To Open or NOT Open Presents at Bday Party?

i follow the rule that if the child is 3 he has 3 friends at his party.

I do think that the fun of giving a gift is watching the recipeint open it.

I"m ok with the big box to hold them all in if you really really can't open them, but i absolutely do NOT like the idea of each one being opened as the guest arrives. Just my 2 cetns have a graet party.

I didn't read the other responses...but here is what we do. I have a 2 year old and the first year we didn't open them until after the party and told anyone who wanted to stay they could stay. Of couse she was one so she played with a box while I opened them all ;-) The second year I just told everyone we weren't opening them at the party and would open them later unless someone wanted us to open theirs. There were a few people who wanted to see her open their present and she did. We opened the rest over several days. Like you, we had a ton of people (about 40 or 50 with kids and adults) so it is totally unreasonable to expect a small child to sit and open all those presents in one sitting. It was way more fun to open them over several days anyway because then we could open them and play with them.

I would definitely wait. No matter the age, kids don't care about seeing any present opened except for their own. I have a 12-year-old and 7-year-old and it's never been an issue to open presents later. I just let the parents know at the party. Have fun!

Thanks for posting this question! I was wondering how Moms felt about this too.

My daughter just had her 4th birthday party and we opened gifts at the end of the party. There were only 4 girls invited, and the girls were *dying* for my daughter to open the gifts. I had built 10 minutes into the timeline for gift opening -- and that was perfect for 4 gifts (really, 2 minutes for each card and gift -- and it went fast!) She also attended a party for a 5 year old with about 10 attendees, and the birthday girl opened gifts. That was very nice too.

However, she has attended 2 parties with 18-25 children in the past few months and gifts were never opened. I was really surprised at first...but now I think it makes a lot of sense. It would take at least 30 minutes for a child to open that many gifts. And I'm not sure children of any age would enjoy sitting around for 30+ minutes to watch the birthday child open gift after gift after gift! (And, personally, I think it would be really tough to single-handedly manage to keep 25 young children seated and calm while my child opened the gifts.)

The Moms at each party never acknowledged the gifts at the time, but only one of the two Moms had her birthday child send thank you notes. According to traditional etiquette, you *must* send a thank you note if the gift is not opened in front of the giver, with gracious thanks given at that time.

That was a really long way of saying...skip the gift opening with that many children. Please be sure to send thank you notes!

How about asking your guests to NOT bring a gift? It sounds like you are providing an amazing birthday for your child, does your kid really need the gifts from friends at all? If you are not going to acknowedge the gifts at the party, I say - no gifts at all.

That's a better trend in my opinion, rather than not opening them.

Jessica

For family parties, absolutely open the presents. For a structured party in a limited time frame, I'd skip it. With so much to do, parents understand that there's not enough time to open gifts.

I think the gifts should be opened at the party. If time absolutely prohibits it, make sure to mention the specific gift in each thank you card.

Wow, lots of strong feelings on this subject! I'm kind of on the fence but I wanted to throw sometihng in. We usually do open presents, but at my daughter's 5th we ran out of time so I asked the parents if they'd be bothered by us opening the presents later. All but one were totally happy with that, and the one that wanted to see it, we were able to open then. As for the rest, I took a picture of her opening each one and sent the picture with a thank you card (also included some "action" shots of their kid enjoying the party). The parents seemed to appreciate that. Whatever you decide, good luck and have fun!

I think this all depends on how many people actually attend the party. My daughter opens the presents at her parties because she is young and only has a few friends her age and mostly family. So there are less than 15 presents. Whereas, her best buddy had a party with a huge family and tons of kids (40+ people), tradition for their heritage. They did not open presents because it would have taken ALL day.

That being said, I don't think you have to say anything about it to the parents. It's your party and you schedule things as you see necessary. Just like other people do, you put them to the side.

I highly suggest you send thank you notes either way. Especially if you do not open the presents at the party, people like to know your child enjoyed the gift.

Parties my son has gone to over the past 5 years have always included gift opening. The boys (I have no idea how this started...), when it is their present being opened go and stand next to the birthday child and we take pictures, they are right there to receive thanks yous and they can explain why they picked out the gift, what makes it so super-awesome (cuz let's be honest, when your child picks out a gift, it is often cuz they really like it themselves).

I say keep the gift opening.

I think that if there are going to be 25 presents then you should skip it. A 3 year old probably can even open that many without getting bored, and it would be boring for the watchers too. Good luck with your decision.

I agree with other posters, if you have a ton of presents (25 is a lot for a 3 yo) then perhaps skip the present opening especially since you have a petting zoo which will keeps kids occupied for a while. If you can do present opening in a timely manner than you should because I think most people like seeing the child open their present, but again if there's not much time don't bother. If there's a lull and you need an activity then go for it. I wouldn't stress too much either way. I just had my daughter's 2nd b-day and after stressing the whole week before, I realized it wasn't worth it. She had a blast with her small party and everyone enjoyed it. Also it was over and done with in a couple of hours, not worth killing yourself!

If you don't open the gifts during the party a nice thank you would be a picture of your daughter with there gift. That's how I did my daughters first birthday thank you cards was I just put the picture in there and said thank you.

At that age, I'd skip the opening presents. We did. It's really hard to get that age group to sit for any length of time, then they all want to start playing with the new toys, etc. In a two hour time frame, which is also totally appropriate for 3-year-olds, it would be virtually impossible and you'd be rushing your child to go from present to present. You have enough fun things taking place at the party :)

I think you open them at the party, but at the very end. The kids always like to see the birthday child opent them. Coach your child before hand though! I always say "what do you say when you receive a gift you don't care for?" "Thank you" then: "what do you say when you receive something you already have?" " Thank you"...you get the point.

We always have the kids open the presents. However, we do a family party (my oldest just turned 3 and isn't in daycare, so she doesn't really have a lot of little friends). It sounds like your day is pretty packed. I would leave it for the very end of the party and only open them if you have time left at the end of the party.

I know it's easier on the moms when the presents are opened up later.

But come on moms, lighten up and let the kids have fun. They all want to crowd around and see the presents, and the kids like to watch their friend open the gift they brought for them. Present opening is one of those times when being a little less anal and letting a little chaos reign is a good thing.

Personally I never had a 40 kid party, so I can see where yes, with that amount of children, you would want to skip the present-opening. However, I think most three year old parties have more like 10 or less kids.

Oh, and most important, it's a really good time to teach your child to say thank you.

So this does seem to be the trend in my experience. We had our daughter's 4th bday party at Pump It Up. And while she only had about 10 kids there, there wasn't enough time after pizza and cake to open gifts. That said, I made sure to write out thank you notes to every person! However, when we've had bday parties at the house with just close friends/family, we open the gifts then and there.

In my opinion, it's hard when they are younger to keep them engaged in watching presents get opened. We just did this yesterday at a party. It was at a gymastics center (it was for a 4 yr old). 90 minute party, 30 of which was cake and opening presents. The kids just kept asking to go play more. I think once the kids are a bit older, they would have the self control to sit longer.

C.-
Quite honestly, I have some pretty strong feelings about this. I think children should open their gifts. Most of the time, this is the only time the giver gets a thank you. I have been to several kid's parties where there are so many kids and the party is so extravagant that I can understand why, but to me, it just feels ungrateful. My son always loves to see his gift get opened. I know we went to two parties where the piles and piles of gifts were left to the side and my son had quite thoughtfully picked out a "perfect" gift for the child only to have it set aside and he never got to see his friend open the gift. I am a throw back to "less is more," and feel that if the party is so chaotic that the birthday kid can't open his/her gifts, maybe it's just too much. But then again, I've also been asked to give cash in lieu of a gift and my son has received $20 bills and gift cards in an envelope instead of a package. Woo Hoo, how much fun is it for a 6 year old to open an envelope? Okay, I will step off my soap box and say, if you choose to not open gifts, make sure you let people know or make it "no gifts necessary, just come celebrate" then there isn't an expectation of opening gifts.

Honestly, it sounds like a very fun party and I wish you the best with your decision. happy 3rd to your son!
S.

I read the responses you've received so far and found it quite fun and enlightening. I'm a little old-school. When I first had children I read somewhere that kids grow in their ability to socialize as they age and their current age was a good indicator for the number of guests to invite.
So, we tended to have small parties when the kids were young like that and we opened the gifts. We also tended to be frugal and not spend a whole lot of money on parties. Again - old school!!!!!

My personal thoughts: A little boy with very young guests and lots of FUN activities like that? I would emphasize the activities! Or maybe open each guest's gift as they get off the pony ride? (That sounds like a crazy impossible idea for a 3 yr old! But he'd get to open a gift every couple of minutes! Maybe take a polaroid picture of guest with birthday child and opened gift and display gift and photo together on gift table? (May keep birthday child from enjoying the party activities, though - unless he gets to pet and ride first and maybe pet some animals in between openings?!!!)

IDEAS FROM OTHERS THAT I REALLY LIKED:
*opening gifts right after the party - whoever WANTS to stay for the gift opening can. If parents or guest do not care (or are exhausted and crying!), they can leave without having missed any of the PARTY
*opening a gift every few days = prolongs the fun and makes each gift more special
*taking a picture of birthday child with gift to include in thank you card (digital camera - maybe thank yous could be emailed?).

Yay for parties! It sounds like a great party. Have fun!

OOPS! I think whatever you decide to do, it would be nice if you mentioned it to the adults in attendance, not because you owe them an explanation, but because letting them know what's going on would be a nice gesture on your part. It's a way of respecting them by including them in the information loop.

I just had my daughter's 5th b-day party. We had about 20 kids & about as many grownups. We had a pinata, trampoline, swing fort playset, electric cars, two rooms of toys for inside. We served chips & dip, fruit, cookies & cake. Everyone seemed to have a great time. Ours was from 2-4 too. I did free play 2-2:45 2:45 pinata, 3:15 cake & food while everyone is munching, 3:30 we opened gifts. I just walked around & said we are gonna open gifts in the living room in a moment, please feel free to continue as you are, or come & watch. This let parents know that they didn't have to force their kid to come watch & possibly deal with a tantrum etc. helps keep stress levels down. It was about 50/50 watching. I spoke with daughter ahead of time that it is polite to thank everyone for their gift even if she doesn't care for it. As we opened gifts, I had her give the kids watching the tissue paper & they played with that. I did make an announcement that we wouldn't be opening the packages until after everything was opened. So we set everything to the side & I had some special friends (dads of the kids) that I got to volunteer to take gifts & start opening them out of the packages & then they put them in a big bag for her to be able to play with them when the party was done. I had several people thank me for opening them up. As soon as she was done opening the gifts, we thanked everyone for coming & she grabbed a bag full of goodie bags & she passed them out to all her friends & thanked them individually for their gift. I went with her & helped her remember who gave her what. I also have her go to the parents & thank them for coming & bringing her friend. People began to slowly leave & she continued to play & when everyone had gone, we then gave her the bag with all the gifts opened & ready for play. She & her brother sat for hours playing. It went smooth. I also do thank you cards & I took pictures of her playing with everything & I do thank you cards on the computer & I print a photo or two in the card & then I have her sign her name. I usually get compliments on the cards too cuz people really do appreciate seeing their gift bringing joy. I will have her try on clothes to kinda like a fashion show & she likes that too. So if you choose not to open them, maybe at least include photos of when she is opening or playing with it. Hope this helps you.

It depends on you. I prefer not to do it just to avoid the chaos that a new toys can make between kids! What i always do is decorate a big box with ballons (party theme) and then i put all the gifts inside it. The box look great like a part of your decoration!!

I've always preferred opening gifts after a party was over. You can easily keep track of who gave what and can take note of it so thank you cards can be specific. It also avoids the embarrassment of opening 2 of the same gift from different people. If you have a repeat gift, you can still thank each person for it, and then quietly exchange one gift at the store for something else and no one is the wiser. I've been at some parties where gifts were opened and then everyone played with them for the remainder of the party, and pieces/parts were lost or broken before the birthday child had a chance to break their own toys.
Additional Comments: We've been to so many different birthday parties over the years - at bowling alleys, skating (ice/roller) rinks, pottery shops (kids get to paint something), build-a Bear places, swimming parties, martial arts parties, Chuck E Cheese parties, Lazer tag parties, and a few home parties complete with a magician, pony rides, petting zoos, and/or moon bounces in the back yard. If there are plenty of activities, (and the guests usually get little goody bags as they leave) no one cares about the viewing of the presents being opened. Thank you cards are never optional. It's just the parties we've been to, but about 1/3 open at the end of the party and 2/3 open after the party is over and everyone has gone home. Different areas and different family s all do things their own way, and there is nothing wrong with either way.

We have always opened gifts at my kids' parties, but this past year we had a swim party for my 5 year old. It was a combined party with another of his friends, so we had over 20 kids there. The parents of the other child didn't want to open gifts, so we opted not to as well. It worked out fine! The kids didn't even notice - they were too busy swimming, eating, etc. (And by the way, not every kid cares about watching the birthday child open the gift he/she brought - my kids have been to lots of parties where the birthday child didn't open their gift, and they've never even noticed because there were too many other things going on.)

As someone else pointed out, a great advantage is that people don't have to feel awkward if their gift isn't as elaborate, or if the birthday child gets two of something or obviously doesn't like something (no matter how many times yuo rehearse the "thank yous" it can be hard for them to remember when the time comes).

As you said, this is a trend, and most of the parents have probably already encountered this before and won't think it's that strange (the only people who commented at my son's party were my parents and in-laws). The party sounds like so much fun - I'm sure the kids will be way too busy to even think about presents!

Of course, as others have said, a thank you note sent later (preferably with a picture) is necessary - but in my family we send thank you notes even if we open gifts during the party, so that's not a big deal for us.

We ALWAYS put them off to the side. Especially if it's going to be a fairly large group. The only time we open them at the party is if it's the family only celebration. Even then, it's chaos because of the cousins (and there are only two of them!!).

Most of the time, the parents of the other kids don't even comment. Just make sure to acknnowledge the gifts so that they know you received them.

If the kids ask, just tell them that opening the gifts later offers more time to party and have fun!

At age 3, and with the petting zoo and so many other activities, I would skip opening the gifts at the party. If you have other 3 year old guests, and there is a bunch of them, they probably wouldn't sit still through opening everything. I would make sure to send thank you notes tho.

I also don't feel it's necessary for you to explain to every disgruntled parent who disagrees with your choice as to why or why not you chose the route you did. You are paying for the parties entertainment and food. To keep everyone's sanity, skip it until your little one can enjoy opening and playing with each and every one.

I've always had my daughter open gifts at her party. The kids at the party enjoy it.

When she has gone to other friends parties and gifts are not opened she is disappointed that she didn't get to see her friend open the gift she picked out for them.

If you decide not to open at the party, there is no need to mention it to anyone.

We've been to parties where presents were opened as well as others where they weren't. For my own kids birthdays, if the party is at a place (like Build a Bear or a jumpy castle kind of place, etc), the parties are pretty tightly choreographed and there usually isn't time to open presents. We open them later at home and send a picture of my child with the opened gift with the thank-you note (which should always be sent no matter what, no excuses). If the party is held at our own home, I usually build in 1/2 hr at the end of the part to open presents. Since it's our house, we don't need to vacate the premises so the next party can start. In your case, it does seem like you'll run into a time crunch with all the activities. Plus, IMHO, it will get chaotic with all those 2-3yr olds getting bored while waiting for his present to be opened, not wanting to give the present/thinking it's their own present, wanting to play with all the new toys, etc (I just watched this play out at my niece's 3rd birthday, total chaos, and she only had 8 presents to open, your son has what? 25? And it took easily 20 minutes just to open the 8 presents.) On the other had, if you find that they take 5 minutes to do the craft, 10 minutes to blow through the cake and ice-cream, get bored of all the animals in 1/2 hour and you're left with time, by all means open the presents. I think your son should, at some point, have a party where he opens his presents and be given the opportunity to be gracious, kind, and appreciative of his guests' generosity. It doesn't necessarily have to be THIS party. Have fun!!

I am just going to put in my two cents worth. We love watching the birthday kid open presents... it is kind of disappointing to not see it.

So... that said, sometimes the kid's attention span and limited time at the party place can be an issue.

I LOVE the ideas posted before.

1. Sending pictures of the birthday kid opening along with a Thank You... that is an awesome idea. (We might even choose to do video if this ever comes up!)

2. Opening them at the very end so people can choose whether to stay.

Open the gifts @ the party that is all part of the celebration if your concerned about the other kids getting into them have a helper throw the trash away put the gift & card together put them in a seperate pile & go on just keep them out of kids reach works for me.If you get duplicates it happens just regift or exchange it.Since there is no real food pass out the cake or have them come get their own while your child is opening the gifts.I went to a party that the parents didn't open the gifts that was disappointing my son wanted to stay & watch but I had to tell him they will open them @ home how boring.

I do special events with tons of childrens Birthday Parties.. I always ask the parents what they would prefer.. Most of them do not want to have the child open gifts if the party is fun and active..

I would let the fun continue as long as it is flowing.. If things start to die down and you need an activity, present opening can be done.. It is like waking a sleeping baby, why interrupt when EVERYONE is having fun and watching someone open gifts can be a little boring..

If the child is older, I encourage the parents to ask the child what they would prefer. I also encourage them to start reminding the child to be polite, to say thank you and to hold the gift up in the air so everyone can see it.. I usually keep a list of what the item was and who it was from.. I like the idea of the photo being taken with the child and toy and a copy of it being sent as a thank you note..

Sadly, the times they are a changin'. I always thought one opened presents at the party and that is what I had my daughter do up until this year. Really only because she has been to many parties in the last couple of years and presents were not opened at a single one. So this year we didn't open at the party. Instead we took the presents home and just had family over to watch her open presents. I do want to emphasize that if you are not opening presents in front of the guests, it makes it even that more important that a Thank you note is sent. There have been times when we didn't receive one, and you just kind of wonder if they even got it! The most important thing to remember is that it is YOUR party for YOUR child - so you do it however you want! Do know this has sadly become the norm though. :( Have a great party!

My girlfriend has had this issue.. We opened the gifts at my sons party he was one. Maybe open a few? I like it when they are opened because you get a sense weather or not they liked the gift. But it is fine either way.

I also came from the opening presents background and do the same with my kids. I think it's nice for people to see them open the presents and get a thank you right then. At my son's recent 3 year old party, I made it the last thing we did, so people could leave if they wanted, and he could play with what he opened.

We will open presents. I've never heard of not opening them. I will have one rule and that's you can unwrap but you can't open the object until people leave or going home if it's out somewhere. My son and nephew are only 7mos apart and his niece being 2mos. I don't want temper tantrums over them!! Lol. I think it's a lot more messy and harder to clean up if the boxes are open.

I say have the party then open gifts at the end, that way if people want to leave they can. We always open the gifts, that's a huge part of giving a gift, seeing someones eyes light up when they see what you selected for them. Again too it may be the only thank you they get.

Given the short time frame and the amount of activities, I would not open from 2-4. If you can, you can let parents know when the party is over that anyone is welcome to stay while presents are opened. If this is at a location where you can't, then maybe allot 15 minutes at the end? My experience with 3 yos is that they open one present and want to play with it then, so a present opening at that age can take quite some time :-).

Wow, what a fun party you have planned! I recall always opening presents at parties growing up, but my parties were never very large. For my son's first birthday we had a large crowd, my son was sick, and it was overwhelming for me, so we waited until everyone left for him to "open" his presents. For his second birthday, the party guests, mostly family, really wanted to see him open his gifts so we did it. I personally thought it was fun for him to open them with all of his little buddies and cousins there. The comments the little ones had about some of the gifts were sometimes really funny and we managed to keep everything under control. My husband was able to capture some of it on the camcorder too, which made for a nice memory.

Whichever way you choose to go, it is ultimately your decision and if a guest doesn't like it, too bad! You do seem to have a packed schedule planned, so as someone else mentioned, save the gifts for the end of the party for those who wish to stick around. Regardless, I like to follow ettiquette rules and believe that a thank you note needs to be sent. While my son is too young to write a note, I do have him color a bit and "sign" his name on his thank yous, which is a big hit with the grandparents. I feel that it is a good behavior to model as he grows.

Hope it is a fantastic party and Happy Birthday to your little one!

wow, lots of responses! My kids love seeing the bday kid open their present. It's like their own little moment in the spot light. My kids always open their gifts at the party too. We do a party at the house with about 40 guests (friends, family, & neighbors). My kids are twins so we have double the presents! I always use it as an end of party cue.

I would be insulted honestly if my gift were not opened. I bring a child a gift to bring him joy. I personally want to see the joy; or see if the gift missed the mark and I can offer an exchange! And opening the gifts is such a great picture opportunity. I like to send the "giver" a pic of my child opening the gift inside the thank you card.

My son's party is in a few weeks and he will open the gifts as the guests arrive. That way each child sees their gift to him being opened, but it doesn't take up so much time that the kids get bored.

I didn't read the responses as well (mostly because I was afraid I'd get my feathers all ruffled), but I have a VERY big opinion on this.
If you don't have time to open all the gifts and thank the gift-giver, then you need to ask that no gifts be given. Period.
One of the simplest joys of gift-giving is to see the face of the recipient upon opening the present. Otherwise, it isn't a gift in my opinion - it is a donation to that child's toy collection.
The "chaos" created at the gift opening is created by two different problems - the attendees (children) not understanding that not every toy belongs to them and the birthday child's refusal to understand the act of sharing. I think a lot of parents avoid confronting these issues by just avoiding the present opening all together. I believe that the "present opening" event provides both children the opportunity to understand the joy of giving (I put a special seat next to the birthday boy for the giver to sit in while his present is being opened) and the importance of gratefulness and politeness (saying thank you). The chaos of all of the children playing with the toys is half the fun, I believe.
I understand everyone has their own opinion, and I respect everyone's opinions, but at my house - we'll always open the presents and everyone will get down in the floor and play with them!

I went to a party recently where they chose to not open presents at the party. Never having experience in this, I had said something to the child a couple of times about being excited for her to open her gifts. She then I guess said something to her mother, which irrated her. Rather than pulling me aside and letting me know they weren't planning on opening gifts, she chose to send me a very rude e-mail days after the party about how I ruined everything because her daughter got in trouble at her own party because of me. That was an eye opener to me about how sensitive the whole present thing is!!!!!!!

I like opening gifts at the party if it is at home, it gives a chance to say thank you to the giver of the gift and the she also gets to see your reaction to the gift (and after age 2, my kids nag me to open them!). It's harder to open gifts if the party is in a big place like chuck-e-cheese. If you don't open gifts, just say 'thank you for the gift' and send a thank you note
:-) the party sounds fun!

My daugher in law stopped having kids open presents at birthdays several years ago. It seems to work OK. Somethings family goes to the house and watches the presents get open,

At most of the birthday parties we go to for children that age, time to open the presents is not usually scheduled in. It's not mentioned at all - it's just what happens. If the birthday kids can't help themselves or other guests really want to see the presents, then sometimes they'll do it or just open those guests' presents right then.

I personally like it when it's not done at the party. It makes a mess; takes a lot of time, which could take away from the party if you have a lot of other activities planned (which it sounds like you do); sometimes embarrasses the people who give less elaborate or expensive or non-favored presents, especially when it's being opened by a young child who hasn't yet learned how to be tactful; and introduces a bunch of new toys for the kids at the party to fight over. Also, it makes transporting the presents a lot more difficult if the party is not in your home.

When my child is the birthday kid, I like it when we spread out the present opening over a few days. It makes each present more special for my child, instead of giving him an embarrassment of riches all at once. After the first few presents, it's more about "What's next?" then truly appreciating each individual gift.