The Talk - Brentwood,TN

Hi J.,
I think before that talk can happen, you may want to give her the talk about what's on it's way soon...the menstrual talk. My daughter's 9th bday is in a month. I've touched on it, but plan on going into a little more detail with her.
The sex talk has to be very general, very vague at her age. She doesn't need to know everything, just remember she's still really young to know all that goes on. I would focus on the importance of how special it is--that it is something married people share together to show they love each other. I'd wait for more details until she asks. Good luck!

J., I think 8 is a little young. I recommend waiting until 5th grade (10 years old). Specifiying anatomy is great at any age - they definitely need to know what's what and the proper names. As far as sex though - I'd wait a little longer.

My nieces are 9 and 10 and its time to have the talk with your daughter. The stories they come home with would horrify you. They tell my SIL stuff we have had to google to find out what it is only to find out its a sex position or something like that. She had the talk with them last year about becoming a woman (starting their period) which led to more questions. So I suggest you start with becoming a woman then let her guide you with questions. Let her know its ok to come to you any time she has more questions and make her comfortable coming to you so she doesnt learn it in school and from friends. You want her to have facts not 1/2 truths. Also there's an American Girl book called "The Care and Keeping of You" thats a good book for girls, my nieces read it and Im keeping it for my daughter when she's older.

Two great age appropriate books that can be found at the library are "It's so Amazing" and "It's not the Stork". Both are similar, one is for kids a bit younger (maybe preschool - 2nd grade) the other is for older grade school-middle schoolkids. Look at both and determine your comfort level. Both are by Robbie Harris.

My kids (5 and 7) loved them and it even has a narrator in one that is really embarrassed to learn about the topic and a good comic relief.

Hi J., This is a hard subject to talk about but it can also be a wonderful time of sharing with your daughter. I am a mother of 3 and have had the talk with my children. There are books that you can get at the bookstore or christian bookstores that were created just for this age group. They have pictures and info that explain so that children can understand. You have to be careful how much you tell them, as they might want to share with their friends. But you have to talk with children at such a young age anymore before another child might give them more detailed information. Goodluck and enjoy this time for its making memories that last a lifetime.

You've gotten some great responses. I have to agree that 8 years old is not too early to start talking about the changes her body is about to start going through. She needs to be prepared and you need to start the open discussions. Don't get caught up in the idea that you need a single "talk". Let her lead by asking questions. I started with my kids when they were quite young. One would ask where do babies come from. I answered, "They grow in their mommies tummies. Is that what you wanted to know?" A few years later it was, "How did they get there?" And would answer as simply as I could and ask again if that's what they wanted to know. It's been like that their whole lives. When my daughter started to develop, I bought a couple of books and went through them with her. The more natural and easy you can make it, the more your daughter will trust you and come to you with her questions. Don't give her more information than she is ready for. She will let you know. Good luck.

Only answer her exact question plus maybe just a l-i-i-i-ttle more information. You don't want to give them the 'whole ball of wax' at one time. Leave her with something to think about, and she'll be back! Always tell her to come to you with any questions she has (because you want her to get the facts from your own perspective, not from her friends, movies, etc). My mom and older sister told me the 'whole story' when I asked the first question, and I simply tuned it out. I remember sitting on a chair and just wishing they'd let me go play! Then when I kept coming back with more questions later, Mom would say, 'We TOLD you this already!' LOL I think she was relieved to have 'the talk' over with, then it wasn't. Ha

Absolutely NOT too young!!

The stories I here from moms with children her age would curl your toenails. (we're talking middle class suburbia here...)

There are lots of age appropriate books available to help you explain the hard stuff. I searched "sex ed for kids" on Amazon for you & this is what I got. Lots to look at!

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss?url=search-alias%3Dstri...

This is a link that came up as well that might be helpful:

http://www.4parents.gov/talkingtoteen/index.html

Do a little research, get a few books, if nothing else, it will help you find the appropriate vocabulary & provide pictures so you don't have to struggle to explain everything. You'll be GREAT!

Think of it as advocating for her. If she is ready for the info, she will get it. Best she get it from you.

P. : )

google laura Berman.....she has been on oprah quite a bit & has a book about when & how to have the talk

I too have an 8 year old that I have to consider talking to her also. However, my reason is different than yours. I started my period at 9 years old and I wasn't prepared. I thought I was dying until my father told me what it was and what I had to do.
I know my daughter isn't mature enough to understand what will evenually happen but I am worried that if I leave it go to long then the bodily maturity will arrive before he mental maturity. You just have to judge the mental maturity level of your daughter and judge for yourself if she would be ready to handle it. As the previous poster stated, I wouldn't tell her every thing just yet. Take it in stages, sort of like how her body will develop, in stages.

Good luck, I would love to hear how yours turns out.
E.

Good luck on this one. I am not even wanting to think about that discussion yet. I think you need to judge the maturity of you child before you decide to have the talk, so kids are ready to hear certian things, while others it may just terrify. I would maybe tell her about the changes to her body, but no go into a full blown dicussion about the opposite sex. Good luck again!!

J. C

Hi J.! If you feel it's time you should. I was about the same age when I had the talk! My parents had me read a book called "Where did I come from" with them. I remember it being very easy to understand. My parents were able to use it as a guide and tell me the "love" side of sex. I don't remember it being akward at all. Hope this helps, Good luck!

I remember we got 'the talk' in school in 4th grade. I asked some of my friends with older children and they told me it is still 4 grade and some states it is 3 grade. Maybe you can call the school and find out what grade they will have the talk and coordinate it around the same time....have your talk after the school does in case she has questions. There are some good books out there that can help you if you want to let her read one before your talk. Usborne books has a good one that is for ages 8 and up. On Oprah a woman took her child to a sex therapist and let her daughter ask the therapist any questions she had and the mom stayed in the room. The daughter actually knew more than the mom thought she did. Good luck!

My mom believed with us that if we could ask the question, it deserved and answer and a real answer, no sugarcoating or getting embarrassed. With my sister at age 8, it turned out that she could ask every single question you could think of when my mom sat her down for the talk. My mom was surprised but answered it all. And thank goodness, a few months later my sister got her period at 9, and just calmly went to the school nurse. She didnt want to go into the specific "how-to manual" of sex, but when she was asked, she figured she had to answer honestly. And my sister turned out to be very level-headed about it all, and very confident with herself, and safe later.

I think the talk is a good. At age 8, she may not need very detailed info. I was around the same age when my parents sat me down to have the talk. They went into details that I remember thinking, I don't even like boys that much, there okay for friends but I don't want to kiss one and if one of them came at me with that I would probably kick him right where it counts! Kids now days are surrounding by sex on TV, music, movies etc... Find out if she is really interested in the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. If she is not then just a general overview would do fine. If so then more details etc... Also if you want to teach her abstinence until marriage start that now. If religion is a mainstay in your home then you can start teaching the biblical reasons for abstinence, or whatever you feel is the right thing.

We (our church youth)went to a program called "The Silver Ring". It is a non-denominational program that talks to tweens-young adults about staying pure for your future spouse. I learned a lot. They give the facts about sexually transmitted diseases,pregnancy rates and information about condoms. I did not realize that most people who use them apply them improperly, that heat can damage them and that a shipment could be damaged because of heat but you would never know until it is to late. Abstinence is so much safer! If you want more info about it just contact me. They travel with this program and they also have videos.

Well, I was an "early bloomer"-bra at 8, pd. at 10, etc. If you're daughter may be as well, then I would say trust your instincts, because they're usually right. Nonetheless, whether or not she is, having an open line of communication on this topic is probably better started out early as possible. As far as the feeling, emotional ascpect, etc., I wouldn't worry too much about covering it all in one talk. The thing that's important is that she knows about what information you feel is age appropriaate, for now, and that she knows that she can ask you anything else she wants to. I recently noticed that they have some really good books, aimed at prepubescent kids', that explain things like puberty, hygiene, etc. This isn't meant to replace motherly advice, but maybe a good suggestion would be to find a book like this, and you two can set aside a day of the week that you read together, and have little talks after each chapter, just to ease you both into really discussing the subject. I think an important aspect of the sexuality/puberty talk is not just to have one talk, but to really honestly and effectively communicate about these subjects for years, that may be a good way to start.

I would answer any and all questions honestly but don't offer any extra details unless she asks for them. If by 10 years old she hasn't asked any questions about sex, then have the talk. Just kind of see what she already knows and go from there. Best wishes!!

dont ask, dont tell. When she is ready to know, she will start asking questions. Innocence is a wonderful thing! Good luck, and God Bless.

J.,
I'm all for telling them as young as they are able to comprehend. I'd rather my child hear the birds and bees from me rather than friends at school. She already knows about sex whether she lets you know or not. My son just turned 9 and he knows about it from kids at school. When I found out that he knew, I immediately sat him down and had the talk. I would've had the talk sooner but I'm thinking at 8-9 years old they aren't interested in that kind of stuff. WRONG!!! They know about it and are interested and curious about it. You tell her about the anatomy of the body. What makes girls different than boys and why. Then you tell her that sex is something that is meant for adults (preferably husband and wife) and that there are consequences for having sex too young. You don't have to go into great detail. Give her the opportunity to ask questions and let her know that should she have future questions you will be honest and talk to her about it anytime. She needs to know she can talk to you about it without it being a taboo subject. Please tell her. You don't need to go too much into detail but above all, if she asks you a question even if it's a hard one to answer - tell the truth. Don't sugar coat it and when you give her an answer explain why or why not, how to or how not. Good luck. It's a tough conversation to have but needed.