2 Yr Old Who Throws Things

Hi there,

I think this has a simple solution. I have two high energy boys who use to do the same thing. All I do is take away the offending object. If he rams a trunk into a wall I say oh! oh! what a bummer the truck must go away. If they throw food... dinner is over and I set them away from the table. If they get mad and throw things I put the object away and give them a time out. If he still uses a crib, put him there for a minute or two. It doesn't take long and you will be much happier! Good Luck

I would focus on doing positive things to use up all his energy. He seems to like throwing things so plan some time every day to play catch or baseball. I have a little girl who is 2 but my sister has a little boy the same age. He just has so much energy and loves to play with the "big boys", when she doesnt schedule some activities he really starts acting out and getting wild. Also I would just remove the food after asking once to please not thow things.

Teach him some basic sign language (all done, hungry, thirsty, please, thank you, milk, tired, etc.). Then keep a positive attitude and encourage him to use his words (either spoken or signing).

A 2 year old has no understanding yet of choosing good or bad behavior and even though it seems like he is purposely taunting you, laughing at you to make you angry when you try to discipline, etc., he really doesn't. But you need to keep your reactions limited to calm voice and consistent actions. It will take 20 times of you calmly saying "Oh, you must be all done (while showing him the sign), I'll put away your food now and you can help me clean up the mess" and then hand him a rag and encourage (but not force) him to help.

Time outs are generally a useless method until kids are 3 or 4 yo and even then they should be used more as an opportunity for a child to learn to recognize when they are out of control and to find a good place to calm down. Stick more with the other methods of redirection, removal of the problem, etc. For example, my son was a biter and would try to bite me when he was frustrated. I would just say, "No biting, biting hurts. Mommy likes hugs and kisses instead." Then I would throw open my arms and hug him. After repeating this consistently for 3 weeks, he started responding. He would start to open his mouth to bite and suddenly he would switch to a hug and a kiss.

Another technique that works is to put the object he is throwing into time out rather than him.
Good luck and big hugs. I know this can be a trying time but it does get better.

Time outs do work at that age, putting their nose on a wall or door does work, putting the object that was just thrown into time out does work, taking away food does work, leaving a public place when they act like this does work, but the biggest thing is that you stay calm and cool as a cucumber. Any negative reaction from you will undo part of what you're trying to teach this little javlin thrower. Because when they get older, you'll have to start paying for broken windows (had to replace several of those while my oldest son was growing up). I think all kids go through the spitting of food. For mine that was the indication that they were full. The snack size packages they have out now are just too big for these little people. If you use any kind of snacks, just give him a few from the package. If he wants more, he'll tell you. Store the open package in a zip lock bag or a container with a tight fitting lid or you can eat what he doesn't. Better yet, share snack time together. When he does something that you approve of, reward him with a hug, a kiss (that won't last long when they start saying girls are yucky), a favorite snack food or a toy (this can come from any dollar store). At the age of two, almost anything will work as a reward, even a walk in the park with mom and/or dad works. Just remember, you're not alone in this. I think we've all gone through this at one time or another or are still going through this. If this does continue when he gets older, get him in to have a health screening done that's more detailed than his regular check ups (he'll have to have one of these before he enters school anyway).

L.

S.,

I know you will not like to hear this but throwing is completely age-appropriate for a boy his age. It has nothing to do with your parenting so any guilt you might be feeling at this point - throw it aside (no pun intended). Boys are just more aggressive and are more physical. With that being said, he can't be allowed to continue to throw things. You are doing the right things to deal with it. When he throws things take it away, right away and every time. If you even allow him to keep something that he threw one time he will continue to throw it. Put the toy in a place he can see it but can't reach it and tell him that the toy is in timeout. When he cries for the toy tell him that the toy is in time out because he threw it so he can't have it. Keep the toy in time out for awhile an hour or so. If he can talk have him say to you, "No throwing." It helps if they connect the action with speech.

Train your son when it is APPROPRIATE to throw. Play catch with him outside or with a soft ball in the house. Help him learn what and where it is acceptable to throw. This will be your most effective tool as a parent because when he wants to throw the wrong thing you can remind him that we throw balls outside or where ever you have decided is safe.

There have been SOOOOO many studies done on Boys and Throwing...and for a lot of them, it is an innate response. (Heck, look at how many sports involve "throwing" of some sort.) My advice would be to #1, go easy on yourself as you can't change a person. But try to teach him when it is proper and when it isn't proper to throw. Since he apparently LOVES it, I would try to involve him in as many throwing things where it is ok - like balls outside, games, etc. Hope that helps???

Try a firm "no" coupled with a solid swat on the bottom. Works every time.

SAHM of seven

Hi S.,
I feel your pain! My youngest (boy) is 19 months and throws EVERYTHING! My older two (boy and girl)went through this phase also. I agree with the other poster who suggested sign language. My son signs (doesn't talk yet)and we keep reminding him to tell us when he is "all done" instead of throwing his food and/or plate. When he does throw his plate, he is done and has to help me clean up his mess. I won't let him have anything to eat for a little while after that so he knows eating time is done if he throws.
Just remember this is just a phase and that it too will pass. I know this doesn't exactly help when you are cleaning up yet another mess.

Good luck!
S.

Dear S.:

My son was the same way - always throwing things. Yeah you can do "timeout" but then all he or she is going to think is if he or she continues to do it,,,they will have to stand in the corner for 10 minutes and go back to playing.

I'm not even going to deviate around what I want to say: if he spits food from his mouth again, thump him in the lip. If he throws anything, pop him on the hands or on his butt. My children and god children learned from a simple pop. Everytime he does it, just pop him. It won't happen overnight, but he'll get the picture, especially when he picks up that toy getting ready to throw it, and you give him that look saying I dare you.

SORRY NO ADVISE BUT WOULD LIKE TO LET YOU KNOW I ALSO HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD SON WHO DOES PRETTY MUCH THE SAME THING.THAT IS REALLY WHAT 2 YEAR OLDS DO TO TEST OUT THE LIMITS.JUST KEEP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND IT WILL PASS.I HAVE THREE OTHER BOYS AND A DAUGHTER WHO ARE ALL OLDER NOW AND THEY DID THE SAME THING.MY SON ALSO IS IN A HITTING PHASE ALL YOU CAN DO IS TEACH THEM THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR THROWING LIKE WITH BALLS PLAYING CATCH.GOOD LUCK TO YOU IT WILL GET BETTER :) J.

Your son needs a MAD place.

The biggest problem at two is that he cannot express himself with words, so he throws things to express himself. Does this make sense? Your son is angry and frustrated and cannot say, "I'm feeling angry!" If you punish him, all you are doing is reinforcing that it is not OK for him to be angry.

Provide your son with a safe place to throw things. Call this his MAD place. Take him there (gently and lovingly) when he throws something and encourage him to pick up the safe toys to throw at the safe wall in his MAD place. Then give him words to use while he throws things:

"I'm mad that I can't have ice cream!" "I'm mad that I have to sit down at dinner!"

If he is verbal, you can ask him what he is mad about and then encourage him to yell about it while he throws things.

As the future unfolds, this MAD place becomes the only place allowed for him to throw things so that he gets the difference between disrespectfully throwing things and respectfully throwing things.

NEVER use this place as a time out place. If he starts to get mad or act out, just ask him if he wouldn't like to go to his MAD place and let the wall know how mad he is. If he doesn't want to go there, he will have to have his feelings without disrupting everyone else.

Now he has a choice: he can have his feelings calmly in public, or he can go to his mad room and yell and throw things until he feels better. Either way, he is learning to manage his feelings.

Now, get ready for the equally terrible THREE'S!

Don't know how to stop it, other than trying to make sure you tell him what to do INSTEAD - i.e. No spitting, please use your napkin?

But do take advantage of his hobby - get him a soft ball and glove and teach him to aim - you may have a future major-leaguer on your hands :D!

Oh, and at his age, he hardly does need to eat - make sure he's getting his vitamins and keep up the good work!

Hey...this sounds SOOOO familiar! I have a 2 year old that does the same thing...I have yet to figure out a way to get him to stop, and have been told by several, "Welcome to the wonderful age of 2!!" and "you just have to be consistent." So, good luck!!!

I disagree with timeouts not working until age 3-4. My two year old gets timeouts. If she is throwing a temper tantrum, hitting her older brothers, or talking back we put her in her room. It is not a long timeout, but very effective. When she comes out she is a totally different kid. She will calm herself down and come out and say "I be nice girl, mamma." And I say "Oh that is so good, sweetie!" She is proud of herself and is much better to deal with from there on out. For dinner time if you do not want him throwing stuff. I'd suggest only giving him one thing at a time. For expample put one bite of chicken on his plate and stab it with his fork. He can then just bring it to his mouth and eat it. You also can catch him trying to take it off the fork with his hands before he gets the chance to throw it. I sometimes do not get to eat my food while it is still hot because I make sure they are eating their food and not goofing around. My youngest will sometimes eat off my plate and leave hers even though it is the same darn thing too.
Yesterday, we were at the dentist and my daughter threw a toy behind the receptionist desk. I was mortified, but I said "Molly Katherine, No No NO! We don't throw toys! You say you are sorry to Colleen(the receptionist)." Molly just looked at her and stood there for a minute or two, but then she went over to the toy box and sat down and played nice again. Kids will throw stuff at times, but as long as we say something right away before they get totally out of control, it will be a phase they get out of much quicker. Good luck!

I feel your pain. I do not know if it is boys (I have 3) but all of mine went through that. It can be a way just to get attention. Try to focus on the positive while eating and congratulate him when he is good at the table and eats well. I think you are doing the right things in discipline but at his age he does not totally understand and you will have to do it again and again for a while. If you are consistent eventually they will pull through. I have gone through it twice and and am on my third thrower who seems to be the worst. If is harder to disipline the third. I have also found that sometimes my children just only eat two meals a day and so that at the third meal time they were not interested and wanted to play. Good luck

I would agree with the suggestion to calmly deal with the situation with the "Oh, you're finished, let's clean up now" and take away the food he is throwing.

I would not agree to encourage such behavior with a "mad" place. A child who is encouraged in any way to express his anger with violence is going to continue to do so throughout his life. Help him learn to vocalize that anger, yes. Teach him to work off his anger with physical exercise that's PRODUCTIVE, yes. But encourage him to throw more? That's just asking for trouble down the road and teaching him that it's okay to be violent when you're angry - and it most certainly is not.

Just be consistent. You are doing the right thing. Pick one consequence, say time-out, and stick with it. He is at the testing age. My son went through the same thing at 28 months. For a whole month he was being awful. I was embarrassed and left several classes and playdates, but I stayed consistent. After about a month, he turned to me one day and said, "Mom, I'm going to be a good boy now." And I have had very few problems since because he knows what his boundaries are.