I'd appreciate your input, advice and insights on how to deal with my teenage son (entering 9th grade next year) who snuck out of my house at 3:30am with two friends during a sleepover. They thought it would be "fun" to TP one of their friends' houses about 2 blocks away. They TPed the front lawn and roof (which required climbing on the roof of the home).
My concerns:
- The boys didn't think about the dangers of crossing a major intersection at 3:30am; prime time for drunk drivers.
- The boys didn't think about their safety and the possibility of being abducted.
- Sneaking out of the house is against my rules.
- While TP'ing is "accepted" by some, I see it potentially as vandalism and trespassing that can lead to property damage and accidents (boys being hurt).
Next steps:
- I'm trying to understand why my son decided to do this. He's a good kid with very good grades in school. He's active (plays lots of sports) and kept busy between extra-curricular activities, school, community / family events. He says he "wasn't thinking and thought it would be fun". I suspect there's more ...
- Do I ban him from hanging out with these two friends?
- Do I take away the privilege of sleepovers? For how long?
- I want the "punishment" to be commensurate with the "bad behaviour".
- More importantly, I want my son to learn from this and to realize that he's broken my trust and needs to regain it, that he jeopardized his safety and that he disrepected a family by TP'ing their house. Not to mention there could have been property damage etc. The mom thought it was a burglar. Imagine if she took action.
Let me know your thoughts on how you would deal with this situation and your experience of why teenagers sneak out at night. Many thanks in advance.
Ummmm, I'd drive them there and make sure that they used enough tp. Nothing is as sad as seeing a house 1/2 done.
Lighten up!
I'm 47 and was out tp-ing with all my my age cousins just last Christmas.(we uses two CASES of paper).
H. S,
I think your son is just a normal great kid who is, well, being a teenager! I used to sneak out in the early morning to tp neighbors houses when I was a teen and it was a blast! My parents would have been mad and made me and my friends clean it up and apologize too, but they never found out! Do you realize that with all the horrors out there, drugs, sex, pornography, etc. etc.. sneaking out to tp a house is nothing!! I would welcome that kind of behavior any day over finding out my son went out to get high on drugs and have sex for example!! Your son sounds like a very good kid and I really wouldn't treat this incident like he commited a horrible crime. I can see where you feel he betrayed your trust and he does need to realize that and promise you he'll never sneak out and tp again, but hey, he is a teen age boy and he's behaving exactly like it. I would be careful not to punish him so severely for this, because that might create resentment and he'll just want to get out there and do it again, also remember: it was only toilet paper on someones house, it is a pretty "innocent" naughty thing to do! Relax, he is a good kid, and you're doing a great job raising him. Don't sweat this too much. Don't ban him from hanging out with these friends, unless of course they are into drugs or other bad things, (sneaking out to tp a house is not comparable here!) Make him and his friends go and clean up all the toilet paper and apologize for what they did and then take them all out for ice cream!!
LOL my friend. What were you doing at his age at that time of the morning? Didn't you do anything similar as that? It is harmless, but I do agree crossing a major intersection is dangerous and violating the rules of the house are reason enough for disciplinary action. What him to stop, drive him and his friends back to the house, first thing in the morning and have him clean it up. I think that would be a great start. But I do got to laugh, kid's still TP houses.
My rules on TPing are that it has to be a friend's house. TPing a stranger's house to me is vandalism. If it's a friend's house usually the friend has a pretty good idea who did it so the kids can make reparations -- by cleaning it up.
That's what the natural consequences for your boy should be-- to apologize and clean it up. Just to be on your boy's side a little -- it's really not such a bad thing -- a friend of mine who's house was TPd by her daughter's friends had their Christmas pics taken in front of the TPd house, it was pretty funny. Once our house was TPd, I figured it was my kids' friends so I made my kids clean it up (quickly, before it rained). But I thought it was funny (maybe that shows my juvenile sense of humor.)
As far as sneaking out, you can make up the consequences. Personally, I think sneaking out once or twice should be a part of all kids' childhoods. I did it a couple of times and it was really fun. We took a carrot from a carrot patch and it was one of the most exciting memories of my childhood. (I was pretty darn good otherwise.)
Tell your boy all of the concerns you listed above; safety, woman thought it was a burglar, etc., so he understands why he shouldn't be doing it. But don't worry, this doesn't mean your boy is bad.
I agree with Emily C. I was a straight A student and running geek in high school. My friends and I tp'd houses. That was about as bad as anything we did. I agree that they should clean up the mess and maybe do some extra chores. I would not ban them from the friends unless they are "bad" kids because then your son may have to find "new" friends that may not be into such harmless hijinx.
Goodluck,
T. C
When we wanted to TP a friend at a sleepover, my mom went with us. She even bought usw pink toilet paper when we TPed the boys down the streetShe made sure we were all safe and no vandalism(not that it would have) occurred. I wouldn't worry about the TPing as much as the sneaking out and climbing on the roof. Ban sleepovers (both at your house and at a friends) for a few months as punishment for sneaking out. Let them know that if they sneak out again the punishment will be severe. Don't tell what it is..keep em guessing. If you tell what the severe consequence is they may decide that it's worth the risk.
Teenage boys are well... destructive. Lets face it. I remember in high school the boys doing all sorts of stuipd thigs from TPing a house to planting 50 xmas trees in the principals lawn the day after xmas. Nothing that was actually going to hurt anyone. I understand that youare mad and i think you should punish him. Maybe send him to the house he TPed and have him do what ever yard work they need done. taking away his Saturday afternoon with his friends to do yard works well be bad enough for him. If he said he thought it would be fun and he didn't think about it i would beleve him. Boys don't think a lot of the time. It is in there nature. Also be honest with him. i would bet that you saying to him he has lost some trust well be more punishment that anything else you could do.
A.
First off .. don't over react. TPing a house is nothing. Sneaking out a little more something. There is no need to ban him from his friends. And I doubt there was more to it than "Let's go TP so and so's house" "YEAH lets". And as someone who DID the tping and got it back ... yeah it is fun LOL.
TPing ranks right up there with Ding,Dong,ditch in the "bad" activities category LOL. If that's all he's doing ... be grateful.
Set the consequences for the sneaking out to actually fit the crime. ground him for a week or two, talk to him about the dangers of being out at that time of night.
As for the vandalism issue of TP... while it probably is considered so in most places. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a cop who would arrest a kid for it. They'd probably just put the kids in their cruiser and drive them home. Then laugh their asses off on the way back to patrol.
When I was in high school our house got TP'd ... and we had a 100 foot pine tree that got it. And got it good, I think the QB or Star Pitcher for our teams HAD to have had something to do with it as high up that tree as the tp was. My step-mom at the time wanted either me or my dad to climb that tree and take it all down. My dad's reaction? "NO WAY. It's staying there till it rains and then it'll all get washed away and disintigrate". My dad thought it was funny. My step-mom ... well she didn't think it was funny at all.
Discuss your concerns over the dangers of sneaking out, assign reasonable consequences for that action (which in my opinion a week or two of restriction is plenty) and then move on and be glad he's not doing something a WHOLE lot worse.
I had a step son that would bring girls in through his bedroom window and climb out to go to parties. Tping is not so bad, but I would hope that is the last time that he sneeks out. There is nothing like not knowing where your child is. I didn't know what to do. His father never knew until one night he came home and someone had followed him and his friend. They were up to no good. I am not saying that everyone that sneeks out at night gets in trouble, but you never know what could happen. So, I decided to tape the screen on the window with some box tape. I knew that if it was taken off then he had gone out. Then they should be grounded, but if they are going out the front door and totally disrespect you then it is time to foot your foot down. If your son is good take care of him now and get him away if they are bad kids.
