"The CRY IT OUT Method"

Sorry, but I agree with the others. I never understood how anyone could do it. I am also completely against it. I have no problems with taking a time out and letting the child cry if you feel you are loosing it. But, I don't see any emotional benefit to you or the child using this method.

CIO method DID NOT work for my daughter. I tried this, when I had sleep issues with my daughter, & that was what everyone did. My daughter cried so hard, that she would vomit. I think I caved at the 1 hr mark. Once I may have let it go for 2 hr.

I did a totally different method of sitting in the room with her until she went to sleep. At first I would sit on the bed, after 1-2 weeks, sit by the bed. My problem is I often fell asleep myself :)

eventually we were able to have her go to sleep then close the bedroom door. Now we don't even close the door.

This has take 1.5 yr. She finally went to sleep on her own by 18mo, but once she went to the "big girl bed", we had to start over. Holidays either visiting family or them visiting us didn't help either.

Just my experience. CIO doesn't work for every child.

Here's how I would look at it-if the crying is overwhelming and loud to you just imagine how it must feel to your little one. I can't offer any tips for you to go against what your gut mommy instinct is obviously telling you. Flooding your little one's system with stress hormones to "teach" them to sleep never made much sense to me. Babies need to be taught how to sleep not how to just give up and quit crying because no one is going to help me anyway.

There really are much kinder and gentler ways to teach baby to sleep. I say this because baby needs to be taught about sleep, what to expect and what is expected. They don't just know how. I believe it is The Baby Whisperer talks about baby sleep and baby sleep cycles. I learned a lot from that book along with The Baby Sleep book by Dr. Sears and The No-Cry Sleep Solution. I put together their great advice to come up with a sleep plan that taught my babies how to sleep in a calm and loving way that didn't leave me on the other side of the door counting minutes and going against every mothering instinct I have.

And please know that the Ferber method just plain doesn't work with some babies and you may seriously want to re-evaluate the kind of night you want for your little one.

I'm not familiar with the textbook ways of crying it out, but I disagree with what the other women have said about it being harmful... honestly, the way I did it with my kids, you know their cries. You know if a baby is just crying to make noise, or crying bc they're wet, crying for attention, or crying bc they're starving. I let my kids cry for 5 minutes before getting them... when I was comfortable with that, I'd let them go for 10... then 15, and so on and so forth. (You asked for help, not opinions, so I'm hoping this helps). It was tough, but you just have to suck it up and know that babies need to learn to self sooth sooner or later, you don't want to be at their beck and call ALL the time, as much as you love your children and would do absolutely anything for them. I know how you feel! But this is for the BETTER... I don't see it as making the baby suffer (you're suffering too, bc you want to go to them)... I see it as a gradual learning experience. I probably lit a few fires by saying this, but IT WORKED FOR ME... 3 times... and my kids aren't emotionally scarred for life ;) I know it's tough, but take baby steps, and it will gradually work itself out, just stick with it honey! BEST WISHES!

It is not cruel and inhumane to let a child CIO. Wow! My kids are both functioning and do not have physical, emotional, and psychological issues... so maybe we are the abnormal on that study.

Even pediatricians will tell mothers to use CIO, so I am at a loss on how it's so darn harmful. And abusive? Call CPS on us... LOL!

It's hard not to run over to a baby at every whim they give. I'm not saying to detach yourself from your baby, but you have to come to terms on figuring what's right for you and your baby. You might be best to look at another method - I forget right now what it's called, but it's where you walk in every few minutes and let them cry, then a few more and let them cry. I'm sure I'll remember it soon.

You can't stop yourself from reacting forever - its a natural instinct as a mother.

Try a concrete bedtime routine, followed by rocking, or soothing to sleep, and then putting to bed. It takes all of 20 minutes or so, and is a lot better, healthier and less cruel than allowing hysteria for an undisclosed amount of time.

Who in the world can fall asleep when they're that upset? And when they do finally pass out, how can you know they sleep well after all of that nonsense?

Seriously. Set aside 30 or so minutes to put your baby to sleep, and both of your lives will get lots better.

I know it works great for some, but not all babies are going to react to it the same way.

I think a great idea would be for you to actually buy some books about sleep-training. The key word is "method". It takes some discipline on your part to fully implement and is a systematic way to get your baby to sleep and comfort on their own. Many of these books also give you tips on recognizing if something isn't working for your child. Take some time to make a plan and I think that will help you get through it better. I, personally, liked The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.

But PLEASE don't believe for a minute that just because a baby sleeps in a crib they will become this amazingly independent child....or, conversely, a co-sleeping baby becomes glued to their mama. 1) I know plenty of "cry babies" that slept in their cribs from day one. 2) Separation anxiety is a NORMAL stage that many children will experience multiple times in their life.

I tried CIO for TWO weeks around 6 months old...religiously followed the schedule and tips and kept a journal. I even took vacation time to ensure that I could get through the hard days. It didn't work for us period. Literally...my daughter would cry until she threw up.

EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT.

That is a big red flag that it isn't working and ISN'T going to work.

Babies are the sum of all their experiences. Cuddle your baby if he/she needs to be cuddled. There are plenty of other opportunities to foster independence.

For the record, she still sleeps with me at three years old. I am okay with that. The situation might be different if I had a husband in the bed too, but she and I spend a lot of hours apart. We talk and sing songs and read books and then we go to sleep...it works for us.

Stay strong..its not pleasant. I did this with three of my children. My oldest cried horrible and although my husband said he agreed with me..he was always the first one that would crack and want to go get the baby.Ugh.
I think it was a full three nights of crying. It was worth it. I got each of kids on a sleeping schedule at 7 months. I know some people that got their kids much early than that.
Also instead of two separte naps I found it better for them and myself to get one big 3 1/2 hr nap. I would put them down for a nap around 12 pm. Of course they are going to let you know they don't like it ..but you are in charge not the baby. You can do it.

When you say "CIO" what exactly do you mean? For some people, they mean that they stick them in the crib and essentially ignore them until they go to sleep. For most of us (whom I assume the method probably worked fairly well for -- it did for me and my daughter), it means that you put them in the crib drowsy but awake, and leave, then when they fuss/cry you check on them at increasingly longer intervals, but not usually more than 15 minutes. Check at 5 minutes if he/she is fussing. But don't pick them up. Then wait 10 minutes. Then wait 15 minutes. Continuing to check at 15 min intervals until they go to sleep. What I had to do was WATCH a CLOCK. I held a pillow and cried a little into it myself. But that was only for one night, the first one. By night #2, she fusses a little less forcefully and much shorter time ( I think it took less than 30 minutes total). By night #4, she didn't even fuss, just went to sleep still happy within 5 minutes or so of going into her crib. I pulled the door almost closed also, to make it less loud outside the nursery.
She is not scarred for life. In fact, she is gifted and very well adjusted emotionally. Our entire family benefitted from ME not having MY brain/body flushed with stress hormones for 2 hours every night at the end of a long day while trying unsuccessfully to get her to go to sleep (like what I went through with her older brother).

How old is your child? We did Ferber at about 6 months old. Which must have been the ideal time because it worked AMAZINGLY quickly.

Oh... and use a good bedtime routine just BEFORE you lie them down in the crib... that is a BIG part of success.

I think it's best to look into this a little bit more. There has been some research that the CIO method is harmful in a LOT of ways. Physical, emotional, psychological etc..

I personally have never believed in the CIO method. I was raised by a wonderful family of women in a school of thought that it's impossible to spoil babies. If they are crying then they need you. It would be cruel and inhumane to refuse them that comfort. They are too young to understand anything except that you're not there when they need you.

They will not go away to college still needing to be rocked to sleep. Enjoy them while they are babies and hold them as much as they need. There are studies that support this and point to the idea that a baby that gets answered when they cry (i.e. picked up and soothed) actually turns out to be more emotionally balanced and independent as they get older. It's only in western cultures that moms don't respond to their crying babies. Babies are not adults, they do not need to "toughen up" or "self soothe". If that were the case then why don't we kick our kids out to fend for themselves when they're 5? After all, they should be able to feed, clothe and shelter themselves, right? Wrong! Children need adults for guidance, care and comfort. Asking a baby to "grow up" emotionally is unrealistic and I feel it's abusive. I'm sure plenty of moms will give me guff about that statement but this is the school of thought I have adopted as a parent and it works very well for me. My kids are very well adjusted and are not needy or dependent beyond the norms for their age groups.

As I've said a million times, you have to help them build their foundation if you want them to stand on it someday. They don't know how to build it themselves. Letting them cry it out is only going to let them know that mom isn't going to be there when they need her.

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Edit: Wow, Tarah J.! I thought we were on here to offer advice and opinions when they are asked, not to run down other moms' advice and opinions. You'll notice that I speak of my OWN feelings and conclusions and what has worked for ME. Maybe you should think about keeping the snarky comments to yourself. Or maybe it's just your personality type that can ignore a crying baby.

I can't get over how much this topic gets moms going.
I am not here to be judgemental or to shoot down anyones way of parenting. I know that what one mother chooses another may not and I am not going to make anyone feel bad about their own choice with their own child.
With that said my husband and I have tried it all. Our first we let co sleep for a little over a year. Mostly because I lost two babies before her and never wanted to let her go. When we then tried to put her in her own bed we had a fight and my heart couldnt take the cry it out thing. Plus she was stubborn...lol. We did a GOOD bed time routine and I rocked her mostly to sleep. Then I would lay her in her bed and wait there for a few minutes. If she was awake I stayed until she fell asleep but didnt pick her up. Held her hand or tickled her back. it worked for her and after a few weeks she was going down on her own. With our second I started him much earlier once he was sleeping through the night I moved him from his bassinet in our room to his crib in his room. For about a week we would again do the bedtime routine and put him down tired. At first he would stand up and cry, but lucky for us it was not for very long. He within about 15 minutes would stop and go to sleep. He was never to the point some of these moms have said they went through. Never threw up or uncontrolable cried. it was more of a protest....i know this because i know my sons cry and I am the first one there to get him for almost anything else. The same with my third. It only took a few days for him and after like day three he was like ok well shes closing the door so i should just lay down and go to sleep now.
I understand why alot of these moms feel the way they do about crying it out and no it doesnt work for ever baby, but it works for some with no bad effects....no matter what the studies say. A lot of "experts" have all this data and stuff saying this way is the RIGHT way, then another will say the exact opposite. It is really up to you and your child. I dont feel any of my kids were harmed or hurt in any way with what we did...Now like I said every child is different though. I feel like for some of the moms that said NEVER let a baby cry it out I would ALWAYS go to my child...well to that I say its ok and your opinion, but what do you do when your 16 month old has a tantrum or something and is crying...Do you soothe that? Most I think would say no because then you are welcoming the behavior. So since your not giving into your childs cry does that hurt them emotionally, physically.....probably not. Just a thought and seriously not trying to upset anyone, but I think to each their own and we shouldn't be so harsh in our words to other just because our opinions are different.
Anyway K. i hope you find something that works for you and your baby. Remember not every method works the same for every child. Find what fits you best and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it or like you are doing the wrong thing. Good luck

God gave moms instincts for a reason , Don't ignore them.
Try picking up the book, " no cry sleep solution" by elizabeth pantley
CIO is bad both physically and emotionally.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/19237/a_factbase...
Babies at 6 months still get up 2-3 times a night to eat. 6 months is a growth spurt month. As well are 9 and 12 months so they will wake more and eat more at these times. Also milestones can keep a baby up at night. If he's getting ready to crawl , roll over ,etc baby will wake more often.

I'm with Peg, I debated on whether to respond also. There is research that clearly states that CIO harms the child, their brains, and the parent/child bond. People will say that they child is a perfect sleeper. First, no child is "perfect". I have 2 that I refused to let CIO & they both sleep through the night just fine-one did co-sleep. And, we "broke the bad habit" just fine. In my opinion, responding to your child whenever he/she cries and needs you is not a bad habit. If something you are doing in regards to your parenting-no matter what it is-feels wrong for you, then it is. Please, go with your gut-whatever method you choose. Co-sleeping is wonderful & there are many different ways of doing it-directly in your bed, side-car. But, at least respond when he needs you.

I've debated whether to respond, because it appears you are dedicated to trying this approach. But it can be physically and emotionally harmful to let a child cry without comfort – especially if it can be avoided, or if it's a sudden change. The reaction you feel is normal, and is trying to tell you to comfort your child. He is probably more overwhelmed than you are.

Depends on your tolerance level. You can stay in the room to assure yourself that the baby is ok. You can go in and out like the ferber method. That's what I do so that the baby, and you, can know that you're just not leaving them there. You can turn on some music, goto another part of the house. Take deep breaths. Cry yourself.(i did that too in the beginning) You're gonna react. It's your child. However, you can control your actions. If you're trying to get the baby to sleep by herself, say to yourself, that you are teaching the child a valuable tool that will hold her in good stead for the rest of her life. Sleep training is never easy no matter what method you use. Good luck.
A.

K.,

I'll offer advice on the question you actually asked... instead of lecturing you or telling you what you are doing "wrong".

We did CIO when my little one was one and it was taking over two hours to put her down (we had a structured bedtime routine)
I would go wash dishes after I put my little one to bed- I would set the clock and turn the water off after a set time to "check" on her but in the meantime the water and the task at hand kept me distracted. Except for the first night- she was asleep by the time I finished.

we would also turn off the baby monitor for set times- we could still hear her but its not as bad as that amplified sound.

I will agree with the moms that say CIO does not work for every baby- you will know very quickly if it is not going to work for yours.

it it's that overwhelming and loud, it may not be the right method for your baby. i think it's okay to CIO to a degree, but not when it's creating a baby who is anxious and only goes to sleep from exhaustion.
i've always thought the best way to do CIO is TO react. go to the baby, just don't pick her up, feed her, rock her. i would go to her at regular intervals and rub her back, hum to her, just keep the interaction minimal and quiet. consistency is the key to making it work. if baby is becoming hysterical it's counter-productive. but it's a great method for working through fussies and grumblies if implemented calmly and consistently. i like the idea to set a timer. you can make it for a minute longer every night.
good luck!
khairete
S.

I found it very helpful to watch a clock, because the crying always seemed to last longer than it really did. Also, right after putting my son down, I would go down the basement and switch laundry around or something. It got me to the other end of the house where I couldn't hear as well, and gave me a defined task to do for a short period of time, which was a good distraction.

I did the Ferber version of CIO, and it worked like a charm after only about three nights! If you are not doing this, I would recommend you looks into it, because knowing you can go in after whatever the elapsed time is to offer comfort helps get through the crying. Meanwhile, go to the other end of the house, turn on music, call a friend who's been through it for moral support, and remember (as my sister, mother of three, would councel me when I was crying it out along with my son) no baby every cried himself to death.

go to a different area of the house

I am all for it! I did it with my 3 and they go to bed at 8 and wake up at 7. They are 3, 2 and 8 months. It's very hard to do but it only takes 2 or 3 nights. I pray, or just try to keep my mind on something else. It doesn't take long, the longest one of mine ever cried was 1 hour.
Hang in there!

it it's that overwhelming and loud, it may not be the right method for your baby. i think it's okay to CIO to a degree, but not when it's creating a baby who is anxious and only goes to sleep from exhaustion.
i've always thought the best way to do CIO is TO react. go to the baby, just don't pick her up, feed her, rock her. i would go to her at regular intervals and rub her back, hum to her, just keep the interaction minimal and quiet. consistency is the key to making it work. if baby is becoming hysterical it's counter-productive. but it's a great method for working through fussies and grumblies if implemented calmly and consistently. i like the idea to set a timer. you can make it for a minute longer every night.
good luck!
khairete
S.