How Important Is It to You That Your Husband Propose to You?

My husband looked at me and said, "I think we both know where things are going?" I said, "Marriage?" and he said, "Yes." That was it, we were engaged. So, no dramatic proposal, just a mutual understanding that is what we both wanted. We've been married 10 years now. Honestly, it seems like the people who have the most dramatic proposals don't stay together. They seem more interested in the drama than the reality of the relationship. The proposal is just not that important in the grand scheme of things.

Have they ever considered renewing their vows? If this means so much to her and he loves her, which it sounds like they have a good marriage, why not just renew their vows to celebrate their union? That way, he could propose her wish would be fulfilled.

M.

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They've been together for 11 years, married for 8 and they have a child together? I'd say that ship has sailed. Yes, it's nice to have a proposal story but if they're H. otherwise, I think I'd let it go at this point. Does it really matter after 8 years of marriage? Does she want to be able to say - "well, 8 years after we got married, he proposed by . . . " Sorry, but move on & God bless.

Yes, she should just drop it and let it go, to quote you. In an 11 year relationship that's going well, this should be the least of her concern. And fixating on such an unimportant issue will drive a little wedge into an otherwise good relationship. The PROPOSAL isn't what's important, it's what comes AFTER that is, and it seems that they've got a solid thing going, so why worry about the trivial stuff? In my opinion, it isn't a woman's dream to get proposed to by the man they love (that's just what The Bachelor and those other ridiculous shows want you to believe). The dream is to have a long-term solid relationship with the man you love, to build a life and a family together, to see your children be H. and successful. All that other stuff, the proposal on one knee, the glamorous wedding with 12 bridesmaids all matching shoes and jewelry, the honeymoon in St. Barts, etc, is meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Your friend already HAS what really counts, she should be ecstatic!

I lived with my hubby 2-3 yrs before we married. A proposal was not on my mind, just not a big deal to me (or him) A big wedding was not in the picture as well. Just not "us".

When we decided to get married, we decided to do it quietly, we got a license from SC (only 24 hr notice there at the time) and chose to go to the JP.

We never told anyone what we were doing and it never really made a difference on the relationship we have now 24 yrs later.

A formal proposal was not a big deal to me. I know some girls can't go on without it but there is more to the committment than a proposal.

If she can't be H. without the formality.........then pursue it but WHY?? if the committment is there without the formal proposal? I don't get it.

Best wishes to her....... May she figure out what she really wants

IF they've been together for 11 years and married for 8 evidently he's doing something right.

I'd say that the "proposal" is simply a detail and not the end all be all of the marriage in itself. Doe he love her well, does he work, does he help her with the kids, is he trying to be a good husband and father? Those are the things I'd be spending my time worrying about.

I get the disappointment of not being proposed to. My other half never proposed and we never married. WHOLE OTHER STORY...lol But he is a good daddy to our son, works hard, takes care of me and our house...and in the grand scheme, that's better than a ring and bended knee any day.

Sending good thoughts her way...

Um. So they have been together for 11 years and she is still worried about this? Who cares! Seriously, there are sooooo many other things to worry about in a relationship.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to be heartless, but I just think this is bizarre to be fixated on such an unimportant thing.

For me, I had always had this preconceived notion that my husband had to pick out the song for our first dance as the ultimate declaration of his true love to me in front of all of our guests. Unfortunately, he was too busy picking out all of the other songs that ended up going on our wedding favor CD to think much about our first dance song. I was still kind of annoyed with him about the whole issue as I was walking up the aisle to get married but, when I got up to the front of the church and he turned to me with the most loving look in his eyes and told me that I looked so beautiful well, he was forgiven.

Sure it would have been nice for him to dedicate a song to me at our wedding but he's been romantic and thoughtful in countless other ways. Sometimes it's just about the totality of the relationship and not just that one moment in time . . .

Oh, our ideas what we think "ought" to happen cause us so much pain. That's living in some alternative dream world, not in our present reality. When the two don't match, we are unhappy. Women (and men!) are terribly misused by modern romantic ideas about happiness. Our understanding is co-opted by culture, advertising, entertainment, the models our parents provided while we were growing up.

Genuine happiness resides primarily in having a clear understanding of authentic needs and feelings, and in simple gratitude for what we have. (Many of our desires and concepts about happiness are implanted like evil seeds in our minds when we're not noticing, or when we're too young to think about them).

My husband never proposed to me in the classic bended-knee manner. He never gave me a diamond ring, which is fine, because I think that recent "tradition" has been foisted on us by advertising, and I have no interest in wearing a diamond. But we started a tradition early on that has served us well for 28 years. One or the other of us will ask, almost every day, "Will you marry me?" And the other will answer with conviction something like, "Always, sweetheart, you're the one for me." The asking can (and should!) go both ways.

He might feel awkward since they are already married. At this point, I'd let it go. She COULD surprise him and plan a special date and propose to him.

I am assuming if he didn't propose she didn't get the DIAMOND? If that's the real reason and it is what she wants why can't her hubs buy her a ring and propose on a night out/ anniversay etc? I get the sentimental part, but really will it carry any weight and surprise fluttery feelings when as you stated, if he asked her she would of course say yes? Kind of takes the 1st time, spontinaity out of it, no? Personally I would let it go because it will never be the way she has dreamed about it and she should consider herself blessed that she has a H. marriage.

Unfortunately for your friend, she did things in the wrong order. Sounds like she still wants to work backwards in her relationship. She needs to move forward from where she is and not keep trying to go backwards. It's a bit odd, really. Yes, it was wonderful that my husband proposed to me. But, um, he did that before we got married and had children. I don't mean to come across rudely, I just don't know how else to say this.

I don't think it's important, but if your friend does, it would be very sweet of her husband to propose on an anniversary or something. If I was her husband, I would jump on a ready-made gift like this! Still, I'm not sure what she can do about it. If her husband knows and has done nothing about it, she can either get over it or continue to stew. Either way, it won't really affect him.

it's important to her. that is all that matters. if you're close to her husband, or at least on friendly terms, tell him she would like to be officially proposed, and ask him to come up with something.
yes, i did get proposed. but would have been just as H. if i hadn't been proposed. in fact i still laugh how 'fake' i sounded during the whole thing. we knew we loved each other and were headed towards marriage so the whole knee thing was unnecessary. i lived through it though.

The whole purpose of proposal is to say "Will you marry me"...and your friends husband did that 8 years now. It isn't a big deal. If she just wants to feel special that he "wanted and longed for her" and didn't just marry her for convenience, then ask him to create a setting over dinner or something, now that he is a pro at being married and in a relationship, and just do the proposal as a romantic addition to her marriage. It's kind of fairy tale to me, but if it will make your friend feel special, then a husband should be able to grant that wish...but don't sweat it and divorce him over it if he thinks it's silly.

My husband never "officially" proposed. We knew we wanted to get married. I already had a wedding set from my grandmother. He had it sized and I started wearing the engagement ring and planning the wedding. Nothing elaborate no down on one knee thing required.

I say drop it and let it go.
She should count her blessings and be H. about having a good marriage and great kids (I am assuming she does).

I absolutely HATE all that sticky sweet, cutesy proposal/engagement/wedding stuff. It has nothing to do with real life, it says NOTHING about their relationship and it does not make a difference in the long run.

She sounds like a pretty down to earth woman who just every now and then gets caught up in expectations that have been planted in our heads by romance novels and chick flick movies.

My DH never proposed, neither did I. We sat down together and decided that getting married would be the sensible thing to do (and no I was NOT pregnant). Two weeks later we went to the courthouse and had a judge marry us. I do not regret forgoing all the commercial $%#$.

It does seem a little silly to me, I even had to read the title twice cause I was confused by a "husband" proposing lol I saw a response that I wanted to second, maybe they can renew their vowels and write them on their own and she might get what she wants to hear out of that. I think it's more the fact that he said he would do it and still hasn't that bugs her, which I can understand.

I would say that there are probably a lot of amazing/wonderful proposals that happened to other couples 11 years ago, and they are probably now divorced! She should focus on having a wonderful 11 years with more to come, instead of the minor details.

On that note, this is the 21st century. If she really wants a proposal, maybe she should take him out on a romantic date and propose to him. :)

My husband and I are in the same position as your friend! We got married after our daughter was born...pretty much because we wanted to save on taxes! We new we'd get married one day anyway...but we didn't have the money to have a wedding. My hubby still hasn't proposed, but plans on doing when he figures out the best way to do it! He knows it's important to me...as it's also important to him! If she is bothered by it, just ask him!

It's not the proposal that's important, it's the marraige. In their deciding to get married the proposal occurred. It's time to move on.

The past is over and done and so there is nothing productive that can be done about that. The most important thing for them to look at is they got thrown a curve and progressed through it nicely. Things don't always happen they way we WANT them to but the strong will survive. They both should be applauded for that feat and wisdom. There are many things that they can do together. Maybe they can plan an extended vacation and call it a second honeymoon or maybe she can propose a renewal of vows. There are many things.

I am a Romantic, so it would be important for me to get a traditional proposal. Her husband may need a little guidance. She should just talk to him and when a birthday or anniversary is coming up she can tell him for a present, she would like a romantic proposal and maybe she can suggest a few ideas on location and what she has in mind. Then she should give him a big reward for taking him out of his comfort zone. :)

It was very important to me. It did not have to be elaborate, expenseive, or even a surprise (it was noe of the above my any means) but it meant a lot because it formalized the next step in our life and to hear hime say the words adn talk to my dad beforehand really showed me he was serious and was not just taking the situation for granted.
If I were her I would feel disappointed too. There is no excuse why he couldn't pull his out of his butt and propose LIKE HE SAID HE WOULD.

Men don't do subtle...I think she should tell him how she feels and that she wishes he would have proposed to her in the "traditional sense". You know..."I love you and our life together, but sometimes I find myself wishing that you has surprised me with a marriage proposal" "You still could, because I would marry you all over again!"
Who knows, she just may get her proposal. But at the very least, he will know how she feels and she will feel better for telling him.