Torn over a Gift

My immediate response is that this is also a time to teach (by showing) gratitude. Teach her to be grateful and gracious. But that being said, my inlaws have always driven me crazy with their over indulgences, so I totally get it.

She's 3. When a swing set shows up in a 3 year old's yard, they think it came from the Magic Playground Fairy. And even if you try to explain that it came from the Aunt She Never Sees, do you really think she'll get it? Or be ungrateful? I know my boys would have been over-the-top thankful. And they'd never, ever think of silly adult things like "only mommy and daddy give big presents" or "the presents mommy and daddy give aren't as good." The thought won't even cross her mind.

Set it up and allow her to enjoy it. Tell her who it's from. And sit down with her and have her color a thank you card to put into the mailbox for Auntie.

This isn't a hill worth dying on. Really, it's not even a hill. You're not bad parents if you allow other people to show love to your children.

Set the swing set up and let her enjoy it. This is obviously a lot more about you but the present was for your daughter. Buy a thank you card and let her color on it. Send the card off and watch her play and have a good time.

Enjoy your swing set. A couple of weeks from now you won't care where it came from or who paid for it.

I often feel "torn" over gifts, particularly from the in-laws. They love to shower the kids with lots of stuff we don't need, and I really get overwhelmed with more "stuff" coming into the house that will soon be forgotten. I have learned it is best to shut up, be gracious, and keep my negative thoughts to myself.

Incidentally, our swingset was also gifted to us by the in-laws. It was about a grand, and was supposedly a dual bday gift for the girls (nevermind the fact they had some regular gifts for both when their birthdays rolled around anyway...). They did run it by us first though... and guess who got the pleasure of putting the monstrous thing together over a series of several weekends? You can bet I felt some "ownership" of it after that!

It may be weird, you may feel "robbed" of the chance to buy the big ticket item yourself, but let me tell you your kid does not care a bit who buys what around the house. So just be excited and thankful and save you true opinion for someone (husband, friend, mamapedia) who won't be offended or hurt by it.

I think you're way over reacting. Seriously, it's a swing set. A friend could have decided to get rid of one and given it to you. Would you have said "No, we don't want our child to have anything like that. We want her to be low key and not have stuff". Really?

Would you have told a friend no thanks? A swing set is something a child of any age can use. All the way up to Jr. High or even older. I played on mine for years. Not sliding or climbing on but to swing on with a friend so we could talk away from nosy parents.

If you would have told anyone else no thanks then perhaps you are just one of those style parents who really don't want their kids to have stuff. I guess that's okay for now. When she gets in school and sees the other kids houses she will start wanting stuff, a LOT of stuff. Then you'll have your battle...lol.

Obviously none of know the backstory of why you and your aunt are not on speaking terms, but it sounds to me that she's reaching out to you through a non-threatening way, yet you are so hurt by the past that you can only see a threat in the action. Please don't look at it like this. It doesn't sound like there are strings attached to it.

Accept the gift gracefully; tell your daughter where it came from; show your daughter a picture of the aunt, and let her talk to the aunt on the phone to say "thank you." I'd also take a picture of your daughter playing on the swingset and make it into the cover of a "Thank You" card.

When someone extends an olive branch, we should do our best to swallow our pride and past hurts and to accept it. Few things in this world are worth severing family bonds. Maybe your aunt knows this now. Maybe she wants to make amends. I hope you can all work it out.

It's s great gift. Say thank you very much and let your child enjoy it! A swing set is not going to spoil her. Let it go and oh out and swing with your child. Learn to appreciate a gift!

I would thank her for the gift...something like "Thank you so much for the swing set. Suzy is sure to enjoy it. You really shouldn't have...I know they are not inexpensive. " At a later date, remind her that you appreciate her thoughtfulness but would really prefer larger ticket items, especially when not a gift giving occasion, are cleared through you first.

I would have wanted input in my kids swingset too; however, if someone wanted to purchase it for them I would have appreciated it.

I have to agree with whoever told you you are being unappreciative, and your daughter will learn that behavior from you if you continue to display it. When someone gives a gift you say "thank you", and if you can you find a way at some point to return the gesture, like by having your daughter draw a picture for the aunt of her enjoying the swing set.

What are your options? Can you reject it? Or do you HAVE to keep it?

If you do not want the swing set in your yard for WHATEVER reason, you are within your rights to say you and your husband had decided not to have a swing set in your yard. You don't have to defend that. It's your yard.

If you feel that accepting it will be leverage for a manipulative person, DEFINITELY don't keep it. Say, "We have discussed this carefully. We are so moved and appreciative of your generosity, but for major home and yard additions like this, we have to be the decision makers and we just do not want a swing set. Thank you so much, but we cannot accept."

If you don't mind the swing set in your yard, then keep it if it won't cause problems (again, being beholden to manipulator of some sort).

Will it ruin your daughter in any way? No. Our house came with a swing set and my kids are perfectly psychologically healthy. There are plenty of other ways you can teach your daughter to work hard for things as she grows.

I do agree you should of had a say, and with your desire to raise a grounded kid. However, at her age, she has no concept of money or a big ticket item, so I don't think this will affect her groundedness.

For what it's worth, I loved having a swing set in my backyard with my 2 year old. I was said when we moved and couldn't take it with us. I know you are mad about the origin, but they really are great. It's not our business why you aren't speaking, but maybe this is the aunt's way of extending the olive branch. Can this swing set lead to reconciliation?

I think I understand what you are feeling.

When my oldest was born, I had a difficult relationship with my MIL. This was her oldest son's son (she's very traditional), and she tended to act like he was her son. She wanted to do this or that for him, and she really didn't seem to acknowledge my role as his mother. She was also very highly critical of me. I have noticed my in-laws in general are very critical of each other, and my parents are definitely not. They are very positive and really try to focus on building each other up. They almost never give unsolicited advice, so I just wasn't used to that. My MIL gives all kinds of unsolicited advise. It's just her way, but to me she was being very highly critical.

Anyway, she always wanted to buy this or that, and she wanted it to be a special gift from Grandma. I told her about a family tradition in my family of buying a Christmas ornament that says, "Baby's First Christmas." My family doesn't have many traditions (and she knows that), so this was really important to me. She bought him one anyway. That just infuriated me. How dare she take that away from me? (I bought him one from us anyway.)

I started to realize that the boys didn't always care who bought them the gift or who did something for them. I mean they did, and they did/do appreciate it. They know certain things were from Grandma or this aunt or uncle, and they do appreciate it. But I'm still Mommy, and nothing will change that.

So really, I learned that allowing relatives and friends to do things for my boys helped them to bond with my boys. I also learned that (unless I screw things up or really hurt my boys) I'm still Mommy and Daddy's still Daddy, and nothing's going to change that. No one can take that away from us.

So now I gladly let Grandma buy those kinds of things, because Grandma can afford it. If Grandma buys those things, we don't have to, and we can save more for college!!!

One last thing, is it possible that the aunt might be reaching out to you in some way? Maybe this is her way of extending an olive branch?

I really do see where you're coming from, but I encourage you to let it go. Give the aunt the benefit of the doubt and let your daughter enjoy the swing set. Please don't take that to mean that you should just let go of any hurt feelings or no longer guard your heart a bit. But just consider this an olive branch, thank her for the gift and see what happens next. Try to be open to the possibility of a better relationship.

It seems you are more caught up on who it came from and the fact that you are not on speaking terms. Your child does not have a clue about the sordid dynamics of the relationship. I agree that the aunt should have asked, but take it as an olive branch. She's reaching out to your daughter, maybe as a means to bury the hatchet. If you don't have space for the swing set, just say so. And larger ticket items do not necessarily need to come from parents. It's not like she sent your daughter and iPad or a dog. I'm sure your daughter will love it and won't have a clue who it's from or even care.

I think that they should have asked if you wanted one in your yard, as it will take up a lot of room in your yard. What kind of a set is it? Is it one that you have to put up? Cement down? Get anchors for?

I wouldn't focus on that it was an unexpected gift. Like a bonus when you didn't think the company had enough cash, sometimes the universe throws you a bone. So take it that way. She is 3 and it's a swingset. They didn't get her an ipad.

You say "we" but do you really mean "me"? If it came from ANYbody else, would you be so mad? I'm also getting the feeling that she is your first or only child. I felt one way when I first started dealing with children and I've mellowed on some things over the years. My DD has her big sister's old swingset. We bought it when SD was 8 but if the ILs had offered to pay for it, that would have been fine, too.

You have a couple of fronts to consider. Yes, you are the gatekeeper. But do you need to protect her from a generous and age-appropriate gift because you didn't pick it? Is the real deal that you don't like the giver or that you wanted to do it for her instead? I think how you handle it matters. And it will also show your DD how to handle the unexpected. Friend's DH did not want their kid to have anything to do with princesses, ever. Okay, you get a kid past the age of 5 and you tell me how well that works out.

I'd look for a compromise. What are you REALLY mad about and is there a way to smooth it over now? "Aunt, we appreciate your generosity. However, we had chosen not to own our own swingset for x reason (homeowner's insurance, age of child, requirements, HOA) and we really can't accept it. If you would like to do something for DD, she would really like x instead. It could be a birthday present. For the future, could you please talk to us about big gifts so we can discuss her needs? Thanks so much."

I had to tell my own mother to quit buying big things. DD is just one kid and we have just one modest house. She took it pretty well.

yes, it's odd, and yes, i'd want to be consulted.
but unless you're okay with creating a permanent rift in the family, why not go punch a pillow, then accept it with a smile?
she's a toddler. she doesn't understand the nuances and back-currents of family stresses, nor should she.
it's a swingset.
say 'thank you! how very generous of you!' and let your daughter swing.
khairete
S.

Just think of her as the crazy, extravagant aunt. This is a wild and crazy one time giant gift...and she wanted to give it. I'd just thank her and leave it at that. Have your daughter draw her a picture. Now, if she is constantly giving your daughter big, extravagant gifts all the time, then I would think about how to handle this.

First off your daughter is way too young to know or even care who paid for it, so I'm not sure I understand your concern there. I mean, I got my kids a play structure many years ago, but I don't think they ever thought about what it cost or who paid, all they know is a big truck came and delivered a bunch of happiness!
Beyond that, does it make you feel bad about yourself, like YOU should have been able to afford it? Or do you feel like this aunt will now intrude in your lives in an unwelcome way?
If not, say THANK YOU, appreciate what your child has been given and move on.

I too, think you're overthinking this.
You're viewing it through the lens of a strained relationship.
It's a GIFT.
For your daughter.
Be grateful and appreciative.
I certainly hope you've rescinded the talking ban long enough to directly and immediately express your thankfulness to your aunt?

I think the trick with keeping kids grounded and appreciative is not necessarily to deprive them of any pleasure or largesse from a relative. These are not strangers - but you do allude to a strained relationship with your aunt. So perhaps you feel undermined, or that she is bypassing you and trying to reach you through your child. I'm wondering if the feeling is made worse by the fact that Grandma has apparently 'sided' with Auntie and you feel betrayed or abandoned by her as well?

I think if kids are given a gift that is dangerous or well beyond them - a car, a gun, a computer for a 2 year old, or if there's a huge political or religious issue, or if there is ongoing expense the parents will have to incur (car insurance, gun safety training), the parents absolutely should be involved. But if you have the space for a swing set (if you lived in an apartment, it would obviously be an inappropriate gift with the huge disappointment of the child being told no, she can't have it after all.

But that's not what happened here. You say you think an occasional special gift from the grandparents is okay if it's a one-time deal. So maybe this IS a one-time deal, right? You clearly don't expect it to be habitual. You say a "chip in together" gift is okay - but for a 3 year old who will have no clue about how many people chipped in or didn't chip in, it's really moot. She has a swing set. She doesn't know (or really care) where it came from.

So the trick here is to make a child APPRECIATE what she is given and understand how incredibly special it is. She is not to take it for granted, she is not to expect it, she is not to feel entitled. That's your job as a parent. Being a gracious recipient is a glorious thing to become, and nurturing that is a terrific reflection on you as a parent.

We don't know enough about the dynamics involved to know what's behind the aunt's gesture. Maybe she's trying to find a way into your life, and your daughter is making her realize what she has been missing. Maybe it makes her go all soft inside, maybe it makes her realize that she can be a giving person. If she has the resources and, for the moment, this is how she can connect, that's okay. If she starts to go overboard, there's plenty of time to put the skids on that. It may well be that there's something underhanded going on here if Auntie is that sort - and you will know that from how she acts over time.

So you start by teaching your daughter what to do when a gift is received. She says thank you, and then she starts to learn how to write a thank you note. For starters, you ask her what she thinks of the swing set, and you jot those thoughts down on a piece of paper which becomes the note - write them down verbatim, leaving out any "I don't knows" or anything else inappropriate. But if it's silly or shows something about her fantasies (like if she says she's going to invite Mickey Mouse over or if she's going to fly to the moon on a high-swinging swing), write it down! Meantime, help her know what she's writing: "Dear Auntie Sue, Thank you so much for the beautiful swing set. I like it. It is pink…." Help her along, and let her fill in the blanks. My son learned early on that he could not keep a gift unless he wrote a thank you note, or he had to give it back with a note about why he didn't want it enough to write a thank you. (So either way, he was writing a letter!)

Then have your daughter make a picture or something with stickers, and enclose it in the envelope. Take a picture of her on the swing set, and enclose that. You don't have to write anything yourself if you really aren't ready to deal with Auntie. Make the whole thing be from your daughter, and obviously you're involved by making it happen and doing the writing and addressing of the envelope.

You want to show gratitude and that you are taking the high road here. If, down the road, Auntie appears to be manipulating the situation in a negative way or trying to have power over you, you and your husband can step in together to contain it. For now, think positively and imagine that, maybe, just maybe, this relationship is headed for a better place. But absolutely do the right thing so that Auntie cannot say you are ungrateful and rejecting her.

I get your point, I do. But it sounds like the Aunt was looking to make amends. Take the kind gesture and repair the rift.

Just think of it as a gift of exercise for your daughter. She will play on it for years. I agree with putting the cash away (monthly if need be) into an education fund. You'll all sure love that Aunt when your daughter is 18.

Also, i don't think a swing set will make your daughter feel less grounded. It will make her feel happy!!

Why would you be mad because someone gave your daughter a gift? All the extra stuff is your issue and has nothing to do with the aunt giving her niece a really nice present.

What's that saying about being able to control only your thoughts and actions? Well, auntie maybe trying to bridge the gap and say she is sorry by buying this gift for your daughter.

Yes, you wanted to be the first to do the things you think are needed for your child. Perhaps she should have consulted you but then again you might not have responded positively towards her. Accept the gift with graciousness and let daughter enjoy swinging on a swing in the future.

Look at this way, you can spend that "swing" money on something else or put it in an education fund.

This is the beginning of many small and large battles to come. Pick your battles carefully less you be the one outside looking in.

There was a time when I was young and single that I bought an expensive knit dress for a cousin's daughter and certain family members were upset with it. I told them all that I liked the dress and thought X would look nice in it and I bought it. End of story. They either accepted my response or they got over it. She wore the dress and looked lovely in it.
the other S.

I'm with you, but probably for different reasons. your 2 year old isn't really going to "get" who got her the swing set, so I'd strike the fear of her being a spoiled brat for life off your worry list :) I'd be annoyed that someone took it upon themselves to choose a large item that's going to reside on my property for many years to come. that's something you and your husband should be deciding. you'd be totally within etiquette to reject the gift, in my opinion, as long as you handle it graciously. good luck. this would be a GOOD time to go ahead and set the boundaries with these relatives so this type of thing doesn't become/remain an issue in the future.

.... EVEN for kids, that grew up very privileged and had many things as a child, it does not automatically mean, that that child will grow up or be selfish/ungrateful/and full of attitude/greedy/Unappreciative and have a "gimme gimme" materialistic attitude.

And it likewise, does NOT mean, that a child who grew up poor or basic or simple and did not have much nor hardly any gifts from anyone much less big-ticket items... will automatically grow up and be... more humble or charitable or appreciative or nice in attitude and more grounded and low-key.
I know lots of kids who have nothing, but they are so greedy and have terrible attitudes about materialistic things and don't appreciate anything. (I work at a school).

So the thinking that, kids who have more gifts, will be or are more selfish or self-centered, is not true. Nor fact.
Because, it is not true. At all.

My kids have an Aunt, that is VERY generous with them per gifts. No, she does NOT always ASK US FIRST, if she can buy them things. She just does it. She loves expensive things. Gives my kids expensive things. But my kids are NOT hung up on, nor expect, expensive things. At. All.
They know this Aunt is this way. How? Because I parent them. I talk to them about life and situations and about budget and blah blah blah. I am their Mom.
External... things, is just things. Objects. It does not define... a person.
They are accessories. In life. Not life itself.

I don't get pissed off or "offended" if their Aunty buys my kids something without asking. A big ticket item, is not a BIG in size, object. It can be small as a pendant, and be a huge expensive thing. Size of the object does not matter. It could even be a pair of jeans, that cost $200.
But I also, WILL TELL their Aunty, "next time ask me. First. I'm the Mom."
But she is who she is. And that is not us. My kids KNOW that. Even from when they were 4-5 years old. I taught my kids, to think on their own, not to let others think for them by giving them things. They know that. Its fine.
And I TAUGHT my kids, to say "No... " to their extravagant Aunty. And they do and will. Per situation. They know how because I taught them and chatted with them, about... that Aunty. Because, she is a one of a kind situation in our family.

I have never heard of a rule, that large ticket items, HAD to come from the parents. But sure, a person SHOULD ideally... ask the parents FIRST.. if something can be bought for or given, to the child.
But that does not always happen. That gift giver often does not think about it because they can't read the parents minds and/or don't even have common sense about it.
ie: like my kids' Aunty.
So, I just have taught my own kids since their were toddlers... how to DISCERN situations. And they can. And it is not just Aunty's fault. We can't control her. Aunty even told me once "I do what *I* want with my own money. Its MY money. IF I want to get the kids something, I can..."
Fine. Whatever. So I just say to ALWAYS have a gift receipt with it. so I can return it if needed. And, my kids KNOW, what they can or cannot have. They can think on their own. My daughter will even call me with Aunty's cell phone to ask me, if Aunty can buy them some "expensive" thing. They are not greedy kids. They are grounded. EVEN if, they get expensive gifts from their extravagant Aunty. And they do not put more appreciation on expensive things, versus simple things.

I would be and have been upset by certain gifts bestowed upon my toddler without my say. I'm still learning not to let it bother me so much. It is possible that your aunt was out of line, especially if you two weren't even on speaking terms. I would feel like she's trying to be manipulative, approaching me in a way--through my kid--that would make me look bad if I were to decline. I don't know that this is the case, but I can understand feeling very undermined. It feels like they're trying to sidestep you or control you through your child, and that can feel insulting.

How big is the swing set, and how was it presented? I can't stand when questionable things are presented to my son directly, not giving me an opportunity to decline in private. Then, I get to look like the mommy who always says no. I am still learning how to accept certain things and just put them away for later. That is easier when the intentions feel good. I actually think that it's okay to be a little spiteful sometimes just to make the point, when people refuse to get it.

Is it something that she can use right now? Would you be opposed to it if it were offered to you by someone you like? If you're good with her enjoying this particular type of toy at her current stage of development, I think that you should thank the aunt and accept the gift but not feel obligated to interact with this aunt otherwise. Or not. You don't owe it to her to accept it. Also, her gift alone does not erase whatever the negative history is between you. Your call either way, just be clear with yourself about your reasons.

ETA: And I don't care about the olive branch thing. The way to make amends with me is to speak directly to me, not to or through my kid. In fact, if you have NO WORDS for me, don't talk to my young child, either. I see that as an unwritten and unspoken but perfectly clear and understandable rule: If you don't want to have anything to do with me, extend that sentiment to my (young) children and husband. I'm not saying that we have to be close in order for you to have relationships with them. I'm saying that if we aren't even on speaking terms, don't sniff around me.

You definitely have a right to your feelings and too, nothing wrong with raising a kid to appreciate anything that comes their way. .However, I am wondering IF this gift, although for your daughter, is possibly more of a peace gift.. could be the aunt wants to make up with you and have a better relationship? Something to consider, while you and her may not get along, your child is missing out on a relationship with her aunt. I know this feeling, because for a long time, when my youngest niece was little, I sent her gifts and cards and her mom never once sent me a thank you OR had my niece every write a thank you. While the gifts were only a side-bar, what I really wanted most was a relationship with my niece... sad to say, she is now 25, has a new baby and I haven't seen her in years... I blame this in part on my sister never helping to nurture a relationship between my niece and I.... also, this broken relationship will now extend itself into her child's life as I will probably never get to know him..
point is... it's less about the gifts ... those come and go... what's important as I see it is a relationship between your daughter and her aunt.... you can return the swing set, or give it to her at another time.. what your daughter can't buy is a relationship... sounds to me like the aunt obviously wants to have some type with your daughter. just something to think about..

good luck

She is only 2. She will not remember how or who gave it to her or for what reason. It will take a while for these things to even enter into her mind and for her to understand. It will just be a plaything to her.

So I would not be worried about spoiling her at this point.

I recall some acquaintances being so put out because one set of the grandparents wanted to give their child a swing set. This couple were upset because it was going to be the "biggest, most expensive item given to their child and the wife felt like only parents should give their children the "big gifts". I asked why did she think this? She said she felt like the parents should get the "most appreciation" not anyone else.

I reminded her that children LOVE their parents more than anyone else, no amount of money or gifts can take that away,

I can understand this gift makes you feel uncomfortable because of YOUR relationship with this Great Aunt, but your child's relationship with her, should be allowed to be between them if she is not dangerous or a cruel person. . Meaning your daughter be able to go and see this great Aunt with your mutual relatives etc.

At one point I told my mother in law, I was no longer going to go and visit her, I was no longer going to communicate with her, but I in no way was going to come between her and my husband or our daughter.
I encourage them to keep in touch with her, to visit her to love her, but I am done with her.

I am not sure what your issue is with this person, but I have always felt the more family and loved ones that show love to our child can only enrich her life.

If you do decline, make sure it is actually for a reason that makes sense because you are going to need to verbalize it not only to this Aunt but also to any other family members that may ask. If this is a private matter, it will be hard to avoid discussing it in relation to a gift for your child.

I would probably be miffed if it was something I wasn't prepared to do/have. It's a large gift... that in/by itself would be fine. I'd be super appreciative. However, this particular large gift you have mentioned is something that is a permanent fixture in your yard/landscaping, I'm assuming. THAT would not be okay to me... to not have discussed it with us first and gotten our approval. Also, it could potentially affect your homeowner's insurance rates. Gifts of this kind (regardless of the actual expense involved) are NOT ok with me, unless I SAY they are ok beforehand.

Same would apply to something that is directly opposite my parenting style (like a TV for my kid to have in their bedroom--they don't have one there b/c we don't want them having one there... not b/c we just haven't done it.. it was intentional.. so a gift of a TV for their bedroom would infuriate me, until I simply told them they had to leave it in the garage in the box or sell it... ). Those are our rules.. no TV in the bedroom. So if they were gifted with one, too bad. Still not having a TV in the bedroom. I don't care who gives it to them.

But it isn't b/c of the cost. The other issues that are brought into it (added expense/safety issues/hassle/work on my part, or in conflict with our parenting) that make it a no-no.

If, in principle, you have no problems with the kids having a swingset, and no issue with any homeowner's premium changes, and no issue with it creating an attractive hazard to neighborhood kids, etc etc etc... then I wouldn't create drama due to the cost of the gift. Anything else... my house, my decision.

Is your yard fenced in? If not, you might be attracting the random neighborhood kid into your yard, and if they get hurt on your property, they can sue you.

Do you have a homeowner's association that might not allow the swing set? Do you want the swing set? We never wanted one, because it would take up too much space in our yard.

Is this aunt paying for the installation of the swing set too? Or is that up to you?

I don't think you're being ungrateful. Just wary. Sometimes gifts come with strings attached. And sometimes people use gifts as a way of controlling others. Good luck with your decision!

Swing sets are great fun for kids. Maybe just say thank you & put it up. Sounds like the Aunt had already talked to your Mom & sister & thought this would be a great, long term gift & is looking to mend fences.

However, if this Aunt has a history of trying to control you with her "gifts", then say No, Thank You, we don't have room in our yard, or we aren't staying here long term.

Not really seeing how having a swing set would "unground" your daughter. And if you want her to appreciate it as she grows up, let her know that her Aunt bought her this wonderful toy for her to enjoy for YEARS.

Frankly, my relatives kept giving my kids gifts that were used just for a while & then had to be given to Goodwill, because they either outgrew them developmentally or in the case of the giant super cute stuffed animals, where just too big to keep in their rooms for long.

Return it! Plain & simple. Why do people assume that you will accept this big gift as a mends? Gifts do not tell me they want to make amends they are bribing you & your feelings. Whatever your going through stand up for what you believe. If you are not on speaking terms this gift would make me feel obligated to talk to you. Also this is issue is between you & your aunt not your daughter gift ir no gift.