Teenagers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have two teenage daughters. Talk about mouthy!!! Attitude!!! There's nothing like it. They are 14 and 16. It has been a year of hell. But i discovered some things on my own that have been working. I have learned to pick my battles with them. Before, when they were younger, it was easier to get my way. But now, they have minds of their own. Dont battle over everything. Let some things go. I say if it isnt harmful to them or anyone else, let them experience it. Give them some space, privacy. And sometimes, one on one time with them and you or their father helps too. They dont want to be involved with family right now, just friends. Stop asking so many questions of them. they dont have the answer for you most of the time anyway. They are doing and feeling things they cant explain either. All they know is that they feel frustrated or smothered. But at the same time you are backing off, be observant of them. Be aware that they are not becoming depressed.

They still need curfews, basic rules of the house like no hitting each other, no cussing, etc. My girls may say things that sound completely disrespectful to me because of their tone, but i have learned to quietly say, "watch your tone" and leave it at that. Believe me, it sounds like your letting the children get the upper hand, but all youre really doing is giving them some feeling of control over their own space. And that is such a feeling of relief to them. When parents of teenagers get too demanding, the children become automatically defensive and they stay on the defensive with you. They are not mature enough to realize how they are hurting you. And maturity will win in the end. They will get through this and so will you. My mother raised three teenage daughters and disrespect and attitude were thick in that household. But maturity made us calm down. And my mother was the type that let us speak our minds, to a point, and let us experience being a teenager. My 14 year old was driving me crazy that she wanted to drive my car. I drive a stick shift and i told her no way, she was too young and she couldnt do it anyway. It got so bad that one day i saw her walking out of the house with my car keys. I took the keys and told her to get in the driver's seat. We were in the driveway. I told her what to do and she couldnt do it. It was then that she realized it was a lost cause and never bothered me about driving again. But she just had to see for herself.

My advice to you: be patient; pick your battles with them; stick to basic rules of the house; give them some space. Understand they are in turmoil themselves right now. Puberty is a nightmare. For boys and girls.

Hi there!

My name is M. Moxley and I have started a mom's club. I am currently taking a course called Child Dianetics. I am definitely recommending this course for all moms. It gives you data on why you may be experiencing the tantrums, disrespect from the children and it shows you how to handle these conditions without hurting their self esteem.

The course is an extension course, meaning the course can be done at home. I will be completing mine today. (It's very affordable and only takes a week to complete.) What I am learning can be applied to a child of any age.
(My little guy is only 14 months but I will be using this info when he is a teen!)

Call ###-###-#### and ask for Bonnie DiMartino. Ask her to help you get started on the course. Call me if you have any difficulty. The course is a lifesaver!

M. ###-###-#### You can also call me to get the details about where the mom's club will be meeting.

Hi R.,
Wow! does you life sound familiar to mine or what???? well, I have four boys... 25, 23, 17, and 15... the 23 yr old moved to his dad's about two years after I married my current husband (we have been married for 5 yrs this coming August). A good friend once told me that when your children reach puberty an alien from another planet comes down and removes 'them' from thier body and replaces them with an alien; then when the teen reaches anywhere from 17 to 21 your own dear sweet child is returned to his or her own body... Um, I don't know for sure, but that sure sounds acurate to me.
As far as advice goes the best thing I can tell you is start with prayer. First you and your husband together as a couple... pray for wisdom to know what to do and patience to 'endure to the end' of it all. Then try family prayer once you have the whole couple prayer down and are comfortable with it. As far as direct punishment... try as hard as you can to recognize good behavior (don't go over board... be honest don't make up things to praise them for) then if / when they mess up you take away what they love the best... tv, video games, make them stay in thier room... even ground them from sports what ever they play.... One impoortant thing I learned from the 23 yr old is to pick and choose my battles. Don't push them on the stuff that does not matter that much. Who really cares if his hair is green? (besides you of course...LOL) Do as best as you can about the verbal disrespect to not accept that. The more you allow that the more they will keep doing it. The whole give them an inch and they will take a mile type thing. That can also lead to them hitting you and that is definatley not allowed...

good luck... any more questions or alaberations (sp?) just ask me...

S.

Dear R.,

Great advice from Martha W. I too, have survived a teenager. My oldest son turned into a stranger to me at about 14 or 15. It was a very difficult time for both of us (I was a single mom). Blended families present an entirely new set of challenges. There is hope in sight! The good news is that about 18, I began to see glimpses of the guy I used to know. He is now 22, and a wonderful young man. We will never see eye to eye on everything (who does?), but we have a good relationship. He's even thanked me a few times for things I would not let him do back in those trying years! People tend to think it's the little ones that need you most. I'd say no, it's really the teens that do. They just don't know it!

I wish you the best!
T.

Punish them by taking away what they like. For example, cell phones, ipod, DVDs, video games, or activities they enjoy. Then give back each item/activity if they show positive changes.

I know exactly where you are coming from,my boys are 19 and 15,and were some of the best kids anyone could ask for until...about 14!My oldest was the 'perfect' child until then,then grades plummeted,major attitude,no respect etc..,you get the picture and I like you I tried everything.Well nothing worked,at least with the oldest,he dropped out of school(jr. year),got in with the wrong crowd,and has met a girl that would be a disappointment to ANY mom,I've tried ''letting him make his own mistakes',picking the 'battles/wars,letting it 'slide',OVER caring,sometimes you can try EVERYTHING and nothing,seriouslynothing,really helps.Now with my youngest boy,I will punish him in a heartbeat,trying to avoid what happened with the oldest,and thus far,it's working a little better,but then again,he's a different child,less defiant and will rue the consequences(somewhat)especially if dad will help out and put his foot down!All I can say is STICK TO YOUR GUNS,and MAKE dad be on your side(i'm hoping this is easier for you)because honestly I DO think that makes a big diffence!But in the end,what will be-will be,basically they are adults and have that mindset(just remember in some countries and in different times,they would be fighting wars,starting families,working,etc,,,,even though I know to us they are still babes)just do the best you can and do a lo of praying,and try to remember IF you are doing the best you can,that is all you can do!!!Hope this helps,R.

R., you are correct that the teen years are difficult. Teens are like toddlers, they are trying their independence out. They just are better at getting on your nerves. Teens can also get into trouble that is more serious and more dangerous than toddlers. So it is a time of intense stress, both for them and for their parents. Whatever you do, it will not always bear fruit immediately. Letting them know that their verbal style is not acceptable is a good start, and setting boundaries for their behavior is important. But, you may not see any difference now. In the future, it will make a difference. Removing privileges is a good way for teens to see that actions have consequences. Rewarding appropriate behavior with granting more freedom is the other side of the coin, teaching them that acceptable behavior has good consequences. Doing little "autopsies" of particularly inappropriate behavior and working on better ways for them to act could help if your boys will buy into that process. And, above all, always give them the respect and courtesy that you ask them to give you. It is a very hard time, they need to cut the strings that bind them to parents yet they are very insecure deep down inside. They are just hiding those feelings from you, and maybe themselves as well. Keep being consistent and firm, and you will live through it. I did, and I can see the results of my trials in my 23 year old son.