Stressing!!!!!

Hi I am also a young mom. I joined at group on meetup.com and it is the young moms of tampa. They go on outings with the babies almost weekly and then they have times where just the moms go out. I stay at home so it was nice to find some people who do the same.

Take a deep breath . . .

You may find it helpful to make a "to do" list, then give each item a priority level, such "1" = absolutely needs to be done, "2" should be done, and "3" probably would be best if done. Then label each thing with how soon it really must be done. You NEED to pay the bills and feed the baby, you probably should change diapers right away, the laundry and teaching the baby to like the car seat are maybe not going to cause any huge issues if left until next week or next month.

You may want a sling or other kind of infant carrier so you can walk, shop, do dishes etc. while holding and even feeding the baby. That saved many a shopping trip when my babies were little.

Sound like you need to try to find some type of support group. Have you gotten to know your neighbors or gone to church. There are lots of new mothers around who are probably feeling the same way. Tried going to the park--often there are other yound children there and you can meet new people. Everyone needs a break some time. When I was a new mother my husband was gone mother of the time on a ship. I started exchanging time to go shopping/grocery store etc. with a neighbor of mine. I also did some volunteer work in the community to allow me to talk to grown ups. You need to find someone you trust to watch your child occasionally so you can get out on your own. You will probably find that when you are away from the baby you will want to be back with him.

I know there is a New Mom's support group at Brandon Hospital. They meet on Thursdays--call the hospital for exact time. Bring your baby and meet other moms. Having a sympathetic ears is often very enlightening. Hope you get a break soon.

Hire a babysitter!!! I recently got out of a relationship where I had two kids with that person. Even though I work full time and they are in daycare, I STILL get very stressed out. The only thing that saved me was getting a babysiiter. Even if it's just for a couple of hours in the middle of the day...those couple of hours to myself are a life savor and worth an extra 10-15 bucks! I hope this helps

What kind of advice do you need. I am a Navy wife also with three small children. I live in Argyle. I know what you are going through. You can contact me @ ____@____.com or ____@____.com make sure that you put in the subject Mamasource. Thanks Hope to hear from you soon.

Hi K.:
Let it go! You can't do everything and the most important part of it all is bonding/loving your son. I am 38 and work 4 nights a week. I have a 3 and 1/2 year old daughter and a 6 and 1/2 month old son. It was very hard for me to let go, but I did and I feel so much better. Granted I have my husband here with me, but he works a lot to make our ends meet and is messier than my daughter...lol. Sometimes we see each other before he goes to bed and that's it. It's tough, but I just keep in mind a saying that a friend whispered to me when she saw me getting stressed about the house..."the best mothers have the messiest houses!" Do the stuff to get by and love the hell out of that baby! They are only this small once. Trust me, I miss my little baby girl sometimes, but I am so proud of the big girl she's becoming. Got misty eyed going through her clothes to get her cold weather stuff ready. I had to box up some of last season's stuff that she'd outgrown. It really got me. Love the baby; the house can wait! Good luck.

K.

HI K.!
I am a Navy wife (for almost 8 years) and Mom to a 6, 3, 2, and 11 month old. I remember my husband's first deployment. Our oldest was only nine months old and he went on a Med cruise. What really helped me during that time was moving back home. I went and lived with my parents for three months and his parents for three months. I know not everyone can do that. It was a big help.

The rest of the time, after he came home and his ship just did mini-cruises we just kept ourselves busy! I have a great church family and a few good friends in the area. The hardest part I think is being away from my family. They all live in Ohio. And here I am down in Florida.

I can tell you that you will get used to it, it gets easier as the days pass, but you never stop missing them.

My husband wasn't supposed to be deployed anytime soon and a month or so before my youngest was born, last Novemeber they informed him he would be leaving late December for six months. I had a horrible delivery and was very weak. And he still had to go. He left and if it wasn't for my church family, my family that came to visit and some divine intervention, I would have lost my sanity. With four babies. But we made it.

Maybe join a gym that has a good daycare, get involved in a mothers group or a play group. Find a good church to attend, I know that most moms are sympathetic and are willing to help.

If you'd like we could get together. Just to talk and whatnot. It just feels better to know you're not the only one who's been there and you can make it! You wouldn't be a Navy wife if you couldn't!

Email me at ____@____.com if you'd like to chat. :)
***Didn't realize you're in Tampa...sorry. If you're ever in Jacksonville I'd love to help!***
N.

Hi K.,

I was in the same place as you only a month ago. My daughter is now 3 months, and for us it started getting a little better at about 8-10 weeks. The easing-up happens in little increments, but watch for them. Before she was 2 months old, I was intensely overwhelmed... I wanted to throw myself and baby out the window, and I was just a few steps from actually, literally believing that... and I'm normally a very happy, well-balanced individual! :) Someone else said that mothers weren't mean to caretake alone, and I agree.

Find anyone who could help, even for 2-3 hours, or just someone to come over and talk. We just moved here and my realtor had become a friend, and we became much better friends after we spent a couple afternoons just hanging around together while baby ate, slept, cried. Or chat online for 10 minutes like this posting... it truly helps to know you're not alone.

You may have already learned this, but take the baby out for errands only when you know it'll be easy... for us, it's when she is recently changed, recently eaten and ready for a good nap. I had to surrender all my other daily tasks for awhile and just watch her cues, learn her patterns.

Now I know it's easy to take her out in the AM, hard in the PM, she doesn't mind a brisk wind, she hates the freezer aisle of the grocery unless she's under a blanket, she loves the stroller, she hates bright light, etc etc. And then these things will change over time, but at least I'm training myself to pay attention.

I believe a baby will want to care for her/himself as soon as they are able... until then it's our job. And a full-time job it is! Best of luck to you, and please share what happens when you can. :)

Hey Kim, now girl just take a deep breath and relax. I long ago learned that there are some things more important than a clean house! Like your baby. I know it is sometimes hard to be with them 24/7 but I just want you to try to understand how very fast they grow up! It seems like just yesterday I had babies and now they are 40, 36, 32. I can't remember the whole poem but I read it once years ago and it goes something like: Mother O Mother, come shake out your cloth
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth. Hang out the washing, make-up the bed, sew on a button and butter the bread. Where is the mother whose house is so shocking? She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking. So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep! I'm nursing my baby and babies don't keep. (if you want all of the poem let me know. but the housework will always be there - he won't! Check out flylady.net for some great cleaning, inspiration ideas. Do you have a friend you could perhaps exchange babysitting for short periods. Also check if there is a mom's group near you. Hope this helps!

K.-
Try not to stress, I am in the same boat as you. My husband is in the Coast Guard and on a ship. He's only seen our son twice, and only because they stopped into port here. He's boat is stationed in Virginia and I'm here. My son is 6 months old and I feel overwhelmed with everything. Between doctor's appointments, errands, housework, cooking, teething, crawling, and all the normal baby stuff. I just try to take a deep breathe and think my husband will be home soon-i hope. For me its hard because I can't pick up the phone and tell my husband today was a bad day or I'm stressed out, I have to wait for an email response. I hope it helped to hear someone else feeling the same as you. Good luck

Sweetie. He's only 2 months old. Relax and let the house go for a little while. Yes, it's difficult to do but you are still probably not sleeping enough yet. Worry about feeding your baby and yourself, showering yourself and bathing the baby and let everything else go. The house will eventually get clean and it WILL get easier.

Find a local Moms group to bond with. Check Yahoo Groups.

HI!KIM, HAVE YOU EVERY THOUGH OF HIRING A CLEANING SERVICE TO CLEAN YOUR HOUSE THAT WAY YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRIED ABOUT CLEANING IT,AND THAT WAY YOU CAN HAVE THAT ONE ON ONE WITH YOUR NEW BABY THIS IS NOW THE TIME TO SPEND WITH HIM BECAUSE HE IS NOT GOING TO STAY A BABY ALL WAYS HE IS GOING TO GROW YOU KNOW.SO ENJOY HIM EVERY DAY AND ALL DAY,YOU KNOW HE IS A GIFT FROM GOD.ENJOY AND GOOD LUCK!

My husband is Coast Guard and is on a ship that is gone 270+ days a year (this is a 3 year tour for him). My daughter is now 3, but we have been doing this for over a year. I dont know how you feel about churches, but a lot of churches have a mothers day out program where you can meet other moms and take turns going out for few hours each week. Some of the moms stay at the church with the kids on whatever day and then the next week you stay. You may also try checking with the base to see if they offer any help. Contact your ombudsman, if you have one, she is usually a wife of one of the crew that volunteers to help other wives/family members with all sorts of issues. It is not an easy life, but when your husband is home that makes up for all the time he was away. Good luck, if you have any other questions about getting help thru your base let me know and I will see what else I can come up with.

take care of you so you can take the best care of your baby, A.

Dear K.,
Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. I heard others say that before but not until I was in the middle of it did I fully understand. Mothers were never meant to do it all alone! Try to develop a support system. Join a church and you can meet other mothers and be able to get a break while leaving your son in the nursery. It is very lonely to be away from your husband and be a new mom. You will have a messy home for probably a long time and it is okay. Anyone who is coming to visit should be helping you anyway! Good luck. It does get better!! K.

Hi K., I don't know what part of Tampa Bay you're in but there's a good chance there's a MOMS Club. It's a club geared to SAHM that offers activities and support. Membership is nominal and it's great to connect with other new moms! Go to www.momsclub.com and look for a link for your area.

All the best,
E.

p.s. I'm a single SAHM of a 3 yr old and my house still isn't clean!

K.,
First, breathe it is ok. The baby is almost 2 and yes that age is very difficult. I had my son's father with me when he was at that age but he pretty much had nothing to do with our son so it was all on me. If you have a swing put him in their for a while with some toys while you try to get things done but like a lot of the reponses I have seen, the baby is more important if the house is messy it is messy. With a child that age you will never keep it spotless! If you have friends with children maybe talk to them about a play date where you can take your son to them for a few hours, he can play with their child or children and do your errands and just take time for yourself. It will be good for him to be around other children and You need time to yourself!! it does not mean you do not love him you just need time to do things for yourself. I don't know what your support system is and I was lucky when I finally did leave my son's father I had a great support system but I have been a single mom up until recently and my son is now 15. It was a long hard road but the bottome line is you do the best you can, but you need to do things for yourself, something you enjoy on your own so you don't burn out. It is healthy! If you ever need to vent or need any help I will help you, I know you do not know me from adam but I will help you if you need help, to talk, or someone to help with your son. You can email me at ____@____.com or www.myspace.com/morninlyt. Just remember to breathe, prioritize your "to do list" get the most important things done first, the second most important might have to wait for another day, and the least important will get done when it gets done. Parenthood is the hardest job but the most rewarding.
D.

I understand your frustration on a single mom aspect. when I was 18 I had my first daughter and her father left me to fend for my self so to say. I did have family which was very helpful. I have soon to be 3 children now and a husband but I would be glad to help you some way whether you need someone to watch him or want someone to ride along and help with your errands. If you would like to talk or anything please feel free to email me ____@____.com or www.myspace.com/shay_virgo23.

Take care and God Bless

S.

For running errands, do you have somebody that can watch the baby? Or somebody that can ride along with you and stay in the car with the baby while you run in a store? Or maybe swap days with another mom to watch kids while the other goes out to run errands? I remember it being such a pain to be grocery shopping and my daughter wanting to be held.

If not, what I did was set aside one day of the week to go out and get all my running done. I was exhausted by the end of the day, but it was all done in one day. If you have a lot of running to do, maybe schedule two days a week. Whatever works for you.

For house cleaning, I couldn't have done it without the baby swing. My kids loved it and napped so well in it. If they woke up, I'd pop in one of those Baby Einstein videos and that kept their attention really well. I'd put a blanket on the floor with a boppy pillow for support. Her eyes were huge watching the video. I also had a bouncy seat that I'd just take her room to room with me. If she started crying, I could distract her by talking to her or give her a toy to chew on while I finished.

I don't know how military wives or single moms do it. My husband works a lot of really long hours, but I do manage to get a little help here and there.

awww. poor thing. My father was in the military so I have seen how hard it is on moms.
Can you hire a sitter just a few hours a week?

All I can say is enjoy this time because it gets harder. I thought the same thing as you because my daugther would scream for every car trip and I hated taking her anywhere. Now she is 18 mths old and refuses to sit in the shoping carts or strollers. I am the mother you see in stores who is 9 mths pregnant carrying around a screaming 18 mth old that is trying to get out of my arms so she can run around the store and play hide and seek while waiting in line to check out. Once my daugther started walking going out to do errands, clean the house or even cooking became so much harder. I hate going places now and I can never finish my grocery shopping on one trip. i am running in and out as fast as possible. All I can say is enjoy this time because outings, errands and cleaning gets a lot harder when your little one is mobile.