Toddler Throwing Objects When Mad

Well, A., at 2 years old, your daughter is not going to be able to learn anger control very easily. She's not going to learn appropriate ways of showing her emotions for several months yet -- mostly by trial and error, and watching how YOU handle anger, so be patient and understand that this is a phase. She's too young to act any differently, so you have to think of ways to keep her from breaking things.

To keep from having a food riot, try feeding her from those bowls that have a big suction cup on the bottom -- the bowl sticks to the high chair, and she won't have the strength to pick the thing up and throw it. Make sure she drinks from a sippy cup to minimize the liquid problem.

As for other objects, don't give her anything hazardous to play with. Soft toys that won't hurt anyone else, and only things that won't break when thrown. You have to really baby-proof your house at this time.

All children go through this phase when they start to realize that they have a certain amount of power and control over things; this phase is necessary for them to learn how to appropriately interact with people and their environment.

Try to structure her life a little more so that she will have less reason to get upset. Regular bed times & nap times help; regular meal times and snack times, too, so she won't be upset because she's hungry or thirsty.

Above all, model the right behavior. Give her examples of how to be angry without having tantrums. At 2, time-outs begin to be effective consequences for such bad behavior. Since she wants something from you, she must learn how to ask for it and how to cope with the word, "No." Make sure you don't reward the tantrum behavior just to get her to quiet down, or she will do this FOREVER. Give her an alternative for the thing she wants, if what she wants is not appropriate.

And remember -- this phase doesn't last forever. ( : It's something to survive, knowing that baby will eventually learn how to communicate more pleasantly.

When she is in a really calm, relaxed and receptive state, pick up something that you are sure she will remember having thrown the last time and tell her that everything that she throws in the future will disappear. Tell her that it is dangerous and she must stop. Then, when she has her next tantrum, instead of becoming upset or reacting to her, do your best to ignore her. Afterward, walk around and pick up all the things. If they are yours put them where she can't reach or see them again. If they are hers they get given away and NEVER seen again. If it is food she was eating the meal is over. Depending on how stubborn she is, it may take a while, but it will stop. This isn't just about her losing stuff. It is about channelling your reaction. Tantrum's happen for two reasons. One is her pent up emotions needing a release. The other is your reaction. After you have succeeded in not reacting then see if you can figure out her triggers to work on them.
Good luck!

Sounds like a power play to me. The best way to deal with a power play is to not give her the attention she wants. I would also keep things you don't want thrown out of her reach when you sense she is getting mad. Then when she pitches a fit, say something like,'We do not throw hard things.' and 'When you are calm, I will come.'and step into another room (but one you can see her from)or pick her up and place her in a playpen and walk to another room.(I like the timer idea mentioned below, that way you both know when the time is up). After this is done a few times, she will realize she is not getting what she wants, and will stop.

Hope this helps. For good advice, check out 'Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours" by Kevin Lehman. It really helped me.

ah....the throwing.
throwing is POWER.
as in: "Oooh, watch how strong I am; look at that fly across the room..."

and: "oooh! look at all the attention I get!"

and: "wow. that felt good!" (like when we as adults get mad & slam a door, etc)

So: what to do? You can punish her. Personally, I'm not so keen on 'punishing' a 2 year old. Depending on how verbal she is, and how much you really think she understands, you can try a Time-Out for only 2 minutes, using the kitchen timer so she can hear the beep when it's over. I personally don't go for time-outs at this age (& am reconsidering them even for older children!). If you think this is the route to go, then I highly recommend the book Magic 1-2-3. you can buy it cheap used or try gettig it at the library, etc. It's a quick read.

What I do is to always try to 'catch' them making positive choices with their behavior (note the word 'choice.' I don't believe in telling a child that THEY are 'bad' or 'good' - it's their BEHAVIOR/CHoice of behavior that is bad or good). So when she makes positive choices, I would narrate them and make a big deal doing so. ex: "WOW! What good listening you're doing. You're listening to mommy!" and give a hug. OR even: "You put your toys away! YAY! Putting toys away is such a great choice!"
This is helpful to me: http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm

Ok, you're thinking "Um, this doesn't help w/ the throwing...?" Well, in a way it does...So what I do in cases of 'poor' decisions (like throwing) I might say "that's DANGEROUS!" and say it very SERIOUSLY. Not mad per se, but sternly. I'd make a face to SHOw that it's serious. I would say" you're MAD!!!" I'd say that seriously & 'look' mad. I'd say "you're mad & you threw something!" If she has the language skills I'd tell her to SAY it with you. Get silly. Have her (& you) say strongly " I'm MAD!!" you can even stomp your foot for emphasis & have her stomp her foot, too (ok maybe you don't want foot-stomping, but hey- expressing anger in a safe way or throwing things?). Then I would re-direct her to something else. gently take her hand, guide her however you can, onto the next thing.
they throw because they can. because it's POWER. because they don't have the words/language. and you can help with that :-)

~L.

my 19 month old baby tends to hit when he is angry, and usually it's at me! It is frustrating, and disheartening. But everytime he does this, I repeatedly grab his hands & say LOUDLY, "No! No hitting mommy. Mommy is upset whe you hit."
I guess I will have to say it until he understands.....like, 100,000 times!!

Yup some kids do that!

In my family if you throw it you loose it! When she throws her toys take them and put them up high were she can see it but not reach it. let her know anything she throws she can not play with. If she contimues to throw then give that toy away to someone will appreciate it and not throw it. She will learn qucikly i promise.

J.
www.J..myarbonne.com

Hi well i have a 20 month old now and she does the same thing to me it drives me crazy especially when its food because she makes a big mess.Just this morning she threw her cereal well i hit her in the hand and butt (not hard)then i put her in the playpen in time out for about 5 min i also explained to her that what she had done was wrong.I guess that i will have to keep doing this until she gets it.The time out thing works sometimes please if get other adivce that works for you please let me know.She does this to me everyday so you are not alone.:)Good Luck!!!!!