Trouble Finding Balance

For one thing, I'm a hairdresser as well and feel like I can't decide on my hair/clothes. You could be going through the 'baby blues' which is very common. Post partum depression is a little more serious but also common and you should discuss this with your Dr to make sure everything is alright and he/she can give you ideas or meds to help.

Daily excersize, a structured day, getting dressed and going out, having a date night once a week... all can help. Try a baby and mom yoga class, join an infant mom's group. Also, doing something for yourself is great. You can't take care of a baby if you aren't at full capacity.

my dear it will pass.. I had twins & my husband worked 3rd shift when they were born up until they were about 4months.. I always felt like I only had time for them & when he was up & around I really didn't care what he was doing & I didn't care what I looked like or anything.. as long as they looked cute & clean & I was able to spend as much time with them as possible thats all I cared about.. You will get over the new mommy/baby issue soon & if & when you go back to work & are around other adults it will help also... Not that you won't enjoy baby time you will just see there is also ME time.. Take care of ur self cause if you don't then who will & remember the other half needs you more then you think he does even when he doesn't show it.. Enjoy your new baby & Good luck :) :)

It's absolutely a mom thing. New mom or not, it's definitely a mom thing. It's hard because you have to figure out how to juggle everything all at once. It's hard as a NEW mommy because you just want to snuggle and love that sweet little baby all the time. It's perfectly normal. Not to mention the MASS amount of hormones that are going through your system right now. It's TOUGH!
I have 2 kids (3 & 1) and I still feel horribly guilty doing anything for myself. But, I've learned that I HAVE to. If I don't, I start to get really stressed out and snippy with people. It's amazing what I consider "me" time now. I love to just go to the grocery store by myself. I can wander around at my own pace and not have to hear "Mommy can I have this?" or "but I really really need it." I don't have to worry that the baby's gonna cry or my preschoolers going to run away. It's a chance to just breath for an hour or two. I would suggest that you have your fiancee watch the baby for a few hours and go do something low key, like lunch with a friend. I'm betting since you're a hair stylist you know a lot of girls that would do your hair for you. It would give you a chance to get out of the house and take a little time for you. You'll feel so much more refreshed. Then, when the baby is asleep turn off the tv and spend that time with each other. It doesn't have to be a full blown candle lit dinner or anything. Something as simple as 30 mins just talking to each other is really nice.
Eventually this will get easier. You'll learn to juggle everything all at once and still have a little time. Hang in there!

As the others have said...you life has changed forever now...you will find that things that were horribly important to you before you had your baby (Hair styles, clothing choices and music) are no longer the center of your universe.This is perfectly normal!! You now have another little life there that you and your fiancee are responsible for.
That being said you DO need to take time for yourself...and for your fiancee. Make a "date night" once or twice a month...if you need too take your daughter with you...go ahead and do it but if you can find someone to take care of her for a few hours...escape with him and be a couple!!! It doesn't have to be something that costs a lot of money...pack a picnic dinner and go to the park...enjoy your time together...recharge those couple batteries. OR get the baby to the baby sitter and come back home...have a nice candlelit dinner, take a bubble bath together and see what comes next!!! :-)
Let your fiancee take care of his daughter for a few hours every so often and you get out and do something that makes you feel more like "you"...go shopping with a girlfriend, get your nails done, go to the beauty shop..something that makes you feel GOOD!!!
But always remember that now you are a family...not just a couple...learn to do things with your daughter that make you feel good...put her in her carrier and take a walk together in the evening...spend time just entertaining her and enjoying her together...talk about your dreams for her future...how you want to help her learn things...how you feel about discipline etc...make a family plan for how you want to raise your children.
Don't feel lost...enjoy this new world that has opened up to you...you can't find the "old you" she doesn't exist anymore...now you are a Mama...the greatest job on earth!! (Other than Grandma...which I have discovered is FABULOUS!!!)
Enjoy!!!

It is tough at the beginning because you have to find a new definition to what you consider "normal". Everything in your life right now is not what you're used to, but it won't be that way for long. With time, the things that seem so new will become routine and it will be easier to find yourself again. Just remember that this period in your life will go quickly, so enjoy it as much as you can and know that it will get easier!

Short answer: Yes. It's a new mom thing. You will find balance over the years, Just try to take some time out for yourself, you will be fine.

At the risk of sounding a little harsh, I am going to give you a little tough love. Get over the self-guilt and listen to your fiance. If you need to do something for youself, then do it.

I get that having a new baby is tough...but your life has forever changed. There will be a lot more tough times ahead of you. Don't make the future harder by making yourself a martyr now...it isn't healthy for your realtionship with your baby or your future husband.

Join a mother's group, get your chores done for the day and get out of the house. A little sunshine will do you good and having a place to go will motivate you to do something with yourself (if that's important to you).

Count yourself lucky...it sounds like you have a lot of support. Take advantage of it and keep yourself worthy of it continuing.

Try joining a mom's playgroup. It will give you a chance to get out of the house and dress in your clothes and fix your hair and makeup. It will also give you a chance to meet other new moms such as yourself and have adult conversations throughout the day. Look for infant playgroups.

Yes, this is pretty much just a new mom thing. *HUGS*

DEFINITELY a new mom thing!! I think we all can relate to the early days of feeling tired, frustrated or even confused about being a new mom...

Where do I fit in now? What are my roles? How can I do the best I can at each of them while maintaining my sanity?

Take some me time and don't feel guilty about it AT ALL. Take some time to read, write, stretch, walk, run...whatevery YOU want! Then make sure your husband gets some me time for himself - and finally most importantly have times for just you and him...have a babysitter there at the house...you don't even have to leave - just go to a different part of the house and declare that as your space for a while...

BREATHE - TRUST -TAKE TIME FOR YOU!!

It will get smoother and even itself out - best wishes to you and your family,
A.

welcome to mommy-hood! but it will get easier. 3 weeks after the birth of my second one, i breast fed her and then took off to meet a friend for a cup of decaf for a couple of hours (just the time interval between feeds) and did i feel grand driving my old 2 seater all alone, meeting friend at a local cafe and chatting it up....oh my god...almost normal! I would not have dreamed of doing it with my first. i did everything for her every second of the day. but with the second one i delegate and this is what leaves me with a few seconds to myself here and there...like, a longer than usual shower, or a stroll through the grocery store alone (haha this is true as Shaun C brings up)....or time to cut my toe nails or comb my hair (gasp!). You will swing in step, don't worry. Your fiance will too, hopefully. This is when your baby needs you the most and what you are experiencing is being consumed by the new and constantly evolving "job" you have landed. it is an incredibly difficult and incredibly rewarding position....give it all you've got and you will reap the benefits of the attention you give your little one today in time.

I think it is just a new mom thing I have felt the same way until recently and mine just turned one. Hang in there, things will get better and tell your fiance the same it's hard on them too. Good luck,I hope you start to feel more yourself soon.

I really don't know what to tell you bit I feel the exact same way. I just had my second and I don't remember losing myself this much with my first. I definently know its a mom thing and the first year is especially hard and rewarding all the same time. Once the baby starts sleeping and having more of a schedule it will get easier and you will have more time to yourself. My problem is my hubby works so much and I am grateful but he can't find the balance between work, us and his own family. I think every mother has a hard time doing anything for themselves when they could be doing something for their family. I think these feelings are normal or that's what I keep telling myself :)

It does sound a little like a new Mom thing but it could also be postpartum depression - like the lack of interest in things that you used to care about, etc. Talk to your Dr.

Also remember that you are sleep deprived and that this is a huge life adjustment but the patterns you set up now with your new family are the patterns that will repeat, so make sure that you make time for your relationship with your fiancee and your friends and yourself!

Good luck.
blessings,
Stacy

Hi Mom,
Welcome to motherhood, it will be the least selfish thing you will do for the next 18 yrs. You do need to find at least 1/2-1 hr a day for yourself though even if it means calling a friend, relative or older neighbor girl hired to be a mother's helper every few days to help with the baby so you can have soem time of your onn. Are you a young mother? how old is your baby? Try to get out each day and get with some other new moms to meet and talk, this will help. Also if you can go for a walk or get some exercise even if its with the baby in the stroller walking a a local mall. Don't stay cooped up at home each day you need social interaction are there any moms group or infant play groups there, ask around and you will likely find one. Be sure too that you are not fogetting about your fiance, once the baby is asleep at night and set an early bed time this is special time for you 2. Whe you baby is older 3-4 I would not hesitate to put he/she in 1/2 day preschool a few days a wk, this will allow your child time to have fun and socialize with others his/her age. When the child enters kindgarten I would consider PT work with a job that matches his/her school schedule. Let your fiance know if your plans to get your act together and regroup to find some time for the baby but both of you too. Good luck Mom

Well I can see how you've gotten lost, everything is just piled up and seems as if it's not getting better, and your husband working two jobs probably feels the same, I'm sure he misses home and needs that loving attention. Maybe if there was a baby sitter who could watch your child for one night every two weeks...you don't necessarily have to go out on the town with your husband but maybe surprise him with your self dressed to impress, makeup, and hair done. Find your sex appeal,cause for any woman I feel is important so that way you feel like a woman. And you've got his attention, your alone at the house, you'll connect again and your baby is taken care of... Be patient, this is out of your routine but you'll be okay, one day at a time, one thing at a time.(everything will fall into place, oh, and while your getting ready put your favorite music on and dance...)

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It'll pass, don't worry so much...it's always hard in the beginning until you all get use to the routine.

It is a new mom thing, almost all new moms ... it did for me. The next time your fiancee has a day off, or an evening off, plan some time for you to go get your hair done (I know you said you're a hairdresser, but you need some pampering) or a manicure or a massage. Massages are a great way to relax and have some time to think. Have your mom or his mom watch the baby for a few hours and have your fiancee take a few hours off of work and go to dinner or lunch or to a movie, just the two of you. Or, let your mom or future mil keep your little one over night; I know it'll be hard, but some alone time with your fiancee will help you guys out; you both need to keep some time for you, your baby won't be neglected, and it won't mean you don't love your daughter any less. If you don't take care of you, you'll have a hard time taking care of her. Good luck!

Hire a sitter, or have a good friend or family member watch your child and you and you boyfriend go somewhere alone for several hours, a movie and out to eat to visit friends shopping. Or you go out and do something for yourself, get your hair done have a pedicure etc. You have been trapped and that is starting to hurt your relationship time for me time or our time. You need to do this several time a month if only for a few hours.
Been there and I know how you feel.

Your baby is only 12 weeks old. It WILL get easier. If you are feeling depressed, call your doctor, and make sure you don't have postpartum depression, it is very common. Try to take a little time for yourself when you can, but it is hard to find the time with a young child. It will get better soon :)

It took a little over 4 months for me to adjust/get good enough at fastening baby into carseat, changing the diapers, sleep etc after having my first baby to be able to do anything else without it being a huge ordeal and throwing me and baby off even more. I noticed a huge and rapid improvement after that point. I have a feeling things are going to get better for you very soon.
One thing that really helped me was hanging out with a few other first time moms and their babies on a weekly basis. We rotated houses, had picnic lunches on the floor in a circle with our babies on blankets in the middle doing tummy time. There were no older siblings for any of us to have to wrangle so this was a nice and easy time of talking about anything and everything sometimes baby related and sometimes not. I think if you can put together something like that for yourself it will help you and the other mothers involved. You could probably send out a request on mamapedia asking for other first time moms in the K. area who want to start such a group with you to respond and then pick a time and place to meet for the first time such as the library. From there you all exchange your personal addresses and phone numbers so they are not up for all of mamapedia to see.
Good luck!
~K.