Thinking of Baby #2 - Watertown,MA

No weird feelings there! So true. You will love the next one just as much, and differently all at the same time. Second baby may not be nearly the trouble as the first (that's been my and so many friends' experiences) Good luck, enjoy!

Your concerns are normal.... No two pregnancies are exactly the same. No two babies are exactly the same! You've changed, too..... You are now an experienced parent! I am more concerned about your finances and if they will put an even greater strain on your marriage/pregnancy. That said I would love to say that the money stuff will work out and not to worry about things.... BUT, let's face it, you have to have a game plan if you're already feeling pinched. Talk with hubby. Maybe you'll be able to pick up some stuff at home to do or can arrange a loan from a family member to tide you over. It will make your pregnancy a lot smoother if you're not worried about that! After the baby is born, if you experience problems bonding with the new child it will be time to tell someone. Even that can be normal, though! Welcome to being human!

Hi I.,

Mamasource is a wonderful source for information from the people who know the most about raising children. I believe the problem is not having enough love but instead enough TIME and money. I also see your insecurity, which could lead to your choosing something other than what you want because someone else expects it.

Don't worry. Be happy. Take your time to decide what to do. I encourage you to postpone having a second child until YOU feel it's the right time and that you can afford it. First talk through your feelings and your husband's--all of them--with someone who is UNBIASED - a counselor or friend. Give equal time to look at the facts. Why do you want another child? Good reasons -- the Mamasource moms listed those. POTENTIALLY HURTFUL REASONS: Make sure that others are not rushing you into anything you don't want or can't afford.

Take time now to build up your feelings of accomplishment and self-worth because you pass them right on to your children. Take what you can from life's beauty and challenges, enjoy today with your child. TAKE how much time you need to decide.

LOVE,B.

It's not awful to feel the way you do - feelings are feelings and it is great that you are acknowledging them. However, the bonding instinct is so strong that you will definitely love Baby #2 as much as Baby #1. I think they say that what moms forget is the labor pains, but we certainly don't forget the vomit and the colic!

Not all pregnancies are the same however, so you might not have the same experience during the pregnancy. Were you sick a lot, or tired? There are some things you can do nutritionally to help yourself and reduce/eliminate the baby's colic and spitting up. I can help you with that. The PPD is a big issue and there are numerous ways to address it, either through medication or nutrition. It is a very real condition and not just "in your head."

Let me know if you want to talk more about this, but DO NOT beat yourself up about it!! There is hope!

I thought I would favor my first born too, but this is only because you have not met #2 yet. You will grow to love #2 everyday he/she is in your belly and the moment you see #2, you will be in awe. My daughter is now 4.5 and my son is 1. I love them both with all my heart, but in different ways. Trust me, you have nough love to give.

Everyone is different that first year is my favorite even all the crying, sleep deprivation, sore nipples, etc I loved it I wish my boys were still infants. I also enjoyed being pregnant w/ my first I had no symptoms with my second I was queasy and could only keep down certain foods but the feeling the baby move and hearing the heart beat made up for all that. Now the terrible twos I could do with out but the rest I will gladly take. I was recently holding my niece and she spit up all over me and I actually miss that I think I am the one thats crazy! I think I am just a huge baby person. Maybe you didn't enjoy the first year because of the PPD I didn't experience it so I wouldn't know if that effects how the first year goes for you.
Tips to save on cost: use cloth diapers its a one time expense, wear your child instead of plopping them in a swing, bounce seat, or jumperoo, use your old baby items over again you should have most of the big ticket items, cut back on going out, lots of libraries offer passes you can take out for local museums at no cost to you so you can enjoy a day out w/ your dd at no cost, shop on craigslist, tagsales, and cosignment shops for good deals on gently used items

First of all every mom worries that they won't be able to love a second child enough. But every mother falls in love with that baby the second she holds him or her. Your heart just gets bigger. You'll see. I mean think about it with your first did you think you would instantly love her? I mean look at all the trouble she caused. But you fell in love with this complete stranger the moment you saw her. That's the mother/child bond. There's nothing like it. And you'll see there will be different things to love about each of your kids because no two kids are alike.

Now onto the next issue. I don't think people mean that they forget about the pregnancy, the labor, the sleepless nights, the spit up, the poopy diaper that shoots straight up the back, etc. I think what they really mean to say is all of that stuff is worth it. It's worth it to get to that first smile, that first laugh, that first mama, that first step, etc. And every pregnancy is different too. So this one might end up being easier on you.

If you've already decided that you'd like to have a second then it seems to me that deep down you believe all that other stuff was well worth it. You've got time to adjust to everything too.

You are not crazy! It is very natural to have all the feelings that you are having, especially if you had a colicky baby. To address the concern of not loving a second child the same as the first, I have four children and I love them all more than life it self. I heard something years ago and it stuck with me. Someone who says you can't love the fourth child as much as the first, doesn't have a fourth child. And A Mother's Love Does Not Get Divided, It MULTIPLIES!

As for the financial, I could go on forever with the ways we save money. I clip coupons and match those with store sales. I buy in bulk when a staple goes on sale. I got a small freezer for the basement to buy meats when they go on sale. When chicken breast go on sales for $1.69 a pound, I buy over a hundred dollars worth and it feeds my family for months.

I am a stay at home mom right now. And with one income and four kids we are tight. I started selling The Pampered Chef in my spare time. I only schedule parties for times when Iknow my husband is home and I love it. I make a couple hundred extra a month and I am only leaving home a few times a month. It has helped us out alot. My website if you want more info is www.pamperedchef.biz/szerva

Hope some of this helps.

I.,

As for not thinking you can love another child as much as your daughter - well, your love doesn't divide it multiplies. Really, most people think the same thing until the second child comes then you understand it.

As for the pregnancy issues and the first year issues. The one thing that is mostly likely going to be the same is the sleep deprivation. Other than that it could be the same or not - new pregnancy, new child. Nothing to guarentee either way.

Good luck,

L. M

I know exactly what you are saying. My first pregnancy was a nightmare. My oldest cried for a year non stop!!! My second child slept through the night during the 2nd week of life. Hardly cried! They are 9 and 7 now and the best of friends and play with each other!! It is worth it. Next few years are tough but by the time they are each reach four it will be like a whole new world to you!!!!

I also had a miserable pregnancy with my first and some undiagnosed PPD. I was so not ready for a second one until I mistakenly thought that I was pregnant and then I was ready to start trying. Every experience is different, so I will only speak to my own. I found baby #2 so much easier than baby #1. Baby #1 is so life altering, I felt like I was drowning for about 9 months. But when my son came along, I was like "oh, I know how to do this" and it just felt so much easier. I also realized with #2 that there was no "right" way to do things, and that helped so much. Sore nipples? Have him have one bottle of formula so I didn't go insane (something I wouldn't have done with my daughter). Baby's only content sleeping on his belly? Got him a breathing monitor and let him go. Being less stressed about screwing up made parenting much easier.

(It helped that I didn't have PPD this time. I was like "oh, so this is what it's supposed to feel like after you have a baby. This is so much better!" Of course, with a history of PPD your doctor might consider starting you on an antianxiety in the hospital if you wanted so that you can head it off at this pass. I have some friends that have done that and it's made a world of difference).

As for loving them, I was panicked with my first because I felt pretty much nothing towards her when I was pregnant. I mean, I would have been devastated if I had lost the pregnancy, but I didn't feel love towards my daughter. I thought I was going to be the worst mother in the world because I was so unattached to the baby, right up till when she was born. But as soon as she was handed to me I started to cry and said "I just love her so much!" So I wasn't so worried about how I was going to love my son, because I knew it would just happen. What I will say is that the amount of love I have for them is totally the same, and that "I would step in front of a bus for you" feeling is the same, there are parts of me that love them differently too, because they are different people and there are different things to love about them. Besides, by the time #2 is born, your first will be doing enough stuff to drive you crazy that you'll thank heavens for the easy baby who only eats, sleeps, and poops. Really.

So the long and short, I think, is that when you're ready, you're ready and you'll know, and all of the other pieces will fall into place. But I don't think that your request is weird; lots of people have those same concerns. Good luck with your decision!

You are not crazy in the slightest! I don't think this society gives women who have had PPD or even tough pregnancies enough validity when they scoff at you and say, hey, it's all worth it so just do it! We know it's worth it but that doesn't mean you have to be skipping happily into your next pregnancy! I did not have PPD myself but I know many who have, and they all seem to have a hard time just forgetting about it, why should you just forget? I did have tough pregnancies both times with hypertension, feeling AWFUL, lots and lots of tests and dr. appts., and just being unable to be active like I am used to. When I found out I was pregnant with my second I was honestly a bit sad because I knew what was coming.

This being said, I would actually do it again; not happily or excitedly, but something happened after I had my second and I truly realized how fast the time goes and how I miss the baby days and wish they would last longer. I also feel like we are both such better parents now after having two, I wish we could do it again. We are both older and definitely wiser. As far as the loving one child more than another worry, that is not weird at all! I think every parent goes through that in some form, either before or after the baby is born. I was so worried about my oldest after the baby was born and how her little world was changing, especially since she had been such an easy baby and I didn't want her to suddenly turn into a monster, but after a few months things got so much better and now my girls would be lost without each other. My youngest was a very colicky baby who did not sleep through the night once until 18 months, so believe me, I had plenty of moments where I thought "What have I done?" in my sleep-deprived haze. But now my youngest is two and she is the most charming, engaging, funny child. I honestly would never want to imagine a world without her! There is always room in your heart to love another child.

Good luck to you and remember, it does go so fast, that before you know it you'll be wishing your kids were younger the way I do!! I would also ask your OB about treating your possible second case of PPD earlier than later next time - I have a friend who did this and it made a HUGE difference to her, especially adjusting to having two kids.

I am unable to give advice about being financailly ready for #2, I believe if you are ready otherwise then go for it and everything else will work out...however I have 2 childern with #3 on the way and my second had Acid Reflux and would cry non-stop for hours at night and most of the day. I never thought I would want to have another. I did enjoy my first pregnancy and my second was a little tough because my first was only 10 months old and it was a lot sooner then we had expected. We did try for #3, and had 2 losses in between, so this pregnancy has been easier. But you will be able to love both children just as much as the other! Trust me I wondered the same thing!!! They are both so diffrent but the love is the same for both of them! Your not crazy either a lot of people feel the same way you do! Just try to be as prepared as possible for all the pregnancy and newborn phases and hopefully this time around it wont be as bad!! Good Luck!

You are not crazy, just very much aware of what you went through. My suggestion, is to get your support system in place before you get pregnant, that way you can relay on them while/after the pregnancy. I have 2 girls and believe me when I tell you, I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH. I love different things about them. My oldest will be 3 and my youngest is going to be 1 and I do not favor neither one. You'll see, it will come natural as if you have done it before.

I HATED being pregnant too. But every pregnancy is different.

Good luck,

M.

You are NOT crazy at all!! I hate that people think it is so easy to have a human being growing inside of your body. And if you were sick during your pregnancy then that is even worse.

My husband and I have gone back and forth for yrs on wether we should go for # 2. We have a huge house,and I am home with my daughter, so needless to say the reasons we are not going ahead right now are because, I too had PPD that was the worst 6 weeks of my life. Once I came to I was overjoyed and would have def done it all over again for my daughter, it is just hard to think of possibly going through that again, and I have to think about the daughter I have now, and how much she needs me. My husband and I love to travel, and when we had our daughter the furthest we would go is the cape NH or maine. Then when she turned 3 and was potty trained we started traveling again all three of us, and we love it. We have never left her for more than a weekend and I do not think I ever could. But if we have another child we will be back to sqaure one and will most likley not be able to do s9o anymore because of how expensive it is, I know that sounds so selfish, I know!!! Its other things though, I too was not overjoyed at the middle of the night feedings, and my daughter had colic till 3 months, and did not sleep thru the night untill she was 3, okay so enough said.
I think everyone is different and what works for some does not for others, So I do not blame you a bit for how you feel. But one piece of advice I just cannot get out of my head, is You will never regret having a baby, but you may regret not having one.
I always think I would do it all over again ten times or more to have my daughter, and I guarantee I will feel the same should I have another. Good luck, and give yourself a break!!! We women should get a lot more credit for what we do!!!