Teaching to Not Be Prejudice

I've seen books about people being different and sesame street is very good about casting people of different colors and abilities. My daughter hasn't seemed to notice skin colors yet and I hope she never does! She did ask why someone was in a wheelchair once and why mommy wears glasses sometimes and I've used those as opportunities to tell her that not everyone is the same as everyone else.

It's kind of hard to explain things like that to a 2 1/2 year old. He said chocolate, because he relates the color brown with chocolate. I would start by explaining that we are all different colors, some of us have different hair color, and eye colors and shapes, and that all of it is all okay. Maybe you can find a childrens book about the subject. As he gets older, you can explain things better. But for now, keep it simple. I have learned by giving simple answers are better than overloading thier little brains with to much information.

Hi Becky!

I know a little about this because I am in a biracial relationship (I'm white, my husband's black) and we are raising our biracial daughter.

People of color - especially those of African descent - talk about race all the time - at the dinner table, at parties, just going about their everyday life. It's no big deal to bring up the subject of race.

White children are taught (with the best intentions of the parents) that talking about race is embarrassing or shameful. I think we're afraid that if we talk openly about race that we will be accused of being racist, so we just avoid the topic.

When a white child makes a comment about a non-white person's race in public, we tend to react the same way as when a child makes a comment about a person's disability in public. We're embarrassed and confused and try to hush our child or redirect him to something else. This can confuse our children and it will offend the person of color much more than a positive comment or explanation.

Anyway, I have done a lot of research on this and read some fantastic books. This is what I would do.

1. Find a book that talks about different skin colors and read it to your child. A great one for toddlers is The Colors Of Us by Karen Katz. This will give you and your son a common language to talk about race when you go out.

2. When your son makes a similar comment in public, just say something like, "He does have beautiful dark skin, doesn't he!" In other words, acknowledge your son's observation while making a positive comment about the physical characteristic he has just noticed.

And thanks for asking this question! Your son's lucky to have you as his mother.

Thats actually pretty cute..and funny!
Say "why yes he is" then say" lets call him black, but I bet everybody likes chocolate candy!"
Keep it simple..my family looks like a freaking coke a cola commercial.. ya' know "we are the world"
but things said inocent and honest are never bad.
out of the mouths of babes...
Don't worry we get some of our best laughs at stuff like this

Hi Becky!
You know, there is nothing wrong with her noticing or saying what she said. I think the best way to handle the situation is to say something like, "What a handsome man. He's not chocolate, but he is brown. Look, my skin is a different color than yours." Helping her realize that there are different colors of skin is a good idea. It's never bad to have such a great teaching moment. My husband is black and I'm white. I seriously doubt that any black person would be offeneded by a remark from a child. How you handle it is key. Just point out that--yep, we're all different colors. Isn't that great?!? It makes the world a much more beautiful place.

I would just say "yes, and I bet he's just as sweet". Our kids will learn so much from our reactions to others and to them. My daughter is Asian and one day someone commented on the shape of her eyes and I just said, "Yes, aren't they beautiful". You'll know when an age appropriate lecture is necessary, but for now, affirm the good and don't read too much into innocent comments.

"And chocolate is good!" There is nothing wrong with seeing differences and celebrating those differences. You're not putting a label of good or bad on people. There's nothing wrong with celebrating your commonalities either. Make sure that you are taking your family to a variety of venues, activities where they are seeing the rainbow of our lives. That they get the opportunity to see and live in diverse world from early on.

Wow, I would just say that lack of education and exposure breeds ignorance and fear of what is different so its up to you to show him. I remember being at my sons preschool and his little friend said "hey black lady" to get my attention, he knew i was my sons mom but just didnt know my name and i couldnt get offended. I am a black lady and he just wanted me to watch him do some trick and I just figured maybe i was the only black woman he had been exposed to regularly even if just at school? But I think now he at least knows that black ladies are "fun" too like his mommy! (Of course then I told him my name was T.! :~)

From the mouth of babes ...
One time in the grocery store there was a "little" person & my daughter of course noticed her right away & very loudly said "Mom look she is little just like me". Of course I was embarrassed at first but the women smiled @ my daughter & waved. So I responded to my daughter & said "yes she is little, there are all different kinds of people that make up our world.". Later after we got home from the store I did talk to her a little more about people looking different but that if she has questions it is best to wait until we get to the car so that we don't hurt anyones feelings.
Most people are going to understand that everyday in a childs life is a learning experience & there really isn't anything you can do about the people that don't understand.
Good luck!

Everyone is touchy on this subject and wants to be politcally correct. But your son is only 2 1/2 - he has absolutley zero sense of prejudice (even if you wanted it- which obviously by your post, you don't). So, when he observes Chocolate Man(because chocolate is brown) I would just calmly say something like, "yes, isn't it great that god made so many different people in the world?" or if you're not particularly religious, "yes, isn't it great that there are all sorts of different looking people in the world". That could go towards noticing somebody that is obese, disabled, Chinese or heck...even white! Doesn't sound like you did - but if you get freaked out or stressed about being embarrassed, your kids will notice.

That's so funny because that's exactly the thing I said back in 1964 when I was 4 and saw my first black person.

The appropriate answer is simply, "yes honey, he does look chocolatey brown" and make no further big deal about it.

The chocolate man in my case heard and replied with a smile on his face, "that's right darling, I'm as sweet as candy" and winked at my mom (which, in 1964, sent was rather brave of the man). My mom was a champ and didn't let either comment worry her and just smiled at both of us.

I would say that was a prejudice statement, me being am african american, my daughter calls yourself and her baby brother golden not black ( they are very light skinned)and i am ok with that but she know that she is (black) african american, I say just be mindful of what you say at home, as we do also, children are like sponges and they soak the good and bad that we show them, just talk to him and be honest that is all, make sure we use the proper names when it comes to a race, but chocolate man is cute i heard african american kids say the same thing.

I hope I'm not too late to share my opinion on this subject. My stepdaughter said the EXACT same thing when she met a friend of ours for the first time. He laughed and thought it was funny! Everyone has differences...hair color, eye color, skin color, smell, traditions, religions, height, weight, clothing styles, ETHNICITY. I could go on and on. Color is just another part of your life.

Recognizing differences is a key element to being human. There is nothing wrong with noticing the differences and nobody should be punished for pointing them out, especially at this age. We teach colors to our children and expect them to associate them with specific things. What color is an apple? The predominant answer is RED, but we all know that green and golden are common. Don't ignore skin color, teach your children that color is everywhere, and to make friends with people because they like WHO they are, on the inside and the outside.

Accept the differences (diversity) and remember the Golden Rule. Apply this to everyday life.

Don't be too concerned about prejudice at this age. He was stating his observation using the only language that he has. You can read him children's books with people of all different cultures and colors and point out that folks come in all colors,sizes and a variety of appearances. Even counting books by Molly Bang can have a good conversation because the little girl in that book is Black. My daughters are mixed race (Mexican,Anglo) and the older daughter has very curly hair and could "pass" as white. The 3 year old looks very American Indian. We have had many discussions about prejudice and issues dealing with immigration/social groups with our nine year old and actually have homeschooled partially because of some of the social issues that are involved in my area. We live in a very diverse neighborhood where we constantly hear other languages other than English and both girls have seen all kinds of people so they don't even ask why anymore.

H.

Becky - don't worry!! I am white, my husband is Mexican. One of our boys is very dark skinned, hair and eyes...the other one is as white as me, with lighter hair and eyes. My son picked up on it right away and asked me why. "well, I am white and your papa is darker. You look more like papas skin and your brother is more like mine. Isn't that great!? I love how beautiful yours and your papas skin is, and I love how beautiful your brother's is. We are a lucky family to have so many colors!" It's all about education. Now is the time to do it. But I wouldn't wait until you were in the car, or pull him aside. It's a fact of life, people are different colors, religions ect. If you pull him aside, or wait until you're in the car, you make it seem like he is saying something wrong, and he didn't! Plus, at 2 1/2 he probably wont even remember it by the time you get to the car. Chocolate is brown, maybe he just didn't know the color brown, but he knew chocolate! And lastly...I wouldn't worry about offending people. One woman on here said to tell him to say "black" but then there may be someone else that says "african american." You know that you are not racist, and you are teaching your children not to be. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks of you or the way that you are parenting. It's not their business. I peronally couldn't care less what the rest of the world thinks about my children and their behavior. L.

Live in a more diverse community where there are many different ethnic types, and it isn't strange for him to see other races and nationalities. The problem isn't him learning how to behave when he sees a black person, it is up to the whole family to learn to interact outside perceived racial boundaries. He does what he sees...or in this case doesn't see.

Try going to an independent book store to find some great books that celebrate racial diversity. You could always say simply, "No honey not chocolate, humans/real people can't be chocolate; isn't he luck to have such a beautiful skin color."

I've had similar teaching opportunities lately with my 4 year old. I'd love to relate my funny experience, but I won't waste your time. In addition to skin color, my son is also asking about people in wheel chairs, on crutches, etc. I did talk to my pediatrician about it and she reinforced what I had been doing. Simply talk to your son about it. Tell him that yes, there are lots of differences about people. Skin color is one of them. People have different hair color, heights, weights, etc. But none of that matters - people are basically all the same. We don't treat people differently based on their differences. (I'm pretty simple about it with my son, but you may need to be even more simple with a 2 1/2 year old.)

When my son comments loudly enough for the person to hear, I talk to him right away, usually in a relatively loud voice so the person knows I'm addressing it, and I simply acknowledge what he said and that everyone is different or whatever. Fortunately, I think most people understand that someone that age is still learning so they aren't offended by it.

My pediatrician also suggested explaining that people have different amounts of melanin in their skin which makes skin color different. The very factual reason why.

It's tough, isn't it? I'm sure there are also great books, but I haven't gone that route yet.

Instead of worrying about the man who may be offended (and he's probably not..especailly because it came from a child), I would use that very moment to pull your child aside and explain that everyone is equal and we don't classify people according to anything, including the color of their skin....I just had this happen with my 4 yr. old. I tried to explain by telling her no one pointed out that she is "that little girl with white skin"....I think it gave her some perspective. It is hard at age 2.5 to really get them to grasp this. But even if she is too little to really inderstand...the sooner you start talking with her about it, the sooner she will catch on.

just tell him the truth, when you're alone at home. he's old enough to understand. including how black people have been hurt by white people and that it's not good to say things like that. as much as you think he needs to know (maybe not a whole lecture about slavery). it sounds like you handled it well. you could tell him that "black" is a better word to use than "chocolate" (if he needs to say anything). it could be a good opportunity for a talk about diversity in general (including for example people who are obese or alter-abled etc).

expose expose expose....give your son tons of opportunities to see people from all walks of life, in books and in real life, like at the zoo, or going to a store...or...or. I think that the fact that your son saw a difference is a good thing. Maybe you could respond by saying, "Yes honey, isn't that beautiful, there are people of all skin colors." Then ask him about what color he might think his skin is. Perhaps go to a paint store and look at different colors of swatches and have your child find these colors in books, magazine, etc. Seeing color is not a bad thing. Instill in your child the love of variety. It is the hate of variety is where people go wrong...seeing one "better" than the other. Teach your child to say "different" instead of "better," when he tries new activities and the like. You are doing a good job!

D&B,
That situation would be uncomfortable. The person is probably not offended because your child is so young.
In that situation I would have said, "yes, he does look different." Then I would begin to talk about differences between family members such as eye color, nose shapes, hair color, how people walk, etc. There are also different cartoons that have children of different nationalities in them. Check them out and try to expose your child to these things.
It doesn't take work to keep a child non-prejudicial, it takes education and exposure.
Good luck.

My son once did the very same thing. It was so bizarre; I don't know where he picked up such a thing. My husband and I were both with him at the time, and we both gasped and said "that's not nice; that's not what we say..." I don't remember what else we said, but he's never done such a thing again. Also he would stare and be very curious about disabled people when he saw them (mentally retarded), so if it's appropriate, I try to educate him a little ("everyone is different..."). There are some autistic children at church who act very differently, and we're trying to teach him, again, that everyone is different and that these particular children have autism, which makes them behave differently. Children are not inherently racist; they have to be taught that. I don't think what yours or mine said was coming from any sort of racist thinking, either. They just don't know anything about the subject and are making an observation (why chocolate? I don't know - kids are funny!) Don't make a big deal of it, and just use teaching moments as they arrive to teach them not to judge by skin color, but by character content.

Oh my gosh you just remended me of what my now 14 yr old did in a store. I had my daughters and nephew with me and we are walking throgh the store. There were 2 men one with a mohawk spike that was purple( this was back in about 1996) My 3 yr old pointed and started laughing at him. And he walked up and bent toward her and started laughing back at her. I am not sure who I was more angry with Her for doing that or him for responding like that. I rushed everyone out to the car and lectured them all the way home.