Too Much Pressure on Husband????

Maybe you could try making an evening out of it. Go out for a romantic dinner, maybe a movie. that might help.

Put the ovulation kit aside for a while, or at least don't include you husband in this part. There is nothing less sexing than making sex a science. If you want to have several sessions in a week start being the instigator. Men love to be wanted. The easiest way is to start SLEEPING NAKED. Most women don't sleep naked and most men would love it if we did.

Instead of just hopping sack when its time try making fun, do strip,(yes everytime) Because then youll sex can a lot more fun for you BOTH!!!!!! because men are very visional,youll a better respode. just make it fun and youll find it will be more relaxing for you both.

Give him some time. Many people forget that not just the mom has a miscarriage. It was his baby too and he may just not be ready yet.

Or, he may just feel like it's become a chore or that you only want him because you want a baby. I can't even imagine having to have sex just because the thermometer says it's time. Talk about taking all the fun out of the trying.

Talk to your husband about how he FEELS - emotionally. Drop all the talk about trying for a baby. Stop the temperature taking for awhile. Just enjoy being the two of you and let him relax. I know that I would rather get pregnant during a spontaneous love-making session than during a rigidly set schedule.

Have fun, enjoy the trying! You'll get pregnant as soon as your body's ready.

Take the ovulation upon yourself and not tell him.
Just "flirt with him" when the time is right

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I think that the advice you've received is right on. I can completely understand your desire to get pregnant again (after I miscarried, I wanted to try again immediately), but it can be hard on both of you if it turns into a chore. It sounds like you two are doing a great job talking about what's going on. So I'd say don't use the kit (or at least don't let him know when it's "time") and just spend some time doing what comes naturally. If you want to be a little more aggressive when you know (or think) you're ovulating, that's fine. But I think you'll find that reducing the pressure will make both of you feel better. Good luck!

Yes! Too much. He says it is, he has demonstrated that it is and even you had a "horrible" experience. A baby is an awesome thing. Anyone could understand why you would want one and be willing to do whatever. But listen to someone who has had 10 babies and has also had a wonderful marriage. The wonderful marriage is infinitely the best thing! Don't endanger that for anything. I hear your words like "get the job done", "finish the job", "completed the task" and feel sad about what sex has been reduced to. I can also tell you what an awesome thing it was for each of my children (where it applied) to remember the beautiful way that they were conceived. I love remembering if it was the best sex I'd had all month or if there was some other special element involved in our coming together that time. So please ease off and go back to loving your husband and loving your sex. You will probably get pregnant much more easily and certainly much more happily.

My husband and I had a miscarriage last September and went through the same thing. We started trying again right away in October and it was okay at first but after a few months it went downhill fast-I wasn't into it and he said it was too much pressure to just be able to do it anytime. I'm not sure if that's exactly the same as you but I know it can be very difficult for them when it's more for baby and less for fun. Crazy as it sounds, you need to try to make it more fun. I went to see my doctor two months ago and she said that once you know you're ovulating, try throwing out all off the temperature taking, pregnancy tests, ovulation kits, etc... and just doing it a few times a month around when you probably ovulate. And try to make it about the two of you AND the baby-to-be. As a severe type A, I know how hard it can be to let go of everything, but it's worth a shot. They never tell you how hard a miscarriage can be on a marriage--with time it will get better. Good luck.

I really don't have advice to give you (unless it would be relax which I know is esier said then done), however wanted to let you know I went through the same thing over 30 yrs ago. we had been trying for a longer period (like a couple of years) time (didn't even have ovulation kits back then it was morning temps and charts to gauge)and I went through the same thing with my husband not wanted to be told when we should have sex (we also had sex once a week Sunday morning). I was going through all the fertility test (and fertility pills) and with those also had to have sex at a certain time. during this time I had 2 miscarriages and an etopic pregancy and didn't carry past 6 weeks.

I'll send good wishes for this to work for you and your husband. sadly it didn't for me yet after the divorce I did get pregant and have a beautiful 27 yr old daughter (and most days she was worth it LOL). Best of luck

I had 2 miscarriages and my best advice...Have fun, relax and let it happen naturally. I knew my body and knew when I was ovulating and that week I would initiate right around the time. I also started initiating more frequently so it seemed more natural to my husband.

Good Luck!

I think for your husband's sake as well as for your body's sake, you just let things come naturally and not "try." I have a friend who immediately started trying a month after a miscarriage and then had another one at 13 weeks. This made it even harder. They decided to not "try" for at least a year. They enjoyed time together to grieve their losses and work on enjoying their life together as a married couple, knowing that God will bless them with children when the time is right. Approximately a year and a half later they had a beautiful son and now they have 2 beautiful boys! Just relax and enjoy each other. Your husband can relax and you will too which will make everything more enjoyable. And making a baby should be enjoyable, not a chore. Hope things go well and enjoy your husband's company!

My best advice is just relax and have fun. Talk to eachother during and what happens happens. We had alot of pressure being 40 and trying for our first but we just relaxed thought about earlier times like when we were first dating. We now have a beautiful 2yr old little girl. It will happen.

I would go with the first advice, take the O test but keep it a secert, that way he isn't stressed and thinking about that. Try to be more "loving" on more than jus those few days.

We are also trying and using O test, it did feel rather mechanical on those days but we were both aware of the results. It would have been more fun if we were just doing it for fun not because the test said we should.

Could he be afraid and not able to express it?

i would relax-not rush the whole process...dont tell him when your ovulating...i know your anxious-but ive heard lots of folks go thru this-the harder they try the worse it is...it wasnt til they relaxed and just enjoyed sex for sex that they finally had babies...so just relax-enjoy life an let nature take its course-good luck to you....

Stop forcing it, stop the kits and the trying. I was doing this for 6 months and then I said to myself if it will happen it will, well the next month I was pregnant with twins. I kept stressing because I kept thinking that I am young and I shouldn't be having these problems, then I was charting and everything, in October I said I'm done with all the stressing. 10 weeks later we found out that there were twins. Everyone told me to stop trying so hard and just let nature run its course and it worked perfectly for me!!

Good Luck

M.
mom to Ryan 10 in June
Abbey and Alexa 4 in July

My husband was like that also with our first. He really felt the pressure too which has made our sex life not the same. I would just tell him, let's just let it happen when the Lord wants it too. Then really come on to him around the timing of your ovulation.
Best of luck to you!
Amanda

RELAX J. -- sex on demand isn't any fun and I can feel for your husband. Although you want a baby badly - he probably does also ... you still have to have fun having sex - don't make it such a "chore" or a "responsibility" for him or yourself.

When you know that you are ovulating -- don't even tell him. Just seduce him in the afternoon when he gets home from work ... of leave him a key to your room at a near by hotel with a note that says "meet me in room 201 on your lunch break - no need to bring lunch - I'll have your lunch waiting!" Or yet - one morning, unexpectedly, jump in the shower with him before he goes to work that morning ... don't tell him "it's time" or anything like that - just make him feel wanted and needed and the rest will just fall into place and you BOTH will enjoy it a great deal I'm sure.

Good luck dear ... I am married for the 2nd time with 3 grown children and the 7th grandbaby on the way so I've been around for a few years and have a few tricks up my sleeve to keep the "lust" alive.... relax and enjoy!
Hugs,
D.

J., Children are a wonderful gift from God. Sex is his gift to married couples to enhance their relationship and provide couples with children. My suggestion is just let things come naturaly. It is wonderful that you and your husband can talk about it together, why don't the two of you pray together about your desire to have children. Forget all the tests and pressure and let God's plan for your lives happen in His own time. M.- mom of six married for 29 years

J., this happened to my husband when we were trying for baby #1 also. He didn't complain about it but he felt so much pressure to finish that a lot of times he couldn't. Finally I had to stop telling him whem I was ovulating so that he wouldn't think of it as a 'job' and just make love. I would tell you to do the same thing and maybe surprise your husband with romantic things (candlelight dinner, etc.). That way he can get his mind off of baby making and just think about the matter at hand...pleasing you. As soon as you two relax about the situation you will get pregnant. Good luck!

J.- I hope this doesn't come off harsh but I have to ask that you take the pressure off of both of you. I'm very sorry about your miscarriage. Maybe you need to take some time to grieve. I really think it's important for both of you to be at peace with this so you can move on to fun baby-making. I always say that this should be the most fun part...at least for a while. Go back to your honeymoon and make sex fun! You love this man and his body...go libido! Maybe you can even talk about fantasies. Good luck and have fun!

First of all, my sympathies with regards to your miscarraige.
When we were trying for our second child, we would have sex every other day starting on day 8 through day 18. (usually they say day 14 after your period is "the" day)
It took us 5 months, but we did get pregnant.
Try not to put pressure on your husband, make it a fun time, not just a time focused on getting pregnant.
Maybe take a month off and then start again, maybe your husband just needs time to adjust to the actual "trying".
Hopefully you will be as lucky as my friend and get pregnant
on the first try!
Best of luck!

Sometimes it turns into a job for both a woman and a man. Personally, we tried a few years back and we ended up stopping because it was a job and it was no fun. I understand that you want to get PG but why not just be spontanious about it and not do all the temo taking. Something it is really a lot of pressue for a guy to "perform" because you say it is time. Then they feel if you do not get PG, it is his fault. Think about that, that is a lot of pressure on someone. Why not just take a liad back approach and see what happens?

I just stopped talking about 'ovulating' and that this was the right 'time', etc. Initiate sex with your husband and don't bring up anything about babies or conception. That talk may be bringing up emotions that cause him to 'not be able to get the job done'. To borrow Nike's phrase - just do it! It worked for me - my daughter is 7 weeks old today.

It's very surprising to hear that a guy feels "too much pressure to have sex"!!?? Usually guys are all for it!! Are you sure he really wants another child? Don't forget to keep the romance in it, and not just make it "a chore." Keep it fun!

If sex turns into a "job", not just your chances of a baby, but your whole marriage is at risk. Put the tests away and seduce your husband every chance you get. Once a week? My husband and I had sex every day, sometimes twice. He still talks fondly about our months of "trying" to get pregnant... ;-)

Me and hubby went through something very similar recently. We started trying to conceive in October of 2008 our 3rd child. Every month it just didn't happen and I'd get more frustrated. With the frustration I got more and more determined. Well finally in January I got pregnant. Then lost that baby in February. I was devastated. So we got right back on the horse and started trying again. I think it was more to show myself I wasn't a failure and could still have a baby that I became quite determined. I used the Ovulation kits and followed all the books advice. We had sex every other day until the week of O then we did it every single night.

Hubby was just like yours feeling like I was putting so much pressure on him and he hated it. He took alot longer to "preform" than usual and was always concerned if he could do it at all. So I felt so badly that he was feeling this way. I stopped talking about it. I stopped telling him when I was ovulating. I didn't talk about any of it to him. I'd tantalize him into baby dancing when I needed to. It really seemed to help. He really just needed the preasure off. Plus he wanted to feel again like I wanted him for more than his baby making skills! Luckily we got pregnant and now I'm 12 weeks along and doing quite well.

Good luck to both of you. I hope you find some way to ease your husbands anxiety's. I know how challenging this trying to conceive stuff is.

Hello J.,

I had a similar experience with my second baby. With the first baby I got pregrant within months, but I was younger too. With the second one, accordingto my age, I think on average it takes about a year to get pregnant. So after a couple of months of trying my husband started to get discourged. I would hear the same thing - he is feeling too much pressure. What I think it comes from is that he thinks it is because of him that we could not get pregnant right away, and that is a very damaging thought to a guy, apparently. Then he would say things like it is my fault. I even didn't tell him a couple of times when I was ovulating, and later when he found out he got mad because he wanted to have a baby and because I dodn't tell him he opted for just laying on the couch on that day. Go figure. So we finally got pregnant, but that was a year and 4 months of trying. During that time i even went to my doctor to schedule tests for myself and my husband, but the doctor said it has not been a year and a half yet so he would rather have us try some more. What I ended up doing is picking up more work around the house so that my husband does not have to get up early, and also can lay on the couch in the evening. Having him have more rest was better, because then he felt more rested by the late evening. I would also ask him more in the morning, though morning is not a preferred time for me, however that is the time when he feels most rested and is in better mood too. I ended up not talking about it much if I could help it, because he would say it spoils the mood for him, and i think also lets his thought go into the dorection that it is his fault that we have been trying for a while. I remember when we were on vacation, it was not a problem for us to spend time together however many times a day we wanted, so I think that would help too if maybe you guys could have a week or to off during the time when you will be ovulating. The thing is, if your husband wants a baby, which sounds like he does, but that he also feels to pressured about it, you can't make him feel better or act better, and guys are not very good at helping themselves either, they just get frustrated and give up. So unfortunately, it is up to you to fugure out the best way to achieve what you both but at the same time in a way that does not put pressure on your husband. Sounds weird, huh? :)
Good luck.

It kind of does sound like you are putting pressure on him, you are expecting him to have sex at certain times and get the job done. If he used the phrase 'get the job done' he might not be getting the love, enjoyment and so on from making love which will make a person want to do it less (I know that is true for me).

We are struggling with a similar issue but the roles are reversed... hubby is ready I am not, he does not even make the effort to make it special/romantic. It really is a mood killer and unattractive because at times I feel all he wants from me is to cook, clean and have sex.

You can still take your temps but instead of only igniting sex at ovulating times, make love just because you love each other throughout the month. Go out to eat, see a movie, do whatever gets BOTH of you in the mood. I would not tell him when you are ovulating or not, this might help take the pressure of "failing" or "finishing the job" off of him.