Teen Sitter Pregnant

Like Dawn, I always taught my daughter that there are different kinds of families and that was the truth. She was born to my sister, a single mother (no birth father around) and then came to us when she was ten days old. We have friends with children that are single, living together, adopted, married, gay and via IVF. I can still teach her it is best to wait but I certainly wasn't going to mislead her.

I would just say, Lisa is going to have a baby! Maybe they will ask questions, maybe they won't. You can go from there based on what questions they ask. I would answer all their questions honestly. If they can ask the question then they are old enough to have an age appropriate answer.

I would just say she is having a baby. Actually you can not say anything until the due date is much closer.
They might pick up on her gaining weight, might not.
When she definitely looks pregnant then tell them, I didn't look pregnant with number one unitl I was almost 8 months along. So just watch her.

They may ask about the daddy but most likely not--the answer is he goes to school. Not a lie and they don;'t need to know anymore.

I have always been a single mom.

When my son was about 3 we began attending church regularly. He went to Sunday school before services. One Sunday, after church, while driving home, he asked me how I "got him" since God gave babies to Mommy's and Daddy's and I was only a Mommy.

I almost hit a tree. LOL

I told him that God knew how much I would love him, and He knew how right we were for each other, so He decided I didn't need a Daddy to have a baby.

Eh, so he is 15 now, and knows better...but we still both think that God did a pretty good job putting us together.

God doesn't just give babies to couples that are married does He? You shouldn't have lied to the kids because now you'll have to either explain to your daughters that you lied or you have to fire the babysitter and hope you never see her again.

The first thing I would do? Sit the kids down and let them know that God gives babies to all sorts of people at all sorts of times through all sorts of ways. If you don't, you may have issues when they get older.

ETA: My children are also raised with morals and in God's word. I don't lie to them though about where babies come from. I've also told them if they do choose to have sex before marriage (which I've told them I think is wrong) then they need to use protection.

Good morning Girlies02 :)

I read through all the responses and I bet you're asking yourself, "Why the heck did I ask people to weigh in on this? Why did I even bother asking for advice?" (lol) I myself have found that sometimes when you ask questions 'on here', all you get is JUDGEMENT instead of the "good advice" you were seeking! (Not all the time mind you, but many times... :)

It's a shame and I don't know why people do it, but I sometimes wonder if they're reading a post left by someone who comments and these readers just assume that it is your thinking and/or beliefs!? Go figure! All I know, is that it's been done to me as well when I've asked questions. Some people totally misconstrue or twist things around and don't even address your "actual" question.

Also, I'd just like to say, I didn't think you came across as judgemental at all. I felt like you were legitimately concerned for the mental well being of your two daughters and/or how they were going to process this, especially since you've always told them that "God gives babies to couples that are married." To me, it just seemed like you were looking for a way to resolve or reconcile what you had previously said... :) You were looking for some good advice, not judgements and/or people pointing fingers or faulting you.

I guess that's the way of the world today... everyone thinks they would do things soooo much differently; however, NO ONE knows how they would react, until they themselves were confronted with a situation such as yours.

From experience though, I have a 4yr. old who has an older sister (my step-daughter, who lives w/her mother). Anyway, her older sister had a baby out of wedlock at 19 yrs. old. My daughter NEVER questioned her age or whether or not she was married. She just 'assumed' (and we let her) that the baby's father was her sister's husband. All my 4 yr. old was concerned w/was how did the baby get in there and how is it breathing, why is it soooo big.... those kinds of things.

She didn't even recoginze that her big sister was only a teenager and that she wasn't married. To my daughter, everyone who is "bigger" than her, is an adult and everyone who has a boyfriend, is married. The only concern I had at the time, was that my daughter started putting her dolls under her shirt (mimic'ing) pregnancy... I wasn't exactly sure how to address that (lol)

In any case, I just try to be as truthful as I can when she asks questions that may be complicated and/or about delicate issues. I try to explain in terms that a 4yr. old will understand...
Like recently, we had some issues with the "death" and I've never really wanted to cover that issue w/her at this age, but since she's questioning it, I just tell her what I believe about God and Heaven and people (or animals) staying with us in thoughts and spirit.

I haven't tried to cover it up or make it less than it is, because there will come a time when reality will set it and I don't want my daughter to think I fed her a bunch of hocus pocus or lies. I don't want her to be blindsided or traumatized more, by what I "didn't" tell her, rather than what I "did", ya know?

To me, you can talk with your girls about whatever YOU feel is appropriate, based on your family's values and/or morals. To be truthful though, they probably won't even think about the things you're concerned with, so maybe you should just wait to see what they have to say and then go from there.

Well, here's to wishing you and the family all the best, and that goes for your babysitter as well! I hope it all works out :)

i look forward to reading answers. i would be just a stuck for an answer as you are. maybe since they will have to find a new baby sitter once she delivers her own child you could start looking now and introduce them to some new people. then it may make the change a little smoother. i would ask her not to tell them until you are comfortable with a way to tell them. good luck!

EDIT: I think it is good you told your girls that God gives babies to married couples, people today are so blase about premarrital sex and promisquity. obviously yes God gives babies to unwed moms to, but of course you want to raise your daughters with morals, GOOD FOR YOU!!!

My daughter was 7 when her 16 cousin got pregnant. I like, you was very concerned about how my daughter would view it. In her mind having a baby and sex were not connected at all. Since she had no idea what sex is and hopefully won't for years. At 7 she viewed her 16 year old cousin as adult. She didn't have a lot of questions and came up with reasoning on her own. She didn't even think the baby had a dad, because her cousin wasn't married. Since she never saw the dad, we just went with it. Her view changed, from married people get babies, to if you want a baby you just get one. Since then a couple kids in her class have two moms-it has helped her thought process-you want one you get one-a guy has nothing to do with. Since we aren't anyway ready to have a talk about sex-she can keep believe this for now. We will fill in the piece in a few years. My thought on you presenting this to your girls, is answer their question as simply as possible-unless you want to talk about the bird and the bees with them.

I got pregnant at 17......

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This happened to us...only it was my sister. She was 21, but not married. It was kind of hard to explain bc we do live a faith-based lifestyle. I want my kids to make "wise" decisions and lead God-pleasing lifestyles. I don't remember exactly what we told them...something to the effect that there is sin in our world...not that your babysitter is bad by any means...but that sin causes us as humans to not always make decisions according to the bible. It is our jobs as God's children to forgive, love, and respect others decisions. Our God is loving and forgiving and babies are a blessing no matter what!

You can also use this opportunity to show your babysitter that you are forgiving. You don't have to agree with her choice...but we are called to forgive and love one another.

Hope this makes a little sense?! :)

Your kids will only think it's weird if you present it that way. Tell them in a matter of fact manner, and they will accept anything mom says as 'normal', there is no need to go deeper than that.

:)

Well you can stick to your god gives babies to couples that are married or use this as a learning moment. What I mean is there is a lot that goes into causing teen pregnancies, I can't think of one that is positive. So you can stick with, okay what the heck god gives babies, oh whatever, or you can let your babysitter tell them what happened in terms they understand and hope that your girls don't make the same mistakes.

I don't mean to make light of your god gives babies comment but it teaches your daughters nothing. The reality of life is your daughters will become teenagers, they will meet boys, and they may fall prey to their lines. They may choose not to talk to you about their feelings, birth control, abstinence because you don't talk to them like thinking people. I mean come on, god gives babies to couples that are married? It not a very credible answer and without credibility children don't want your advice.

Your sitter is either in love or made a mistake. She may want to keep the child and love them as much as you love your daughters. She may want to put the baby up for adoption because that is how god gives children to those that can't have them. What I am saying is try to find the teaching moment in all of this.

You say they look up to her, use that so they do not make the same mistakes. Just because they idolize her doesn't mean they will chose the same path. Especially when she says she made a mistake.

I told my kids the same thing, but I think if you just say "oh, it happens like this sometimes too" then they'll let it drop. They're a little young to get into the moral quesions, and I don't think it's even appropriate to tell them about sex and all.

Lie to your kids? You didn't lie to them; you told them the truth that was appropriate for their ages. And I do lie to my kids at least 10 times a day. I tell them Santa comes at Christmas, the Tooth Fairy took the tooth and left money, there isn't any ice cream left, the "doctor" said little boys that talk back are tired so it's time for bed, and that airplane pilots always eat their zucchini. God does give babies to mommies and daddies who love each other, and I do think that is the most ideal way to raise a child. So yes, that is what I'm going to teach my children. You are instilling your morals in your children - which you absolutely should. You didn't shoot yourself in the foot, you just have to let your kids in on the reality of life a little earlier than you planned. I really think if you don't play it up or say "do you have any questions?" they really won't think that much past "will she still come over to play?"

Ok, you might be completely overthinking here. I would probably wait until she was showing and then tell the kids, "So and So will be having a baby soon! What do you think would be a good baby present to get her?" I would only go into the other mess IF they asked. Chances are they won't.

But because you told them that only married couples have babies, you might want to prep your answer when someday she comes home and says, "So and So has two mommies, how is that possible?"

I tell my kids that too. Until they are old enough to understand the logistics of intercourse and being able to get pregnant from even one time of sex it's my job to decide what they think about sex and babies.

I think this is a hard situation. We had a teen girl at church get pregnant. She was one of those who could be called on Sunday morning and be told someone could not speak, could she give a 10 minute talk on XXX and she would get up, give a wonderful talk, and be prepared and eloquent.

When she found out she was pregnant she didn't tell anyone she just stopped coming to church. I was a person who visited her once a month and she started being busy so I hadn't seen her in a couple of months. I got a new companion and we made an appointment to go see her. She was obviously pregnant. I was happy for her, babies are a gift.

When we got back in the car the person I was with told me she was only my companion for this one visit so she could report to the RS president if this girl was pregnant or not. Well, the girl was basically disfellowshipped.

She had a baby shower and I was the only one that showed up. She came to church one time after the baby was born and was cornered and told off because she didn't give her baby up for adoption. She never came back and I don't blame her. I am friends with her to this day. She has several children now and I can tell you she is like this mom that June Cleaver was based on, except she is the school parent liaison for basketball and softball along with being this awesome wonderful woman who cooks dinner from scratch every night kind of person.

My point is that this girl made a mistake. She is young but it may turn out she is a wonderful mom and a wonderful woman in the making. She should not be alienated from your family unless you really feel strongly that the influence of having a baby as a teen would really mess with your kids minds. Being supportive and still loving her is important to her in so many ways. You didn't say how her parents/family is acting about this addition. She may be having such a horrible time emotionally.

That is a tough issue to have to tackle with your children at this age. We had a similar situation with a family friend who was unmarried and had a baby, although she is at least out of high school. I was surprised by how few questions my 7 year olds had about it, actually. They didn't seem interested in the fact that this friend didn't have a husband, they were more focused on the baby part. It may be that you'll have less explaining to do than you think.

If questions do arise, I think you can give them a simple answer like "it's always best when people have babies when they're older, but sometimes it doesn't happen that way." which will probably be plenty of information at the moment. However, I disagree that 5 & 6 is too early to start talking to your children about sex--if you really want to be the person who will provide them with information and pass on your values, you need to be ready to answer their questions honestly as they arise. There's a book on that subject that I've found really helpful called "Questions kids ask about sex: honest answers for every age" Melissa R. Cox is the editor. It's really helped give me age-appropriate answers for when these kinds of situations come up.

Good luck!
J.

Honesty would probably be best....I would research some childrens' books on the topic of having babies and go from there.......Good luck......:) Note: Google search and then check Amazon because they usually have great deals on books or check the local library for the titles you find.

Here's a link to get your search for a book started, if you go that route:

http://www.amazon.com/Where-Do-Babies-Come-Publishing/dp/...

***I'm editing: I agree with you that teaching your children to wait until marriage or wait for children until marriage is great and I support that FULLY as I waited until I found my husband to become sexually active and have children, but I do understand that it doesn't always happen that way. My sister is not married and as now probably no longer engaged (her choice) and she just had a child. You can continue to promote your beliefs to your children as well as be honest with them about how babies enter the world and that it isn't always inside a marriage. Sorry others felt the need to attack you for saying something to your kids that wasn't necessarily the truth...but then I guess no one on here ever told their kid there is a Santa and a Tooth Fairy, huh?

I really don't think your 5 & 6 yr old will care where and how she got pregnant. They most likely will be excited and to them she is an adult, so don't sweat it. If they ask, focus on the baby and not the sitter and her circumstance.

Hi K.,

I also agree that you are going to need to let your kids know that you gave them false info. I think you can soften it and just say what the other mom recommends. However, instead of saying God gives babies to all sorts of people now might be a great time to talk to your daughters about how babies are actually made (age-appropriately) and the choices they need to make to have the kind of life they want. This is a great time to talk to them about how their ability to go to college will be limited if they have a baby too soon and what that can mean in terms of lifestyle. But I advocate honesty with my daughter. If they are ever going to interact with society it is in their best interest to have age-appropriate honest conversations with them. I believe in God, but God doesn't give people babies - you make a baby by having sex without using birth control. I'm not going to debate the merits of destiny and divine intervention - every one has their own beliefs on that. But if you have really taught your daughters that God is the only person who can give a baby you are going to have to explain things like how God is responsible for things like giving Kaylee to Casey - which is a much tougher conversation to have then telling them that sometimes we have to live with the consequences of OUR OWN actions - which sets them on a path of not blaming God, but accepting self-accountability.

Now - what to do with your sitter. I wouldn't fire her. This is 2011 not 1959. However, I do agree to start branching out because your sitter may have days she doesn't feel well and will obviously be out after the baby is born.

If you want to put your own religious stance on it you can say that God wants you to be married when you have a baby because it's important for a kid to have 2 parents. That may get you out of the lie with them still trusting what you say in the future.

If the way you have described it in the past is that God gives babies to couples that are married, why don't you tell them that sometimes God also gives babies to very special people who take excellent care of children. Say that because she takes such good care of them, God decided she was ready for her own special baby to take care of, too.

Hopefully they won't ask too many questions.

Personally, I don't believe in God, so if it was me, I think I would just tell my children that she loves taking care of them so much that she decided she wanted a baby of her own.

You don't need to tell them too much at this point, since they are so young. They will realize she isn't married yet, but they might not realize that having a baby in high school is not generally the "right" thing to do. Don't focus on her age and they probably won't either.

Why is it so hard to simply say " _____ is having a baby!!"? Why do you need to get into the why's and how she's not married at all? Your kids are 5 and 6 not 9 and 10.

I'm sure your babysitter is a "good" person, otherwise, she wouldn't be trusted with your kids, just because she is pregnant doesn't change that. She may turn out to be a great mother. I have a 5 yr. old and I realize that our family values may not be the same as someone elses, but it doesn't make them less than, or that their choices are wrong. We (as parents) should explain to out kids about life, choices, consequences, and 'blessings in disguise'. God gives babies to a lot of people, some not so deserving of them, maybe this girl didn't plan on having a baby, but as a mother yourself, I think it would teach your kids more if you showed compassion to someone who may not "fit" into the value system you are trying to teach your kids so that they will have more understanding and compassion for someone different than themselves.

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:

There is NO specific time when you have the "TALK" with your kids. Sometimes reality slaps you right in face. The pregnant teen is NOT the only one who has made a mistake.

You mis-informed your children. The question at hand is, are you going to turn your 17 year old care provider away because you were wrong? Or are you going to be a supportive Christian to this young woman, explain the truth to your children or continue to let your children believe what is, in many cases, far from the truth?

Blessings........

I would say, 'guess what? Wonderful news! Mary is going to have her own little baby!'. Just celebrate this little miracle with your girls who will probably be pretty excited that their beloved sitter will have a baby of her own. It could be a nice educational chance to week by week, or month by month discuss how babies grow in the uterus before they're ready to cone out. If you did want to address the questions about how it actually got there, i highly recommend the book, 'Where Did I Come From?'. It's great for the littlies.

Since your kids are 5 and 6, I think all you need to say is that she is going to have a baby soon. However, I would wait on this announcement until the sitter is really obviously pregnant and ready to tell them. At 5 and 6 - all your girls are going to be is happy about it and I don't think you can/should try to change that by explaining the morality of it, the hard time she may have, etc. They are simply too young to get it. When announcement time comes, I would let them be happy and let the sitter be happy about it around them as well. Your girls' primary concern will probably be how it will affect them - is she coming back to babysit after baby or leaving them?

When your girls are older and the time is right for "the talk" (or shortly after it sinks in), you might be able to explain what the sitter was going through and use it as an example of something that should be avoided if possible. All the best to you both!

At 5 and 6 they aren't going to be concerned about whether or not she's married. She's having a baby is probably sufficient information. Treat it as just a fact. They're too young to be concerned about morals, her age, the fact she's still in school There is no need to tell them she made a mistake or that she's not married or too young. That explanation will come when they're older as a part of age appropriate sex education. For now it's enough that she's having a baby. They don't need to know the details.

If they notice the discrepancy (tho I doubt they will) between being married and not married you can talk about different families and how they're made up. You'd just be adding more info. You didn't lie when you said God give babies to married etc. That's true. He also gives babies to other forms of families. It's a statement of fact. You can teach morality when they're age appropriate for learning about sex.

You're right to not tell them until she's past the first trimester and probably not until she's showing and they notice. It's difficult for children to wait for the arrival of a baby.

I understood your question & didn't see anywhere in your post that you were judging. As for your daughters, I think u need to be honest w/ them ( age appropriate ), answering any questions as they come. I do think it will be somewhat hard because of the previous statement about babies being given to married couples.

Haven't read the responses. All I know is that 17 to me, when I was 6- seemed a whole lot older than what you might think they think... Am I explaining this correctly? 17 was no different than 25 to me. 17 was older and I don't think knowing about a 17 year old being pregnant would prompt questions that you wouldn't want answered. I would probably would just wanna know if it was a boy or girl.

I teach my girls the same thing. You get married and then you have babies. I didn't say specifically that God gives babies to married couples, but I did say that people get married and then have babies, cause that is the wy things should work. I will explain later more in detail to them, meaning it is a man and woman joining together makes babies. Right now when they read about animals mating, for example, they say "married". They came up with that one on their own.

I wouldn't worry too much. I think perhaps knowing her relationship with the father could help as well. Do they plan on marrying?

You don't have to tell them anything until they ask, if they do. Keep it simple and at their age level. Give your babysitter all the love and support you can. Every baby is a blessing, and God gives babies to all kinds of people.

The best advice I've ever been given about talking about sex and birth etc with children: answer only the questions that are asked. The best example was when a friend's son asked "Where did I come from?" and the mom started gearing up for the "sex talk" when her son stopped her and said, "No, mom, my friend is from Cleveland. Where am I from?"

Truly, kids will not ask for more than they are ready to handle. They will let you know the level of detail they are ready for by the level of detail in their questions. At some point, you can simply say: "Babysitter has a baby in her belly. It's going to come out soon." Your kids will likely be far, far more interested in the idea of the baby coming than how it got there or why. Prepare yourself for questions like "how will the baby come out" and be honest and matter of fact. Don't use euphemisms for body parts, use plain language "Babysitter will work really hard and push the baby out through her vagina." Try to keep your answers to one thought at a time, and wait until your girls ask you another question before you go into more detail.

A great, gentle book about childbirth is the Dr. Sears "Baby on the Way." It's clear and specific, and while it's written for siblings, it focuses on love for the growing baby rather than details about how the baby got there.

And this is my favorite book for kids about sex, though I'm not sure it will quite be up your alley, check it out from the library and read it (without your kids) - see what you think. I think it does the best job possible for clearly and specifically explaining sex, in context, acknowledging adults' slight embarrassment about it, and the natural wonder of it, and the real results of it (babies!) It's frank, but low-key and quite funny. "Where Did I Come From" by Peter Mayle.

Also, remember that to kids that age, anyone taller than them is an "adult." They don't see the age distinction between you and your babysitter in the same way that you do. Don't impose that distinction on them unless they bring it up first. Likely there will be questions about "what will the baby do while babysitter is in school?" etc. Kids are very practical, and that's the stuff they're going to want to know about.

This is a complicated situation, and good for you for wanting to be clear and deliberate and careful both of your girls and of their relationship with a beloved babysitter. I'm assuming from your question that the babysitter is going to keep the baby - maybe you can get your girls involved in helping the babysitter get ready for the baby. The best thing you can teach your girls about sex and babies is that babies must be brought into the world with love and compassion and care.

Just let them know that she's going to have a baby,they may not even question it.If they do ask questions and your not prepared to tell them that sometimes people make mistakes (ex:sex outside of marriage.) Why not just say well normally God gives babies to people that are married but occasionally he gives them a baby before they are...keep it simple!Only tell them what you have to.Chances are if you and the sitter act as if it's no big deal they won't even think anything of it.

My 4 year old was VERY curious and inquisitive when I was pregnant with my third baby. She wanted to know EVERYTHING, from how the baby got there to what the baby looked like and how the baby was going to come out. I was honest with her. I used the proper terminology and just explained things so she could understand. For example, I described the uterus and vagina like a big water balloon the baby was living in and when the time comes, mama's muscles are going to squeeze the baby out. She understood that the baby breathed and ate through the umbilical cord and that the baby started out as two tiny parts - one from mama and one from daddy - and grew into a little person.

My point is that children are MUCH smarter and capable of understanding more than most adults give them credit for. Be honest, but age-appropriate with them. Don't tell them she made a mistake and is now having a baby. At that age they likely will question whether *all* babies are mistakes and be confused as to how it's decided which ones are, and which ones aren't - and I don't think *that's* a converstation you want to be having! haha

This is why parents should be honest and open with their children about "reality and life". Yes, God gives babies to married people...but also to unmarried people and people that are very young and people that have no business being parents. I think it's time to get real about real life.

Is she planning on having the baby? Is so you need to tell your kids that she is pregnant. I would see what questions they have and then answer them honestly. There are some age appropriate books that may help. One is called 'It's not the Stork'. This may be a good opportunity to start a discussion with them. You are going to have to back pedal on the god gives babies to married couples at some point and now is probably it.

I don't think you should be judged for the message that you gave your kids. I want my kids to have the same thing- to be part of a two parent family having their own children within the covenant of marriage. When I talk to my daughters about events in life, we talk about a timeline of school, college, then marriage...then babies. I will hammer it into both of them until they are grown. With that said, I can see you are in a bind given that you want your children to have these values and that you like this babysitter. If you choose to continue with your sitter, I wouldn't offer up too much information unless they ask. I agree with some of the previous posts that they are still too young to realize how young she is- they view her as an adult in charge. I would see what questions arise and go from there. I hate to say it but if it was me I would get another babysitter as not to confuse them. (I'm hearing the boos already).

Sometimes I think we tell our little ones TOO much. Just be honest, but keep it simple. That's all they can really grasp anyway.

I'd probably say that all ladies can have babies and that _________ is going to have a baby that she'll love as much as I love you.

Also, just a thought, but in this day & age, I don't say to my kids, "married couples" have babies... I just say when mommies & daddies, or even grown-ups, love each other, they can have babies. My kids are (just turned) 6 & 3 & 1/2.

Well I have not read any of the other posts but the fact that you have already told the girls that god gives babies to married couples maybe just maybe you can alter what you have said. You can tell your girls that sometimes (not always) but sometimes god gives precious babies to sweet, wonderful unmarried people like thier sitter bc god knows how wonderful they are with children and gives them a baby as a special gift from god, bc all children are special gifts from our lord. I mean its just a thought. Good Luck

I haven't read any answers but I will tell you what we told our daughters - I had 2 of them before we got married (long story) anyway. What we told them is this .... God decided that some angel babies need to come to earth before parents are married.

This is one of those sucky moments where we tried to protect our children by making an untrue statement that just handles things currently and now has made a problem.

I'd be honest. What else can you do if she's going to remain around. Sure I'd have a discussion clearly for children in their age group. Don't forget that old saying don't say in 50 words that you can say in 10. Maybe a simple she's going to be having her own baby will be the end of it. Maybe something more detailed will be necessary. I know my 8 and 7 year old children understand that babies come from making love which should always be an adult thing to do. When more detailed stuff comes up we address it but to be honest in my experience they don't care for alot of details.

Good luck!

They are really young to realize how young she is to have a baby. Probably around the age when you're ready to talk about the birds and the bees more is when you can talk about waiting until marriage etc. And how sometimes people have babies when they're not married and such. I didn't get from your post that you're judging her. You're wondering about how to talk to your children which is a very good question. You worded your question just fine. =) Good luck!!

You said that your girls idolize her, and shes 17 and pregnant. Im not judging her either, heck, I was having sex with my husband when I was 17 (tmi sorry), but as a mom now, there are things I am not ready to expose my 6 year old little girl to. I also told my little girl the same thing you did, God gives Mommy and Daddies babies. Thats all she needs to know right now. I would have to find a new sitter. The girl has enough on her plate now as it is. Im sure your girls might find out, but its something you could probably just brush off for now, but not if shes in your home with your girls, there is no way around that. Too much curiousity and info will come out if this girl continues to babysit. I just look at it as a way of protecting your little girls innocence for a little bit longer. Like I said, I have a 6 year old, and she would be ALL over me with questions about it. They arent ready for this.

Just tell them that sometimes when 2 people love each other, but are not yet married, they can make a baby. Tell them that although being a mommy should come when you are a woman, sometimes teens make mistakes and become mommys early, and that the babysitter will need lots of love and support to be the best mommy she can be.

I agree with SunshineMommy :)

and Goingon4boys- you said EXACTLY what I wanted to say, but couldn't think of how to word it. You are absolutely right!!

I have a 6 year old daughter who recently caught me watching Teen Mom. Oh my gosh, did she have a lot of questions! We talked a lot about how God works in mysterious ways, and sometimes things happen that you're not expecting. Sometimes babies come before they're expected to, and they're still little miracles. We also talked a lot about adoption, because my cousin is trying to adopt a baby from someone who couldn't take care of it. It was tough to explain! She doesn't know what sex is, but she knows just about everything else. She knows a lot about the biology behind having babies, without knowing exactly how it happens. Kids are pretty understanding. There's also a lot of cool books you can get that might be helpful. Just try to be as honest as possible without revealing information that you feel is inappropriate for them. Good luck! :-)

My son is three, and I tell him the same story about how he was born that my mom told me about my birth - there was a mommy and daddy who wanted a baby very badly, and so they went to the hospital and got one from the doctors and nurses.

I think you could just modify the story that you currently tell your kids, and say something like, "Most of the time, God gives babies to couples who are married. Sometimes, God makes an exception. (Babysitter Name) is such a wonderful person. Don't you think she will be a wonderful mommy to her baby?"

I dont think you need to get really in to a detailed response or agonize over it. Your children may just gloss over the not married part and be excited about the little baby they may get to give toys to and pick out clothes for.

It might be a good time to explain to the kids that people make mistakes, mistakes are human. Be sure to let them know you love her still, but explain that she started motherhood a little early and her life will be a little harder for it.

I know my oldest would have understood this at 5 and 6

Be honest with them.

These things happen when you make big Choices at young ages. That is what I would tell them.

Let them know that she is loved and will have people there to help her out.

You dont need to glamorize it. Or even make it seem like a horrible thing.

God does give babies to married couples. But he also gives them to people who least expect it. Like teen girls.

They may be a bit to young still to hammer home the importance of waiting until marriage to have sex. You may want to discuss with your spouse about having a sit down the girls...Figure out before hand how you want to address the situation. Maybe trouble shoot some possible question you think they may have.

This is a big deal. This could change how they view things through life. You could make or break how they feel about it.

I would find out how you honestly feel about it, be it happy, sad or unknown at the moment. And help your kids figure out how they feel about it. Dont let how you feel effect how they feel though...Does that make sense??

Your sitter is gonna need a ton of support. I know it is hard to feel ''Good'' about these situations. I would let her mom be doing the part of being angry. Be there for her if you can find it in your heart. Keeping it is the toughest(yes it is tough for some moms...not everyone instantly elated about being prego) thing some people have to decide.

I want to say I am not saying this in an angry tone. I know you are trying to protect your girls. And it sounds like you are caringly concerned about your sitter.

It will come to you, how you will address the situation. And it may take a few conversations for them to kinda ''GET IT''.

Good luck.

I applaud you in the fact that you said right away she will continue to watch your kids. That shows that you are NOT a judgemental person. I feel like I am not, and I bet I'd struggle with this issue. You want your kids to have the best examples possible. And while this girl made a mistake and isn't a bad person, you don't want your kids thinking teen pregnancy is okay, or cool etc.
I agree you will have to revamp where kids come from to them to a degree. But definately let them know how hard this will be for this girl, her family. But that this baby will be very loved and wanted. This is hard spot you're in, good luck :)

I think you should sit down with them and say mommy made a mistake when she said God gives babies to couples that are married. When a couple has a lot of love for each other (it can just be associated with the general term of love not sex) then God can give them a baby. Sounds like you shot yourself in the foot, that stinks, but it's okay to tell them you made a mistake. Don't dwell on it or make it seem bad on your part because then they can also learn that even mom makes mistakes. Keep your babysitter until she physically can't work then see what you can do schedule-wise when she has the baby after a few months of recovery. It would stink to lose someone you trust and your kids love. Just show your kids mommies make mistakes too and it's okay to make mistakes. Couples that make love (love-love not sex) can have babies. They are going to grow up and learn it anyways from friends, school, etc might as well tell them now that they still think you are cool and won't be all mad at you for "lying".

Honestly, they might not even be phased by the whole thing. I guess you can just say that in most cases, God gives babies to couples that are married, but sometimes he gives them to other people too.

I doubt they will even realize it. When my daughter was 7 and someone we knew was pregnant- her response was "so does God just give you baby when you ask him for one" I didin't know what to say so I said yes kind of. She says "SHEW, I'm glad I'm never going to ask him for one"!!

I think I would focus on the fact the XX has a baby growing in her tummy so they can't jump on her or play too rough. IF they ask about who her husband is, why she has a baby without a husband, then explain all babies are gifts from God and most of the time He gives them to married mommies and daddies. BUT sometimes God sends the gift (baby) early. Then I'd move on to lighter baby subjects, like "do you think it will be a boy or girl?" "What are your favorite names?" Sounds like you are ok (not condoning, but not judging either) so I think your girls will be cool with it too.

They are very young so I do not think it will phase them. Just tell them that
every family is different. I am sure they willl accept that and it is the truth.

What we tell our son who is four is that it is God's plan that people get married and then have babies and that by doing things His way things works out best, but that all babies have a mommy and a daddy whether or not they are married and in this case you could throw in that their sitter's baby will be very loved even though his/her mommy and daddy aren't married. The inevitable question after this is "But how can they not be married?" since of course they don't know about sex. We just tell ours that people make all kinds of choices all the time and we don't always know why, God doesn't force people to do things His way. Simple, few details. Our is four and is a big questioner and this comes up all the time with kids with single parents etc. I mean, try explaining divorce! We try to tell ours the truth as simple as possible and always tell him that God is able to forgive all of us and work with all of us right where we are, we all need Him. So that is what I'd do. My hubby has two sisters with babies and the father's are not involved, so it comes up!! It has not caused any problems at all. Good luck!

Good luck with your explanation. I think the harder part for your kids might be that the babysitter probably won't be available to babysit after she gives birth. Kids are resilient and will probably take whatever explanation you give them about her pregnancy just fine.

Maybe you need to have a frank talk with the Babysitter about it, ask her what she thinks would be a good explanation. And then you two talk to the kids together?

But keep it simple - Lisa is having a baby - tell them when, and that her belly will get bigger, and then after so many weeks the baby will come out at the hospital, Lisa will be fine, and maybe go into the fact that she may not be able to play as rough, right before and right after baby. If they start asking more in depth questions, about how it happened, you have some work to do.

At 5 & 6, they really AREN'T too little to start the talking about where babies come from. You just have to keep it simple. When two grown up people love each other very much, they can make a baby. There are lots of books on the subject, for little kids, being that MANY kids that age are still having younger siblings and then they ask the same type of questions about mom and dad making a baby. You just need to come up with what you are going to go with too. Saying the pregnancy/baby is a "mistake" may not go over well with your kids or the babysitter, either.

Good Luck, it may be unplanned and unexpected, but take it as an opportunity to show compassion to this girl who you obviously do care about, and to teach your kids as well.

Just tell the truth. She may or may not be married but she really loves kids and so she could not wait. Also asap before this happens to your children. Tell them about birth control. I felt age 14 was good timing and so I sent them to the doctor for diaphrams and I gave each one a starter kit of 100 condoms.
Let us be real hormones are very powerful and we have it within our means to take caution rather than wrap it up in fancy clothes and bull. Remember our great grandmothers got married when they were 15 or 16 years of age. We are unrealistic.

I am glad to read your SWH and you clarified this because you came across verey judgemental in the post. GOOD... I am glad you will continue to support this girl.... she needs all the support she can get right now.

As for your children, no they don't need every specific detail but by 5-6 my daughter was well aware of pregnancy, etc and what is happening to a woman's body. I believe honest communication with children is key. You sure dont want your girls to get details which may not be true from friends.

It is also key to have open communication lines so your girls feel comfortable to come to you with anything and everything. You'll be glad you are open with them when they get 16 and will talk to you vs friends.

I think it's great you want to continue to keep this girl in the lives of your children and it is tough to explain. I don't think you have to get too deep. You can simply tell them that sometimes two people love each other, but because those emotions can feel strong they decide not to wait to have a baby even thought it is probably best to wait until mature enough to handle such a big responsibility. It might be a good time to teach them why you feel it is important to "wait"...??? So tough. I hope this girl is okay and receiving lots of support! I have not personally read it yet, but a good friend of mine suggested the book Diapers to Dating for discussing, age appropriately, such topics. You might check it out. Good luck to you and your sitter!

I think you have great reason to be concerned. Do they know she is in school still, do the girls know she is or is not married??
Lots of times kids may just react joyful for a baby, and not care if she is married or not. Try not to dwell on the fact she is not married when you share with them. They might not care. They may be more intersted in wanting to buy the baby a gift or something, or wonder if she is still going to babysit them anymore. The change that may or may not effect them. Good luck to ya...