R..
Read below on measuring how much you make vs how much you pay in childcare and other working expenses...are you working to pay the bills of working? after our second child we crunched the numbers and my job would have only covered the expenses of me working...so I stopped working and stayed home to handle all the day to day things that happen in life.
My husband hit the curb in his car just the right angle that he cracked his oil pan. He barely made it to work about 2 miles. Then it drained in a big mess in the parking garage. he knew if he tried to start it with no oil it would ruin the engine. He called and got it towed to the dealership. He arranged for a rental car through our insurance. I picked him up after work and took him to get the rental car.
I have recently gone back to working full time and I know how hard it is to book the plumber, car servicing, buy groceries, fix meals, etc etc etc....however, I don't know how it would all get done without my husband doing something to aid in the mix.
I cook and he does dishes....I book appointments for his car and he takes it...I call the air guy to fix the air conditioner and we look at our work schedules and decide who can be home to meet him.
I still do all the clothes shopping for the kids, all the medical stuff, all the after school activities, etc etc....but when I ask nicely he will step in to help me...but I have to be very specific (pick up son on your way home from martial arts at 7pm). Be at children's school at 6pm for activity. Here is the number for the plumber, could you call him today and explain the problem and book him (he will take you more seriously, you know the right vocabulary to use).
I really don't understand the he pays for this and I pay for that....you guys are married...WE pay for everything. WE have a checking account, WE have a savings account, WE have retirement accounts....it is a WE not YOU and ME. He is CEO and I am CFO. Together we run this marriage.
I am really not sure how to fix things at this point. Maybe if you try not doing so much...eat on paper plates, live with a dirty tub for a while, let him get his own car fixed or have it die...what can you do to change you? You can only change yourself and your expectations. You are not going to change him...try and find the things about him you fell in love with and concentrate on those for a while...watch tv with him and let the dishes sit...go out on the weekends he is not target shooting and do your own hobby or hey, ask him to teach you to target shoot and go together (get a sitter)...try and rekindle the spark/romance then slowly ask him to take on one thing at a time...
Big hugs and sorry for the novel!!