Hi Bonnie,
I see you've got a range of opinions here, but I'll add mine as well for whatever it is worth. I am currently a single mother and I am engaged to be married. We are to be married in July.
I personally would not ask a man to marry me. However, I did do a couple of things. One, I let Stephen know when we were first dating that my goal was to be married again, and that if he was not interested in pursuing marriage at all, then we didn't need to be dating. Secondly, I let him know that I wouldn't wait forever. I don't think it takes long to find out if a person is someone you could spend the rest of your life with or not.
Also, I refused to live with him without being married. I told him that was absolutely not possible. I would not attempt to blend a family (he has a son, and I have 3 children) without a commitment first. It is too hard to blend a family in the first place, and then add to that the ability to walk out the door if someone becomes too unhappy with the situation! No way! I want to know that we both intend to live the rest of our lives together and we are committed to our relationship first before I ask my children to live with this person and accept this person as a part of the family.
There are also a few other aspects worth discussing. Think about the REASON you want to be married to this man. And why you aren't willing to wait for him to propose to you.
You see, I made it clear to Stephen that I did not NEED to be married for any reason. I can care for my own emotional needs and physical needs, I can care for my own children, etc. I want to be married because I wish it for myself. I prefer being connected and committed to someone else. I prefer being in partnership. And because it is the highest honor you can give another person...to stand in front of a person's family and friends and vow that you intend to live the rest of your life with this person come what may.
So, if your boyfriend is not currently ready to honor you in this way, how can you make him? He may agree to marry you because he doesn't want to hurt you or to lose you, but is that the right reason to get married? He may say no, and are you ready to end the relationship if he does?
Stephen has been a single man for 10 years and he has gone out with many, many women (and why not, he is a gorgeous, sweet and sexy!). In that 10 year period, he has proposed to 2 women. The first one, he admits, was a rebound relationship after his divorce. However, when it came down to actually planning the wedding, he got more and more nervous and ended the relationship. He said that since then many of his girlfriends haven't so much asked him to marry them, but have asked, "Are you ever going to ask me to marry you?" and he would immediately say, "No, I don't see our relationship going there." What is a woman to do?
Then he has proposed to me. I thought he might propose to me last summer, but he waited until the week before Thanksgiving. He had decided he wanted to announce it to his family at Thanksgiving dinner. I was feeling impatient, but it turned out to be so great! His family was SO HAPPY!
So, what I'm saying is this. Be patient and wait. If he loves you enough to marry you, nothing will keep him from asking.
And if you are impatient to ask because of some emotional or physical NEED you are feeling, then you need to address that in your own life and heart. Another person can NEVER meet the needs that you are meant to meet for yourself, and you can't expect another person to do so. You need to be full and complete in yourself FIRST before you attempt to join your life with another.
L.