Toddler Not Staying in Bed

Updated on November 06, 2010
M.G. asks from Minneapolis, MN
15 answers

Hi Moms,
My 2 yo son has just recently been transitioned out of his crib. Everything has gone well and he loves his new 'big bed' except that he will not stay in it. He has finally just fallen asleep after getting up about 15 times in the past hour. Every time he would get up, I would put him straight back in bed, tuck him in, kiss him, tell him it was time to sleep and leave. I even tried shutting the door tight but he just started crying because he couldn't get out.
Any advice for dealing with this? I know it's normal, but it is still frustrating. My husband works at night so he is not around to help.
I honestly don't know what else to try. Any tips or tricks are welcome!
Thanks!

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all of the great advice and reassurance. I decided to try shutting the door/keeping him in his room trick again last night. He got up once, I put him back in. He got up again, I put him back and told him if he gets up again I'll shut the door. Of course, he got up a third time so I put him back in bed and told him I was going to shut the door, which I did. Sure enough, a few minutes later he got up and started crying. I let him cry and, no joke, about a minute later he stopped and got in bed!! So, we'll keep going with that until he figures out how to turn the knob on the door!

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D.S.

answers from Tulsa on

does he have an night lite? put somthing that smells like you in his bed. maybe let him sleep in the floor. mine is doing the same thing and these were the suggestions I was given.

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A.H.

answers from Montgomery on

If he only got up 15 times your lucky. My DD would get up and get up and get up. We would just put her back to bed...thats all you can do. Try to be prompt on it. If you let them play then it encourages them to get up. Be firm sometimes when I get super frustrated. I will take a rocker and put it in the hall and sit there with a book or magazine. Everytime she raises her head I tell her to lay her head back down in my stern voice. Typically it works. Good luck! FYI Its been almost a year since she went in her big girl bed and she still tries to sneak out of her bed and play BUT with a firm hand it gets better pretty quick

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L.S.

answers from New London on

what happened when he started crying? did you go to him? was he in his bed? was he at the door? Let him cry. He is testing you. He will realize that you aren't going to keep going to him. I would put a gate at the door or shut the door. I would tell my son if you don't go in your bed I am going to shut the door. He hated having the door shut, so he would go to his bed. When he did get up I immediately shut the door until he went back in his bed. Good luck. stay strong.

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K.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

You did the right thing, and you should do it again. Just don't shut the door because that scares him and will prolong the crying.

If you are very consistent with putting him back in bed each time he gets out, he will understand that you mean business and he will stay in bed. It is exhausting for the parent, but well worth it. It could just be one or two more nights of this.

As for this somehow hurting him, and hurting his relationship with you -- I don't think so. He is going to learn good sleep habits and will be healthier as a result. We did what you are doing with our kids and they are both very happy and well-adjusted. They are boys, 13 and 10, and they still like a quick snuggle at bedtime, and they are both still very affectionate and huggy.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

You can battle it or not.
At this age an older they develop night time 'fears' and separation anxiety too.
their cognition is changing.
Kids this age do not have fully developed impulse-control.

When I was that age and older, I did that too. I remember it.
I had my own room/bed. But at night, I would simply be scared in my room by myself and miss my parents. I would wake up, creep down our LONG dark scary hallway... just to go to their room and squeeze in between them. They let me. I grew out of it. They never admonished me for it.
It is one of my FONDEST childhood memories... of my parents. I just loved... being near them... and got so scared in my own room.

A child will remember.... how they went to bed and if it was a fond memory or not.

Or, put a place for him on the floor of your room. And he can sleep there, when/if need be.
That is what we do for our kids.
It works for us.
It is no biggie.
One day, they will want nothing to do with you... nor even a hug.

All the best,
Susan

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A.G.

answers from Las Vegas on

okay....people are going to say i am mean.....but we locked my son in his room. He was about 2 when we did this. His room was TOTALLY child proofed, and I have a video camera monitor....so I knew what he was doing. The reason we resorted to this, is he would continue to get out of bed for HOURS after bed time (into bed at 8pm.....we would still be fighting at 1:30am)!!! I did all of the "supernanny" tricks, nothing worked. I even tried putting him to bed later....but still the same. he also found it EXTREMELY funny to get out of bed and come see us. I did nothing to encourage the behavior.....he is just a little stinker.

NOW>....he is older, 3 and smarter...lol.....so he can unlock his room and come out regardless of what we do. here is our latest trick. I put him to bed with his comforter, pillows, special blankie, and stuffed animals, etc. I tell him to stay in bed OR I will take his special blankie and stuffed animals away for the nigh. The other night....he got up about 10 minutes after I put him down....so i took away special blankie. he was MAD!!!! but, he went to bed. And he learned.......last night, in bed, no problem. Tonight, in bed no problem. He says "stay in bed...or no blankie".........

Kids have to have consequences for their behavior. Otherwise they will never learn. I am sure that this blankie thing will wear off. You can also say "little boys who don't sleep can't go to the park tomarrow" etc. Although you don't WANT to....you have to follow thru on what you say...otherwise it will be meaningless.

Good Luck.

Ps...I wanted to add.....if you lock your son in his room....be sure, that you have a good monitor, and that you can hear if something happens in the middle of the night. Or unlock it before YOU go to bed......
Like another person said....a lot of kids get scared, or sick at night....so you wanna be able to help them there.

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M.E.

answers from Columbia on

I am having the same problem except my little guy sleeps w/ me and I have steps for him to get on and off the bed. He used to be fine when I laid him down for naps but today I had to pull out a playpen and just let him cry it out in the cage. He goes to the door which I usually leave cracked and comes right up stairs and is all cute saying hi. If I shut it he screams too. At night I do let him get up until he gets fussy again. but thats not working so please let me know what works for you

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

You are doing fine. Yes it is frustrating. He can cry for a little while before you go in. If he comes out to you, continue to walk him back and tell him it is time to sleep like you have been doing.. May take many, many times.. He will realize it always ends the same.. Purchase ear plugs if you need.. They help take the high pitch crying a little bit..

We have been there. I know it his hard. He will catch on..

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Well, then he really isn't "transitioned" out of his crib yet is he? lol
I, too, moved my son too early.
It's like doing CIO all over again when they can just get up & out of bed.
Have you tried a gate at his door? Music in his room? Story CD?

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S.I.

answers from Minneapolis on

We went through the same thing with our daughter. It sounds like you're doing everything right. The one thing I would suggest is not even giving him another kiss or talking at all when you put him back in bed. I know it sounds harsh, but even a little more attention is a reward for getting up. I would stand right outside my daughter's door so I could immediately escort her back to bed without saying anything. It didn't take long before she'd just walk back to bed on her own as soon as she saw me. Then she figured out that it wasn't worth it to even get out of bed in the first place. I know it's hard, but if you're really consistent it will work -- and then you'll have good nights instead of the struggles that can continue if the child sometimes get's to stay up, or come into mom and dad's room, etc. Good luck! S.

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A.R.

answers from Madison on

We had the same issues with my son. I recently read "Healthy Sleep, Happy Child" book by Dr. Weissbluth. He has a section where he gives tip for this issue. Basically what he says is when you lay your son down for bed, tell him it's time for sleep and that means staying in his bed. If he gets out of bed you will just bring him back to bed and won't talk to him. So, then every time he comes out of his room, you bring him back to his bed without saying a word or looking him in the eye. Basically you are not wanting to reinforce his behavior by giving him attention. When we did this, the first and second nights my son came out 15 times, third night 4 times, 4th night 2 times, then 5th night only 1 time. Now, for the most part he stays in his room after we say good-night.
This technique saved me:) I was definitely at my wits end after months of sleep problems from the bed transition!!!
Good luck and please email me if you have any questions!

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J.R.

answers from Davenport on

My son is only 20 months, we switched him about a month ago. He did the same with getting up over and over. After 6 times I was tired of the game, and he really thought it was FUN! So, I put him in bed, knelt down next to him, and said, " It is bed time, that means you STAY in BED and GO TO SLEEP. Mommy is going to close your door so you will stay in bed and go to sleep, NOW. I love you very much and I will come and get you up in the morning. STAY IN BED AND GO TO SLEEP." I said all of this very seriously, and the capital parts were in a STERN voice. Then I went out and closed and latched the door behind me (we have always just pulled it to the jam, not latched in the past when in the crib, he cannot open it when latched). We make sure to listen on the monitor, and his room is childproofed. The first night he went ot the door and pounded on it and cried for about 10 minutes, I figured he would be asleep on the floor behiind the door - he wasn't, he was in bed when I checked him before I went to sleep. We had to do the same thing the next day, and at nap times, and after the second nedtime and naptime of crying he decided it wasn't something to cry about, and now he goes right to sleep in bed, no crying, no getting out.

For the first few weeks, he was waking much earlier than usual - 4:30-5:20 am, rather than normal 6:30...he would usually wake crying and then immediately come out of his room to our bed. At first I responed by putting him in with us - he wouldn't sleep, he would flop and wrestle and play and cry....so we decided we wouldn't be unlatching his door at our bedtime, but instead leave it shut till morning time/wake up time. He cried and tried the door a couple times at morning and nap time, too early, but then he GOT IT! If th edoor is latched, it is sleep time, when it is unlatched, you can come out and play. Now he even stays in his bed when he wakes at morning and naptime, and just talks/plays with his stuffed animals, until I come to get him!

It may sound cruel, but it is not, he is not screaming and crying, he is learning how to go to sleep on his own, again, in a slightly different bed, and like I said it was only two days of very short duration crying. My older daughte never needed this in her toddler bed, we had waited with her to CIO in her crib till 9 months, so I think it was still in her memory by the time she was 22 months and moved to toddler bed, she just automatically stayed in. My little guy, though did CIO at only 5 months and I don't think he remembers, not to menion, when he was in the crib and cried at night ( he was still waking 1 or more times a night till the transtion, now much better!) I would run right to him so he wouldn't wake his sister or DH....so he thought every time I wake, mommy will come. Now that he is retrained, it is much better - he is sleeping all night most nights, and when he does wake, he will put himself back to sleep, and he is regularly back to sleeping till 6 am or later, now, after 3 weeks adjustment. Also, we have moved him from 2 daytime naps to one, at the same time.

Good Luck, they are crying out of "WANT", not "NEED" or "HURT" - it is just like throwing a tantrum over anything else, ignore the tantrum, and enforce the rule ( of staying in bed/room) by either locking/latching the door, OR putting him back in a crib till he can stay in the toddler bed, and the behaviour will stop.

Jessie

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C.S.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

We also locked our son in his room. We lived in Tucson, AZ at the time ~ out in the country ~ I'd been stung by a scorpion when our son was about 6 months old, and I certainly didn't want him getting up in the middle of the night and stepping on one! Like Angie, we also had an excellent video monitor that we used. I truly think it's safer. What if he got up in the middle of the night and we didn't hear him? He could into all sorts of mischief in the kitchen or bathroom without us even knowing. I slept much better knowing our son was safe in his room all night.

He is a few months past 3 years old now, and we no longer lock his door. He never leaves his room after we put him to bed unless he wakes up in the middle of the night and needs something. We also invested in one of those clocks that changes color at a time you set, and he doesn't come out of his room in the morning until his clock turns green!

R.G.

answers from Dallas on

We use a baby gate in the door. Just knowing that she could roam the house made it too exciting for her to sleep and made me too nervous to sleep. A week into the big girl bed we put the gate up and it took the fun out of it for her. And we started a reward system for when she goes to bed and doesn't get back up, she gets a marble to put in a jar. When the jar is full she gets a special treat, a trip to the ice cream store, a movie, small toy, etc. I hope that helps. Good luck!

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S.T.

answers from Iowa City on

Put him back in his crib. He's not ready for the big boy bed yet.

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