Toddler Friend Troubles

My son is like "Blake". My nephew though is very standoffish. They recently spent two weeks together and after about the first week my son got nicer, and my nephew got tougher. By the beginning of the second week they were about equal in the pushing, throwing, hitting...it actually was a good balance. When they both got home they went back to being their sweet selves. Maybe it is just the competition between boys? It has been two months and my little boy doesn't hit or throw things anymore. We were constantly "training" him to not hit, it took that long for it to leave him though. So if these parents are working with him, he will get better.

This is really tough because the other boy is bullying but doesn't even know it. It sounds like his mom needs to put him in a short time out each time he hits or pushes so it will sink in. I guess I would take things into my own home and when he hits your child I would look him straight in the eye and say "Johnny doesn't like that, you need to say your sorry and not do it again." Then if he does it again say "Johnny and I are going home until you learn to play nice" and leave. It will teach your son he doesn't have to put up with someone being rough and that he has the right to get away from it. Then it also teaches the other child that he won't get to play with his friend if he doesn't play nice. I use to do this with my niece who would take toys away from my granddaughter who was a year younger and it worked well.

If your son is having bad dreams about this kid I would back away from the situation a bit. When they do get together I suggest you stay very close by to monitor and control. I would tell his mother the reason why...that your son just isn't ready for that type of play and it is causing him to stress out. 2 years old is much too young for this little boy to be playing like this. What are they letting letting him watch on tv? A 2 year old is too young to know that the violence he see's on tv is not real and not okay to repeat. When my son was 3 our neighbor's son, who is 3 years older than my son, had a bunch of light sabers. My son liked them but was not allowed to play with them because he didn't know how to pretend to hit someone...he always ended up hitting, and hurting, whomever he was playing with. They are just too young at that age.
Good luck with this!

For a two year old to know about Star Wars seems a little strange to me. Even the cartoons are not rated for children that age, so it seems like the parents are either not paying enough attention on that front or just don't care.

One can't exactly expect a two year old to listen when they enjoy doing something. Still, I can't help but think that a child playing games with "guns" is good. Your son seems to be doing just fine not understanding what they are yet.

While your son needs to learn to be a bit more proactive when it comes to things he doesn't like--like expressing how he doesn't enjoy this game and doesn't like to rough house so much--it would probably be a good idea to find other children for him to play with as well.

Maybe have a frank talk to the other little boys mother about how her boy is a bit too rough and doesn't respect others boundaries. While both children need work (Don't they all?), there's no reason why your son should have to continue playing with someone that scares him.

Try structuring what they play a little more so that "Blake" doesn't resort to so much of his preferred play. Or better yet...Play with them and be ready to deflect before the play starts to get too rough. At 2.5, they really need a little structure and parental involvement in their play.

does your neighbor have other children that are older then her 2.5 yr old? My oldest was not into star wars or guns and light sabers etc until he was around 5 and around other kids that played these things but I have noticed that our 3 year old has gotten into them at what I consider an early age. He has been playing star wars w/ his older brother for maybe a year or so already. We do have the rules: there is no playing w/ sticks, there is no pointing guns at people, and the toys that can be thrown are balls.

Since it is affecting your son though you should keep play dates to a minimum and I think if they are at your house you should explain your house rules to the other mother if she can't keep her child from disobeying your house rules then ask them to leave. "the other mother corrects her son" how is she doing this? Is she putting him in time outs during your play dates? I am a mom that is not afraid to put my child in a time out at a play date but if it happens a second time we leave. And for hitting and for throwing toys that can hurt those are automatic time outs in my home. I don't find a simple "oh X don't do that" to be effective at all.

Updated

does your neighbor have other children that are older then her 2.5 yr old? My oldest was not into star wars or guns and light sabers etc until he was around 5 and around other kids that played these things but I have noticed that our 3 year old has gotten into them at what I consider an early age. He has been playing star wars w/ his older brother for maybe a year or so already. We do have the rules: there is no playing w/ sticks, there is no pointing guns at people, and the toys that can be thrown are balls.

Since it is affecting your son though you should keep play dates to a minimum and I think if they are at your house you should explain your house rules to the other mother if she can't keep her child from disobeying your house rules then ask them to leave. "the other mother corrects her son" how is she doing this? Is she putting him in time outs during your play dates? I am a mom that is not afraid to put my child in a time out at a play date but if it happens a second time we leave. And for hitting and for throwing toys that can hurt those are automatic time outs in my home. I don't find a simple "oh X don't do that" to be effective at all.

My sister works with her son (now 4) to "make good choices". Meaning, just because the other kid is dong something it doesn't mean he has to too. That might help your son, not so much so he won't also play rough, bit to learn to separate himself from others if and when they do things that make him uncomfortable.

Also, maybe as the parents, you can structure their playtime to be focused on less aggressive play. Water time, board games, supervised cooking project, ride bikes, etc.

Finally, if he is scaring your son, I might just keep their visits to a minmum. Your son does not need to be afraid OR learn this behavior. Let the mom know why, and try again every few months if you want to.

I don't think your son is the problem, it's the other little boy. If your son is having nighmares about this boy, then there is a serious problem here. He really is scaring your son! I think you should talk to his mother. Sometimes, us mom's are so in love with our child, we can't see their faults. This mom probably doesn't realize how bad her boy can be. Just gently tell her that her son can be a little too rough sometimes, and explain about the nightmares. Just be honest and upfront and hopefully she will understand. Also I would structure their play a little better. When this boy comes over, have activities ready to go. Like an age appropiate craft, or coloring books and crayons. Things like that that don't involve guns or light-sabre's. Good luck, and talk to his mom. You don't want your little man being scared :)

Have you thought about changing the perspective of the boys? When they are playing together and the other one starts swinging the light saber or whatever, try suggesting they are on the same "team" and teammates don't swing light sabers (or shoot guns or push each other over). They work together to make a better world.

I suggest letting it go. Boys seem to figure it out. I wasn't able to allow my son to play with other kids( there weren't any around) until he was in baseball a couple of years ago, when the other boys dog piled him- upon his request- he freaked. Not something he had ever been involved in.