I have a little boy who's almost 3 and also watch a little girl who is 5. I am searching for some good ways to talk about diversity and acceptance with them, maybe a song or a book or an activity? I am white, my husband is Mexican, the little girl's mom is Mexican and her dad is Arabian. Pretty diverse in an of ourselves, right? But today we were outside when the mail carrier came around, and she was a very dark black woman. This prompted the little girl to exclaim, "she's black! I'm not going to talk to her because I hate black things." I was shocked and saddened to hear her say that. I KNOW it's not coming from her mother, but it is quite possible she has learned this attitude from her dad (parents are separated; we've heard him say some pretty racist stuff before). When we got back inside I asked her why she said that, and I got the typical "I don't know" answer. I explained that just because someone has a different color skin doesn't mean anything more than if they had a different color eyes or a different color hair and we shouldn't decide whether or not to talk to someone based on that. Then we looked at pictures online of different skin tones and different hair colors, and talked about how her eyes and hair and skin are different than my sons'. I do plan on letting her mom know so she can reinforce and keep teaching her. But for today, what else can I do with them to get started helping them to better understand and accept diversity?
Just wanted to add that I know I'm not her parent, but we are family. And I spend the better part of 10 hours a day with her. I don't think I'm stepping out of bounds by trying to include some life lessons in our time spent together. They teach diversity in school, right? Also, I'm aware that she might not have meant that she actually, literally hates black people, but I think this is an important topic and one that I want my son to be educated about as well, so that's why I'm looking for some cool, fun ideas on how to reinforce the idea. I'm not gonna make a big deal of it, just want to make it a learning opportunity. They both really love singing, so if anyone knows of a simple song I can teach them that would be great. :)
@ Kari, I agree, and I'm not advocating for not using descriptive words to describe someone's appearance. It's just the tone of surprise and concern that I heard in her voice when using those words that I found unacceptable. I just want her and my son to know that judging someone on appearance alone is not okay and we should not do it.
Okay, I feel like I really need to clarify what I meant by this post. @Jo, that was exactly what she said, word for word, and I kinda resent that you say that I see nothing but color. My whole question here is how to help the children in my care understand that that is NOT how they should see people. I'm not an idiot, I know that children say things that don't have deep profound meaning to them. But I also know that kids hear and absorb everything, even the unkind things that adults say and if she's been exposed to racist comments she MAY have been repeating them in the way she understood them. Like I already mentioned, I am aware of the fact that she may have ONLY literally been refering to the color black and not the skincolor. BUT, I saw it as an opening to try to teach her a little about accepting people's differences. And by the way, at the age of 5 it's normal to classify things and people by their appearance and to develop preferences for race, which is why I think it's an important topic to talk about.
When my daughter was about 5 I was mortified when she pointed to a woman and identified her as a black woman. She had black hair and that made her a black woman. But, to her, it was an observation. I wouldn't focus on the "race" aspect but ask why she would hate black things? Does she hate black shoes? Black cars, etc? It might lighten the situation up and help her realize what a silly statement she made. Good-luck.
I think you have done great job for today. You can't cram it all in to one lesson on one day. Day to day teaching moments will present themselves.
There is one cartoon on tv - I can't remember what it is darn it. But it was on one day while 2 of my GDs were watching. I couldn't believe how horrible it was. Bullies picking on kids; you name it, it was there. I couldn't believe it. BUT I did find that it presented a LOT of opportunities for me to talk with the girls about diversity and tolerance and acceptance.
Just keep your eyes open for those teaching moments and don't let even one of them get by without using it.
By the way, she said "black things" not black people. Perhaps she wasn't being racist, but just a kid who hates black. You never know with kids that young if they literally mean what they say!
Just thought about this: you could also use a box of crayons or markers and talk about how boring it would be if all the crayons were the same color and how wonderful it is to have all sorts of beautiful colors to love!
I think you're jumping to an adult interpretation of a childish statement. She DID tell you why - but her experience of "black things" is probably the dark, shadows, etc. Children are afraid of the dark, of shadows, of bugs, etc. and they are black or dark in color. So they see a person who is very dark, and they put 2 and 2 together and get 5. Your response was right on, but you don't have to worry so hard about what was behind it, I think.
They are living a diverse life, and that experience and the openness of it will teach them more than words. The two combined will give them the diversity education you want them to have.
You did great so far! How about reading books to them with characters of different races?
I see nothing wrong with identifying people by appearance. I mean what's wrong with saying the boy with brown hair, the asian kid, the white kid, or the girl in the blue shirt if those are things that will distinguish them in a group for identification purposes. When we insist on not using those descriptive terms it sounds like there is something wrong with them.
We have friends of all colors and nationalities. My daughter's best friend is bi-racial. Is it wrong to identify her Mom as white and Dad as black if I am trying to help someone meet up with their family? I can assure you the families I know wouldn't think twice about it.
Below is a link to a great picture book about skin color. It's sweet and simple. I think you've done a good job, just don't turn it into a lecture or over-do it as you can't take what she said from an adult perspective, no telling what was going through her little mind!
http://books.google.com/books/about/The_Colors_of_Us.html...
I'm not convinced that girl meant her statement racially. I say that because at that age kids are very quick to point out the obvious with their comments "that woman is black" and they are also very obvious with their "preferences" ie: I don't like black THINGS.
My daughter went through a phase where she wanted to put food coloring in anything "white" because it wasn't *pretty* (so we've had some interesting mashed potatoes at our house). This was not a hatred for all things caucasion..... it was her 4 year old mind wanting to make things colorful.
I also found that using HERSELF as an example is a better way to teach.... than by reading a book about how *others* behave.
"Oh my, Maria... how would it make you feel if someone didn't want to talk to you because you were wearing purple and they didn't like purple things?"
Letting HER come up with the answer is always better.
My son said something similar at Target when he was four. I just nonchalantly said, "Yes, that man is black, and Mommy is very fair skinned, and you're more olive-skinned like Daddy, and some people are light brown, and some people have brown eyes, some have blue.... People come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and none are better than the others".
I think that's all you need to say. You might try going to the library and looking for books about diversity, and just simply read them to the kids without lecturing.
We live in a fairly diverse area, so my kids are used to seeing other races. I'm always happy when we're at the park, or wherever, and they say "Did you see me playing with that boy/girl with the red shirt" instead of identifying the child by their race.
I think you teach it by doing. You can go to the mail carrier and greet her warmly and let the girl see that the woman is still just a person who looks different. I think you were right to talk to her and I think that she'll understand over time. You could also have them play dress up and ask "Who are you? Are you Nina? Yup, even with the firefighter's hat you are still Nina." Help her see that the outside doesn't change who she is on the inside. I think for today you have done enough and you can look for opportunities in the future.
She might have also meant she doesn't like the color black, not that she doesn't like dark skinned people.
S. - I think you are on the right track and handling this in a very smart way.
At our daycare center the teacher taught the children (ages 4-5) about different skin tones similar to the way you did it only she used flavors; some people are peach with blue eyes, some people are chocolate with brown eyes, some people are vanilla with green eyes. Since most Americans really don't have "white" or "black" skin, I thought this was a more helpful way to teach this subject matter to very young children. As far as I know it wasn't a big to do; the teacher just allowed the children to acknowledge differences, gave them appropriate language to do so, and moved on.
I think reading books or watching shows with children of color is also excellent. Have you seen Doc McStuffins on Disney Jr. or Little Bill on Nick Jr.? Those are very good options. There are a number of books you could pick up from the library with the help of a librarian. I'm reading one now called "Oh No, Gotta Go #2", which includes some Spanish words (and the story is tasteful, despite the title!).
It is VERY normal for children that age to notice and comment on differences. If we ignore or gloss over what they notice, we may unintentionally send a message that something is wrong with a particular person. At the same time, I think it's kind of like curse words; you don't want the child to realize that if they say something about a person that's black, white, in a wheelchair, etc., they'll get this big huge reaction and all this attention. Keep up the great work!!
Did you actually listen to what she said or keywords cause it sounds an awful like you only heard keywords. What she said was she didn't like black things, ya know, objects. Like black paper, dirt perhaps?
You on the other hand are turning this into race and I would imagine will make things worse if you continue.
I don't know if you know this but some people naturally point with their middle finger. My oldest son does this. So when some kids were acting up in school he pointed at them and said hey! you can't do that. He was led to the principals office where she explained you don't give people the finger in this school. He explained what had happened and she continued on. So I got a call. I said I hope you are happy with yourself, he points with his middle finger. Before today he had no idea that was a mean gesture, thanks to you, he does now!
Oh, didn't point this out, he was five at the time.
If you do not understand what I am saying kids are innocent. Don't change that because you can't see black as nothing more than a color.
Clearly you don't get what I am saying, would you have been upset if she said she doesn't like anything yellow or say white? She is speaking of a color, not the person, not their heritage, that is all you. If you want to teach her we see people differently by skin color then go right ahead. It is just my personal opinion that what you are setting out to do is wrong.
You don't focus on skin color. You focus on actions, accomplishments and even personality.
My child has never been allowed to comment on how someone looks - hair color, tall, short, color of eyes, skinny, fat, etc. He is only allowed to talk about someone in regards to what that person said or did. He isn't even allowed to describe someone in terms of appearance. If he makes a new friend at school he knows to say "I made a new friend today. His name is Kurt and he showed me how to do judo at lunch. He talks alot in class but the teacher said he can improve."...stuff like that. And btw, Kurt is black.
If that happened to me, I would have said "that person has a name and the next time we see her we are going to ask her what it is". I think I would have also told both of the child's parents "this is my house and we don't say anything about hating things or people or someone's skin color. If it happens again, your daughter will be apologizing to someone - eitherto the person she's insulted or to me for having have heard her say it."
Personalize the person, not the appearance.
