborhood kids if they saw it in anyone's backyard. The 10 yr old misinterpreted the conversation and thought the adult was asking the boy if he wanted a bicycle or minibike. meanwhile the adult had already reported it to the police - but when he saw a kid he recognized (and had coached in t-ball a few years earlier) he never thought it would turn into an "incident"...

In any event, your son knew what to do, the staff at the camp handled it correctly, etc. Yes, it's troubling - but all the things that you hope will work in this situation did work. So it's a good time to reinforce things with your son. Tell him how proud you are that he knew that this man wasn't someone he should pay attention to, that you're so glad he's maturing and growing up to be a smart young man, etc. Than maybe you, your ex and your son create a code word like - choclate chip cookies, or spongebob, or somthing that's meaningful to your son - and if a stranger doesn't use that word then your son can be 100% certain to stay away. And if you are still anxioius about it - then you and your son can take self-defense classes together. Take a bad thing and turn it into a positive.

The camp counselors are usually sixteen years olds or teenagers who do not yet have our fears. I am sure it was not avoidance that they didn't call you, they probably didn't think much of it after that happened. This person could have been someone who worked in another capacity where your son has been, school, outside activities, and maybe your son really didn't remember him whereas the man might have remembered. While there are a lot of 'he could have beens' the truth is your son did exactly the right thing. I believe I told this story before, that my sister and her girlfriends were playing softball,and a car approached them. A young man driving in it wanted to know where a certain school was. One of the girls got in his car and was missing for two days, found safe later. My sister (now a police officer incidentally ) had to go to court as a little girl to identify the man. this individual had gotten out of an institution and was mentally ill. It was a happy ending. But back to the point. I am sure you have done everything to make him aware of stranger danger or he wouldn't have handled it that way. Perhaps if he is any other situation you make a code that he would know so that if one approaches him that person has to say the code. And remind him if he is nervous, there is nothing wrong with screaming and shouting and running away - the worse being that it might be a bit embarrassing and the other that he is safe. OH and you are not over-reacting. YOU care.

It is very frightening that your ex is so ignorant of how predators work. He needs a serious (though figurative) slap in the face. I would absolutely want to insist that he get some parenting classes where the techniques of predators are frankly discussed. He needs someone to scare the heck out of him.

It is equally frightening that he's apparently just fine with the idea that "this must be someone who knows our son." Shouldn't mom and/or dad know who the adults are who know their kids?

It's also worrying that your ex simply does not believe your son when son says he didn't know this man. You do realize that your ex is, basically, denying what your son is saying when son says he doesn't know this person? Dad is not trusting son, and it was your son who had the gut instinct and the good sense not to approach this stranger. Dad could use some good sense but is utterly blind and uninformed.

Well, it sounds like dad is not going to grow up, or get the lessons he needs, so praise your son like crazy for being smart, and emphasize with your smart son that he has witnessed the real world where there ARE predators, and that things could have turned out very differently. If he's elsewhere and there's no camp counselor there to handle it -- he needs to stay smart and walk away. Ensure he knows about things like sticking with moms with kids when in a crowd; not being afraid to yell and scream if someone tries to grab him; being aware of his surroundings; going quickly into the pool area where the lifeguards are, etc.

BUT -- I can see why the camp did not grab the phone and call parents to tell you about something that actually never went any further in that moment. It is possible that the person was there to pick up a kid he didn't know well but was legitimately allowed to pick up? It would think not, since it was at a pool (unless the pool is within a camp property); it sounds like the kids were at a public pool and this guy was trolling the pool...But you still need to get the details from the camp director; was this a case of a random stranger driving past or an adult who wasn't familiar with the pickup procedures and the kid he was picking up? I work at a summer camp and there have been cases of adults who were third or fourth on a kid's list of "authorized pickup adults" turning up all confused and the kid saying, "Wait, I had no idea X was going to get me" and so on. I do agree, the situation you describe sounds very odd and like a random person, but that may not be the case. A lot depends on whether this was a public area and not within a camp.

I'd talk to the camp director and calmly, professionally describe what your son said and ask if the case was a confused but legitimate person, or what happened. Be SURE to praise that camp staffer for going up to that driver and asking the right questions (like last name ID) and sending the person away! Then ask what the formal procedure is when this happens. I would ask whether the camp staffer who talked to the man reported the incident higher up, to the director. I would probably tell the director that it would be a smart policy if the camp required counselors to report any such approaches immediately and if parents were notified so they could let the camp know if possibly a pickup just went awry. And I'd want to know so I could comfort my kid with the fact that the camp staff is all aware and watching for this kind of thing.

After talking to the director, if this is a case of a stranger trolling, absolutely report it to police. It's too bad you didn't know about it the day it happened, but still report it. Police build lists of such reports and your report could help them build a picture of a person they are already watching out for.

Another vote to get the facts first. Scary situation, yes- but praise your son for doing the right thing!

hard to say until you talk to the folks at the camp. could be nothing more sinister than a case of a mistaken identity. if the counselors got all the right answers and realized it was just johnny smith's uncle ronnie who got his pick-up times confused, there's nothing to report.
you've only got the story from a small child, and you were probably a little wild-eyed so it's hard to say how accurate the account was. and likewise when you called your ex, i'm betting there was an accusatory tone. it doesn't sound as if you have a great working relationship.
so i suggest you keep the freak-out on the down-low until you've actually talked to an adult who was present. everyone's terrified of the predatory prowler, but not every stranger IS a danger. get your facts before you proceed one way or the other.
khairete
S.

I learned this trick from a friend...when we were teenagers we used to go to the shore. If we saw a big party going on we would go in saying we were friends with "John" because who isn't friends with a John. If they happened to figure out we didn't know their friend John we were already friends with a half a dozen other people by that time.

Does your son have a very common name? Perhaps it was an attempted child luring and the guy just randomly choose the name figuring there was a good chance there would be a Michael, Jake, or Tommy in the crowd.

I think what happened is pretty scary.

Who the heck snaps their fingers when calling a child? *Snap snap!* Here, boy!

in a word..creepy..man tries to entice your son into a car at day camp, guy knows your sons first name but gets the last name wrong, day camp says nothing to you about it, guy was so wrapped up in your son that camp person had to go over and tell the guy to leave, ex husband in the meantime acts like its no big deal..hmmm
here what i think..i think the guy probably knows your son ( knew where he was, what he looked like etc), i also think your ex husband knows the guy and isnt about to fess up to it, the camp person should have notified both you and the police after getting the would be kidnappers name, address and make, model and plate number off the car. you need to have your lawyer notify your ex husband that there will be no more visits to this day camp, and if you hear about this same guy "just happening to show up" where your ex husband and child are, you will know your ex husband is probably involved in something very shady...K. h

The man was probably just being lazy and yelling his son's name into a group of kids since he was there to pick him up. Your son just happened to have the same first name, but since he gave a different last name, he wasn't after your son. The camp counselor confirmed that he did actually pick up his son at the camp who was with another group. Your son did the right thing by not going over there and the camp did the right thing by walking up to the man to confirm what he was doing there. I don't think anything shady was going on. I would not give it another thought. JMO. Good luck.

This man's behavior sounds very strange. I do not know the age of the kids, but most adults need to sign out the child at camps around my area, not just do a random drive-by during an outing.

I do think the camp director needs to give this man a lecture on the reasons why he should not do a drive-by calling out a name and not know the child's looks well enough to be calling out to the wrong group of kids. At minimum he should be told he called out and the wrong boy with the same name responded.

I am imagining the common names for 6 to 9 year olds: Ethan, Jackson, Lucas, Liam, Aidan and Caiden.