Transracial Adoption

I don't have any advice but I want to thank you for being open-minded and open-hearted to transracial adoption. There are so many mixed race children in need of loving homes that are overlooked because a Caucasian couple usually wants only a Caucasian baby. Bless you for knowing love doesn't know a color boundary.

Hi. There's a great blog, antiracistparent.com. I know people have blogged about this (lots of strong opinions all around. Also, there may be links in their blogrole to blogs specifically about transracial adoption. Good luck.

We are adoptive parents of 2 girls who are different races than we. The one piece of advice I would offer is to be sure that you are prepared for parenting an AA child. I am not sure how this will sound, but being caucasin and parenting a child of a different race is difficult but there are special challenges when the child is AA. The world as we know it does make distinctions between races and skin color. We were honest with ourselves when we determined that we were not the right parents for a child who is AA. Both of our girls are medium to dark skinned with dark hair while my husband and I are lily white with blond hair, so it wasn't that we wanted kids who looked like us. We were simply honest about our societal dynamics. Some people may read this post and be critical of what I'm saying--- but remember you will need to recognize and teach your child about his/her heritage and ethnicity. It ain't just about love. Make sure you are comfortable in that decision. A friend of ours, who I think has posted here already, has 2 AA children. She and her husband were well prepared for parenting their children and are doing a fantastic job...they have a solid support system, have sought out situations that support their family and are wonderful role models for transracial aoptions...unfortunately not everyone is cut out for such a family...and we weren't. Talk to other families, go to trainings, and make the right decision for you and your family---when you've made the decision that is best for you it will just feel right in your heart. Good luck!

my husband and i adopted our beautiful son who is now 2-1/2 years old . . . he is biracial and when we see him, we just see jason . . . but everyone else looks so perplexed when they look at us and feel the need to label him and put him in this nice little box for their own comfort . . . he is not obviously anything . . . he has very light skin and his hair is curly/course (and blonde which really throws people) . . . when he was a bald baby, no one questioned . . . but now we face many "ignorant questions" and what even makes me more upset is the fact that perfect strangers feel the need to "pet him" or stroke his hair . . .so much to the point that i sometimes make him wear a hat so that random people dont just walk by and rub his head (really never expected this to be an issue :). . . when i am alone, people just assume i am married to an AA man which is fine by me . . . i am dark haired, dark eyed . . . and have a darker tone skin . . . but when my husband is involved . . . blond hair, blue eyes and very light skinned--the questions really roll (we also have stick straight hair). . . we are adopting again, and have decided that we want to adopt only biracial once again . . preferably AA/Caucasain . . .simply so that the children have eachother not only as siblings and adoptees, but also as transracial adoptees . . .

community is also an issue . . . we moved to our town four years ago simply because we found 2-1/2 acres and could afford it . . .and have since found that there is a lot of ignorance locally . . . which we are obviously not all that happy about . . . all of our previous home towns were pretty diverse . . . our last home, our neighbors were a biracial couple and a middle eastern family . . . and the whole community was pretty much a melting pot . . . so we will see where life takes us . . . but definately something to consider . . .

lastly, i have found that family members who made racist comments prior to the adoption continue to make them in our presence (including my son's). . .even at my request that they keep such comments to themselves . . . which really makes me upset . . .

my plan is to educate my son and arm him against such ignorance as best as i can . . .

and, lastly, i do often bond more readily in moms groups with other adoptive parents . . . comradery/shared experiences i guess . . . i also have noticed that people of other races more readily speak to me . . . which i love seeing as i am always open to new people/friends . . .

We know of families who have adopted African American children and all has went well for them but those adoptions were closed adoptions. They adopted through the foster care process or other closed adoption centers. I think any adoption of any child is great... ^j^
If you are going through a open adoption process my thought is that most African American parents will probably choose other African American parents to adopt their child because of their heritage.
One other thing you might want to look at is what your neighbor hood thinks. It is hard to believe in this day and age but there is all white neighborhoods that might not welcome a child from another race. Or what the school racial break down is. I know that is a hard thing to think about but unless you are going to home school your children(which I would give two thumbs up too)you need to look at the public school and will they accept a African American child being raised by a white family.

If you are looking for good resources and the Cradle knows you are open to adopting a child of another race ask them for good reading materials, parent groups, or websites so you can be aware.
You also might want to consider adopting a toddler that would be the same age or around the same age of your other children.

I wish you the best of luck and I will say a prayer for you.

S.

I have a friend who is white and two of her adopted daughters are white and three are Africn American. We go to a multi-racial church and no one notices or cares except for some questions about how she does their hair. My friend exposes the kids to alot of different cultural experiences like they all took African dance (all of them including mom) I have another friend who is white and her husband is also and their daughters are biracia and they do fine too. Kids are kids!
There are two major considerations I would look at and that is where yo live and the acceptance of the people in the area of other races and cultures and your extended families reaction to the idea. My firend with several kids had not had much issue with this that I know of her family was very supportive but my other friend has run into family issues with them not accecpting the kids as well as they would like. please don't let those things stop you though there are ay os dealing with them. Kids need families and families are people who love them no matter what!

Hi A. -

First of all, congratulations on your decision to adopt. There are so many children out there who need open arms like yours. I have been a teacher since 1995 and have seen many foster and adopted children come through my classroom doors. Several of them have been African Americans adopted by white families. I know there are so many concerns out there about racial identity and making sure children feel as if they "belong" to their families. I have seen many white families strive to do just this by ensuring their children are involved in the African American community and seeking out other African American friends to serve as a regular part of their children's lives. The success of this approach will depend entirely on you and your husband's views and openness to also becoming involved in this experience.

I have always felt that the most important thing for a child is to be loved in a safe and judgement-free home. If you can provide that, you have such a higher chance of making sure this child-to-be understands where he/she comes from and still views you and your husband as his/her parents. Perhaps you can seek out some contacts in your community right away if you do not have any African American friends/family already.

Good luck!
A.

First off, CONGRATULATIONS! That's awesome that you are adopting, and an AA child at that, seeing as they are often the least desired on the hierarchy of adoption. I am AA, and have a few friends who are white with adopted black/biracial children, so I have witnessed the challenges as well as understanding from my own perspective. I have a few what I would consider major points to understand:

1. Don't approach it as if the world is colorblind. your child is a part of your family but there is an obvious difference that should be respected. The world is not colorblind, and it generally causes the child to be blindsided when they are out of their "community" or family culture.

2. Have people in their lives who are also AA. To me that is so important b/c I have seen firsthand the importance of it. Understand there are questions you won't be able to answer from experience and that it just really helps, (and doesn't take away from your place as her mother/family) to have someone who they can relate to.

3. Try to expose them to and have in their life diversity of all kinds. (that's not just good for them it's good for you too.)

4. Do learn how to manage their hair, especially if you are adopting a girl. This sounds trivial but I could fill a book about my experiences (and those of the children) who's hair I braid and style for them. I have been in one child's life for 9 years and some of the stories I could tell you about her and her hair and the compelex relationship around it would fill up pages.

5. Support groups. It would be nice to find a group with similar families so you as a family can be supported and share.

I am an educator, who focuses on anti-bias work. This is a subject I have spent a bit of time on, as well as working with people who are in this exact situation. I can give you a book list, I just need some time to compile it for you. Feel free to email me if you would like more information. GOOD LUCK!!!

Hi A.,

We have 2 adopted children, one caucasion and the other bi-racial (african american/caucasion). They were both adopted at birth and are now almost 11 and 8. They are both beautiful children and are the love of our lives!

This past school year my bi-racial daughter did experience some not so nice kids...teasing about her "brown skin" and that she doesn't look like her Mom. Teasing her about being adopted and that she wasn't loved. Even things like, "how long did you live in an orphanage" and so on. We were surprised it didn't come earlier than this! Kids and parents can be mean and say hurtful things...

So, with that said, make sure that you share books and have open communication. One of our favorites for children is "A Mother for Choko" about animals that are raised by a bear and they are so loved even though they don't look like her!

Wishing you much succes as you make this journey through adoption!

D.

I don't have any great advice to share. I just wanted to say good luck through the adoption phase and what wonderful parents/people you are.

Jen

Kudos to you to being open about adopoting a child of another race. I myself have a mixed heritage. My mother is part black, mexican and creole. Then I have family who are biracial with everything else. LOL. We are a big pot of gumbo all mixed up. We compliment each other greatly and exist together with a common goal to love and support one another. So just keep that in mind if you happen to get a child of a race other than yours. You have the power to create you own pot of "gumbo" to satisfy your family's needs. Best of luck to you in your process and remember we are all human first!

When we were going through our first adoption we were required to attend classes through an organization called Bridge Communications in Chicago. They specialize in teaching adoptive parents about trans-racial adoptions. It is run by an African-American woman who was adopted by a caucasian family. The classes meet for 3 hours, once per month for 3 months. It was really well done and provided a ton of information that I believe you would find invaluable. Good luck to you. I have two adopted children and couldn't be happier.

If this is a true desire it should not matter what people think or what opinions they may have concerning adopting an African American child. Why go thru with this is it matters what people think? The question is are you sure this is what you really want to do??!!! The child would not care what color you are if you love and nuture it to be a loving productive individual. So ask yourself the question, am I ready to love this child 100% as my own? What others think and feel should have never been a part of the equation.

Hi,

Both of my children were adopted from The Cradle and I just wanted to send along my utmost support in the journey you are about to take. Its not easy, but worth every moment.
I don't have advice on adopting trans-racially, but wanted to send my support and best wishes for a rewarding adoption journey.
The Cradle really is great. I highly reccommend them.
Good Luck.

C.

I don't think it matters what the race of the child is as long as you are accepting him/her fully into your home with lots of love. The thing that would concern me more is open adoption. I've heard some bad experiences of birth parents coming in and out of your lives and sometimes down the line causing problems for you and your family. I would be more concerned about that part than the childs race. Best of luck and make sure you are fully aware of what they mean by open adoption.

I have no experience in this, but I just wanted to say that what you're planning to do is awesome. People get hung up on color/race, and it will be a challenge. However, your love for your newest child should support him/her through their life.

My daughter is bi-racial which I guess is a little different, but I think pretty much the same advice applies. Make sure you take interest in their heritage. Celebrate the things that make them unique and above all love them unconditionally (but you know that already).

THere are classes and therapists you can see to talk to and learn more. Does the cradle have any information? Try other agencies for classes and times and names of therapists.
Good luck. We adopted a three yr old when I was pg with twins. I ahd 7 miscarriages and thought i would never keep this pregnancy. The adoption wne though and the pregnancies stayed. We had three kids in 8 months and of what a life changing experience it is. It would have been fine but the 3 year old had some issues of course and the twins are very sick so when you think of we can do it well someone else has a different plan. Go in prepared as can be will help the most for all the kids and your husband and you. Good luck, your angles is out there waiting for you! Adoption is definitely a really neat experience that is for sure.
J.

You've had lots of responses, but I wanted to weigh in. We are also a Cradle family and have adopted three children from the domestic program. All three of our kids have some Hispanic in them. Our oldest looks caucasian. The second two are primarily Hispanic and are half siblings, not that that matters! While it's different than an AA child, they do qualify as obvious adoptions as they don't look like my husband and I. My sister has two adopted daughters that are bi-racial white and AA. She deals with questions a lot and handles them by keeping it simple and saying that they were adopted. I tend to do the same and have been fortunate not to have anyone say anything negative in front of the kids. Also, they are young enough that they don't get it.

Being at the Cradle you will get lots of education. I would read books and ask advice (as you are doing.) I don't have any magic words, but hope you have a wonderful adoption experience with the Cradle. Feel free to email if you have any Cradle questions. The adoption process is not an easy one, but I felt the Cradle was with us all the way. I believe that God's gives us the children that are meant to be with us. Good Luck!

I think what you and your husband are doing is great! Goodluck and no matter what just show love for love is all that really matters!

There are many online journals that people have that talk about their experience with transracial adoption. Here are links to 2 that I know of, I'm sure there are many others if you are looking for personal experience.

http://lilysea.blogs.com/peterscrossstation/
http://www.thiswomanswork.com/

i am a white mother of a transracial child. the only thing i can say is that before you adopt a child of another race you have to understand that simply being white in the US you are living a racist life. it may not be intentional, but it is the way that our society is set up. white is equivelent to power here. you are surrounded by whiteness and priviledge, even if your schools and neighborhood are mixed. are you ready to examine your life, your neighborhood, your friends, and your lifestyle with enough scrutiny that your child is not the butt of passing comments like "it was so good of you to adopt a black/hispanic/chinese child"? are you ready to deal with racist and derogatory comments like "oh, he's got such GOOD hair!" or "she's got a beautiful color (which reads: she's not too dark)". check out lisa delpit's The Color That We Speak or Faces at the Bottom of the Well by derrick bell.

Congrats on adopting. My aunt ended up adopting 6 biracial kids. The one thing that I remember her being asked and then she answered was. Someone else "Is that your child" my aunt would say one of two things. quote 1 "yes this is my child" and then leave it at that or quote 2 "This is my child of the heart" Good luck and enjoy another kid.
B.