Suggestions for Family Christmas Celebration

Being a grandmother - I would suggest you start a "new tradition". Pick her up on Chistmas Eve so that she can attend Christmas Eve Services with you or just be with you on Christmas Eve. She can spend the night and be there when the children open gifts Christmas Morning - explain they are getting older and you like them to be able to be at home on Christmas Day. Let her help with the cooking or prepare her special dish - put her to work - busy hands are happy hands! She will probably enjoy not doing all the cooking and being a little pampered.

Hi Suzanne
Here's my suggestion. Invite her to your house. Have your husband go and pick her up. Let her spend the night or 2 and than have your husband take her home. She will spend "quality" time with her son during the drive. She can still see her grand babies but the grand babies can be "free" to play with as many toys as they want, in a kid friendly home. If your husband can't pick her up and/or drive her home. Than you could do it. I also wanted to say that spending Christmas alone, sucks. I'm a military wife and my husband has been deployed A LOT. Even though I have our children with us during Christmas, it's still somewhat lonely. She doesn't have her husband anymore but she has you, her son and her grandkids. Try very hard to bring her to your home. I hope this helps

Go get her and bring her to your home at least one to two days before Christmas, have everyone bake cookies, and make or put together a ginger bread house. Have her make one also. This will bring out the kid in everyone. Make paper chains to decorate with get her involved with cutting etc. Make this into a Christmas like you may have had as a child or maybe she did. Good luck and have fun.

If you have the space, why not have your husband pick her up the day before and let her spend Christmas at your place. I'm not sure what your family does for gift opening, it's a BIG DEAL for my family, and it can take hours; I'll simply tell her, it's convenient for the kids to open their presents at home; that way, you don't have to transport bunch of presents between houses; also, I think you and your husband should sit with your MIL and tell her you'd love to spend this christmat at home, and she's more than welcome to come over and help to cook:-)

Since you have 3 young children, it only makes sense that you would host Christmas at your house. But, I would invite your MIL to come. Since it sounds like she would other-wise be alone, why not have your son go pick her up and then return her home. I'm not sure on the distance you are speaking of, but that seems like a logical solution. If your husband does not want to do that on Christmas morning, invite your MIL to come spend the night before with you. If she is so un-kid friendly that she doesn't want to be around kids on Christmas morning, then put her up in a near-by hotel so she will be closer than her home.

Don't worry about her only bringing ONE game. Will the kids not be getting Christmas presents that they will want to play with instead anyway?

Talk to your husband about it first, it is his mother. Then, sit down with her and explain the reasons you want to have it at your house. The kids will be more comfortable, they won't have to haul their new toys to someone else's house. Nor will they be bothering you all day to go home so they can play with their new stuff.

You could suggest to her that she has always done the majority (or all of, however you'd like to word it to make her feel more soothed) of the work for Christmas Dinner. Explain that you'd like to do it this year to let her have a relaxing day and to let her enjoy her son and and grandchildren. My husband is one of only 2 children, and he & his sister are 17 years apart. Before my MIL passed away, my SIL's kids were in college and so my SIL wasn't in town every Christmas. That left Christmas a bit lonely for my MIL. We would insist she shared Christmas with MY families (my parents are divorced, so I have 2 Christmases for my sides of the family). Sometimes she spent the night and other times we would pick her up. My MIL & I loved each other AND got along well, so it wasn't a big hardship to do this. I even miss the things she did that drove me nuts! :)

My MIL loved having our kids over at her home, but she got nervous with their active-ness when they were in her apartment since it was small. We would take a couple/few QUIET (not completely silent) toys PER CHILD, since ours are multiples of 4 years apart (now ages 26, 22, 18, 10 & 6) and have different interests/capabilities. My MIL passed away when the 10-yr-old was 1. We would leave the majority of the "stuff" in the car and switch them out when the kids got bored. When we were over for an "everyday" dinner, we were normally there for about 4 hours and, yes, kids can get REAL bored REAL quick.

We spend Christmas Eve Dinner at my SIL's. At the time my MIL was still living, my SIL had no grandchildren and so there weren't any toys available. However, since they were receiving presents there we didn't have to bring anything. If you DO go to her home for Christmas after all, can you take a holiday movie to keep the kids partially entertained?

Hope this helps! Good Luck!

I agree that y'all should go and fetch her to celebrate at your house. If there is a dish or tradition that you know is very special to her, ask her to make it or make sure to acknowledge the tradition.

I know it isn't always easy to manage our family obligations--every "vacation" I've had for the past 10 years involves visits to the family--but this IS your children's grandmother and your husband's mother. She won't be with you forever and you need to build memories where you can.

I know just how you feel. I've been on both sides of this equation--as a daughter-in-law and now as a mother-in-law. My suggestion to you would be to nicely thank your MIL for her invitation, but say that you and your husband (clear this with him first, of course!) have decided to start a new tradition of Christmas at home with your kids who are now at an age when they need to have their own traditions. You might invite her to come stay with you (you'd have to go pick her up) overnight on Christmas Eve so that she could enjoy the festivities of Christmas morning and then have Christmas dinner with YOU. If she is truly as unsociable as you imply, she'll probably have to think about your invitation. But give her this option. Bless her heart, I know she's really lonely, and she probably looks forward to your yearly visits, even though she won't allow herself to loosen up and enjoy the children like she could.

If she agrees to come to your house, be sure to have a place for her to "get away" if the noise and excitement get to be too intense for her. She sounds a lot like my in-laws who were quite advanced in years when they had my husband. They didn't go for a lot of noise or exhuberance.

Remember--she won't be with y'all forever. You don't want the time to come when you feel guilty for shutting her out of your holiday celebrations. If she says "no" at first, be sure to ask her again as the time approaches, emphasizing that you WANT and NEED her to be there (even if that's a little white lie!).

Not sure if you have tried this before, but is your husband supportive of your concerns? If so, and if you can "tolerate" this, invite HER over to your home. You said it was a little far, so invite her to spend the night before or the day of your celebration.

If she comes the day before, she can be a part of and witness to the kids' joy on Christmas morning or Christmas dinner and spending the night at your home but at least you'll be in the comfort of your own home and the kids surrounded by their new presents, etc. You know, their own kid friendly world.

Good luck. Hope this helps but I have the feeling that you may have attempted to invite her over before and she said no and/or your hubby may not have insisted that it be held in your home. Ahh...the power of a mother.

Pick her up so she can spend some time with you. The night before if you can put up with her overnight, otherwise sometime on Xmas day so she can share a meal with you and spend a little time. My mother did this for my grandmother, who lived an hour away, for years until she could no longer travel at all (she is 90). Now we make a point of stopping by to see her at some point during the holidays (we live 3 hours away now so it's not always easy). If she has other people coming over already then just beg off and arrange to see her another time during the holidays--perhaps new year's day. Just explain that you have 3 children and they want to be home to enjoy their Xmas. But if she is going to be alone then your hubby will have to be a 'good son' and go pick her up. Have fun!

Hi Suzanne.

I think it is time you begin making your own Christmas traditions with your family in your own home. I also think it would be a great idea to send your husband to pick up your MIL a day or so before and entertain her in your home for the holidays. She may hesitate but you should encourage her, as I think it will be a blessing for all of you to be together for Christmas. She will get a kick out of seeing the excitement on her grandchildren's eyes and your children will have the gift of Grandma as well. Christmas is about family and we should all remember that grandparents don't last forever so we should cherish the times we have left.

I wish you holiday blessings!

Have your DH go pick her up.
Just tell her you can't do it with all the kids. That you would love to spend the holidays with her at your house.

I'm a grandma & there's a time when every mother has to come to realize that her children have grown up, now have families of their own and traditions of their own to start.
This is what my family does......
A date is set for a family "gift exchange". Everyone brings a dish to contribute to the meal and their "gift". When our family numbers hit 20 & was still growing, we went with an ornament exchange to avoid having to declare bankruptcy. Everyone would bring an ornament to place under the tree for each person participating & the exchange is conducted like a white elephant exchange. After many years of this, and since everyone now has enough ornaments to decorate many trees, we are exchanging recipes this year.
It's a one day event & much less stressful than having to adapt to having people for an extended period of time and trying to cater to them and adapt to their habits.
When my kids were younger, my in-laws would come for a few days but they would stay at the Ramada up the street. That way they get to spend their time with the family and still have their quiet time after the excitement.
You said that she can't drive that far. Consider buying her a bus, train or plane ticket (whatever fits your budget).
Also, remember......she will always have her own opinion about EVERYTHING. What I tell my kids is: I will always have my opinion on how things should be done & I will always express it. Whether you listen or not is up to you. (Experience is the best teacher.)
Best of luck to you.

Sorry Suzanne. I misread your post. I thought that your husband passed and you remarried. Invite her to spend the time with you and yours. I have my husband pick up his mother on his own and return her so that they have a chance to discuss personal stuff that I don't need to know about. Quality time. Good luck.

L.

You didn't say how far "this far" is. If it's too far for her to drive, is it too far for your husband to go and get her? Explain that the children are getting old enough that they perfer to celebrate the day at their home. Offer to eat with her every other year and make it a three hour visit then get up and leave. She may complain once or twice, but she'll eventually get the message. Why couldn't she spend the night and be there with your family when you have your tree? Does she have other children who also come to her house? If so, make the rotation offer to them also then it would be at her "not child friendly house" even less often. There's too many years between your children to limit them to just one game. Plus, they're getting old enough not to want to sit around with adults all day. You CAN stop this if you do it now, before Christmas gets here.

Hi Suzanne.
All of your posts have been absolutely wonderful.
I just wanted to note a few things.
Communication - definitely. As many have said, Let her know that you are starting your own tradition. Christmas Day at home. From there you have 2 options. Have her come over (someone picking her up) or spend Christmas Eve with her and do things her way --- but go home Christmas Day.
My MIL and I have developed a wonderful relationship.
She lives in Copperfield and we live close to Reliant Stadium. She NEVER drives to our house and we get so busy that sometimes it's a while before we get to see her and she gets to see the grandkids. So every month or few months I tell her that we miss her and that she has to come spend some time with us. We pick her up on Thursday or Friday and she stays till Sunday. Sometimes we tell her we are kidnapping her and she stays longer. And sometimes she does not come at all. But I know that the fact that we even ask her, makes her feel good. Who doesn't like feeling wanted. I think you should just tell her that you are staying home christmas day & that things would not be the same without having her there with your family. Let her choose wether she wants to stay there or get a hotel. GOOD LUCK

My suggestion is you plan Christmas for your family at your house. You will have to travel to get your mother-in-law for the day. I would not leave her out. You can include her in celebration for the day. Then, you and your family have a few days to hang out or take a day trip. I wish you a stress free holiday.

If your MIL is not able to drive a long distance - perhaps someone from your household can pick her up and take her back home - or she can spend the night and have Christmas morning with your family.

Instead of Chritmas dinner - you can change your traditions and have Christmas morning breakfast. Someone can pick her up and bring her to the house for gifts, Santa and breakfast.

When we had our family we told everyone we would have Christmas morning at our house and everyone was welcome - the door was open. We plan a breakfast and everyone brings something for it. We have parents, grandparents, step parents, great-grandparents, aunts and uncles. Our Christmas morning celebration has grown over the years and it's a good time for everyone to visit and enjoy.

I agree with the previous post, how about having you husband go and get her. I think you can tell her the thing about the convenience of the kids opening the gifts at home or just tell her that as your kids are growing you would like to have a mix of traditions. You love being with her at the holidays and want the kiddos to have some memories of eating their holiday meal at home as well as out at other family members houses. I told my mother-in-law that we absolutely want to be with the family at the holidays but we want to establish some traditions at home as well and that I wanted to serve the holiday meal sometimes. She was a little weird at first but now seems great with coming to my house to celebrate. Deep down I think every mom knows that a mama wants to have some traditions to send her kids off with that come from her home and kitchen. So I think if you let her know that being with her is a priority you can coax her into to coming to your place. Even if your hubby has to slip out and get her while you make food, it could be better than not having a relaxing home holiday. If you don't have space to put her up for the night maybe make it a fun trip to look at lights as a family and take Grandma home together.

She's a widow. She's lonely. The Bible says to honor your parents. You don't have to like her. You don't have to stay all day. Go, be courteous, but plan something fun for that afternoon for just your family. Something to look forward to; something that gives an excuse to leave, etc. Stay for a couple of hours and then leave, unless your husband has an issue with this - then you have to compromise with him. But, if he wants to go on vacation too, then go and plan an alternate Christmas get together with her on an evening before or after the vacation. Evening does not equal all day affair.

When I was growing up, my dad had a rule - Christmas was for the kids. So on Christmas Day - we went no where. Relatives were more than welcome to visit us, but he wanted us to be able to stay home, play with out new toys and enjoy Christmas day. We did our family visiting on Christmas Eve. I did the same for my kids as they grew up. As my sisters had kids younger than mine - we gradually deferred Christmas to her house, and so on down the line.

I hear this same story so many times when couples are held "christmas hostage" by the in-laws. You should honestly communicate with her. If she is too old to drive to your house (and she has actually been cooking christmas dinner?) then perhaps one of you should go pick her up. On christmas morn - there is no traffic!

a few years back i started to put my foot down - our kids are now 6 and 4 and i want their memories of christmas morning to be in their own home. we were ALWAYS expected at my in-laws house for the big christmas celeb...now, if they choose to spend christmas with us they arrive a day or two prior and spend the holidays with us - it's not perfect but everyone gets a little of what they want. good luck!!

Tell her that your kids want to be at home with their new toys, and arrange to go pick her up and bring her to your house. Put yourself in her shoes. If you were in this position years from now and your daughter-in-law said it was too much trouble to come to your house, wouldn't you feel hurt and upset? I have very little family left alive because my relatives die young, and I can tell you that, IMHO, FAMILY is the most important part. Your kids won't have their grandmother forever, and you will set a really good example for them about honoring your elders.

I agree with all the other posters about bringing her to your home. Champions and Spring are not that far apart it should be easy (I grew up in the Champions area but now live in Sugar Land and we go to my parents' house often--no biggie). After my daughter's first Christmas we told all our family that Christmas morning would be spent at home. We were a new family now and creating our own traditions. At first there was some resistance from my husband's family but we stood firm and now everyone understands and we are all happier for it. You may find some resistance from your MIL too at first because it is a change, but if you don't put your foot down you will continue to be resentful and not enjoy the holidays in the way you hope. Good luck!

P.S. We alternate Thanksgiving holiday with my inlaws and then with my family each year...after 20 years of being with my husband I STILL hear from his side "oh, you're not coming here this year?" on the off years but they get over it! Hello? You'd think after 20 years they'd figure that out! :-)

Since your children are 9,6 & 4--you are starting your own tradition. Loving suggest that you would like her to come to your home for Christmas. The door is open for her to make the change and if there is a problem of distance perhaps aks her to spend the night. If you do not take a stand you will always be teetering to her request--and as women that never sets well and our attitudes show.

Pray before you talk to her and aks God for wisdom.

Blessings

This is not that big of a problem. Explain that Christmas is going to be at your house this year and have your husband pick her up. If she gets nasty, have your husband talk with her. One thing you didn't mention is does your husband agree with you?

I totally understand your dilemma. My husband feels that we have to take "vacation" time every summer to visit his parents. I don't call it vacation! It is "visiting family" and there is a difference.

His parents have a very unfriendly home, too, and don't seem to care that we are there. They will barely do anything with us when we visit. They don't have friends, because of the coolness towards everyone---including their grandchildren.

I told my husband recently that next summer, I want to do something different. I want to go somewhere fun! He will need to be the one to tell his folks that, though. My husband says his parents are lonely and need company, but they sure don't act like it. My viewpoint after doing this summer trip for 11 years, is that it can no longer be my problem that they are lonely and unsocial.

A family should be allowed to spend holidays/ vacation time in the manner that is best for them, in my opinion.

Have your husband pick her up and bring her to you guys!!! Include her, just bring her to you!

Question: Is she having other folks over for Christmas dinner too? If she is you won't have to worry about her being lonely on the day. Enjoy your morning and be leisurely before you go to her home for dinner (I'm from Austin, so I don't know how far you have to drive) Enjoy dinner, honor her, be helpful, teach your children to be proper and heap attention on your mother-in-law by being courteous etc. Express gratitude and head home. Don't plan on making the time at her house a play time. By asking you to bring a game, was she intending on playing it with you, or does she mean for it just to keep the kids busy?

If she's not having anyone else over, by all means, invite her to your home. But if she doesn't like the kids' energy at her own house then she may not want to be trapped for the day at your own.

OR Take your vacation! You can find ways of honoring your mother-in-law in other ways. If you try to find ways the children can make her feel special it doesn't have to be on the day. If she doesn't have anyone else, why not invite her along..."Mom, we really appreciate the invitation but we haven't had a vacation in a very long time, and were hoping you'd come with us to Disney World...Australia...South Padre Island...the Ozarks" If she declines, you are off the hook and you can go freely...just remember to try to make the day special for her some way even though you will be absent.

Hi Suzanne
Just invite her to your house. If possible move one of the children out of their room and make it special for her for a day or so- then go get her- explain that the children want christmas in their own home this year and it would not be christmas without her- so go pick her up and make her comfortable for a day or so.... Simply tell her it is time for the children to spend Christmas at home and you welcome her there.
good luck and blessings

Go get her and bring her back to your house. Problem solved.

If it were me in your situation, I would just simply say that "we would really love to come over again this year for Christmas but since we haven't had any free time for ourselves in the past few years, we've decided to do something a bit different instead" & leave it at that. If she sounds disappointed or if you feel you SHOULD do something w/her then you can suggest getting together for a day later on. Good luck!

Sometimes you just have to do what you want to do. You've been gracious in keeping her company the last 7 years. You owe it to your kids to do things the way you know they would and could enjoy it more. It's Christmas and spending it some where you really don't want to be is a very uncomfortable way to have to be on a holiday.
Just thank her for the invite and let her know that you'll be doing Christmas at home w/ your family. Don't back down you owe to yourself to be happy. Im sure she has family and friends that can keep her company and if not, its not your obligation to have to entertain her for the holiday. Be STRONG and enjoy your holiday.
Maybe you can visit her in the summer.