Toddler at NA Meeting?

N.,

I certainly understand your concerns. I think there are two separate issues -- one being the appropriateness of a child being at the meeting, the other being the timing and disruption to her schedule. I agree that it is not appropriate for a child to be at an NA/AA meeting. Not only are the conversations not appropriate for a young child to overhear, but it is not fair to expect a 16-month-old to sit quietly (ESPECIALLY at bedtime!) when others are having serious, emotionally-laden conversations. In addition, how "present" can your husband be if he is focused on her and trying to keep her from making too much noise or being a distraction? Third, as another poster has said, it is not fair to the other people of the meeting to have to filter what they say or the emotions they express because of the presence of a toddler. Scheduling issues aside, if your husband wants to "show off" your daughter, can he ask his buddies to show up a few minutes early, bring the nanny (who can hang out on the sidelines), spend a few minutes with his friends before the meeting starts, and then when it's time for the meeting to start, the nanny can bring her home. That way he can still show her to his friends, but she does not have to be present for something that both in content and format is not child-friendly.

That said, I think you are perfectly right to not want to disrupt her schedule just for 5-10 minutes of socializing. If it means she gets to bed 30 or 60 min late, that can throw off her schedule for the entire next day if not more. If you are really concerned about her routine, then suggest that your husband invite a few friends over to the house at lunchtime, meet you at a park or playground, or someplace that is child-friendly and at a time when she is normally awake. I certainly understand his desire to want to show her off, but as long as it is possible to see the friends at another time, her needs should come first. But, bottom line, she should not be present during the meeting. Hope your husband is able to understand all the reasons why.

Good luck -
A.

Hi N.,
Congratulations to hubby and you on working so hard toward getting past the addiction.
I would also not be comfortable with a young child being at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. They pick up an awful lot and I wouldn't want my child exposed to the subject matter, the emotions, etc. If his buddies want to see the baby, they could all go out for coffee on a Sunday afternoon where there's a more neutral environment and it could be done without disrupting her bedtime.
Good luck!

NOT an appopriate venue for a young child. But a different tact might be to talk about the effect on the other group members. Ask him to think about a meeting he has gone to where he really needed support, was having a hard time, needed to vent about something. How would he have felt if someone had brought a small child to that particular meeting? He should not bring your daughter out of respect for his buddies who might feel the need to censor themselves if a child were present, and THEY might not get out of that particular meeting what they need. What they go to NA for. They are showing up for support to stay sober, NOT to coo over a toddler. I agree with the other response that he should make some time outside of that venue to introduce them to your child.

Sounds to me like he is very proud of all that he has
accomplished and wants to show off his daughter. I
think it is fine. She is only 13 months, let him enjoy
the moment with her. I am sure he never thought his life
would turn out well.

Having been part of AA and NA I can say I wouldn't pick a meeting as place to hang with my friends and share my family with them. That said I might suggest inviting his friends over to your home. On the other hand I am in no way saying a child should not be there disruptive or not. Addicts willing to get help should be able to have the children with them. It is better to have a child with you sober at a meeting then out using. It may well give hope to people at the meeting. It may anchor your husband from running off to use. It certainly is not worth hiding the world from your kids. They will learn sooner or later. She would be less likely to use if she hears about the horrors and pain of addictions. Just some thoughts. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. Hope it is helpful.