How Do I Do This?

I just read this article...

http://www.babycenter.com/400_how-can-i-get-my-husband-to...#

I hope the link works. It's from www.babycenter.com

What I have found is that my husband is willing to do more with the baby rather than more cleaning or cooking. I am not in school, but I work full time and tend to try and be "Supermom." I had to sit down with my husband and tell him what I need from him in order to make this work. Usually he's pretty good, but needs reminders. Don't be afraid to walk in the room with the baby, and give it to him when you have to go do homework.

Good luck!

I think you should try and explain how stressed out you are to your fiancee...if he is going to be your partner in life, and is the father of your son, I think he should want to sacrifice a little of his "wind down time" so you can study and get good grades. Besides you doing well in school will be a betterment to your entire family. Good luck!!!!

You could always find a daycare to take your son to for a couple of hours in the morning and get your work done and still have plenty of mom time. Good luck being a mom is hard work.

I understand not having any time now - I work for a company in Omaha and my husband is a resident and we have 2 kids and NO family in town or near. We had to get day care and every business trip is a nightmare for me. FIrst of all - the fiance needs to support you as much as he can, and you NEED to get your education. It will change your life and his if you get it completed. Depending on your income, you may qualify for day care assistance if you attend a college in town. Also, check out child care resource and referral website for MN - GREAT resource. You could trade with other families as well - they take him for 3 hours and you take theirs at some point as well. It buys you a little time....

I would have to agree with Linda B. Your fiance should be understanding. Don't 'sugar coat it' let him know what you need from him -help with your child. When I was in college, several years ago, my husband was completely understanding he watched our son for several hours while I did my school work, etc. He knew in the long run he would be helping himself and our family out (financially) once I got my B.S. degree. Just let him know how you feel (overwhelmed).

I know how it can be I was very anal (still am :o) ) I had to get the very best grades straight A's- so I was always stressed out!

I find this hard to believe that you are so worried about his wind down time. I would ask him when your wind down time is. I ran into this problem with my boyfriend last spring. I work full time, had a 6 month old daughter and went to school full time. It is very difficult but when you have so much on your plate and all he has is work, I would suggest that he uses his wind down time when your son is in bed. I would ask him to set aside two hours of constant father/son time and see if he can work that out. Maybe he can get a half hour after he gets home to himself and then after dinner you can get some unitterupted school work time and then finish the homework when your son goes to bed. I would put my foot down and work with your fiancee and let him know you need his support in your goals too. He should be able to understand that you have goals and he should be more supportive and not self centered about being able to wind down.

You shouldn't feel bad that you fiance would have to be with HIS son. He's not a babysitter. He should be stepping up & just doing it. I took 2 on-line courses this summer. It's not like your going out shopping or to the bars, it's something to better yourself & for your family. Tell him to be a dad & do what he needs to do as well. Everyone needs there wind down time. What does he need, 5hrs? All he needs is a 1/2hr or so when he gets home. How much wind down time do you get? Does he ever look out for you so you can get some down time? It just bugs me when people feel bad because they have to practically beg their significant others to BABYSIT their own kids. Just say hey, "I have to work on my school stuff for about an hour or two". If you need anything, let me know. Make a schedule that will work for both of you & then approach him with it if he doesn't like to be told it to him straight.

Ok, good luck! Just remember, it's for the better of all involved.

P.

As a single mom who finished college, I know how stressful this situation can be. To be honest, there is not an easy answer. Basically, I had to train myself to stay awake late at night to do work. Also, take advantage of nap time. The most helpful thing would be to get someone to babysit for a few hours everyday or most days if possible. Please try not to overstress; you're doing what you can.

I was in college full time, too, when our first child was born. THis is what I did...first of all, I definitely didn't get a ton of sleep...may not be the healthiest, but it only lasts for so long while you're in school, and you gotta do what you gotta do. At night, my husband helped by getting up w/our son when I had pulled late nights.

I put off my household chores. I really slacked on my laundry, cooking, etc. when I had to cut something out my schedule. If your fiance gets hungry enough or needs clothes that bad, he'll do the laundry, cook, etc. for himself. You only have to attend college for so long...and it's important. I worked on my schoolwork every chance I got...when the baby when down for a nap (even if it was only 1/2 hour), when he was preoccupied in his bouncy seat, etc.

You have to realize that it's really hard to find time in the day for everything, especially when you go from having no kids to being responsible for one child, all the time...all day long. You may have to cut some things out, so eliminate the less important things first (watching tv, going out, cleaning as much, other chores that can be cut down (and that your fiance will help with if he's sick enough of you not doing them) )...it's a simple way to show him that you need help. He should get it that way.... Good luck!!!

Hi C.,
It sounds like your first problem is a baby that cries all day. That isn't normal. What does his doctor say? At six months he should be sleeping long enough for you to get your work done. In the evening he should have supper,and warm bath,a warm bottle, and be in bed early enough for you to do your school work.

That hard working guy in your life needs to know that you are overwhelmed with all the responsibilities. You're a NEW mom, and it takes some getting use to. He needs to step up to the plate and be some help. Talk to him. Until you get more
organized he should help.

HE needs some "wind down time?" What about YOU? You need some ME time too! Give your honey an hour, and dinner. Then give him his son right before the baby goes to bed. Let him give him his warm bottle, or Let him read to him. Babies love the sound of your voice. Let him be ON CALL if the baby cries while you are doing your school work.

When you have a little baby, THERE IS NO WIND DOWN TIME!!! You have RESPONSIBILITIES NOW! The BABY's needs ALWAYS come first.

C., this probably wasn't the BEST time to try to take classes online. Though it will certainly pay off in the future, and make life a lot nicer for you and your family.

The good news is that this will get better and a lot easier when you will learn to organize yourself better. You NEED help, don't be afraid to ask for it! Let HIM be a father. Being a parent is a FULL TIME job for BOTH OF YOU. You aren't in this alone.

Lots of people have more than one child!! Scary, huh?

Good Luck!!! You can do this!! :)

I'm going to take a different track from the other ladies that have responded so far. I think they all have good ideas, but I know that you want/need all sorts of suggestions so here's mine.

See if there is a stay at home mom or "grandma" in your neighborhood/apartment/area that would be willing to either visit and help watch your son, or just take him for a while so you have some time for yourself and to get things done, even if it's just housework so that you can work on homework when your fiancee is home. Your baby needs to acclimate to seeing other people as caretakers (not just you and daddy) and now is as good a time as any to introduce other people. He'll eventually do the stranger anxiety thing and only want you, but the more people he's exposed to the easier it'll be for him to get over that developmental hump. I know that elderly ladies LOVE holding babies, so if you know one you can talk to or ask assistance from, she'll probably adore you for thinking of her... and it will help her feel important, too since she'll have some wisdom to share, I'm sure. ;o)

Otherwise, is it possible to have a "new" babysitter (by this I mean a 11 - 13 year old girl) that could do "supervised" care giving while you're in the house for a super low rate or the experience that she can use to get other babysitting jobs?

Another idea would be to let your fiancee pick up some of the household chores to help with your time management. I know that I struggled with keeping the house clean, laundry done, etc. and taking care of a new baby until I told my husband that he either help out or live with a messy home. We settled somewhere in between (messy, but tolerable... with him helping with SOME of the chores now). Life is short... and your baby is only little once... enjoy him while you can!

Maybe think about taking fewer classes, too... homework is a necessary evil that you have to take time for at some point. Just don't overdo the class load.

Hang in there, C.. You can do anything you put your mind to! You're young! ;o)

Try looking on some of those "organizational" web sites. Most may not apply to you and family but it may spark an idea that will work.

If your fiance gets home and there's approx. 4-5 hrs before he goes to bed, ask him which 2 hrs are best for HIM to watch your child. Keep in mind, you have had a full day as well as he has and he should be spending some time w/ his child each night anyways. Sometimes there's resistance w/ this conversation cuz being "at home" is sooooo much easier than having a real job and the way I end it fast is to ask "OK, would you like to switch jobs?". That last was said "tongue-in-cheek". LOL! But it really does work cuz they all know our job is so much more demanding than most.

Then you need to schedule your weekends. When we have littles, we don't go out any where unless we can take them. But that's just us and I know some couples need time together. Maybe if you schedule it so that one day is the "running errands, visiting family/friends and going out together" day then the other day can be arrange so that your fiance spends 4-5 hrs w/ your child so you can do school work and the rest of the day is spent together?

Trying to come up w/ generalities for you to fit to your family. But that's all I have for now. I hope it was some help or at least not a hinderance. ;)

Just explain to your fiancee your situation and I would hope he'll understand.

I'm mainly going to parrot what the other Moms have said, but I'll be a little more blunt. Your fiancee just needs to help more.

I am the working partner in our household and my husband is with our son 3 days a week. He is also a full-time graduate student and is currently working on writing his dissretation. On top of that he works 2 days a week teaching at the local college. We both realized that when we had our son that we'd have less personal time.

This is our schedule right now: I work 8:00 - 3:30 M-F and my husband works T & TH. He also works on his dissretation on Tuesday nights for about 4 hours (out of the house so he isn't distracted). Then he also goes to a local coffee shop for 4-5 hours on Saturday and works on school stuff. The only day we care for our son together is Sunday's -- family day.

Needless to say -- There are times I want a break from working full time and coming right home and jumping in with the kid, but this is all part of it.

Is there anyone in your class online or in the neighborhood that you can swap hours with... they watch yours for a few hours.. you watch theirs?

Out of pure luck I found a young girl in the neighborhood that I pay $2 an hour to babysit for me... helps a GREAT deal!

D.
www.athome.com/DebbnKen

I totally know how you feel! I am 22, I have a daughter who will be two soon, and I'm a returning (returned, rather. I went back last semester) full-time, double-majoring student. I would suggest asking your fiance to help out more (in a very respectful way of course). Tell him that you're doing this for the good of the family and it will benefit all of you in the long run. If that doesn't work, I would suggest trying to hire a babysitter for a few hours a day. Maybe a responsible teen, who wouldn't cost too much. I know what it's like to try to afford childcare when you're on one income. See maybe if you could do a childcare swap with another mom! I'm sure there's someone else out there that would like some extra time to get stuff done too. That's what I'd try. Other than that, try putting on a video or distract your baby in some other way for a little bit each day. Last semester, I know I lived for nap times! I got most my school work, cleaning, cooking, and everything done during nap time. Hope this helps! :-)